


Along For the Ride

by idratherhaveyou



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: I'm not going to pretend I have any idea where the fuck this is going, Jord and Nikandros meet on the internet, M/M, Modern AU, Past Abuse, Strangers to Lovers, a self-indulgence really, damen is a precious cupcake, i really just wanted to write my version of these two assholes falling in love, laurent is an asshole, nicaise is alive, nikandros is completely done, probably eventual smut, road trip au, set in America because I can't write anything set anywhere else, there will be all sorts of tropey shenanigans, this is actually completely ridiculous in concept but bear with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:13:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 128,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7586518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idratherhaveyou/pseuds/idratherhaveyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m perfectly aware that you can both hear me and talk. Would you mind doing both at the same time for a moment?”</p><p>That shocked Damen out of his stupor. He flicked his gaze to Nikandros, who was busy trying not to laugh. “Yes, sure. I can do that. Only for a moment, though,” Damen finally managed. </p><p>A flicker of a barbed smile appeared on Laurent’s face. “Impressive,” he quipped. And then, “I heard you in class, talking about your road trip. I’d like to come along. Only as far as California, mind you. I have no way to get there alone, but I have family I need to see.”</p><p>Literally just a road trip au.  Damen lets a stranger (Laurent) hitch a ride down to California with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my version of Laurent and Damen falling in love, because that sounded just as fun, maybe even more fun, than writing them already in love.  
> For any of you who've read Kings Reign and have traveled here (look how much self control I don't have), thank you. For those who haven't, hi! Hopefully, this will be fun for you. Hopefully this will be fun for all of you.  
> Thank you to my beautiful beta readers, Pam and Mari. You've already impressed me with your insights and I know you'll continue to do so.  
> As far as an updating schedule, it should be weekly. Although, we have established I have very little self control.  
> Anyway, here we go......

It was the last day of classes before graduation and Damen and Nikandros were waiting for their humanities final to start. Neither had studied as it was a one-hundred level class; simply something for them to take together in their final term of college. They had their phones out and were outlining the road trip they were taking the moment they were graduates of the University of Washington.

“I want to hit Las Vegas,” Nikandros said.

“There’s nothing to do there except gamble and drink. It’s not even nice to look at.”

“I’m sorry, what’s wrong with drinking and gambling?”

“Nothing, inherently. You already know it’s not something I’m interested in, you’re just trying to be irritating. But, I guess, if it really matters…”

“Ugh,” Nikandros groaned, “Don’t. Whenever you’re nice to me, I suddenly don’t want to irritate you anymore. Fine. No Vegas. Can we at least hit San Diego, though? Someone I met online lives there.”

“You mean Jord, the only person you talk about more than yourself. And, yes, we can hit San Diego. I’ve heard the zoo is worth a stop.”

“Yes, animals. You can’t graduate from college without viewing some animals.”

“I happen to know you like animals.”

“I do, but that’s not the point—the point which you are purposefully missing.”

Damen grinned at Nikandros and glanced back down at his phone, trailing his finger along the interstates. The entire purpose of this trip was to see the Grand Canyon, but they wanted to make it last as long as possible. It was their last chance to do something together before the more monotonous parts of life settled in. The plan was vague and consisted of stopping at motels when they were tired, spending a couple of days in the bigger cities, but mostly driving and driving and driving. Jokaste was making the playlists, Nikandros was providing the entertainment, and Damen was doing most of the driving. Staring at the interstates now, it felt more real than it ever had. Damen could feel the bubbles of excitement popping in his chest and he caught Nikandros’ eyes, smiling.

The professor walked in then, clutching a stack of paper in his hands, before having a set of bored assistants hand them out. Nikandros and Damen exchanged one more look, knowing this would be a conversation they would continue later, knowing that it would be the only thing they would talk about until they were actually on the road, and, only then, did they settle in for the test.

 

Afterwards, they were standing in the hallway just outside the lecture hall, a pair of petite and pretty sophomore girls comparing answers to questions with them. Damen weathered it only because Nikandros was smiling happily, flirting back casually. Normally, he would have joined in, but he was tired after the test and simply wanted to go home. When the girls left, Damen reshouldered his backpack and said, “I want to spend an extra day in Arizona. I’m not sure just one day is enough to properly enjoy the Grand Canyon.”

“Probably not. Doesn’t Jokaste have to be back by the twentieth, though?”

“Oh, suddenly you care?”

“I’m going to be spending inordinate amounts of time with her. I’ve decided to withhold my grudge for the time being.”

“Nice of you,” Damen said. “She does, but I think it’s doable. If necessary, I can pass on some sleep. God, I can’t believe she already has a job lined up. How does she do it?”

“She’s attractive, white, and terrifyingly manipulative. She could get any job in the world, I think.”

Damen was about to reply when a lightly-accented voice said, “Excuse me. Damen.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. Turning, Damen saw Laurent, one of the only other seniors in their humanities class. The first couple days of class, Damen had been unable to look anywhere else and now that he was standing here, trying to talk to Damen, every thought and muscle froze. Gradually, Damen had weaned himself from sneaked glances, but now all his senses were screaming at him. He had been tossed into the deep down too hard and too quickly. Laurent was unfairly beautiful. There wasn’t a way to prepare for beauty like this.

He caught Nikandros rolling his eyes. Realizing he still hadn’t spoken, Damen opened his mouth to reply, but then he stopped. What was the normal response to ‘excuse me’ again? A ‘yes’ would probably work.

“I’m perfectly aware that you can both hear me and talk. Would you mind doing both at the same time for a moment?”

That shocked Damen out of his stupor. He flicked his gaze to Nikandros, who was busy trying not to laugh. “Yes, sure. I can do that. Only for a moment, though,” Damen finally managed.

A flicker of a barbed smile appeared on Laurent’s face. “Impressive,” he quipped. And then, “I heard you in class, talking about your road trip. I’d like to come along. Only as far as California, mind you. I have no way to get there alone, but I have family I need to see.”

“And since we’re heading that way, you thought you’d ask.”

Laurent nodded. He was entirely confident that he’d get a positive response. Damen didn’t even want to begin thinking about why that was the case. Beside him, Nikandros was shaking his head furiously, not bothering to disguise his disinterest. “I’m sorry about Nikandros,” Damen said instantly, “He never learned his manners.”

“Quite alright.” Then, “So? I have somewhere to be.” Damen thought that, perhaps, Laurent hadn’t learned his manners either.

“Right, uh, listen, there are some people I have to talk to.”

“Of course.”

“So…can I have your phone number, then? I can text or call when we’ve come to a decision. Honestly, Laurent, I think it should be fine. I don’t see there being any harm in it. The more the merrier.”

Nikandros sighed heavily, disagreeing with that notion. Damen thought it was possible he did, too. This trip was about he and his friends and nothing else and now there could be a person he hardly knew along for the ride. But, there was something about the audacity of the person before him that was endearing. Damen could already tell he’d be hard to get to know, but he thought he might like to try. Sensing this, Nikandros’ shoulders slumped and he began to walk away. Laurent was holding out his hand and wordlessly, Damen slipped his phone into the expectant hand. Quick, long, delicate fingers typed in a phone number and then handed it back. Laurent pondered him for a moment and then said, carefully, as though his mouth weren’t entirely comfortable with the words, “Thank you. I assure you, if there was another way, I would be doing it.”

“Sure.”

Laurent nodded and then strolled away and Damen watched him do it, struck dumb. Only after Laurent was gone did he realize there were lots of questions he should’ve asked. But, he did have his phone number. He had a way to ask those questions. He had a way to ask a lot more than just those questions. Despite himself, Damen smiled and then jogged to catch up with Nikandros, who was furiously texting.

“Who are you texting?”

“Jokaste.”

“You have her phone number?”

“You two dated for almost a year. Of course I have her phone number. I’m begging her to talk some sense into you. If anyone can do it, it’s her. I’m kind of even hoping she tries to seduce you, just so you stop thinking about him.”

“Oh, please,” Damen said. “I just want to help. There’s a family member in California he needs to see. It’s not like we’ll be going out of our way.”

“Uh huh,” Nikandros said, unconvinced, still typing away. “Whatever you say.” He slammed his thumb into the phone and the swoosh of a sent text sounded.

“I know nothing about him, Nik. What else could it possibly be?”

“Let’s see,” Nikandros said, holding up three fingers. “He has blonde hair,” he folded one finger, “He has blue eyes,” another, “And, even I can admit he’s gorgeous. You know what that tells me? That tells me that Damen has a boner.”

“That’s incredibly shallow.” Nikandros raised his eyebrows. “And partially true,” Damen admitted, reluctantly. “But not entirely. I really do want to help.”

“Why? I’ve heard about him, Damen. A girl I dated freshman year lived in the same dorm as him. He’s an asshole. She said he hardly talked to anyone and when he did, he was borderline cruel. All he did was mope in his room and read books.”

“I won’t believe it until I see it.”

“Oh course, add some mystery into the mix and it’s Damen’s wet dream,” Nikandros groaned. “Whatever. I won’t say no to you. You know I won’t. But, at least consider that I have very strong objections and would prefer if he didn’t come along.”

“Noted,” Damen sighed. There had to be someone that knew him, that was friends with him. Right? Damen thought that perhaps he would ask around and see what he could discover before he made a decision. A buzz shattered his thoughts and Nikandros tugged his phone from his jeans pocket.

“What did she say?” Damen asked.

“That she won’t seduce you for me. And that she’s alright with whatever you want. God, she’s useless. I’ve decided to renege my hold on the grudge. This trip isn’t going to be pleasant for any of us.”

“Maybe I won’t invite him.”

“No. You will.”

 

The rest of the day, Damen casually asked around about Laurent. Most people hadn’t heard of him, but a few had, and most of those agreed with Nikandros. He was an asshole. But there was one girl named Vannes who had disagreed. “He’s not an asshole,” she’d said, “He’s just quiet and removed.” With a small, proud smile, she’d said, “It takes a very determined person to be his friend and for the year I was, I didn’t regret it. Listen, he’s an art major and right now the art building is showing off some of his pieces. You should check them out. They’ll probably tell you more than I can.”

So, now, Damen was doing as she’d told him. The art building wouldn’t close for a few more hours and he wasn’t having dinner with Nikandros and Jokaste until seven. He had time to kill.

Entering the building, which was in the middle of campus, just off the quad, Damen realized he’d never actually been in here before. Not in four years. It had the vibe of a small castle on the outside, with a turret and everything, but, on the inside, it looked like every other school building. Unsure where to go, he began wandering through the halls, and quickly, he found a display case. Underneath the paintings within, the name _Laurent de Vere_ could be seen on a medium-sized plaque.

It took all of five seconds for Damen to decide that he was going to let Laurent come. He hadn’t even properly looked at the paintings before sending a group text to Nikandros and Jokaste.

_D: im inviting him_

_N: You owe me five, Jokaste_

_J: No, you owe me ten, Nik. It’s not five yet. Remember when we added time stipulations to the bet?_

_N: Fuck_

_D: u guys get along better than u pretend_

After he’d typed his response, he turned his attention back to the paintings, ignoring the buzzing responses. They were strange, but not ugly. In fact, Damen wasn’t sure what they were. They were all entitled “Self Portrait” with a unique number. All but one were painted in dark shades of blue and green. There were distinct facial features, but no discernible facial structure, and some were missing mouths or ears or eyes. And they were fractured. And out from the fractures came bugs. No kind of bug Damen had ever seen, but they had long spindly legs and were definitely creepy.

What changed in each one were the uses of the colors and the numbers of bugs and fractures. That is, all except one, which incidentally was the one not painted in blues and greens and also the one right in the middle of the display. This one was obviously Laurent. The bright blue eyes, the small angular nose, and the blonde hair. But the mouth was missing and the chin was fractured and coming out of the gaping hole were moths. It was so different from the others and Damen couldn’t decide if it represented hope or the exact opposite.

Despite the lack of clarity, it was incredibly obvious that Laurent had immense skill and that he deserved this display. They were unsettling and confusing, but also emotional and, somehow, they relaxed something in Damen. He wasn’t sure what these paintings were trying to portray, but he was sure he’d felt it before, just not as deeply. Most of all, though, they declared, rather starkly, that there was more to Laurent than “asshole”. A lot more. Vannes hadn’t been wrong.

Realistically, Damen knew a road trip guaranteed him nothing. They might not even have one proper conversation the entire time, but he couldn’t think of a reason to say no. He could think of hundreds of reasons to say yes. So, in the middle of the art building, staring at Laurent’s paintings, he texted him.

_D: this might be easier over a phone call. do u mind?_

Jiggling his phone against his thigh, Damen waited, still staring at the painting with the moths. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long.

_L: No._

Damen clicked on Laurent’s name and then pressed his phone to his ear. On the second ring, Laurent picked up and said, “You do realize proper punctuation and capitalization doesn’t take much longer, correct?”

“Is my texting irritating you?”

“Completely.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I’ll change my habits while I’m texting you. It won’t be any trouble.”

There was crackling silence on Laurent’s end. He didn’t fill it.

Clearing his throat, Damen said, “How are you?” Cringing slightly, he bated his breath for Laurent’s reply. It was the first thing he’d come up with. Only after did he realize that Laurent probably just wanted to get the conversation over with.

“I was under the impression this wasn’t a personal phone call.”

“Sorry, it’s not. Um…I wanted to ask some questions, actually.”

“I’m sure you’re capable.”

“When you say that you can’t get down to California alone, what exactly do you mean?”

“I don’t have the money,” Laurent replied. “All of my money has gone towards school and housing and food. Buying a plane ticket is out of the question.”

“So money is an issue,” Damen said.

“Not one you need to worry about.”

“I don’t know how much you overheard, but there will be stops along the way, sometimes for days, and lots of stays in motel rooms. I want to get you to California and I’m willing to help with the money, if you want, but I would understand if you don’t want me to. Just…” Damen paused, before entering another long, rambling sentence, “…That’s something you should know.”

There was a long silence and then Laurent said, “I’ll be unable to help pay for gas and I’m happy to sleep in the car. Food, I can handle.”

“Okay,” Damen whispered, thinking that there would be no way in hell he’d let Laurent spend nights in the car. But it didn’t seem like this was a conversation to have over the phone. “Then you’re perfectly welcome. It’ll be me, you, Jokaste and Nikandros in my truck. It’s got plenty of seats, but the squeeze still might be tight and it will definitely get slightly uncomfortable at times, but…”

“It’s fine,” Laurent cut him off. “You’ve done more than enough. I’m grateful.”

“You are?”

“Yes,” Laurent said, the inflection of his voice clearly indicating that Damen was an idiot. Damen thought he was probably right.

“Okay, well, we leave on the day of graduation. Nikandros will likely be slammed, so be prepared for that. Not that you would have any idea how to prepare for something like that. It’s entirely possible that Jokaste…”

“Damen?”

“What?”

“Shut up.”

“Right, sorry. Just, uh, text me your address sometime. I’ll see you later, then.”

“I daresay you will,” Laurent replied, before hanging up. Seconds later, his address popped up on Damen’s phone. Damen took a screenshot, just in case he accidentally deleted the text. He didn’t want to ask for it again. It was hard to reconcile the man he’d just talked to and the art that was in front of him. All he knew was that he was undeniably curious and also mildly terrified. Thankfully, he’d never been the type to back down from a challenge.

 

A couple of hours later, he was at Jokaste’s apartment, an open and light space with matching furniture and numerous pieces of aesthetically similar art. Her parents were incredibly rich and so she got a place that felt more like a real home than something that was close to campus, ugly, and had a binding one-year lease at a price far higher than what the place was worth. Damen loved it here. It helped that the sink wasn’t filled with dishes, the recycling wasn’t overflowing, and stripped socks weren’t scattered all over the floor. He and Nikandros weren’t particularly tidy.

Nikandros was already there, cradling a beer against his stomach as Jokaste pointed at something outside her window. They both turned when they heard Damen shut the door behind him. “So,” Jokaste said, “Laurent, is it? I’ve heard you’re smitten.”

“I am not smitten.” He glared at Nikandros, while walking to the fridge to get his own beer. He popped the top off and joined them at the window. “What’s for dinner?” he asked.

“Pasta. I can’t cook anything else. Why you insisted we stay in is beyond me,” Jokaste replied.

“We’ll be eating out a lot soon.” Then: “I can help.”

“Yes, you like doing that. Cut up some broccoli then.” Jokaste directed him to a cutting board, where a knife and broccoli were already resting. Damen set to work and Jokaste came to stand beside him, leaning her butt against the counter.

“Tell me about him.”

“So you can analyze him and everything I’m thinking about him? I don’t think so. I don’t really want to hear more about why it’s a bad idea he comes along.”

Nikandros came into the kitchen as well and filled a pot with water to start it boiling. “I don’t think it’s a bad idea,” he said, “I just think you aren’t aware what you’re getting yourself into. I told you the same thing about her,” he said, gesturing at Jokaste behind him, “And look what happened there. Only using you so that she could…”

“Yes, I know what happened. It happened to me, after all,” Damen said, slicing the steam of one head of broccoli harder than he should’ve. The knife made a cracking noise against the cutting board and the piece of broccoli went flying across the counter. Carefully, Jokaste picked it up with two fingers and set it back down on the cutting board. “Anything to add, Jokaste?”

“I can’t form an opinion with so little information.”

“You could learn from her, Nikandros.”

“Did I mention he’s a carbon copy of you, Jokaste? He’ll break Damen’s heart, just like you did. And does anybody ever listen to me? No. I get called insensitive.”

“It wasn’t a complete waste,” Jokaste pointed out, “We are still friends, you know.”

Nikandros sighed, taking a swig from his beer. “What does he even want? Why can’t he make it to California himself? People don’t just invite themselves on other people’s road trips. Come on, someone must think it’s strange.”

Jokaste shrugged, “Maybe he likes Damen.”

Nikandros started laughing. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you heard how he talked to Damen.”

“He doesn’t have the money,” Damen said. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“Just promise me you’ll be careful,” Nikandros said.

“Fine. If you promise me you’ll be welcoming.”

“Fine.”

Jokaste threw her arms around both mens’ necks in an attempt to relax them and the conversation. Nikandros shrugged out from under it and returned to the window, silently seething. They both watched him leave the kitchen and then Jokaste sighed, removing her arm and lifting herself up so she was sitting on the counter. “He still doesn’t like me.”

“No,” Damen admitted. “But he can hold a conversation with you now. It’s progress.” Damen set the knife down and stared into Jokaste’s eyes. “Do you really think I’ll be stupid enough to fall in love with him?”

Jokaste laughed. “You do have a type and from what I’ve heard, he fits it. And you have a lot of love to give, Damen. You fall a little bit in love with other people’s dogs, with baristas who get your coffee just right, and with strangers who hold the door open for you. It’s not something you can help. But, you’re not one for hopeless cases, either. He’ll have to leave open a door for you and he might not. You’re not stupid, Damen, you’re kind and trusting.”

“And that’s why you picked me.”

“Yes,” Jokaste admitted.

“So maybe I am stupid.”

“Naive, maybe, but not stupid. And I think the world could use more naiveté.”

“Makes it easy for people like you to take advantage,” Damen grumbled. When that was met with silence, he whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m a bit on edge.”

“You’re not wrong,” Jokaste whispered. She hopped down from the counter and removed the knife from Damen’s hands. “I’ll finish up. You go and hang out with Nikandros. Make sure you talk about something besides Laurent. I’d prefer if this dinner didn’t end in a fight.”

 

After dinner, Nikandros and Damen were walking back to their apartment in silence. Nikandros’ hands were jammed into his pockets and he kept sneaking glances at Damen. Eventually, Damen had enough. “What?” he asked.

Trudging up the stairs of the complex to their apartment, Nikandros said, “I’m sorry. I was a bit of an asshole. I just don’t want something like Jokaste to happen to you again. But I also know that you genuinely want to help him. I don’t understand why, but I know you do.”

“Thank you,” Damen whispered. Pulling a key ring out of his pocket, he unlocked the front door and walked inside. Flicking on the lights, he threw the keys on the counter and removed his shoes. Nikandros did the same and then they both slumped into the couch. Grabbing the remote, Nikandros began to flip through channels, eventually settling on ESPN, which was replaying an old soccer game.

At halftime, Nikandros said, “Out of curiosity, what made you decide to let him come?”

“Oh,” Damen said, feeling a light flush spread across his cheeks. The reason would likely make no sense to Nikandros and it was mildly embarrassing. “He’s an artist and he had a display up in the art building. He’s good.”

Nikandros nodded.

“I think I’m off to bed,” Damen decided, only minutes later. “I’ve got breakfast with some friends in the morning and then a pick-up game of soccer in the afternoon, which you should come to, by the way.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Night.”

“Night, Damen.”

Strolling into his bedroom, Damen shut the door behind him. He stripped off his white tank and jeans and then crawled into bed, pulling the sheets up around him. For some reason, he wanted to text Laurent, verify that he was still coming. Now that it had been hours since the conversation had happened, Damen wasn’t convinced it had been real. Nikandros was right. People didn’t just invite themselves on other people’s road trips. He also wanted to tell Laurent he was a good artist, but maybe that was admitting too much. It would insinuate he’d done his research. Damen fiddled with his phone, switching back and forth between texting him and not, until he realized it was almost midnight and that it would be rude to text now. It was possible Laurent went to bed early. Damen supposed that was a question he’d have the answer to soon.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're all lovely. I'm so impressed so many of you are willing to deal with my crazy indulgences. It's been so goddamn fun and I love sharing it with you amazing people.  
> I love you all. Thank you.  
> Thank you to my betas Mari and Pam (Sorry, Pam, I'm crazy impatient)  
> Enjoy!!!!

Two days later, they were graduates of the University of Washington. Whenever Damen had a free moment, he found himself thinking of Laurent and texting out a greeting before deleting it and shoving his phone back into his pocket, to his chagrin. He worried that Nikandros was right, but Damen was determined to prove him wrong. So he hadn’t texted Laurent. Of course, now, he had to and it was causing him minor amounts of anxiety. Nikandros was sitting on their couch with a bottle of vodka in hand and Jokaste was beside him, taking a swig on occasion, wincing every time. They were still wearing their graduation robes. The first thing Damen had done when he got home was change. It had distracted him from coming up with the right thing to say to Laurent. Not that he had to say the right thing, because he wasn’t going to do something stupid like fall in love.

“Lord, Damen,” Nikandros drawled, “Text him anything. Just let him know we’re on our way. I want to move from this couch before I can’t.”

“Are you sure you’re all packed?”

“Yes,” Nikandros groaned.

Jokaste nodded. “I double checked everything.I’m set.” Damen sighed and spun his phone in his fingers once more, before deciding on a business like tone. That suited the situation and Laurent.

_D: We are heading out.Will you be ready?_

“I texted him.”

“Congratulations. I wasn’t sure you were capable,” Nikandros said.

“Let’s pack up the truck.”

Jokaste nodded and stood. She grabbed the bottle of vodka from Nikandros and then helped him up off the couch. “You good to stand?” she asked.

Nikandros waved her away disgruntledly. She was the last person he would want help from. His eyes were wild and his mouth looked like it was on the verge of a psychotic smile, but he could walk just fine. Damen had seen this before, countless times. He was only tipsy. If he drank anymore, though, it wouldn’t be long before he was drunk. Noticing the expression on Damen’s face, Jokaste handed him the bottle.

“What’d you do that for?” Nikandros asked. “He won’t give it back.”

“I know. He wants you to treat Laurent respectfully and he thinks you’re more likely to do that sober. Well, mostly sober,” Jokaste amended, picking up her bags from the floor. There weren’t many, but Damen knew most of them were packed with clothes. She always had to look stylish, even with friends and family. Even on road trips, where any laundry they did would be in the sinks or bathtubs of dinky motels. Nikandros had two bags, one full of alcohol and snacks and the other with clothes and toiletries. Damen only had one; all he needed was the basics to get by. Besides, he was driving. Entertainment was not as necessary for him as it was for the others.

There was a buzz in his pocket and a shot of adrenaline ran through him in anticipation.

_L: I will be._

It was so perfunctory and banal that Damen felt a pang of regret. He could’ve started with something else and maybe the conversation would’ve gone on longer, maybe he would’ve learned more. Shaking the thoughts of Laurent from his head, Damen picked up his bag, slung a sweatshirt across his arm, and motioned for Jokaste and Nikandros to follow. 

When they got to the truck, Nikandros stopped and stared at it, blinking. It took his mind a moment to register why he was stopping, but then it did, and he asked, “Why the fuck is the top on? You never use that thing. Did you actually drive to Kastor’s to get that?”

Damen nodded.

“Why?”

“Laurent mentioned that he wouldn’t be able to afford motel rooms, but that he was fine with sleeping in the car and I wanted to make sure he had ample space. Obviously, the truck bed is the best place, but I didn’t want him sleeping in the open. So I put the top on.” 

The explanation caught even Jokaste’s attention. Nikandros laughed, “I can’t believe you went to Kastor’s for him. God, you’re so fucked,” and pulled out a fresh bottle of vodka from his bag. Damen sent him an exasperated expression, and sheepishly, Nikandros took one small sip and then put it away. 

Jokaste opened the hatch in the back and they all tossed their bags in. Damen pulled on his purple Huskies sweatshirt to fend off the cold evening and hauled himself into the front seat. Jokaste made her way to the back and Nikandros took shotgun. “Know where we’re going?” he asked. 

Damen tugged out his phone to double check what he was pretty confident he already knew. The address was exactly as he remembered. He nodded to Jokaste, while throwing his hair up into a loose bun. “He lives in Elm. On campus.”

“Isn’t he a senior?”

Damen glanced in his rearview mirror and saw Jokaste rolling her eyes. “Not everyone has parents paying for their college, Nik. If he can’t even afford a motel room, he certainly can’t afford his own apartment. Besides, if he’s getting scholarship money, some of it can go towards housing, but only if you live on campus.”

“Jesus, alright, relax. No need to attack me. You’ll make me drink more and then Damen won’t talk to me ever again.”

Damen chose not to respond to that and slipped his arm behind Nikandros’ headrest, backing out of the parking lot of the apartment complex. They all rolled down their windows and Jokaste handed her phone up to Nikandros. “There’s a couple of playlists prepared, but you can play whatever you want.”

Plugging the phone into the audio system, Nikandros began to scroll through her music, frowning slightly. 

They were almost to campus when Nikandros finally decided on one of the playlists, declaring, “I hate your music.”

“What a surprise,” Jokaste murmured, as Halsey came out of the speakers.

“I need you two to…” Damen began.

“We know,” Jokaste interrupted.

“Best behavior,” Nikandros added. “Can’t ruin your chances.”

Damen sighed, but didn’t argue. Part of him wanted to, because Nikandros needed to understand how wrong he was, but he knew it wouldn’t do anything. The only way to convince Nikandros at this point was to prove it to him. 

He pulled up to Elm and Laurent was waiting outside, sitting on the curb with a bag beside him. There was a book in his hands and his blonde hair was falling into his face. Damen tried to get a peek at the title, but then told himself it didn’t matter and instead focused on Laurent’s clothing. It was clearly all second hand, but it was still impeccable. There were no wrinkles, the colors matched (all different shades of gray, with a blue v-neck) and they were incredibly well taken care of. 

Laurent didn’t look up until Damen came to a complete stop. Then he bookmarked his place, put the book in the crook of his arm, and walked up to Nikandros’ window. It didn’t look as though Nikandros was going to roll it down anytime soon, so Damen did, leaning into Nikandros’ space so he could conduct the conversation.

Laurent said nothing, but held up his bag with a question in his eyes.

“Throw it in the truck bed. There’s a hatch in the back that opens.”

“Quiet, isn’t he?” Jokaste murmured, as Laurent walked around the back of the car.Damen glared at her and she raised her hands in the air. “It was an observation, not an accusation. I have no problem with quiet.”

The door behind Damen opened and Laurent climbed into the seat. After he closed the door and buckled his seat-belt, he cracked the book he’d just closed and picked up where he’d left off. If he noticed everyone in the car staring at him, he didn’t justify it with a response. Nikandros looked unsure, but Jokaste was simply curious, staring at him as though he were a long divination problem.

Damen decided not to think about what the silence meant and began driving. He did notice that no one knew what to do or say, unsure if they should try to include Laurent or not. This was not how he imagined his road trip going and Damen hoped it changed quickly. 

Luckily for everyone, Nikandros was tipsy. Not that he was good at silence sober, either. He dug around in his bags for a moment and pulled out a large bag of gummy worms. “Gummy worm?” he asked Damen. “I’ll try and toss one in your mouth.”

“I’m driving, Nik. Not happening.”

“Come on, just one.”

“No, but I’ll take a gummy worm if you hand it to me.”

“No way. You’re only getting one if you let me try and toss it.”

Damen groaned and when they hit a red light, he turned in his seat and opened his mouth. Nikandros grinned at him, closed one eye comically, and then threw a neon blue gummy worm in his direction. Judging the distance and angle, Damen moved his head slightly to the left and it fell into his mouth. Nikandros cheered and offered Damen a high-five. 

“The light is green.”

Everyone in the car turned to Laurent, who was staring up at the streetlight. When the car didn’t move, he raised his eyebrows at Damen and said, “That means go.” The words were punctuated by a loud honk from the car behind them and Damen pressed down on the gas, speeding away to the ramp for I-5.

“So you do talk,” Nikandros said. When he said that, Damen realized he was going to spend more time looking in his rearview mirror than he was looking at the road.

Blue eyes flicked to Nikandros. “And, apparently, you don’t have a memory.” Then, he returned to his book, the crackle of him flipping a page sounding louder in the tense air. A flicker of a smile appeared on Jokaste’s face and then she burst into laughter. Damen wanted to see Laurent’s reaction, but he had to return his attention to the road, where some asshole was cutting into a space too small for their car.

Her laughter did manage to disperse the tension and Nikandros went back to his gummy worms. He offered to throw one at Jokaste, but she shook her head. “I’m not that desperate yet.You’ll aim for my eye instead of my mouth.”

“How does she always know what I’m about to do?”

“You’re not very subtle, Nik,” Damen said, changing lanes, so that he was in the middle of the interstate. Then he put on cruise control and settled into his seat, preparing for hours of driving.. The plan was to drive the three hours it took to get to Portland and crash at Nikandros’ parents’ house for the remainder of the evening. They were on vacation in Cabo and so the house was empty. Then, the next day, it would really begin.

Nikandros fiddled with the volume of the music, glancing back at Laurent. But, when he didn’t get a reaction, he shrugged and turned it up loud, so that the bass was vibrating the car. Jokaste, Damen, and Nikandros chattered away about Jokaste’s new job, an assistant editor at an up-and-coming publishing company in Portland, where they should go for breakfast in the morning, and a long-winded story about a phone conversation Nikandros had had with Jord the night before. Laurent simply read or stared out the window.

 

They were almost to Portland and the conversation had died down a long time ago. Nikandros was still chomping on gummy worms and playing a game on his phone. Jokaste was mouthing the words to the music and staring out the window, weaving a strand of her long hair around her finger. Laurent was reading. It had taken Damen almost an hour to muster up the courage, but he finally asked, “What are you reading, Laurent?”

Damen noticed that Nikandros’ fingers stopped poking his screen. There was a beat of silence, probably a longer one than necessary for a question of such little importance, but then Laurent said in a bored voice, “ _The Unbearable Lightness of Being_.”

“Is it good?”

Laurent nodded once and then returned to the pages, disappearing back into his own head. Damen let him as he couldn’t think of a way to draw out the conversation without it being obvious that was the only thing he was trying to do. There had to be a way to get him to open up and Damen was…not going to find it, because it didn’t matter. Laurent would be gone once they reached California and then they’d never see each other again.

A half hour later, they pulled into Nikandros’ driveway; a massive house on the outskirts of Portland, hidden away in hills. They all hopped out of the car and Nikandros disappeared around the edge of the house to retrieve the spare key that was hidden underneath an old bucket in their shed. Damen unloaded their packs from the back of the truck and then, unconsciously, his eyes drifted to Laurent, whose face was mostly hidden in the darkness. He was staring up at the house impassively, eyes traveling across windows and arches and crenellations.

“God, I love this house,” Jokaste murmured, coming up beside Laurent. “Remind me to ask Nikandros to tell me when his parents decide to sell, because I want to buy it.”

“They love it, too. It’ll be a long wait.”

“I’m patient,” Jokaste grinned, slipping away towards the front door, leaving Laurent and Damen standing together in the middle of the driveway. Damen peered down at Laurent and noticed his shoulders were tense. 

Before he could think about what he was doing, Damen asked, “Are you alright to sleep here? I mean, I realize there aren’t a lot of other options, but I’m sure we could think of something.”

“This is fine,” Laurent replied.

“Okay, good.” Damen stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans and lingered for a moment longer, before murmuring “Good,” again, grabbing as many packs as he could carry, and starting for the door, which Nikandros was currently unlocking. 

They all walked in and Nikandros flipped on the lights of the entryway. There was a large staircase just to the left that curled up to the upper level. Damen set off for the kitchen, which was straight ahead and began rummaging through the fridge and pantry for food. Normally, this wasn’t something he would do, but in high school, after his parents had died, Damen had spent most of his time here. Nikandros was more his family than his actual family. Silently, Nikandros joined him in the search, tugging out a bar of chocolate from the pantry and tossing it to Jokaste.

She pulled herself up onto a barstool and broke off a piece of chocolate to eat. It was the only thing that she ate that could be considered unhealthy. Because of that, she tended to eat a lot of it.

Nikandros put his hands on his hips and declared, “We’re going to have to cook something. Do we want Kraft mac and cheese, this box of strange looking rice, or boiled eggs?”

“Boiled eggs,” Jokaste answered. “Everything else sounds disgusting.”

“Mac and cheese sounds pretty good,” Nikandros grumbled, grabbing the carton from the fridge and putting it onto the counter. “But, of course, processed foods won’t suit Jokaste. She couldn’t fall so low, not even once, not even to make her friends happy.”

“I really couldn’t,” she said.

Laurent, who had been standing awkwardly in the doorway of the kitchen, strolled in and said, “I can scramble those eggs.” He peered into the fridge and pulled out some green onions and bacon, setting them on the counter beside the eggs. Nikandros blinked at him and then moved out of the way, eyes wide. 

“That sounds lovely.Thank you, Laurent,” Jokaste said with a smile. She shoved herself away from the counter and wandered into the living room. Damen followed her. He knew this was Laurent’s way of thanking them for the ride and for the place to sleep. He didn’t know if Laurent wanted to be left alone or not, but judging by past conversations, it would be safer to assume he did.

Damen collapsed on the couch beside Jokaste and watched Nikandros stroll in. Sitting down beside Damen, he said, “He’s an asshole.”

“An asshole who’s making you food,” Damen said, dryly.

“I like him,” Jokaste said. “Also, Damen, when you asked him about the book, he was interested. I just thought you should know.”

“Oh, don’t encourage him,” Nikandros groaned.

“How do you know?” Damen asked.

“Because it was very obvious he didn’t want to be interested.”

Damen laughed and sunk further into the couch. Rubbing his eyes to clear out some of the fog from driving, he said, “He hasn’t said anything very nice, has he?”

Nikandros shook his head vehemently. “No.If he says anything at all.” Then, “Do you think he’s going to poison us?”

“Why the fuck would he do that?” Damen asked, slightly irritated. It was a ridiculous thing to assume and, really, Nikandros should be treating Laurent with more respect. Everyone on the planet deserved more respect than this. It wasn’t as if Damen particularly liked Laurent, either, but he wasn’t busy theorizing about possible homicide.

“Rid himself of our company. He’d still have the truck.”

“Nikandros has a point there,” Jokaste said. 

“Are you two going to keep this up?”

Nikandros shrugged miserably. Rolling his eyes, Damen stood and walked back into the kitchen. Sitting in silence and watching Laurent cook would be better than listening to Nikandros whine.

Laurent looked up when Damen entered the kitchen, but said nothing, instead returning to mixing eggs with a fork. His hand was moving fast, stirring up bubbles. Grabbing a stool, Damen leaned his chin on his hand and watched the fork whip back and forth. It was hypnotic and Damen almost jumped when Laurent spoke to him, not just because it was surprising, but because he’d been lulled into a state of tranquility.

“You could chop green onions. It would be less useless than staring at me.”

“Okay,” Damen said, standing and walking to Laurent’s side of the counter. Laurent nodded his head at a cutting board and a knife, where a pile of green onions was sitting. Picking up the knife, Damen set to work, occasionally flicking pieces of hair away from his face. He hadn’t even realized his bun was falling out.

Laurent held out his hands for the green onions. Deliberately, Damen collected them against the blade of the knife and poured them into Laurent’s hands, being very careful not to touch him. Laurent tossed them into the pan, where a small pool of olive oil was glistening. They sizzled the minute the touched the surface and Laurent pushed them around with a wooden spoon. Unsure what to do, Damen simply stayed put, staring at the green onions like they were the most fascinating thing he’d seen all day.

“You could start the bacon.”

“Okay.”

Damen took the package of bacon in hand and gazed at it, hoping it would tell him how to cook it. There was a small snort from beside him and Damen looked up to see Laurent almost smiling. Damen couldn’t pinpoint what about Laurent’s face had changed, but he knew there was a smile below that stone-like veneer. “Turn the burner on to six, open that package, pull out four pieces of bacon and lay them into the pan. Once you’ve managed that, I’ll further instruct you.”

Damen did as he was told, and as he did, he asked, “So you like to read?”

“Shouldn’t you be concentrating?”

“You’re right, because this is so difficult.”

“Five seconds ago, it was.”

Damen laughed. “You’re pretty good at diverting a conversation.”

“You let me.”

“I don’t think anyone has any control over what you do or don’t do.”

Laurent didn’t reply to that. He simply stirred the eggs one last time and then poured them into the pan. Slowly, he folded them over each other with the spoon, revealing a thin layer of cooked egg. Damen wanted to press, but he thought Laurent had avoided the question for a reason and so he didn’t. The last thing he wanted to do was make Laurent even more uncomfortable.

The bacon began to sizzle and a bit of fat bubbled up and splattered Damen in the hand, “Shit,” he mumbled, rubbing a thumb over the small burn.

Glancing over at Damen’s progress, Laurent said, “Flip them.”

Picking up a fork, Damen did. It took a couple of tries and one piece in particular preferred being folded in half to lying flat, but finally Damen managed it. The only sounds in the room were the cooking food and into that silence, Laurent murmured, “I do like to read.”

Damen wanted to say, “Was that so hard?” but he thought teasing Laurent for revealing a piece of information would land him in a place where he’d never receive anymore. So instead, he said, “Cool. I would ask what your favorite book is, but I suppose you’re one of those people who couldn’t possibly choose one.”

A half-smile formed on Laurent’s face and Damen had to bite his lip to keep himself from grinning stupidly. He’d made Laurent smile. Only a half-smile, but still. Damen hadn’t been sure it was possible. 

“Your bacon is burning,” Laurent said calmly.

Damen swore and hurriedly took the bacon out of the pan and put it on a paper towel that Laurent had provided earlier, when he had been about to cook the bacon himself. While Damen was busy handling that, Laurent said, “I am one of those people. There are simply too many good books. I take it you don’t read much.”

“No,” Damen replied, leaning against the counter. “I’ve read stuff for school and the occasional novel during the summer, but that’s about it. I did read all the Harry Potter books.”

“Truly impressive,” Laurent drawled, the words dripping with sarcasm. Damen laughed and shrugged.

“What can I say? I don’t hate reading, it’s just not something I usually put time aside for.”

Laurent nodded and pulled the eggs of the burner, flipping them one more time. Damen grabbed four plates from the cupboards and set them down in front of Laurent, who carefully studied the eggs for a moment, and then doled them out as evenly as he could between the four plates. Damen did the same with the bacon and then together, they brought the food into the living room, where Jokaste and Nikandros were currently watching a Disney movie and saying “that’s what she said” whenever they could.

They ate, Laurent sitting at the far end of the couch and staring at the television. Damen didn’t think he was actually watching. Damen wasn’t either, if he was being honest. Instead, he was very conscious of the way Laurent was sitting, his legs curled up beneath him, his plate resting on his knees, and one arm resting on the armrest of the couch. It was a pose Damen would expect of Nikandros, but not of Laurent, and it only made Damen more curious. Their conversation in the kitchen hadn’t been nearly enough, especially since he’d felt like he was actually getting somewhere.

Laurent’s eyes flicked to his and Damen quickly dropped his eyes to his plate, spreading the eggs around with his fork. It was incredibly childish and very unlike him, but there was something dangerous about flirting with Laurent. Quickly, Damen reminded himself that he also didn’t want to flirt with Laurent. At all.

It was a relief when Laurent stood and asked Nikandros where he could sleep. Nikandros mumbled something about going up the stairs and turning to the right and Damen said, “I can show you where it is.”

Laurent stared at him, eyes hard, and then he nodded briskly. On the way to the stairs, they stopped by the front door so Laurent could grab his bag. Damen wanted to say something, but all his words got tangled up in his brain. This didn’t usually happen to him either. But asking Laurent a question was like putting a gun to your head and hoping it wasn’t loaded.

They reached the room Nikandros had suggested quicker than Damen wanted. He still hadn’t figured out what to say. Lamely, he said, “This is it. Do you need anything?”

Laurent shook his head. He was staring again and Damen felt a flush rise in his cheeks. It was as though Laurent was peeling back all his layers and seeing the deepest parts of him. Damen didn’t doubt that he could do it. “Good night, Damen,” he said, finally, opening the door and disappearing inside. Damen watched the door close, stood there for a minute longer than he should’ve, and then walked back down the stairs, slightly dazed. Laurent had only known him for a day, but that look had made Damen feel at fault for something, something that he couldn’t even begin to pretend he knew.

When he arrived back downstairs, he told Jokaste and Nikandros he was turning in as well. They nodded and Damen went to his usual bedroom on the bottom floor, just off the living room. It had once been an office, apparently, but neither of Nikandros’ parents did work at home and so they hadn’t needed it. However, they did have lots of guests and parties and needed the bedroom.

He brushed his teeth in the small bathroom and then tucked himself into the bed. As he stared at the ceiling, alone and in the dark, he let himself admit that he wouldn’t mind casually flirting with Laurent in the future. He also allowed himself to admit that the idea of doing so terrified him. Usually, Damen had some idea of how his advances would be received. With Laurent, he had no idea.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad so many of you have been enjoying this thus far. It's been more than a blast to write. The comments have been soooo lovely, thank you.  
> I've been yelled at (kindly and with love) by one of my beta readers, so I will say I'm sorry ahead of time for a piece of information that is revealed in this chapter.  
> I would like to thank Mari and Becky for their help with beta-ing. You're both oh so lovely and dedicated.  
> Enjoy!!!  
> <3

Damen woke and glanced at the clock on the bedside table.7:30.It was earlier than he normally woke and certainly earlier than either Jokaste or Nikandros would be awake.Nonetheless, he stumbled out of bed, brushed his teeth, and wandered into the kitchen, hoping that Nikandros’ parents hadn’t taken all of the coffee with them when they’d left.

Watching the floor to make sure he didn’t trip over anything in his early morning fog, he didn’t notice Laurent until he heard a calm observation.“If you don’t stop walking, you’re going to run into me.”

Jolting awake, Damen fell backwards slightly.“Sorry,” he mumbled, “I didn’t expect anyone else to be awake.”Glancing up, he noticed that Laurent was already dressed and drinking something from a steaming mug.The only notable difference in his appearance were glasses; thin, square frames, with very little embellishment of any kind. 

Damen was distantly aware he was staring, but he couldn’t stop.The glasses were attractive.Very attractive.Not that Laurent wasn’t already heart-stoppingly beautiful, but this was borderline ridiculous.

Laurent held his gaze, eyes uninviting and hard.Then, they grew dangerous and that was when Damen snapped out of his suicidal staring and cleared his throat loudly, giving Laurent a large berth as he walked around him to search for coffee. 

“Sorry,” Damen said, as he rifled through the cupboards, his eyes very focused on the task, “I’m not a morning person.”That was true, at least.It didn’t really explain his behavior, but he wasn’t going to attempt to do that.In the light of day, with Laurent standing before him, flirting seemed like the worst possible idea.It was only weeks before he’d leave and Laurent was obviously not someone to toy with. 

“Clearly,” Laurent said, icily, sipping more of his drink.Then, “Tell me, if you were a morning person, would you still have been as engrossed with my face?”

Flushing, Damen fumbled the coffee filter he’d wrangled from a package and it fell to the floor.Slowly, he bent to grab it and when he stood, he met Laurent’s eyes.It was difficult, but he was determined.Without blinking or finding the nearest piece of furniture to hide behind, Damen said, “Probably.That kind of reaction can’t possibly surprise you anymore.”

“You’re not wrong” Laurent said, his expression suddenly curious.The danger lurked just beneath it, though, and Damen thought it was really too early to be having this conversation.He needed an hour and some caffeine.“What, pray tell, kept you from submitting to your baser instincts earlier?”

“It’s the glasses,” Damen mumbled, turning back to the coffee.Hurriedly, he got everything set up and then he flipped the switch and the coffee began dripping into the pot.With determination, he kept his eyes focused on the rhythmic drips, letting them lull him into a false sense of security. 

There was a small hum from Laurent and Damen purposefully ignored it, listening to his bare feet slap against the kitchen tiles and away from him, before he relaxed his pose and remembered to breathe.This wasn’t how he was supposed to feel.It was entirely possible that despite his unnatural beauty and his paintings, he was an asshole.Damen was pretty sure none of those things were mutually exclusive.

But Laurent had smiled at him yesterday while making eggs.

Shaking his head, dispelling all the contradictions that made up Laurent, he set about trying to find some food.In the pantry, he found granola bars.He ripped open the wrapper and began to eat it, opening up the cupboard underneath the sink to toss the wrapper in the garbage can.As Nikandros’ parents were on vacation, there were only eggshells in there.And one other thing.A wrapper for a tea bag.

Laurent drank tea.

Damen added that to the list of things he knew about Laurent.Very few of them added up.

The light on the coffee maker flicked off and Damen poured himself a cup, before strolling out of the kitchen and into the living room.To his surprise, Laurent was sitting there.For some reason, Damen had assumed he’d returned to his room.

When he sat down on the opposite end of the couch, he peeked a look at Laurent, who was staring out the window, drinking his tea, and pointedly ignoring Damen.That was fine.Damen was beginning to think that was one thing he could predict about Laurent.

The moment he thought that, Laurent turned to him and regarded him silently. 

Damen could predict nothing.

“Now who’s staring?” Damen asked.

“My staring is very different from your staring.”

Damen couldn’t argue with that.Nor was he going to try.He would lose.“So,” Damen said, “What exactly are you trying to figure out?I’m on open book.You can ask me anything.”As he said that, he loosed his hair from the bun he’d slept in.He knew it was full of awkward kinks, but half of it had fallen out and it was unpleasantly tickling his neck.Damen was halfway through redoing the new bun when Laurent spoke.

“Can I?Very well.How long were you fucking Jokaste?”

It took every ounce of Damen’s will not to react physically.If he had, his coffee—now tucked between his knees—would’ve spilled all over his legs.There was, however, no disguising the shock on his face and it earned a small smile from Laurent.Damen realized the use of the word ‘fucking’ had been a very deliberate choice.He was trying to make Damen uncomfortable.Not knowing what to say, Damen took a large gulp of his coffee.That only made Laurent’s smile grow.“You’re very perceptive,” Damen muttered.

“Are you going to answer?You did say I could ask you anything.”

“Almost a year,” Damen responded.“Sophomore year of college.”

“We have very similar coloring.”

“Are you insinuating something?”

“Not at all,” Laurent replied, taking a sip of his tea.It was infuriating to Damen that he managed to make such a casual response drip with accusation and knowing.In that moment, Damen changed his mind.He didn’t need an hour and some coffee to have conversations like this.He couldn’t ever have conversations like this.It was so obvious how outmatched he was.

Then, with quiet malice, Laurent said, “Do you want to fuck me?”

Damen’s mouth fell open.Desperately, he shook his head.“No!No…I…that would be a very bad idea.”

“Why?”

“I don’t fuck people who don’t want me to fuck them.Besides, I don’t think you’re the type to casually have sex.I make it a point not to have casual sex with people who aren’t cut out for it.”

Laurent was regarding him again and then he nodded, taking another sip of his tea.His gaze fell away from Damen and back out the window.Apparently, the conversation was over.Damen’s head was spinning.That had not been a normal conversation.He could hardly remember what he’d said.It was as out of the blue as Laurent asking to come on this road trip had been.Still dazed, Damen heard himself say, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.”

“Why does it matter if I want to fuck you or not?”The words felt strange leaving his mouth.Unconscious heat was placed on the word ‘fuck’.

“Did that feel nice?”

“What?”

“Asking a question.”

Sighing, Damen ran a hand over his face.“You’re not going to answer, are you?”When Laurent ignored that question as well, Damen stood and lumbered back to the kitchen.He leaned against a counter and finished his coffee, trying to think of something he could do to keep himself occupied while he waited for Jokaste and Nikandros to wake.He’d prefer if it didn’t involve Laurent.Laurent probably preferred if it didn’t involve him as well.

He rinsed out the mug, stared out the window, saw the early morning sun illuminating the leaves on the trees, and decided to go for a run.Most of the day would be spent in a car.It wouldn’t be a bad idea to stretch his legs while he had a chance and it would get him out of the house.

Damen trudged to his room, grabbed a pair of black Nike shorts, slipped out of his shirt, and walked back out.He stopped in the living room before he left and noticed Laurent’s eyes catch on his chest for the briefest moment.“I’m going for a run.I’ll be back soon.”

Easily, Laurent looked away from him.

Damen shoved on his tennis shoes, opened the front door, and then he was off.It was already warm outside, the day promising to be hot.Most of the neighborhood was already awake, getting ready for work.As he jogged, he watched the rituals of random people.A man bringing in the trash bin, another man kissing his wife goodbye, two woman jogging past him side by side and listening to music from the same set of headphones.That had to be difficult.Neither seemed to mind, though.They smiled at Damen when they passed.

It was so peaceful and comfortable.This was what Damen wanted someday.This kind of life.The one where certain moments of a day were already set in stone.The one where he could come home from work to someone.The one where he lived in a reserved neighborhood like this one, maybe with a dog and a tiny garden where he grew vegetables.

He ran until he knew he’d be lost if he didn’t turn around, then he ran back the way he’d come, sweat now slipping down his temple and chest.The harsher his breaths, the more his thoughts cleared, the more settled he became, the more like himself he felt. 

By the time he was back to Nikandros’, he felt completely at ease, if a bit hot and thirsty.Pushing open the door, he strolled to the kitchen and found Nikandros and Jokaste there, cups of coffee in hand.Nikandros smiled when he saw Damen.Jokaste grimaced.

“How was your run?” Nikandros asked.

“Good,” Damen replied, filling a glass with water.“Really good, actually.It felt nice to get some exercise.”

“Next time, I want to come with you.”

Damen nodded and then turned his attention to Jokaste.“You look disgruntled.”

“I am disgruntled.”She didn’t elaborate and when he saw the sheepish grin on Nikandros’ face, he suspected Nikandros knew the reason and was more than happy to share it.Right before he spoke, however, Laurent strolled in, likely enticed by the possibility of entertainment.That ended whatever story Nikandros had been about to tell.Laurent noticed, of course.

“Shall I return to the living room?” Laurent asked, “You know, I can still hear in there.”

“Yes, but now I know you’re listening,” Nikandros mumbled.

Damen shot a look at Nikandros.One that very clearly said _best behavior, remember?_

Holding his gaze, Nikandros deliberately decided to continue.“Jord called me this morning, early.It woke both Jokaste and I up.”

“Tell him the rest,” she groaned.

“I may have fallen out of bed in my excitement,” Nikandros mumbled.But then his voice got stronger and more excited as he continued, the presence of Laurent no longer outweighing his desire to tell Damen the whole story.“He said we can totally meet up in San Diego!There’s this little Mexican place he wants to take me to and I get to meet his dog and actually see him in person and we may have spent thirty minutes yelling back and forth.”

“At least thirty minutes,” Jokaste sighed.“I could hear him through the walls.”

“Did he promise not to murder you?” Damen asked Nikandros.

“Long time ago.”

Damen smiled and said, “I’m happy you get to officially meet him.It’s about time.How long have you guys been talking again?”

“A year and a half.”

“Who knew Nik was capable?” Jokaste asked, digging dirt from underneath her fingernails.“Is there anything to eat, Damen?”

“Granola bars.”

“That’ll have to do,” she sighed, going to the pantry herself and grabbing one.She picked up another for Nikandros and then, before she closed the door, said, “I’m sorry, Laurent.Would you like one?”

He shook his head.

“I like your glasses, by the way.They show off your eyes.”

Nothing flickered in Laurent’s expression.“Thank you,” he said, “I’ve been told they’re my best feature.”

“Have you?” Jokaste asked, taking a bite of her granola bar.She waited to finish the bite before she continued, “I would think you don’t receive compliments often.You are right, though, they are your best feature.” 

Damen flicked his eyes back and forth between them, sensing that the energy in the room had changed.Every word they were exchanging was plucked specifically from thousands.It had been a long time since he’d seen Jokaste testing someone and an even longer time since he’d met someone who could keep up with her.

Laurent smiled faintly and replied, “Plenty of people manage to overcome their fear long enough to compliment me.They end up regretting it, of course.”

“Naturally,” Jokaste smiled.“I assure you, I haven’t regretted it in the slightest.”

“No.You haven’t.”

“This is really fucking weird,” Nikandros said.“Both of you, stop it.”

“We’re just trying to understand each other,” Jokaste replied.

“Well, do it like normal people.Questions and answers.That sort of thing.”

“That’s not nearly as fun,” Laurent said and Jokaste smiled at him, pointing a finger at his chest, trying to illustrate just how right he was.Damen was smiling, too, but it wasn’t about the conversation, it was about Laurent.Jokaste had managed to pull out the Laurent that Damen had seen briefly last night when they’d been making eggs.The one that used his barbs to tease instead of terrify.Damen was infinitely more interested in that Laurent.

“Shall we get started?” Damen said.“Anyone want to do anything in Portland?”

Nikandros cheered and began chanting, “Road trip, road trip, road trip.”

Jokaste laughed and said, “Actually, yes.Could we stop at Powell’s before we leave?I need a book or two for when I get truly bored with all of you.”

Without meaning to, Damen’s gaze drifted to Laurent and he was glad it had, because there was an undeniable brightness in his eyes.If he had been smiling, it would’ve lit every corner of the room.Even Nikandros would’ve been blinded.Instantly, Damen knew something.Laurent didn’t like reading.He _loved_ it. 

And he was the only one that knew.Because by the time Jokaste and Nikandros turned to gaze at Laurent, following Damen’s lead, Laurent had shuttered down the expression, his eyes impregnable.He didn’t offer an opinion about going to Powell’s, but Damen knew that he wanted to go desperately and that was enough.“Powell’s it is,” he declared. 

Everyone gathered their things separately, Laurent taking that time to take off his glasses and put in contact—to Damen’s dismay—and then they all piled back into Damen’s truck, Nikandros and Laurent having a small tussle for the front seat.Laurent won easily, citing that he was a guest and more comfortable in the front of a car.Then he turned to Damen for support.Damen hadn’t expected to be called upon and before he said anything, Nikandros sighed and crawled into the back with Jokaste.“I’ll have you know I feel betrayed, Damen,” he said, arms crossed over his chest.

“You didn’t even give me a chance to…”

“I already knew what you were going to say.”Nikandros gestured at Laurent, “So did he.”

Laurent didn’t acknowledge Nikandros.His book was already in his lap and he was reading, one knee curled up with a foot on the dash so he had the proper angle.Without further ado, Damen backed out of Nikandros’ driveway and drove through Portland to Powell’s, parking in a dingy building just to the right of the bookstore, the parking free with the purchase of a book.

The place itself was enormous.Warehouse size.Rooms and rooms of books, certain types housed within color-coded rooms.Without saying anything or indicating when he would be done, Laurent wandered off on his own.Damen and Nikandros followed Jokaste like lost puppies, unsure what kind of books they even liked, let alone where in this massive place they would be.

Quickly, Jokaste shooed them away, preferring to shop alone, so Nikandros and Damen lingered in the front, staring at the staff picks and the bestsellers.These were bound to be good and it didn’t require a whole lot of searching.They read summaries, sometimes aloud to one another, and then watched all of the people milling around.

“How long do you think we’re going to be here?” Nikandros asked, bored.

Damen shrugged.

Nikandros pulled his phone from his pocket and the screen flickered on, revealing that they’d been here almost an hour.There was no sign of Jokaste or Laurent anywhere.

“They could spend all day in here,” Nikandros sighed.“We should go find them.”

“Are you serious?” Damen asked, glancing around.It was going to be nearly impossible.He’d never tried to find somewhere there, but it was obvious that it could take nearly as long as they’d already been here to find their two companions. 

“Yes.I need something to do, anyway.I’ll go find Jokaste.You go find Laurent.”

Before Damen could protest, Nikandros walked away, craning his neck over the top of crowds.Groaning, Damen went off in the opposite direction, keeping his eyes peeled for either Jokaste or Laurent.

He’d been through most of the rooms when he finally found Laurent.He was sitting on the floor in front of the Fantasy/Science-Fiction section, a collection of books scattered around him in a loose circle.One of the books was open in front of him and he was leaning his elbows on his knees, bending over to read it. 

Carefully, Damen folded his legs and sat beside Laurent, the piles of books forcing him to keep his distance.Laurent closed his book and turned his head towards Damen.He tossed a book entitled _Name of the Wind_ onto Damen’s lap and said, “You should read that.”

It was a large tome and Damen couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him.“I need to be eased into reading, Laurent.This isn’t qualified as easing.This is shoving me out of a moving car with only a helmet on.”

“Poetic.”Then he shrugged.“I couldn’t care less.It was just a suggestion.”Shelving the books around him efficiently, as though he worked there, he said, “I suppose you’re here because you want to leave?”

“Yes,” Damen said.

Laurent nodded and held out his hand for the book he’d given Damen.Unconsciously, Damen pulled it closer to his chest.“I’m going to buy it,” he said.

Laurent shrugged again and stood, not offering a hand to Damen to help him up.He did wait, though, and they walked back towards the front together, Laurent carrying a book of his own.It was entitled _Uprooted_ and it was clearly something he already cherished, his arm wrapped around it possessively.

“You love books,” Damen murmured.“It’s not even entirely about the reading.You just love books themselves.”

There was no direct confirmation from Laurent, but he did glance up at Damen through the curtain of his bangs and said, “Not entirely an idiot, then.”

They moved to stand in line for the check out and Damen asked, “Why do you love them?”

“Why do you love asking stupid questions?”

“You could’ve just said you didn’t want to answer,” Damen sighed.

“And you would’ve been alright with that?”

“I’d have to be, wouldn’t I?”

“Not necessarily,” Laurent murmured, staring down at his book and running a finger delicately over the top of it.His voice was odd and Damen thought, perhaps, he was looking down on purpose, to avoid Damen’s scrutiny.Heart beating fast, thinking of all the ways he could regret this later, Damen was about to say that there was nothing wrong with showing emotion, when Laurent’s phone rang.

Slipping his phone from his back pocket, Laurent stared down at the screen, sighed and answered it.“Nicaise,” he said, staring at Damen hard, then down at his book, then at the door.It was obvious this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have in front of Damen, but he wanted to buy the book.Clearly, the decision was difficult and Damen decided to make it for him.Carefully, his eyes never leaving Laurent’s, he plied the book from Laurent’s grasp and murmured, “I’ll get it for you.Go take your call.”

“Give me a moment,” Laurent said into the phone.Without saying a word, he handed a twenty to Damen and then hurried away, voice murmuring into the phone. 

When Damen bought the books, he briefly considered buying both himself and giving the twenty back to Laurent, but there was a high possibility the gesture wouldn’t be appreciated, so he had the cashier split the purchases.There was some change and he slipped it inside the book, so he could hand it back to Laurent all at once. 

As he left the register, Damen noticed that Jokaste and Nikandros were in line together, Jokaste’s arms filled with books.Even though he’d just waited in line, he had nothing better to do, so he went to join them.

“That’s a lot of books,” he said to Jokaste when he arrived.

Jokaste smiled.“I know, but they all looked so good.It’s a long road trip.I’m sure I can manage it.What have you got there?”

“Something Laurent bought and then something he recommended for me.”

“He recommended something for you?” Nikandros asked.

Damen nodded and Jokaste and Nikandros exchanged a look.

“Yes, yes, I know.I’m screwed,” Damen said mockingly.“Leave it alone, you two.”

“I can’t vouch for what Nikandros was thinking,” Jokaste said, “But I was actually thinking that Laurent hasn’t shown that kind of consideration to me or Nik.He’s hardly said a word to either of us.How do you do it?”

“I’m nice?And I try to talk to him?” Damen said, rolling his eyes.“If you’re actually interested in talking to him, that’s where I would start.”

“Where is he, anyway?” Nikandros asked.

“He had to take a call.”

“Couldn’t take it in front of you?”

“He doesn’t know any of us, Nik.Can you really blame him?” Damen said.

“I suppose not,” Nikandros replied, shuffling forward in the slow moving line.

Eventually, everyone had bought their books and they exited the front door of Powell’s, searching for Laurent.They found him sitting on the sidewalk, back against the building, spinning his phone in one hand.In one fluid motion, he stood and began walking towards the parking lot.Without a word, everyone followed him and then they were loaded back into the car, Laurent in the front, book already open.

While Damen was backing out of the spot, which took a couple of tries in the limited space, Nikandros said, “How about you let us get to know you, Laurent.Least you can do.”

“Don’t pay any attention to him,” Damen said.“He can be an asshole, sometimes.”

“Thanks, Damen.That’s exactly what you want to hear from your best friend.”

“It’s the truth,” Damen shrugged. 

Laurent had largely ignored the question, but now, he turned in his seat, revealing a large swathe of his pale throat, and gazed at Nikandros lazily.It took considerable effort on Damen’s part to watch the road and not the calm pulse disturbing Laurent’s skin.“A question for a question.For each of you.”

“Do you actually like anybody?” Nikandros asked.Damen groaned, not just because it was rude, but because he thought it was a waste of a question.If Nikandros had been less irritated, he would’ve come up with something better, more revealing.This wasn’t an opportunity to waste.

“Yes,” Laurent said.

“Yeah?Like who?”

“You should’ve made that a part of your first question.”

Nikandros slumped back into his seat and crossed his arms over his chest.Grumbling softly to himself, he gazed out the window at the rows of Portland shops passing them by.There were a lot of them and Damen thought he probably could’ve spent the entire day here.Lots of the shops were the type one wouldn’t find anywhere else in the state, maybe even the country.They could’ve stayed, he supposed, but road trips, when they first began, were hard to delay.

“How did you and Damen meet?”

“We were the only freshman on the varsity soccer team in high school,” Nikandros responded slowly, clearly unsure how this information was important.

Nodding, Laurent turned to look at Jokaste.Again, Damen tried not to stare.The sun’s rays were slipping through the window and framing his profile in light.A dainty, angular nose, thinly-pursed lips, and sharp cheekbones.

“Who’s the family you need to see in California?” Jokaste asked.

“My nephew.Are you still in love with Damen?”

Damen suddenly found it hard to breath and Nikandros started coughing from choking on his own spit when he’d gasped.Jokaste, on the other hand, simply smiled, as though she’d been anticipating that question when she’d asked her own.“No,” she said.The look Laurent gave her very obviously indicated that he thought she was lying.

“But I was,” she amended and then, “Damen, that light is red.You’re about to blow straight through it.”

Swearing softly, Damen slammed on the brakes and told himself he was going to pay attention to the road from now on.It was hard, though.He hadn’t thought Jokaste had loved him.He wanted nothing more than to crawl into the backseat and shake her until she told him everything. 

Damen was immediately distracted from his thoughts, however, when he felt Laurent’s eyes lingering on him.“So you have a brother or a sister,” Damen said, remembering his answer to Jokaste’s question. 

There was a long silence and Damen couldn’t help glancing over.Laurent’s face was unreadable, but nonetheless, Damen knew he’d hit a nerve.Softly, he murmured, “You don’t have to answer, Laurent.”

“I think…” Nikandros began.

“Nik, shut up,” Damen interrupted.They’d finally made it to the on-ramp for I-5 South and Damen grasped the necessary distraction willingly.Flicking his eyes between his mirrors, he merged on to the freeway, switched lanes so he was in the center, and then set cruise control.Laurent still hadn’t answered his question.Part of Damen wished he hadn’t let Laurent off the hook, because he was very curious now.

That was when Laurent said, “Brother.Had.”

“Shit, Laurent, I’m sorry,” Damen replied.

“What was he like?” Jokaste asked gingerly.

“Better than any of us,” Laurent murmured, turning his head to gaze out the window.After a moment, he let out a sigh and returned to his book.Flicking his eyes up to his rearview mirror, Damen exchanged glances with Jokaste and Nikandros.No one knew what to say and no one knew how to bring up that Laurent could still ask Damen something.

“Music,” Nikandros whispered.Carefully, Damen handed him the aux cord.Jokaste didn’t point out that she was in charge of music, like she normally would have.Bending forward, Nikandros scanned his music and then played some Queen.It did nothing to settle the tension in the car.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a little early. This is what I mean by no self control.  
> Thanks as always for the comments and the kudos. I'm not sure I'll ever be used to it. This kind of support is amazing.  
> My beta Mari desires a drawing of the selfie in this chapter...just thought I'd pass on the word if any of you were feeling inspired.  
> Thank you to my lovely betas Mari and Becky. You are both everything to me.  
> Also, I forgot to mention (in case there are any new readers) you can come and hang out with me on tumblr at any time: @itsthegameilike  
> Enjoy!

After eight hours, with stops at a gas station for fuel and snacks and a rest stop for the bathroom, they were at a small motel in Ashland, the first place they would be spending multiple days.  Jokaste wanted to see a Shakespeare play at the replica Globe Theater and Nikandros wanted to go out.  He had a strongly held belief that the artistic types were the most fun to get drunk with.

Four of those hours had been incredibly awkward.  Nikandros had been unable to salvage the mood.  All of his jokes fell flat, mostly because Laurent’s silence was noticeable in the nervous laughter.  Even in conversation, Laurent’s absence was notable, not that he’d spoken much before he’d revealed he had a dead brother.  Damen spent most of that time thinking of the paintings he’d seen and how they were starting to make more sense.

Eventually, Laurent had turned away from the window and said, “Do you really need me to ease your conscience?  It was a long time ago.  Stop pretending to care.”

Damen had noticed that Laurent did not say he was fine.  Softly, he had murmured, “I do care, though.”

Laurent had been very still beside him.  “I was talking about the other two.  For some reason, I actually believe that you do care.”

“But you can’t figure out why,” Jokaste had remarked.

“It’s not that complicated,” Damen had sighed.

“It’s confusing to the rest of us,” Nikandros had grumbled.

“Nobody deserves to have a dead brother.”  

“Yes, because that’s all this is,” Nikandros had said.  Damen had glared at him, but after that, conversation had flowed more smoothly, and Nikandros had only spent an hour or two out of the remaining four throwing gummy worms at Laurent’s shoulder.  He’d been trying to get a rise, most likely, but he’d not been given one.

Now, Damen shouldered his bags and searched for Laurent, who was staring apprehensively into the back of Damen’s truck.

“You don’t have to live there, you know,” Damen said.  “Nik and Jokaste will spend a lot of time in my room, I expect, and you’re free to as well.  At least come and have a shower.”

“I…”

“Are you really going to go weeks without a shower?”

“Thank you,” Laurent sighed, following Damen towards his room.

“Don’t sound so distressed about it.”

“I don’t like owing people,” Laurent admitted, his eyes finding Damen’s for a brief moment.

“You don’t owe me a thing.”

“You mean that, don’t you?”  Laurent was giving him another strange, searching look.

Damen shrugged and fit the key into the lock of his door, jimmying it, before it caught and he turned it, revealing a sparse room inside.  A small bedside table, a queen bed, an old television, and a tiny bathroom.  It was all a dull brown color and Damen groaned as he sunk down on the bed, kicking off his shoes.  “Go ahead and shower, if you want.  I think I might take a nap.  Driving wears me out.”

“I could take a shift sometime, if you’d like,” Laurent said carefully.

“You don’t owe me, Laurent,” Damen repeated, staring up at the ceiling.  “But, thank you.  I might just take you up on that offer.”

There was no sound or movement from beside him.  Turning his head, Damen found Laurent still standing there, staring at him.  It was intense, and Damen was unable to prevent a shiver running down his spine.  He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a blue quite like the blue of Laurent’s eyes.  They were a warmer shade of blue, like tropical seas, but Laurent managed to make them cold and calculating.  “What?” Damen asked.

“I don’t understand you.”  It seemed to irritate him profoundly.

“The feeling is mutual.  Now go shower before I force you to.”

Damen watched as Laurent shut down.  The impassiveness was back, and silently, he strolled into the bathroom, closed the door, and locked it.  A minute later, the shower was on, water whooshing and pounding against the floor and Damen moved up the bed, so that his head was against a pillow.  He spent five minutes wondering why Laurent had closed himself off, but then the monotonous sound of the shower running lulled him into a light sleep.

A wet towel hit Damen in the face and he jerked into a sitting position, the towel falling into his lap.  Laurent was standing above him, fully dressed.  His hair was still wet, though, and there was a pink flush in his cheeks from the heat of the steam and water.  It wasn’t just his cheeks, actually.  His lips were definitely a darker shade of pink and Damen tried not to stare.  “Wasn’t there a better way to wake me up?” he asked.

“I tried your name and that didn’t work.”

“I take it you’re done with your shower.  Did you wake me up to announce that?”

“No.  Nikandros texted you about dinner.  I thought you might want to answer.”

With a yawn, Damen reached for his phone on the bedside table and saw that Laurent was right.  “When do you want to eat?” he asked.  “I have to shower, but the longest that will take is twenty minutes.  Ten-o-clock good with you?”

The calculating stare was back.  “You don’t care that I looked at your phone while you were sleeping?”

“Question for a question?”

“Fine.”

“I don’t really care, no.  You’re not going to see anything I don’t want you to see,” Damen said.

“Is there such a thing?” Laurent asked derisively.

“I believe it’s my turn,” Damen replied lightly.  “Why did you react the way you did when I told you to shower or I would force you to?”

“I don’t like being forced.”

“You do realize I was never going to force you to do anything, right?”

Laurent considered him, arms crossed, and then said, “You’re too trusting.”

“And you’re not trusting enough,” Damen fired back.  “Ten?”

“That’s fine,” Laurent responded coldly.  Then, without another word, he opened the door to Damen’s room and left.  With a sigh, Damen typed a response to Nikandros.

_ D: 10 good? _

_ N: Sure.  Jokaste wants Italian. _

_ D: find a place that serves italian @ 10 and itll b good with me _

_ D: just to warn u i mightve pissed off laurent _

_ N: Perfect.  That’ll be pleasant.  You okay? _

_ D: yeah. i’m just not sure how i managed it _

_ N: I can’t help you.  He doesn’t make sense to me, either.  What happened? _

_ D: asked questions and then he stormed off _

_ N: Well done.  Should I come over? _

_ D: nah I’m gonna shower _

Setting his phone back on the bedside table, Damen pulled what was left of his bun out and then walked into the bathroom.  The shower curtain was still beaded with water and a thin line of condensation decorated the bottom of the mirror.  Damen stripped, turned on the water, waited for it to turn warm, and then stepped in.  Running his fingers through his hair, unknotting some of the more troublesome tangles, Damen relaxed into the warmth.  It was possible he had pissed Laurent off, but by the end of his shower, he was tingling with excitement.  Laurent had had a reaction that wasn’t impassiveness or calm judging.  It was probably masochistic, but it felt almost as important as the half-smile had.  Laurent wasn’t a robot; he was human and underneath all of those walls was a real person, made of good and bad.  One that Damen didn’t understand in the slightest, but that didn’t matter.  Damen could learn.  He was semi-confident he could worm his way back through those walls.

Damen quickly slipped his hair into a bun, pulled on some khaki shorts and a loose tank-top, and slipped on some flip-flops, before going outside and knocking on Nikandros’ door.  They’d argued multiple times while they were planning the trip about rooming together, but eventually Nikandros had won a separate room by claiming he could afford it and that he would want some time away from Damen.  He hadn’t even brought it up with Jokaste, knowing perfectly well she just wouldn’t have come if she couldn’t be guaranteed her own room.

Nikandros pulled the door open and stepped out, falling in line with Damen as they walked to Jokaste’s room.  She was waiting outside, sitting on the curb of the parking lot and reading something on her phone.  “I think I want a pink streak in my hair.  What do you guys think?”  

“Why not?” Nikandros replied, sticking out a hand to help her up.  Perfunctorily, she brushed off her clothes—a long black skirt with a high slit and a white crop top—and then walked off towards the truck.

Damen was about to say someone should find Laurent, when he noticed that he was in the front seat of the truck, reading by the light of a small flashlight tucked underneath his chin.  Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Damen entered the car and said, “I’m sorry if I made you upset, Laurent.  I didn’t mean to.”

“I wasn’t angry with you.”

Unsure whether or not to believe that, Damen simply nodded and turned on the car, the engine flipping over with a roar.  He flicked the headlights on and then they were driving, Nikandros directing them to The Black Sheep Pub, the first place he’d found that was open past ten.

It was a rather grand building, but when they walked in it was a pretty standard pub.  Small tables, a bar, and pictures of random old events and people all over the walls.  They sat themselves at a table and a waitress quickly arrived, carrying four menus.  

“I’ll give you a moment to look at those,” she said, strolling away to take drink orders from another table while untucking a pencil from behind her ear and pressing the tip against a pad of paper.

Laurent was the first to open the menu and within seconds, he said, “Nikandros is no longer in charge of picking places to eat.”

“That seems harsh,” Damen replied.  “At least it’s open and serves food.  Those are the only truly necessary requirements.”

“Unless it’s British food,” Laurent murmured.

Quickly, Jokaste opened her menu and then groaned.  “Oh lord, it is British.  At least they have alcohol.”

Damen opened his own menu and did, in fact, see a long listing of British foods, none of which sounded particularly appealing.  He was about to agree with everyone else when Nikandros said, “Jesus, would you all relax?  Flip the goddamn page.”

Damen did and there was a list of burgers and traditional pub fair.  There were even salads and vegetarian options.  Jokaste let out a sigh of relief and began scanning the options.  Nikandros settled his gaze on Laurent and said, “Maybe you should read the entire menu before you make threats and accusations.”

“I don’t believe I threatened you,” Laurent replied.  Then, much more slowly, “You are right.  I apologize.”

Nikandros’ eyes went wide and he fumbled through a bunch of words that meant nothing together.  Eventually, he landed on, “Right, well, good.”

The waitress was back and asking about drinks.  Damen and Nikandros ordered the ale that was on tap, Jokaste got a glass of white wine, and Laurent ordered water.  She quickly came back with those orders and then asked if they were going to have food, to which Damen responded yes.  They all gave her their orders and then they settled in to wait, Damen cradling his drink and occasionally taking a sip.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jokaste asked.

“I figure we explore Ashland and then go to a Shakespeare play,” Damen replied.

“Suits me,” Nikandros said.

“I won’t be able to go to the Shakespeare play,” Laurent said, head raised high, daring someone to question him.  Damen let out a whoosh of air, hating himself for temporarily forgetting Laurent’s money issue.  

“You and Nik go, then.  I’ll do something with Laurent,” Damen said to Jokaste.

“I’m perfectly capable of being alone.  Don’t let me ruin your plans,” Laurent said.

“It’s no trouble.”

“I’ve got a good book.”

“Yes, but you read all the time,” Damen replied.

“I wouldn’t if I didn’t want to.”

The conversation broke off, but they kept staring at each other.  Damen barely managed to maintain eye contact, as Laurent’s gaze was so fierce.  Almost violent.  But he was trying to give himself some time to figure out what exactly was disturbing Laurent now.  It could be spending time alone with him, Damen supposed, or it could be that he really did want time alone, but none of those felt quite right.  That was when Damen remembered what Laurent had said to him only a couple hours ago.   _ I don’t like owing people. _

Very softly, Damen murmured, “It’s really no trouble, Laurent.  I just don’t want you to feel excluded.  I don’t really even enjoy Shakespeare, anyway.  Besides,” Damen took a fortifying breath, “I like spending time with you.”

Laurent was tense across from him and his breathing was slightly faster.  Damen hardly noticed Nikandros and Jokaste, who were exchanging a meaningful look.  The moment broke when Laurent rolled his eyes and said, “Shakespeare created ninety percent of the tropes in movies made by Hollywood.  It’s ridiculous to say you don’t like him.  And do whatever you want.  I’m not going to pretend I can change your mind.”

Damen wanted so badly to say, “I think you probably could if you wanted to,” but he didn’t.  He’d already made Laurent uncomfortable enough.

Jokaste dove into a conversation about Yosemite National Park.  For weeks now, she’d been trying to convince Damen to make a stop there, as it was only a couple hours out of their way and it was, she argued, something everyone should see before they die.  Nikandros didn’t care much about nature and Damen wanted to give Nikandros as much time in San Diego as he could, so Jokaste had yet to convince them.

“You have to be back by the twentieth,” Damen reminded her gently, “Nikandros should get at least a week with Jord.  He’s the love of his life, remember?”

“I never said that!” Nikandros said, appalled.

“You did, actually,” Jokaste said.  “You  _ were _ really drunk, though.”  Tapping her phone against the table, Jokaste thought for a moment and then began typing out an email.  As she did so, she said, “If I can delay my first day, can we go to Yosemite?”

“Sure,” Damen replied.

Nikandros sighed and dipped his head onto the table briefly.  “Please tell me you’re not agreeing because you don’t think she can do it.  Because she can.”

“I agreed because it seemed fair.”

It was silent as Jokaste finished her email and Damen took a large swig of beer, sinking back into his seat and watching the people around them.  Most were simply there for drinks and sitting at the bar, but there were some couples and one family, their children half asleep in their chairs.  There was a nudge against his foot underneath the table and Damen turned his attention back to his friends, where Nikandros was grinning at him over the top of his beer.  “I don’t think I remembered to tell you I’m having a good time,” he said.

“You definitely didn’t,” Damen laughed.

“Damen,” Jokaste sighed, “Your hair is falling out again.  You either need to get a haircut or let me teach you how to properly use a hair tie.”

Quickly, Damen tugged his hair out and then stood, walking to the other side of the table and letting his hair spill into Jokaste’s face.  She started laughing hysterically, trying to brush it away, and screeched, “This is so unsanitary!  You’re so lucky I brought hand sanitizer or you would be in serious trouble.”

Chuckling, Damen sat back down, winding his hair back into a makeshift bun.  His eyes caught Laurent’s and Laurent held his gaze for a few beats, before he slipped them down to the table.  It shook Damen’s concentration slightly, but he managed to say, “Stop insulting my hair, then.  It makes me ruggedly handsome, like Jason Momoa.”

“You can’t pull off rugged, dude,” Nikandros said, watching Jokaste as she squeezed some hand sanitizer onto her hands.  To her, he said, “Are you sure you don’t want to put some on your face, too?  I can help.”

“I’m sure you’d love to,” Jokaste drawled, throwing her hand sanitizer back into her purse.  Then, with no warning, she turned to Laurent and said, “I hear you’re an artist.  How long have you been painting?”

“Do your research?” Laurent said, his tone unnaturally light.  Damen knew Jokaste sensed the danger, but she powered on anyway.

“No, but Damen did,” Jokaste replied.

Damen flushed and averted his eyes to the table, spinning his beer to distract himself.  Only when the beating of his heart slowed did Damen peer back up at Laurent, who was regarding him with thinly covered animosity.  “You saw the display,” he said.

Damen nodded and Laurent swore underneath his breath.  Immediately, he seemed to realize that gave something away and so he grimaced and took a sip of water.

“You didn’t want your art displayed,” Damen realized.

Laurent glanced up and shook his head slowly.  “No.  No, I did not.  But they were very persistent and then they offered me a small amount of money, which regretfully, I needed.  I’m one of the best the art department had.  It was relatively cheap advertising for them.”  He sounded incredibly bitter.  Damen got no hints of arrogance from his words, either.  It sounded like a calm assessment of the facts.

“They were amazing,” Damen murmured, the blush returning in full force.  There was a small giggle from Jokaste and she quickly slapped both hands over her mouth and apologized with her eyes.  She gulped down some wine to keep her mouth busy.

Instead of acknowledging Damen’s compliment, Laurent said, “I’ve been painting since I was five.”

“Do you always paint self portraits?”

There was a long pause and then Laurent said, “Usually.”  His lips were in a thin line again and Damen sensed this was a good time to drop the topic.  Before either Nikandros or Jokaste could ask another question, Damen leaped into a story from his recent pick-up soccer game.  Nikandros listened with interest, Laurent listened politely, and Jokaste grabbed her phone and began scrolling through something.  It wasn’t long before the food came and gratefully, they all dug in, hungry and wanting their beds.

 

When they exited the restaurant, Jokaste pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of the outside.  Then she directed her phone in front of her face and said, “Selfie.  Everyone in.”

Happily, Nikandros obliged, sticking his face right next to Jokaste’s and smiling.  Laughing, Damen snuck in beside Nikandros and pressed their cheeks together.  Jokaste waited for a moment and then said, exasperatedly, “Laurent, you too.  Don’t make me force you.”

“I’m not sure you could.”

“Would you like to find out?”

Reluctantly, Laurent moved in beside Damen and said, “Not particularly.”  He didn’t smile, but he was in the picture.  Damen was very aware that their skin was almost touching, that they were almost touching, and he had a hard time not turning his face slightly and meeting Laurent’s eyes.  Jokaste took a couple, making sure to get at least one where Nikandros was kissing Damen on the cheek.  The light was abysmal, but as Jokaste scrolled through what she’d gotten, she seemed satisfied.

As they climbed into the truck, she warned, “There will be lots of pictures on this trip.  I don’t want any complaints, ever.  This is our last summer and I want there to be tangible memories.”

“More than alright with me,” Nikandros declared.  “I’m always happy to spread the joy of my face.”

“Who exactly is your audience?  It certainly doesn’t bring me joy,” Laurent said, tone slightly teasing.  Damen wasn’t sure anyone else noticed, though.

“Wow,” Nikandros said, kicking the back of Laurent’s seat.  “Way to be an asshole.”

“I never claimed to be anything different.”

No argument could be made there and everyone was beyond exhausted, so they listened to music with their windows rolled down, hair blowing and arms dangling from windows.  Laurent kept brushing his bangs away from his eyes, but he didn’t seem to mind.  In fact, there was something content about his face as he practically hung out the window.

When they reached the motel, Damen waited until Jokaste and Nikandros hopped out of the track, saying goodnight, and then turned to Laurent.  “Listen, I know you said that you were happy to sleep out here and you still can; that’s why I made sure my truck had the cover, but you really don’t have to.  You can come sleep in my room, if you want.  I’ll sleep on the floor and you can have the bed.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your bed.”

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to share?  It is a queen.”  It only occurred to him after he said it that it might sound suggestive.

“No.”

“Alright,” Damen sighed.  “At least let me bring you a sheet or something.” Softly, Laurent said, “A sheet would be nice.”

“I’ll go and get you one then.”  Damen slipped the keys from the ignition and tossed them to Laurent, who, caught off guard, barely managed to get his hands up in time.  But he did catch them and Damen grinned despite himself.  “Good catch.  I’ll leave you the keys in case you decide to sleep on the backseat or something.  I’m not sure what will be most comfortable.”

“Not worried I’ll drive off with the car?”

“Should I be?”

“That’s not the right question.”

Damen shrugged and jumped out of the truck.  He broke into a light jog, opened up his room and tugged the sheet off of his bed.  He might get hot with the comforter, but as long as Laurent wasn’t uncomfortable, it would be worth it.  Slipping back out into the warm summer evening, Damen saw Laurent at the back of the truck with the hatch open, staring into the blackness before him.  When he heard Damen’s footsteps, Laurent turned and watched him walk up.

Silently, Damen handed over the sheet.  Laurent collected it and curled it up against his chest.  It was kind of adorable.  “I…thank you, Damen.”

“Of course,” Damen smiled.  Helplessly, he stepped forward, wanting to be close enough to see the blue of Laurent’s eyes in the poor lamplight.  “Sleep well,” he breathed.

There was something akin to surprise in Laurent’s eyes, but within a flash it was gone.  He threw the sheet into the back and said, “Good night.”

Taking that as his cue to leave, Damen returned to his room.

 

The next day was spent walking around Ashland.  It was definitely a small town, but the tourist life was thriving because of the Shakespeare festival.  There were women decked and painted in gold, acting as statues, people doing their art on the street, small galleries and shops, and lots of trees and benches.  At least, in the tourist section of town.  They did explore Southern Oregon University for a while, which was much less attractive and a lot more yellow, but by the end of the day, Damen had had a good time and his feet ached.

They’d spent the most time eating lunch at a very small but crowded restaurant with a menu decorated in Shakespeare puns and at galleries.  The art had actually been quite beautiful, to Damen’s surprise.  He got the sense Ashland was a hub for the arts in Oregon.  

Laurent had treated the galleries in a very similar way he treated his books.  His eyes had lit up and he had spent at least a minute on each piece, staring at it quietly, sometimes reverently.  Damen had wanted to peek inside his head when he spent a long time on something.  Nikandros had been quickly bored, but he hadn’t said a word, simply pulling out his phone and playing Candy Crush.

Damen was in his motel room now and helping Nikandros pick out something to wear.  He’d hurried over the moment they’d gotten back and threw a pile of clothes on top of Damen’s bed.  

“Here’s the thing,” he said, “I don’t know what the fuck people wear to plays.  I don’t do culture very often.”

Damen picked through the clothes and tossed over a collared shirt and a pair of khakis.  They were the nicest things Nikandros had packed.  Groaning, Nikandros gathered them into his hands and said, “I knew you were going to pick those.  Are you sure I have to look that nice?”

“I don’t know.  But you’ll be with Jokaste and I can guarantee you she will look nice.  You don’t want to embarrass her, do you?”

“I live to embarrass her,” Nikandros said.  “But, I don’t really live to embarrass myself.”  He stripped grudgingly and pulled on the the pants and shirt, giving a self-deprecating twirl for Damen.

“Looking good,” Damen said, laughing.

“Tell me something new,” Nikandros grinned, tossing his used clothes into Damen’s face.  Laughing louder, Damen threw them back and then shoved Nikandros out the door.  

“Come on, let’s go find Jokaste and get you to that play.”

“What are we seeing, again?”

“Twelfth Night, I think.”

“I’m not going to understand a single goddamn moment of it, am I?”

“Probably not,” Damen said.  “Just ask Jokaste to tell you what’s happening.”

“Never,” Nikandros said in mock horror.

Damen knocked on Jokaste’s door and she came out in a light blue dress that brought out the color of her eyes.  Her hair was pulled back on one side, so that all of it spilled over one shoulder in waves and waves of blonde.  She looked lovely and Damen made sure to tell her so.

“Thanks,” she smiled, shouldering a simple black purse.  “You’re still giving us a ride?”

Damen nodded.  “Just call me when it’s over.”

Laurent was sitting in the truck, reading, when they arrived and Damen threw him the keys to his motel room.  To his surprise, Laurent said nothing.  He simply exited the car and headed for Damen’s room.

 

When Damen got back from dropping Jokaste and Nikandros off, he knocked on the door to his room.  There was fumbling with the lock and then it was open.  Laurent had showered while he was gone, but his clothes were the same and his general weariness at spending the evening with Damen was the same.

Damen strolled in and sat down on the bed to pull off his shoes.  He had one unlaced when he remembered that he’d promised to entertain Laurent.  “Is there anything you want to do?”

Laurent shook his head.  “I’d prefer to spend the night in.  I like reading, remember?”

“I do,” Damen laughed, lying back into the cushions.  “I’ll read that book you recommended for me, then.”  Digging through his bag that he’d left right beside the bed, Damen pulled out  _ Name of the Wind _ and cracked it open. 

Laurent wasn’t moving.

“You can come sit on the bed, you know.  It won’t hurt you.”

With the caution of a cat searching for the source of an unusual noise, Laurent sat on the other side of the bed, as far from Damen as physically possible.  He curled up his legs and opened his book, glancing once at Damen, as though he were unsure what was going to happen.  

With a sigh, Damen began to read.  It was easier than he expected it to be to get into the book.  The writing was fluid and beautiful and the main character was fascinating.  In fact, Damen hardly noticed the time passing and when he gasped out loud, he heard Laurent’s voice ask, “What part are you at?”

Looking over, Damen noticed a light flush in Laurent’s cheeks.  Clearly, those words had popped out before he’d considered them.  Smiling absurdly, Damen said, “Not much has happened, I just…he used to be this famous magician or something, right?”

“Essentially.”

“But he owns a bar now, and from what I can tell, he’s half the man he used to be.  What the fuck happened?”

Laurent smiled, a genuine smile, that could almost be described as soft.  “That’s the beauty of these books.  Kvothe is a completely changed person in the present and every time you see the disparities, you’re more and more curious and more and more disheartened.”

“The writing’s beautiful,” Damen admitted.

“It’s like a warm bath,” Laurent murmured, his flush deepening.  Then, “Can I ask you something?”

Damen put a finger in his place and let the book fall closed.  Then he shifted to face Laurent, propping his head on his hand.  “Sure.  Technically, I owe you an answer, actually, from our game in the car yesterday.  Not that I wouldn’t answer your question anyway, but…”

“Why?”  Laurent had to force the word out from clenched teeth and Damen knew everything that question entailed.  

“I wanted to help,” Damen said, honestly.  “You’d never done anything to me and you asked and I couldn’t think of a reason why not.  And then I saw your art and I thought…”

“That perhaps I was more than the asshole who invited himself on your road trip?” Laurent interrupted.

Exhaling, Damen nodded.

“I’m not.”

Damen smiled.  “You’re not going to be able to scare me away, Laurent.  I like you and I want to be your friend.”

“Is that all you want?”

Sighing, Damen set the book down on the bedside table and sat up straighter.  If Laurent was going to be blunt, so was he.  “Listen,” he began, “I’m not going to pretend that you aren’t gorgeous, because you are, but I’ve only known you for a couple of days.  Have I thought about flirting with you?  Yes.  But, to be honest, I would very much just like to be your friend.  That’s the truth as of right now.  Can you believe that?”

“Do you ever lie?” Laurent asked.

“Rarely.  I did once, to my parents, about my brother sneaking out in the middle of the night.  He’d paid me money not to tell, though.”

“Jesus,” Laurent murmured.  Then he was regarding Damen with a mixture of curiosity and irritation.  When he finished thinking about whatever he was thinking about, he returned to his book.  Damen sighed and grabbed his own book, wishing that Laurent hadn’t closed that conversation off.  That was the closest they’d been to talking.  To actually  _ talking _ .  

Before he began reading again, Damen quietly asked the only question he’d been thinking most of the conversation: “What’s so disturbing about the possibility of me wanting more?”  He knew he’d already asked a version of this question before, but he hoped maybe this time he’d get an actual answer.

“You.”

Raising his eyebrows, Damen held his breath, counted to ten, and let it out.  It hurt and he was surprised at how much it hurt, considering how long he’d known Laurent.  And especially since he knew Laurent was trying to hurt him on purpose and that the reason he wasn’t hoping for more was because Damen knew Laurent would never give more to him in a million years.  It still wasn’t pleasant to hear straight from his mouth, however.  And because of that, Laurent couldn’t be allowed to have the last word.  “I don’t believe you,” Damen said.

“You should.  It’s the truth.”

Damen heard the honesty in those words and he tried to wrap his brain around the idea that  _ he  _ was the problem, that he wasn’t what Laurent wanted.  It was possible Laurent wanted no one, but that was not a question he was going to ask right now.  Damen decided to let Laurent have the last word and went back to his book, which was doing absolutely nothing for him now.  The words simply floated off of the page and rearranged themselves into confusing patterns.

Maybe Laurent could scare him away.

No.  Like hell was he getting away with that.

There was no way he was reading anymore, however, so he rose from the bed to take a shower.  The back of his neck prickled and he knew Laurent was watching him.  Damen didn’t glance back.

When he stepped out, he realized he hadn’t brought a change of clothes with him in his rush to escape the room.  With a sigh, he wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door.  He kept his eyes firmly away from the bed and Laurent as he crossed the room to his bag.  He dug around and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers and a white t-shirt.  Then he returned to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, and put the clothes on.  

He left his hair down to air dry.  His eyes stayed firmly away from Laurent even as he sunk back down onto the bed, only feet away from him.  Taking a deep breath, he finally looked.  There was the smallest hint of pink in Laurent’s cheeks, but he was composedly reading.  “Do you mind if I turn on the TV?” Damen asked.

Blue eyes met his.  Damen’s heart missed a beat.  “No.”

So Damen did.  It was crappy and small and he could hardly tell what was happening on the screen, but he stared at it mindlessly anyway.  It was some old western, perhaps with Clint Eastwood.  Damen couldn’t actually make out any faces.

An hour later his phone rang.  “Hey, Nik.”

“Come get us?”

“Sure,” Damen said, grabbing his keys and slipping into some jeans.  He held the phone between his head and shoulder as he did so, asking, “How was the play?”

“Better than I thought it would be.  I understood some things.  It helped that every once in a while someone would kiss someone.”

Damen laughed and plucked the phone out from his shoulder, switching it to the other ear so he had use of his right hand.  

“How was spending the night with Laurent?”

“Alright,” Damen sighed.  He opened the door and then turned back to Laurent.  “I’ll be back soon,” he said to him.

Laurent gave him no response.  Rolling his eyes, Damen slammed the door behind him and got into his truck.  “I’m driving now, Nik.  See you soon.”

“Do I need to kill him?”

“Not yet.”

“You know I will, right?”

“I do,” Damen sighed.  “Hanging up now.”  And then he did, wrestling the phone into his pocket before driving off into the night.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how this chapter ended up being so long or how I wrote it so fast, but it all came together, I guess.  
> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! They continue to make my entire life.  
> Also, thank you to Mari and Becky as always.   
> Enjoy!!! <3

The second the truck was still, Nikandros hopped out and stormed off to Damen’s room.“Anybody would be lucky to have you, let alone be your friend.I’m going to fucking annihilate him for saying that to you.I’m going to…”

Damen ran after him and caught his arm, wrenching him to a standstill.“No, you’re not.”

“Jesus, Damen, I understand he hasn’t known us long and technically, it wouldn’t be strange if he still didn’t give a shit about any one of us, but he’s smart enough to know that he hurt you and I know, I just know, he did it on purpose and…”The more he spoke, the angrier he got, until he trailed off, glaring at the door of the motel room.

More quietly, Nikandros continued, “You are the best person I’ve ever known.You’re probably one of the best people on this entire planet, in all honesty, and I need him to know that.I need him to know he can’t say shit like that to you.Not while he’s traveling with us, not when you’re giving him so much.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” Damen sighed.

“I can’t believe…”

“Please drop it, Nik,” Damen pleaded.“It’s between him and me.I can fight my own battles.”

“I know,” Nikandros whispered.“Can I at least give him the silent treatment?”

“Sure.It’s unlikely he’ll try and talk to you anyway.”

“Can I glare at him nonstop?Can I hit his ice cream from his hand?You know, if we were to get ice cream.Can I slip spiders into his bag?”

Damen started laughing and so did Nikandros.Jokaste, who had been watching the interaction from a distance, came to join them, slipping a comforting hand onto Damen’s shoulder.“Maybe we should watch a movie together.My room?Nik’s got alcohol and I’ve got snacks.”

Glancing down at his phone, Damen saw that it was almost eleven, a little late to start drinking.But he was the one driving.The road trip could commence whenever he wanted it to.“That sounds great,” he said.“I’m going to go check on Laurent first, make sure he knows where I am.”

“Do you need me to come with you?” Nikandros asked.

“No.I’ll be right there.I promise.”

They nodded and wandered off to Nikandros’ room to pick up the alcohol.Damen returned to his own and unlocked the door to find Laurent in the exact same position he’d been in when Damen had left.The only difference was the number of pages that remained on the right side of the book.“I’m going to go watch a movie with Nik and Jokaste.I’ll leave the keys to the car here in case you want to go to bed, although it’s fine if you sleep here, too.”He was about to leave and then, grating through the childish impulse to be unkind to Laurent, “You can join us, if you want.I’m not sure what we’ll be watching, but there’ll be snacks and alcohol.”

For a moment, all Laurent did was stare, though not in a way Damen had ever seen before.“No, thank you.I’m alright.”

Nodding, Damen backtracked and shut the door behind him, silently grateful that he would have time alone with his friends.

When he arrived at Jokaste’s room, she already had a movie up and ready on her laptop.The bags of snacks were laid out on the bed and Nikandros was cradling a bottle of vodka, obviously willing to pass it around.Crashing down onto the bed with them, limbs falling off the side, as they could barely all fit there together, Jokaste pressed play and Nikandros handed him the vodka.

 

He returned to his room around one, pleasantly drunk.When he finally managed to open the door, he saw Laurent was still there and the lights were still on, but he wasn’t awake.His head was lolling on his chest and his book was in his lap, open to the page he’d been on.A warmth stronger than the warmth in his belly passed through his chest and Damen forced himself to move as quietly as possible.He thought maybe he’d slammed the door too hard and he definitely tripped over a loose shirt, but Laurent didn’t wake up.

Now that he was standing beside Laurent, he was unsure what to do.He had said Laurent could sleep here, but it was very obvious that Laurent hadn’t meant to.Either he could wake Laurent up or he could try and make him more comfortable.If he’d been sober, perhaps he would’ve woken Laurent up, but he wasn’t, so he took the comforter and spread it over Laurent’s legs, carefully removing the book and placing it on the floor beside the bed.Then he curled his hand around the back of Laurent’s neck and lifted it so that he could try to wedge a pillow beneath it.

That was when Laurent woke up and went very, very still.

It took Damen a long moment to realize what had happened and when he did, he froze, hand still around Laurent’s neck.He noticed that the hair at the nape of Laurent’s neck was incredibly soft.More than anything, he wanted to run his fingers through it.Thankfully, he’d sobered enough from the already present danger, that he managed to extricate himself and stumble backwards, far away from Laurent and his hair.

“What were you doing?” Laurent said, every syllable cool as ice.He’d scooted backwards so that his back was flush with the headboard.

“Shit,” Damen murmured, sensing he’d done something fundamentally wrong, “I was only trying to make you comfortable.I should’ve woken you up.I knew I should’ve woken you up, but you were sleeping and you looked almost happy and I couldn’t disturb that.Especially not when it’s infinitely better than the truck.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Only a little.”

Laurent groaned and rubbed his eyes, before padding into Damen’s bathroom.When he came back out, his glasses were back on and it took all of Damen’s self control to keep his glances short.Laurent gathered his book from the floor and made to leave, but Damen’s mouth opened before he could stop it.“Laurent, please stay.You were already asleep and I know it’s more comfortable in a room.I’ll sleep on the floor.You won’t even know I’m here.”

“Really?I’m not convinced you’re capable of not talking.”

Damen brought his hand up to his mouth and mimed zipping it shut and throwing away the key.

“Don’t touch me again,” Laurent said, tone as sharp as knives.Cautiously, he walked back across the room and sat on the bed.Damen stripped off his jeans and then laid down on the floor, staring up at the pale yellow ceiling.Suddenly, a pillow and a blanket hit his chest.Gratefully, Damen tucked the pillow underneath his head and spread the blanket out on top of him.

“Good night, Laurent,” he said, before remembering he wasn’t supposed to be talking.

No barb came.Instead, the reply was simple.“Good night.”

 

Damen woke with an aching back and a parched throat.It took him a second to remember why he was on the floor and then, slowly, he raised himself up and glanced over the end of the bed.Laurent was already awake and when he saw Damen’s face appear, he raised his eyebrows.

Feeling foolish, Damen stood in a rush and then paused as his head spun for a moment.Laying a hand against his forehead to steady himself, he said, “Good morning.I’m sorry about last night.”

“As am I,” Laurent said, the tone neutral and inflectionless.It was infuriating.He could be apologizing for what he’d said or he could be acknowledging that he wished he’d spent the night in the trunk last night so that Damen hadn’t touched him.Damen wanted to ask for clarification, but he knew Laurent wouldn’t give him a straight answer.

“Want to go get some of that complimentary breakfast?I think it’s open for another half hour.”

“It’s disgusting.”

“But free,” Damen pointed out.He grabbed his phone from the floor and shot a quick text to Nikandros and Jokaste.

_D: either of u up?_

Laurent watched him, gaze heavy and contemplative.

Damen sighed.“When are you going to stop staring at me like I’m an animal in a zoo?I told you you could ask me anything.I meant that.”

“There’s nothing I want to ask you,” Laurent said, dismissively.

Maybe it was because his head was ringing slightly, maybe it was because of what Laurent had said last night, maybe it was the confusing looks, maybe it was because Laurent had stayed in the room, maybe it was because of the indecipherable words, but Damen snapped.He was tired and irritated and he suddenly didn’t care if this meant that Laurent ignored him for the rest of the trip.“Are you sure?” Damen asked, voice slightly louder than it needed to be.He also walked to Laurent’s side of the bed and towered over him.“Because I notice you watching me and I feel like there’s something you don’t understand.Eventually, you would think you’d give up, but you haven’t.You keep looking, which means you want to figure me out.Now, I don’t know why.Maybe it’s because you’re a psychopath and you enjoy people only as puzzles and games to be cracked, but maybe it’s because you actually want to know me and that scares you.Either ask your fucking questions or stop staring at me like that.”

There was a flicker of a smile on Laurent’s face when Damen finished and it was smug.

Damen threw his hands in the air and turned away.“That’s all you wanted?A reaction?For me to get angry?Well, congratulations, Laurent.I guess I was wrong.You are just that asshole who invites himself on other people’s road trips.”Damen took a deep breath and said, “I’m going to go get breakfast.Don’t be in here when I get back.”

He slammed the door behind him and reveled in the sound.Then he called Nikandros.It rang through, so he tried again.

“Jesus fuck, Damen,” Nikandros groaned, his voice cracking with sleep.“What?”

“I’m getting breakfast and then going on a run.You’re coming with me.”

There was a short silence and then quietly, “Okay.Give me a minute.”

Damen ended the call with the stab of a finger and then stood in front of Nikandros’ door, holding his hands in fists so that they wouldn’t shake.It was barely even a minute when Nikandros stepped out, yawning, in sweatpants and a tank.He didn’t say anything to Damen, simply slapped a hand against the back of his neck, squeezed lightly, and then strolled off towards the motel’s office.

Damen followed.Silently, they gathered together a breakfast of coffee and scones and then took them outside and sat on the curb.Nikandros took a large gulp of his coffee, shuddering at the taste, and then said, “Anything I can do?”

Closing his eyes, Damen let his head fall onto Nikandros’ shoulder.“I think I was wrong about him.”

“No shit.”

“Nik…”

“Sorry,” he sighed.“I’m still angry about last night.And, clearly, you’re angry now.What happened?”

“I don’t even know,” Damen groaned.He could feel the anger flowing out with his words and with the presence of Nikandros.“I got angry.I don’t know why, but I did.God, I yelled at him.I actually yelled at him.”

“He deserves it.He deserves it even if you’re not actually wrong about him.No one should treat you like that, Damen, especially not him.”

“I liked him.A lot.”

Nikandros laughed softly.“I know, Damen.”Neither of them brought up the fact that Damen probably still did like him.Neither of them mentioned that if Laurent decided to apologize, Damen would instantly forgive him.It simply wasn’t the point.“So, are we all giving him the silent treatment now?”

Damen nodded against Nikandros’ shoulder, allowing himself a minute of pettiness.Then he lifted his head and took a bite of his scone.“I’m not really wearing jogging clothes,” he murmured.

“You are, in fact, still in your boxers,” Nikandros said.

“Yeah.”

Then they both burst into laughter, Damen curling his forehead onto his knees.It felt good to laugh and they did until their stomachs hurt.

“You could go change,” Nikandros said.

“I’m not going back in there until he’s gone.”

“Want me to go get your shorts?”

“You’ll just be rude,” Damen said.

“I promise I won’t say a word.In and out.”

“Thank you,” Damen murmured, handing over the key to his room.Nikandros nodded and disappeared from Damen’s side.

Damen kept his head on his knees and breathed in and out.He was almost calm when a shadow covered his vision.Glancing up, Damen saw Laurent, dressed in his traditional skinny jeans and a gray t-shirt.Still beautiful, unfortunately.

“I take it you weren’t in the room,” Damen groaned, letting his head fall back down.

“No,” Laurent murmured, “I left directly after you did.”

Damen nodded.He shouldn’t have split from Nikandros.Who, in fact, should’ve been back by now, but he was likely waiting for the conversation to be over.He’d only come if Damen asked him to.Softly, “Do you need something?”

“I…”

At that, Damen had to look up.He’d never heard Laurent flounder for words before.There was a tiny grimace quirking down the corner of his mouth and then he ran a hand through his hair, the bangs falling back down into place as slowly and smoothly as molasses.He was nervous and unsure about what he was doing.That was almost enough to make Damen smile.

“Why are you still talking to me?” Laurent asked. 

Damen did smile, now, despite himself.Laurent had asked him a question.It was his way of apologizing.A very strange way, but Damen found he didn’t care much.“Because I understand you about as much as you understand me,” Damen responded, “And I’m very much still hoping you’re not an asshole.”

“Are you always this forgiving?”

Damen chuckled softly, “No.But that’s a story for another day.I have to go on a run.Go eat some breakfast and grab something for Jokaste.”

“Is that an order?”

“No,” Damen smiled.“I know better than that.”

“Good,” Laurent murmured, turning and walking away as though he owned the whole world.

“Laurent,” Damen called after him.

Laurent turned and waited.

“You do realize I haven’t actually completely forgiven you, right?Something has to change.”

“My mother always said not to simply say sorry but to promise that I would never do it again.”Then he spun around and continued walking towards the office.That was when Nikandros appeared, shorts in hand and a deadly look in his eyes.He wasn’t staring at Damen, though, but Laurent’s back.

“Why did he apologize?” Nikandros asked.

“I have no idea.”

“Figure that out before you do anything stupid. Here are your shorts.”

 

When Nikandros and Damen had finished their run and showered, they all piled back into the car and drove away from Ashland.The goal was to reach California today.There was interest by Nikandros to stop somewhere and go on a hike when they reached Klamath National Forest, but the day was largely undecided.It was decided they would do _something_ , however, because the border of California was only forty minutes away.

Jokaste handed her phone up to Laurent and said, “You pick the music this time.We’re alright with anything.”

Laurent waved his open book in her face and she rolled her eyes.“I like reading,” she replied, “But even I can’t read as much as you do.Let go a little.Have some fun.”

Laurent passively observed her waving her phone around near his face and then flicked his eyes up to hers.She smiled viciously and said, “I know you want to.I can tell.Is it possible you believe someone’s music taste reveals something about them?If so, this music is all mine so you can claim it was simply the best shitty thing there was.No personal involvement required.”

“Jesus, it’s just music, Laurent,” Nikandros said.“What’s the worst that could happen?We think you have shitty taste?”

That was what got Laurent to snatch Jokaste’s phone from her hand.Damen caught Nikandros’ eye in the rearview mirror and saw that Nikandros was trying hard not to laugh.Laurent put his feet up against the dash and laid the phone on his lap, scrolling through the options.There was a very serious expression on his face and Damen smiled.He stopped when Laurent caught him staring out of the corner of his eye.It was for the best, anyway.He was supposed to be driving.

Dissonant tones sounded from the speakers and Damen’s narrowed his eyes curiously.He wasn’t sure who this was.All doubts were dispelled when Jokaste said, “Ooh, The 1975, good pick.”

Laurent clearly thought so.Instead of opening his book, he left his feet on the dash and gazed out the window.When the chorus began, he started tapping his foot.Damen desperately wanted to see his face.He thought that maybe Laurent was mouthing along to the words.

There was a sound from Nikandros and Damen flicked his eyes back to the road to see that the truck was veering slightly off course.Damen was beginning to think that he shouldn’t be the driver.Everyone else seemed perfectly capable of keeping their eyes off of Laurent.Damen could still feel flickers of anger and irritation from their fight earlier, but he still couldn’t seem to look away.

Eight songs later, Nikandros said, “Welcome to California.”

A green sign saying exactly that flashed by and Damen grinned.They were moving closer and closer to the Grand Canyon.

Closer and closer to when Laurent was leaving them.

The smile disappeared.

And then it was back because Laurent was definitely mouthing the words.He was, in fact, singing along.Damen could distinctly hear a voice that wasn’t coming from the speakers.It was quiet, almost unnoticeable, helped by the fact that Laurent was impeccably on time and in tune, but it was there.

Damen wasn’t going to say a word because he knew Laurent would stop if it was brought to his attention.

“My god, he’s a person,” Nikandros said.Laurent stopped.Damen passed a hand over his face and tried very hard not to snap at his friend.Moments like that had to be few and far between.Even more unlikely, now.

“Perhaps I am an asshole,” Laurent said, “But if I am, you certainly are.”

“I don’t trust you,” Nikandros answered.Damen sighed.This fight had been coming.Certainly all morning.Perhaps since the very beginning of the trip.

“Is that the requirement that excuses you?Because if it is, I am also exempt.I don’t trust a single one of you.”

“What the fuck are we going to do?”

Something flickered over Laurent’s face and he closed his eyes, turning to face the window once more.“And what am I going to do?” he murmured.

“Utterly wreck my best friend.”

“Thanks, Nik,” Damen groaned.

“You think he doesn’t know?Do you seriously think he has no idea that you’re into him? God, why do you think…”

“Well he certainly does now,” Damen whispered, interrupting Nikandros’ diatribe.He knew that Nikandros was angry, that he hadn’t forgiven Laurent in the slightest, but that hadn’t been fair to Damen.Determinedly, he kept his eyes on the road, resisting the urge to punch something.

“Fuck,” Nikandros murmured, hearing the betrayal in Damen’s voice.“That was…sorry, Damen.I didn’t handle that well.”

“Mm,” Damen hummed, seeing a sign for a trailhead that was a mile away.When they reached the turn off, he took it and then parked the car in the designated area.Not saying a word, he got out of the truck and headed towards the trail, not bothering to see if any of them were following.He didn’t particularly care if anyone did because he didn’t want to see or talk to anyone.Laurent’s name came unbidden to the forefront of his mind.True, he wouldn’t have minded Laurent being here if Nikandros hadn’t said what he’d said.Now, Damen was unsure he’d ever be able to look at Laurent again.

The trail quickly slipped into forest and began to incline.There were a couple of people on it, smiling at him as they went back down, but Damen didn’t smile back.Eventually, he was deep enough in that nobody was around.He sunk down against the trunk of tree and punched his fist into the ground, letting it sink into the earth.

And that was where he stayed, until the sun was low enough in the sky that it beat against the back of his neck.It was well past noon, which meant he’d been here for over two hours.Damen knew he should return, apologize, and drive them somewhere for food, but he didn’t want to.He wanted to stop worrying about other people for another hour, maybe two.

Then there was a hand curling into his hair and Damen looked up to see Jokaste, her skirt hiked up and tied in a loose knot so that it wouldn’t get caught on anything.It wasn’t particularly pretty and he knew it was likely irritating her.

Carefully, she settled herself on the ground beside him, her hand still in his hair.With a sigh, he curled his fingers around her wrist and laid her hand in her lap.

“Nikandros wanted to follow you,” she murmured, “The moment you were out of the car.But, I thought maybe you wanted to be alone.”

“Then you got worried.”

She nodded.“You know Nikandros didn’t mean to do that.He’s hot headed and tends to say stupid things, especially when he’s angry.But he would never purposefully do that to you.Not ever.He spent a good hour listing all of the things he would do for you if you let him.I think he even mentioned a foot massage.”

Damen laughed half-heartedly and scuffed his shoe into the ground.“I know,” he murmured.“I do.I’m just not sure I can face Laurent, which probably sounds stupid.It’s not like Nikandros is wrong.He does know.I think he’s known since the first day of that goddamn humanities class.”

“Almost certainly,” Jokaste sighed.“Why do you think he asked you of all people?Not that that’s what you want to hear,” she murmured.

“What should I expect?I’m too trusting.”

“You’re perfect, Damen.Much too so for this world, perhaps, but that doesn’t mean you should change.Fuck the world.People like you are the reason the world is still worth living in.”

“Great,” Damen said.

“If it helps, I think Laurent will surprise you.”

“I’m sure he will.I can’t imagine what other horrible things he’s got stored in that impossible brain of his.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant,” Jokaste smiled slyly.“Nikandros told me about the fights.I don’t know much about Laurent—I sense you know a lot more than I do—but I think, last night, he was trying very hard to force some distance.But then, this morning, he apologized, which is completely contradictory.He’s confused and I think if he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t be.”

“Why is liking me a problem for him?”

Jokaste shrugged.“That I can’t tell you.That’s probably something only you can figure out.”

Damen smiled gently.“I can’t believe you hiked all the way out here for me.”

“I wasn’t letting Nik or Laurent come, that’s for sure.You might’ve killed them.”

“Might’ve.”

“It’s actually not a bad hike.I think Nik will still want to go.On the map, it looked as if there was a really pretty lake at the top.We could go grab some food, then come back and have a picnic.Only if you want, though.”

This, perhaps, wasn’t the right time, but they were alone and her answer to Laurent’s question had been tickling the back of his mind every minute since.“Did you really love me?” he asked.

She nodded, taking the sudden topic change with ease.“I only knew once it was too late.I didn’t really think it was something I was capable of.”

“I wish I’d known.”

“You wouldn’t have changed your mind.”

“Yeah.”Damen took a deep breath and then stood, extending a hand to Jokaste and helping her up.“Let’s go get food and then have a picnic.”

“Good,” Jokaste smiled.“Be prepared for Nik.He’s going to act mildly insane.”

“And so he should.”

Together they walked out of the woods and the moment Damen was able to see his truck, Nikandros was sprinting forward.He got down onto his knees, grasped one of Damen’s hands, and said, “I am the worst best friend of all time.I’ll be your slave for a day or if you want to punch me you can or…”

“Nik, it’s fine.”

“I am so so sorry, Damen.”

“How about you pay for lunch?”

“Done,” Nikandros said.“You can all have whatever the fuck you want for lunch.Buy the entire menu for all I care.”

“Nik, relax,” Damen said.“Please, or I’ll get angry again.”

“Right, okay, I can stop.”He stood from his knees and strolled back to the truck, hopping into the backseat.Damen finally caught Laurent’s eyes and they were as unreadable as always.There was a flurry of uncomfortable emotions that fluttered through his chest and Damen ignored them as he approached Laurent, who was still staring at him.

“We thought we’d go and buy some lunch and then come back and hike up to a lake for a picnic.Alright with you?”

Laurent nodded slowly, eyes never straying.For a minute, it looked as though he was about to say something, but then he turned and slipped into the front seat, staring straight ahead as he waited.

“What was that?” Damen murmured to Jokaste, who was still standing beside him.

She shrugged.“At least he acknowledged your existence?”

“I thought I was supposed to be the optimist.”

“What can I say?” she smiled.“I’m rooting for you.”She squeezed his elbow once and then opened the door to Nikandros’ side, shoving him over with a knee to his thigh. 

 

They found a small diner a couple of miles away that was sporting pretty traditional, greasy American food.Laurent glanced at the menu and then said, “I heard you were buying, Nikandros.I can have anything I want?”

“I mean…”

Damen shot Nikandros a look.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “Anything you want, Laurent.Go crazy.”

Laurent smiled sharply and addressed the hostess.“We’re looking to get food to go.I’d like a chocolate milkshake, fries, a Pub burger—hold the avocado—and one of those red slushies I see spinning around over there.Actually, can you make that two fries?”Then he stepped back and motioned for someone else to place their order.Nikandros was blinking at him and Damen started laughing.

When they had all ordered and Nikandros had paid, they crowded around the front of the diner, waiting for their orders to be ready.A waitress brought over Laurent’s red slushy before the rest of the food came, giving him a flirtatious smile and asking where he was from.

In a deadpan voice, Laurent said, “Your very worst nightmare.The one with the monsters and the falling.”Then he slipped his lips around the straw and sucked, keeping his eyes fixed on hers.It was amazing how quickly the smile disappeared.She didn’t even try talking to anyone else, she simply scurried away.

“She’ll spit in your milkshake,” Nikandros said.

Laurent shrugged nonchalantly.“I wanted her to stop.”

Damen burst into laughter, earning him an exasperated eye-roll from Nikandros.Laurent turned at the sound and the side of his mouth quirked up into a smile.Then, very deliberately, he sucked on his straw, staring up at Damen through his eyelashes.The smile grew as he watched Damen, who was currently having trouble thinking any coherent thoughts.They mostly involved the color red.

“Stop being an asshole,” Nikanros growled, “Or I will slap that slushy out of your hand.”

“You’d just have to buy me another.”

“Like hell.”Then, “I’m serious, Laurent.Don’t fucking flirt with him unless you actually mean it.”

Jokaste gripped Nikandros’ hand in hers and shook her head.After a moment, he growled and let his chest fall, grumbling quietly to himself.Damen snapped his eyes away from Laurent, actually grateful for Nikandros’ interruption, because he’d been right.While that had certainly been intentional, Laurent had simply done it because he knew it would get a reaction.It was probably why he bought the damn slushy in the first place.He was an asshole, after all.

Another waitress came back, four bags cradled in her arms.Jokaste and Nikandros gathered them and then they left, returning to the trail head.

 

Thankfully, the hike wasn’t very long.Carrying water bottles and bags of food was far from ideal and the sun was beating down on them.Damen was sweating profusely by the time they reached the lake, one surrounded by a few picnic tables.It was a beautiful blue color, completely in contrast with the largely sparse landscape around it. 

They piled the bags onto one of the picnic tables and then began unloading them, tossing each other’s food around to each other.Laurent sat beside Damen and grabbed one of his fries and began dipping it into his melty milkshake.It was something Damen had seen before, but he’d never tried it himself.

“Is that actually good?”

Laurent slid his milkshake across the table so it was sitting between them.Taking that as an invitation, Damen picked up one of his own fries and dipped it.The ice cream was completely melted and so he dripped all along the table as he brought the fry to his mouth.The saltiness of the fry and the sweetness of the milkshake balanced each other nicely, as did the heat and the cold, but he wasn’t sure about making fries slightly soggy.“Can I try one more?” he asked.

“Go for it.It’s not like I can actually eat all of this.”

“I knew it,” Nikandros grumbled.“Taking advantage.”

“You shouldn’t have said Damen was into me.It’s your own fault,” Laurent said, causing everyone else at the table to choke on their food.Watching them impassively, Laurent took another sip of his slushy.Then, matter-of-factly, “I like it here.”

“How are you so good at fucking with people?” Nikandros asked.

“Practice.Like anything else.”

“Why do you enjoy it?”

“Because I’m a sadist.”

Jokaste chuckled softly and then took a bite of her salad.Nikandros stared at her like she was crazy and she said, “What?You don’t actually think he’s a sadist, do you?”

Nikandros groaned, grabbed his hamburger and rose from the bench.Damen watched as he walked down to the lake and sat on the shore, occasionally tossing small rocks into the water.

“He’ll be alright,” Jokaste said.

And he was.Five minutes later, he was sprinting back up the slight incline, shouting, “Two things.One: who wants to swim in the lake?Two: can we not go to a motel tonight?Stay out, look at the stars, sleep in the truck.I bet we can even see the Milky Way out here.”

“Swimming in the lake would be illegal, I suspect,” Jokaste said.

“Not what I asked.I was asking for company.”

“Find a sign that says you can and I will,” Damen said.“But if it is illegal, I suspect it’s illegal for a reason.”

Nikandros’ face fell and that was the reason Damen said, “But we can stay out tonight.Stars sound nice.”

Because of how small the bench was, Damen could actually feel Laurent tense, but he didn’t raise protest.Even though Damen knew the tenseness was a sign that Laurent was uncomfortable, he chose to ignore it.It would be good if Laurent learned how to talk to him. 

Jokaste considered the plan and said, “We won’t all be able to fit in the truck bed.Two of us will have to sleep in the truck itself.It won’t be comfortable.”

“Who cares?” Nikandros said.“Live a little, Jokaste.”

“Fine.But I’ll have you know I can live and be comfortable at the same time.They are not mutually exclusive.”

 

They spent most of the afternoon at the lake eating and walking around the perimeter.Damen, Jokaste, and Nikandros skipped rocks for a while and Laurent read underneath the shade of a tree.Damen hadn’t even realized he’d brought a book with him.The sight sent a pleasant warmth through Damen’s stomach.Secretly, he wondered if Laurent was ever without a book.

When they’d had enough of the lake, they hiked back to the truck and drove until Nikandros ordered them to take a random exit.They all kept their eyes peeled for dirt roads that lead to nowhere and after thirty minutes, they found one.Jokaste pointed it out with frantic waves of her hand and shouting and Damen’s tires skidded as he made sure he didn’t drive past it. 

They drove for another fifteen minutes until Damen parked just to the side of the road, right next to a large yellow field.He tried very hard not to worry about whether they were on private property or not.The sun was setting and they all got out to watch, Nikandros handing around a bottle of vodka and a bag of jelly beans.Apparently, he hadn’t brought actual food, just candy. 

The bag of jelly beans ended up in Laurent’s lap as he refused the vodka.They chattered away about nothing important and Damen could feel the stress of the last day leaving him.Nikandros wasn’t throwing snide comments at Laurent and Laurent was sitting quietly, munching on jelly beans.

An hour later, the first stars started to appear.They laid back, using Damen’s and Nikandros’ sweatshirts to pillow their heads, and Laurent began to point out constellations.He knew quite a lot and nobody stopped him.Jokaste even asked a couple of questions curiously and Laurent knew all of the answers.Yes, the light was coming to them from millions of years ago.Yes, that one was a planet, probably Jupiter.Yes, that blur in the sky was the Milky Way. 

“It’s amazing,” Jokaste murmured.“I watched a video once with Neil Degrasse Tyson, I think, and he said something like ‘we are the universe contemplating itself’.How cool is that?”

“That just makes me vaguely uncomfortable,” Nikandros whispered back.

“That’s because it’s always all about you.”

“True,” Nikandros laughed.

Then Jokaste yawned.“We should probably figure out sleeping arrangements.I wouldn’t mind going to bed.I call one of Damen’s sweatshirts as a blanket.”

“What’s wrong with mine?” Nikandros asked.

“Yours are smaller.”

“I’ll take the front seat,” Damen said.“It’s the least comfortable.”

There was a long silence that followed his declaration and Damen knew all of them were waiting for Laurent to say something.Eventually, Jokaste took it upon herself to ask.“How would you like to do this, Laurent?”

“I’d prefer to be in the truck bed,” he murmured, “I want to keep looking at the stars for awhile.”

“But you’re not sure you’re comfortable sleeping in it with someone else,” Jokaste finished.

“I…”

“Would sleeping next to Damen be alright?” Jokaste asked softly.“I’d prefer not to subject two people to the front seats.”

“I can’t believe she’s flirting for you, Damen,” Nikandros said and Damen slapped him hard on the chest, trying not to laugh.It was difficult.Not because he found the comment particularly funny, but because every part of his body was pulsing in anticipation.He was about to implode. 

“Only if it’s alright with him.”

“Fine with me,” Damen responded as casually as possible.Given the snort from Nikandros, it didn’t sound casual in the slightest.

He jumped lightly when Nikandros put his mouth to Damen’s ear.“If he does or says anything, just scream.I’ll come beat him up for you.”

“You don’t think I can do it myself?”

“You would be an excellent fighter, Damen, if it wasn’t for your temperament.You have to really hate the person.”

“You’re a true friend, Nik,” Damen said sarcastically.

Jokaste stood and wandered towards the car, carrying Damen’s sweatshirt with her.She opened the door to the back and Nikandros leapt up, saying that he deserved to sleep back there.Damen heard them tussling and he laughed, before standing himself.He extended a hand to Laurent.

Laurent took it.Damen hadn’t actually expected him to take it. 

“Usually, when people offer their hand, they actually make an effort to help the other person stand.”

“You would be right,” Damen said, doing just that.Laurent brushed himself off and then glanced at the cover, trying to find a way to take it off.

“Oh, there’s clamps on the side.We’ll probably need Jokaste and Nik to help us take it off, hang on.”

Damen went and fetched them and they gathered around to watch as Damen unclamped it on the sides and in the back (which involved crawling back into the truck bed) and then began tugging it outwards.Quickly Nik grabbed the other side and helped tug, until there was enough free that Laurent and Jokaste had something solid to hold onto.Then, together, they heaved it off the truck and onto the ground.Damen thanked them and they returned to their sleeping spots, Nikandros slapping Damen on the shoulder before he left.

Before he lost his nerve, Damen crawled into the truck bed and laid down, gazing up at the stars.It was still warm enough out, but it was likely he would get cold.He was regretting not bringing a blanket with him.

Laurent didn’t immediately crawl in with Damen and it became clear when he heard a car door open and then close.Laurent had brought a blanket with him.And a pillow. 

He hopped up, somehow gracefully, shaking the car slightly and then joined Damen.“I’m not sharing the pillow,” he said, “But you could have some of my blanket.”

“How kind of you.”

“Don’t make me retract the offer.”

“That was rude of you, Laurent.Who in the hell would ever offer someone their blanket?Breaches all rules of polite society.”

Laurent snorted and shifted around until he was generally comfortable, on his back, gazing up at the stars.“So you do want to fuck me,” he said.

“Oh my god,” Damen groaned, laughing despite himself.Then, “Yeah, I suppose I wouldn’t mind.But, really, I wouldn’t mind getting to know you, either.”It was easier to talk like this in the dark, when it was hard to see Laurent’s face.

“If you try and touch me, I will kill you.”It sounded like a real threat.

“Jesus, Laurent.I have no interest in doing anything you don’t want.Please relax.Question for a question?”

“You mentioned this morning that you’re not always that forgiving.What’s the story?”

“Oh,” Damen said, going quiet.“Uh…it’s not a very pleasant story.”

“I didn’t think it would be.I’m well attuned to unpleasant stories, don’t worry.”

Damen looked at the stars, watching them twinkle, and tried to decide if this was something he was willing to tell Laurent.It was, in fact, the worst moment of his life and he didn’t need Laurent directing his harsh comments at it.Then, in a rush of heat, Damen felt Laurent’s fingers brush his for just a second.“Tell me,” he whispered.

“You won’t use it to hurt me, will you?”Damen was surprised at the vulnerability in his own voice.He was surprised at how warm he was and how bright the stars were.He knew, without a doubt, something real was happening and that Laurent might not fuck it up this time.

“I can’t promise that,” Laurent said.

Unbelievably, that put Damen at ease, because it was the truth.He could hear it in Laurent’s voice.It was, perhaps, the most honest he’d ever been. 

Damen thought he wouldn’t mind getting hurt by Laurent.It was a ridiculous thought, but he let it stay, anchoring himself with it.“I have a brother, Kastor.He’s six years older than me and when I was sixteen, he went to pick my parents up from a night out.They were with friends, getting drunk, and didn’t want to call a taxi.They had a twenty-two year old son who was sitting at home, without a job, who wasn’t going to school, and who was almost definitely awake, so they called.

“I was asleep.I didn’t even hear the call come in.I didn’t know he left, I didn’t know he was drunk, and I didn’t know I wasn’t ever going to see my parents again.That’s what I woke up to.

“He’d crashed into a electric pole less than a mile from home, killing my parents.He survived, miraculously uninjured, came home and sobered up, and then called the police to report the accident, something none of our neighbors had done.I think he got some community service hours for it, but they were incredibly lenient.Our parents were dead after all, they couldn’t prove he’d been drunk, and I needed a guardian.

“I only know that he had been drunk because he told me once, two years later, when he was wasted.That’s all he does now.Drinks, sometimes does drugs.We got a large inheritance, so he doesn’t have to work.

“Not that it really makes a difference, but the house, our parent’s house…it’s mine.But he won’t let me have it.He won’t leave and I can’t live in the same place as him anymore.It hasn’t mattered much since I’ve been in college, but I think, eventually, I’ll want it back and I don’t know how I’m going to get it.I can’t forgive him, but I can’t hate him either.He’s my brother.”

“My parents died in a car crash, too,” Laurent murmured.“Auguste, my brother, and his wife, as well.Someone else in a different car was drunk, though.I hate that the person died too, because I wanted to kill them for what they’d done.”

“I’m sorry, Laurent.How old were you?” “Fourteen.”A beat.“Do you miss them?”

“Of course I do.Where did you live?”

“With my uncle.Have you ever wanted to hurt your brother?”

Damen pondered that.“Sometimes, I suppose.I’d never be able to, though.”Then, “At least you had someone left.”

There was a strangled laugh from Laurent.“Yeah,” he sighed, “At least I had my uncle.”

“Is that who your nephew lives with?”

“Yes.If you couldn’t live with Kastor, where did you live?”

“With Nikandros.”

“Of course,” Laurent murmured.There was a small tinge of irritation in his voice and Damen smiled.He was upset about wasting a question.Damen’s heart began to beat faster as he realized that wasn’t a guess he was making.He _knew_ that was what Laurent was irritated about.

“Do you like me?” Damen whispered, “Even a little bit?I mean, not the way I like you, or, well, just do you…”

“Yes,” Laurent said, interrupting him.

“Then why can’t you promise not to hurt me?”

“It’s not your question,” Laurent murmured.Then he flipped up onto his side and faced the side of the truck.“Good night, Damen.”

With a sigh, Damen replied, “Night, Laurent.”

For over an hour, Damen was awake, gazing up at the stars, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. _Laurent liked him_.Laurent had _talked_ to him.Laurent and he were lying in the back of a pick up truck, only inches away from touching each other and Laurent was asleep, trusting Damen not to do anything stupid. 


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop writing a chapter a day...don't get used to this, you guys. I can't imagine my brain will be able to keep it up. But, until then, here you go, way early.  
> As always, you are all lovely and amazing and I owe you everything.   
> Thanks to Mari and Becky <333  
> And also thanks to @blondesinvere (tumblr) who drew the most amazing fanart. It's beautiful. I'm not sure I'll ever stop telling you.  
> Enjoy!!!  
> P.S. To any who've read Kings Reign...I've started a Jord and Nikandros one shot set in my world. I'll keep you updated on the progress of that. I'm mostly telling you so I actually finish it.

Damen woke to a dewy morning, the sun rising.  One side of his body was very cold, but the other wasn’t and Damen quickly learned why.  The blanket had fallen away on his right side, but on his left, Laurent was curled into his body, most of the blanket on top of him.  His chest was pressing into Damen’s shoulder and his head was inches from Damen’s neck.   Laurent’s voice wound through his head:  _ If you try and touch me, I will kill you. _

This wasn’t his fault and he wasn’t actively touching back.  He wasn’t about to get murdered.  Still, Damen felt that he should probably try and distance himself before Laurent woke and freaked out.

Very, very carefully, Damen slid away from Laurent, until every inch of him was freezing.  Then he rose into a sitting position and saw the soft pinks and yellows of the sky.  It was stunning and made being awake this early bearable.  More than anything, Damen wanted to wake Laurent and share it with him.

Before he truly thought about the impulse, he whispered, “Laurent.”  Then again, slightly louder.  On the fourth repetition of his name, the blue eyes blinked open confusedly.  Not a single line on his face was harsh and Damen smiled, amazed that he’d been gifted these five seconds.

When Laurent remembered where he was and what he was doing, the mask came back down and he sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning.  “Is there a reason you woke me up?” he said.

“The sunrise.”

“Happens every day, you know.”

“Sure, but it’s not always a California sunrise from the back of a pickup truck.”

“Sentimental, aren’t you?”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Damen asked.

Laurent laughed exasperatedly and shook his head.  His eyes were drinking in the sunrise and Damen found himself spending more time staring at Laurent than at the sky.  It wasn’t his fault.  He could still see the sunrise and it was infinitely more beautiful on Laurent’s face.

“Surely, you could watch the sunrise you woke me up for,” Laurent murmured, looking at Damen out of the corner of his eye.

“I’ve seen it,” Damen replied.

“Does that work on all the girls?”

Damen burst into laughter, which caused a series of disruptions from the front of the truck.  Before long, Nikandros stumbled out, ruffling his hair with his hand and yawning loudly.  “What’s so funny?”  And then, “Hey, the sunrise is pretty nice.”

There was the tiniest smile on Laurent’s face and Damen’s stomach dropped.  It felt like proof of Laurent’s declaration last night.  It also made Damen want to kiss him very badly, but he knew better.  Laurent didn’t like him that way and besides, Nikandros was standing right in front of them, completely wrecking the mood; what had been soft and bright and flirtatious.

“Oh,” Nikandros said, staring between them.  “Don’t tell me you were flirting with him again, Laurent.  What have I told you about that?”

“I can do what I like,” Laurent said.  “But it wasn’t me this time.”

Nikandros sighed.  “Your funeral, Damen.”

“Did you just give me permission to flirt?  I feel so honored.”

Nikandros fake laughed and flipped Damen off, leaning back against the truck to watch the sunrise with them.  The silence lasted all of twelve seconds.  “Can we go get breakfast?  I’m starving and there’s probably not a place to eat for miles.”

“Is Jokaste awake?”

“Who the fuck cares?  She can sleep while we’re driving if she wants.”

“Hungry?” Damen asked, turning to Laurent.

“I could eat.”

“Alright,” Damen said, hopping down from the truck.  “We’re gonna have to put the cover back.”  Without a thought, Damen extended a hand to Laurent to help him down and Nikandros started laughing as Laurent pointedly ignored the hand and shot Damen a bored expression.

“He’s offered me a hand before, too, if that makes you feel any better,” Nikandros said.

Laurent didn’t reply, but crouched on the ground beside the cover and waited for Damen and Nikandros to join him.  Together, Damen handling one side alone, they managed to get the cover on and locked into place.  

When Damen got into the truck, he noticed that Jokaste was awake, doing her makeup in a small compact mirror.  “Sleep alright?” he asked.

Jokaste smiled and nodded, blending a creamy eyeshadow into her skin.  Nikandros had to sweep some of her makeup onto the floor to have a place to sit and that earned him a loud exclamation and a harsh glare.  Quickly, he picked them up and poured them into his lap, eventually handing her what she needed when she asked.  Damen was impressed he knew what everything was.

“I used to watch my mom put makeup on,” Nikandros explained, catching Damen’s glance.  “She’s at her most relaxed when she applies it.  I don’t know why.”

With a nod, Damen started the car and then they were driving.  Laurent rolled his window down and stuck his hand outside, letting the drafts of wind carry it up and down.  Damen found himself wondering why, this morning of all mornings, he was foregoing his book.  Was it possible he was content?  Was it possible he was comfortable?

“I think we should try to make it to Sacramento today,” Jokaste said.  “I want to visit a winery and there are some decent ones there.  Also, I was doing some research on my phone and if we get off I-5 onto 89, we’ll drive through Lassen Volcanic National Park, which I bet is gorgeous.  It is a longer drive, but I think it’s worth it.  We won’t even have to get out of the car.”

“Fine with me,” Nikandros said.

“Laurent?” Damen asked.

“Your road trip.  I’m just along for the ride.”

That, unfortunately, reminded Damen that Laurent was going to leave them somewhere in California.  He didn’t even know where.  The thought that it could be tomorrow made Damen want to throw up.   _ Please not yet. _

But he had to ask.  “Where in California are we leaving you?”

“Apple Valley,” Laurent said, “It’s to the west of Los Angeles.”

They had time.  Damen let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. 

When they exited the dirt road and headed back to I-5, they found another small diner and pulled into it.  Breakfast was short, but nice, Laurent sitting on the same side of the booth as Damen.  He even snorted at one of Nikandros’ jokes.  Jokaste engaged him in multiple conversations and he replied amiably.  Mostly, Damen watched, pleased to see that they seemed to be getting along.  It was about time.  Laurent had a spark, despite all his masks and biting words, full of sarcasm and sharp wit—something Nikandros and Jokaste both enjoyed in people.

They were back on I-5, looking for 89, when Damen saw on a blue sign that there was a gas station off the next exit.  They likely wouldn’t make it to Sacramento with what they had left in the tank, so Damen took the opportunity.  He found the Shell without too much trouble and pulled in.  He got out and put the nozzle into the tank and hung by it, waiting for the click signaling the tank was full.  Nikandros got out as well to buy more snacks.  He’d already eaten the huge bag of gummy worms he’d brought.

Then Laurent exited the car, too, jogging after Nikandros and handing him some money and asking him for something.  There was reluctance in Nikandros’ gaze, but then he nodded and walked into the small store.

Laurent came back and leaned up against the truck beside Damen, staying with him as it filled.  The pose was relaxed and arrogant and Damen’s eyes were drawn to the lines his body drew against the car.  The dark skinny jeans certainly helped.

“Do you ever wear shorts?” Damen asked.

“No,” Laurent replied.  “Do you ever wear anything remotely fashionable?”

Damen laughed, taking the teasing insult in full stride.  “Probably not.  I don’t care much about clothes.”

“Clearly.”

“Ever say anything nice?”

“Never,” Laurent said, smiling carefully, as though he wasn’t sure if it would break him or not.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Somehow, I knew that.”

“What is Nik getting you?”

“A Hershey’s.”

“So you like sweets.”

Laurent nodded.  “Don’t you?”

“Sure, they’re alright.”

Laurent crossed his arms over his chest, only making his stance more unbearably arrogant and said, “Alright.  That’s the best you can do?  I hope that’s not supposed to be a compliment.”

“Concerned about my complimenting abilities?” Damen asked, biting down on his lip to keep himself from throwing his best smile Laurent’s way.  This felt like flirting.  It was barbed, but Damen wasn’t in a any sort of pain; he was on the verge of giggling.  This was flirting and Laurent wasn’t walking away.  Maybe it was possible…no.  Damen couldn’t start thinking that way.

“Aren’t you?”

“I assure you, it depends on what I’m complimenting.”

“Oh,” Laurent said, drawing out the vowel sound, “Does it?  What a relief.”

There was a click from the nozzle and the moment snapped.  With a sigh, Damen pulled the nozzle out of the tank and hung it back up.  He was about to suggest they get back in the car, but then he noticed Nikandros wasn’t back yet, so he didn’t.  Instead, he leaned against the truck himself and stared at Laurent without pretense.  “So,” he said, deciding to say something Laurent would say to him, “You like me.”

Laurent’s lips thinned and his body tensed.  He also kept his eyes firmly ahead.

“Oh no, no freezing up now.  You’ve already admitted it, I’d just like to properly enjoy it for a moment.”

“Enjoy it silently.”

“Or you’ll what?  Take it back?”

“You don’t think I can?” Laurent murmured.

“I know you can,” Damen sighed.  “I know you’re capable of hurting me to the point of disrepair.  But I don’t think you will.”

“You are grotesquely optimistic.”

“I don’t think so,” Damen replied, “I don’t think you give more than you’re capable of and I don’t think you go back on your word.  You meant it last night, which tells me you mean it now.  There’s no point pretending, Laurent.  Being my friend can actually be fun, you know.”

“I know,” Laurent said.

“What?”

“Question for a question.” 

He didn’t ask anything, simply waited for Damen to ask what he wanted to ask.  Something in the set of his mouth was wrong, an emotion Damen hadn’t seen before, but Laurent didn’t take the words back.  Damen wasn’t entirely sure he’d been asking a question, so he thought back to the conversation and tried to find what Laurent saw.  It didn’t take long.  The underlying question was obvious, in fact.  “Why did you give me last night?”

Laurent closed his eyes, as though that question had been inevitable.  “I thought I understood you.  I think I still do, but…” he trailed off.  “I saw Jokaste ruck up her skirt and hike into the woods after you, I saw Nikandros literally fall at your feet and beg for your forgiveness, and I thought maybe…”  It was clear he couldn’t get the words out, but Damen thought he understood.  “You would do anything for them and they would do anything for you,” he finished.

“You get a question,” Damen prompted.

“Why did you decide to trust me last night?  I’ve given you no reason to.”

“No, you haven’t,” Damen laughed.  After a short pause, “I leaped off the cliff, Laurent.  I’m hoping there’s water down there.”

“There’s not.”  Laurent was gazing at him as though he were an animal in a zoo again.

“We’ll see.  Maybe it’ll rain.”

“It would have to be a deluge.”

“Not unheard of,” Damen replied.

“You’re insufferable,” Laurent sighed, lifting himself off the truck and walking around the front to the passenger seat.  Damen saw Nikandros walking over and he didn’t think it was an accident he and Laurent’s conversation was over.

They were back on the road, 89 to be specific, which had involved two slightly dangerous lane changes to reach.  About an hour ago, they’d passed a brown sign raised on stones that stated they were entering Lassen Volcanic National Park.  So far it had been lots of winding roads, a slow gain of elevation, and endless amounts of trees.  Not that it wasn’t pretty, because it was.  It was certainly better than I-5 typically was.

“Hey,” Nikandros said, “What kind of bird is that?”

Jokaste unbuckled her seatbelt and slid right next to Nikandros, leaning over him to see outside his window.  He was pointing and she snapped a quick picture.  They leaned over it together, zooming in on the shot.  “No idea,” said Jokaste eventually, “Some kind of hawk, I think.”

“Well, it’s cool,” Nikandros said, handing Jokaste’s phone up to Laurent, who glanced at it briefly before dangling it to the side of Damen’s face.  Damen made sure to complete the wide turn before turning to look.  It certainly had a large wingspan and there were shades of red in its feathers.

“Pretty cool,” Damen said.

“Yes,” Laurent said, “Thank god we took the long way to Sacramento.  We got to see a bird you can probably see most anywhere in California.”

“Or maybe we came for that lake,” Jokaste murmured, pointing ahead of them, where a startlingly blue lake was coming into view.  It was crystal clear and surrounded by gray cracked stone, possibly long ago cooled lava.  They were significantly high above it and it gave Jokaste the perfect opportunity for pictures, including a couple selfies.

“If you’re going to lean against the door like that,” Damen said, “Make sure it’s locked, please.”

“Such a worry wart,” Jokaste laughed, but Damen heard her press the lock in nonetheless.

“It is beautiful here,” Laurent admitted softly.

“I know.  I’m brilliant,” Jokaste said.  “Actually, Damen, do you see that small outcrop there?  Pull over so we can take some pictures.”

“Your wish is my command,” Damen answered, pulling almost entirely off the road fifteen seconds later.  They all got out and wandered up to the banister, pointing and oohing.  Then Jokaste began snapping pictures.  Candids, shots of the lake, and selfies.  She asked for another group selfie and they all piled in close, smiling, Nikandros making ridiculously silly faces at the last possible moment.  

When that was finished, Jokaste began tugging on Nikandros’ hand, gesturing towards another bird she’d spotted, flying high above the rocky landscape.  Laurent, on the other hand, stayed beside Damen, who was having a hard time looking away from the lake.  It was almost exactly the color of Laurent’s eyes and he was actually allowed to stare at it without pause.  Besides, if he glanced at Laurent now, out here, with the sun shining down, it wouldn’t end well.

“This is better than the sunset this morning,” Damen said.

Laurent didn’t reply, but came to stand right next to Damen.

It was as if he knew exactly what to do to draw Damen to him.  The curiosity to see what was happening on Laurent’s face was overwhelming, so Damen abandoned the lake and settled on the ivory coloring of Laurent, a coloring that fit naturally here.  There was a low tug in his stomach.

“You’re thinking about something,” Damen said.

“I do that quite a lot.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“What are  _ you  _ thinking about?” Laurent shot back, his eyes flicking to Damen’s for a brief moment.

Damen flushed, which earned him a small smile from Laurent.  “Apparently you already know,” Damen said.

“I have a good guess.  That’s not going to earn you my thoughts, however.”

“I was thinking that you fit out here,” Damen said.  “And I was thinking that that lake is  _ almost _ the color of your eyes.  It’s missing something, though.  Maybe it’s the impregnable sarcasm.  Something tells me that lake doesn’t know what sarcasm is.”

Surprisingly, Laurent was still smiling, amusement flickering in his eyes.  “That lake wishes it knew.  It would be one of the seven wonders of the world if it did.”

“Think that highly of yourself, do you?”

“I was talking about the lake, Damen.  I have no idea what you mean.”

Damen raised his eyebrows at Laurent and waited.  Surely that had been enough to earn him something, however small.

“I wanted to thank you,” Laurent murmured, all traces of humor vanishing.  “It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen things like this.”

“You mean you didn’t invite yourself on anybody else’s trips?”

The response caught Laurent by surprise and then he laughed, a rich and unrestrained sound that came from a place of complete honesty.  “No,” he finally managed, “I didn’t.  Just yours.”

Damen was shocked into silence.  Not just from the laugh, but from the way Laurent had said ‘just yours’, as though he were actually pleased that he’d picked Damen out of all the other people Damen was sure he could’ve hitched a ride with.  Laurent smirked and said, “Who thought the frigid asshole could laugh?”

“I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure it was possible,” Damen teased.

“Laughter isn’t easy.”

“Not always,” Damen agreed, thinking back to his high school years.  Laurent stared at him impassively and then retreated back to the car.  However unfounded, Damen sensed the deaths of his brother and parents weren’t the only things Laurent dealt with.  There was something else; something he hadn’t told Damen.  Something, perhaps, he hadn’t told anyone.

As he circled the car, his phone buzzed in his pocket.  Wrestling it out, he saw Jokaste had sent him a set of pictures.  There were two selfies, one of the lake, and then one of him and Laurent.  She’d managed to get Laurent mid-laugh and Damen with his eyes wide and adoring.  Flushing, Damen tucked his phone away, shouting at Nikandros and Jokaste to get back into the car.  When they arrived, chattering away loudly about a different bird, he caught Jokaste’s eyes in the rearview mirror, hoping she understood just how thankful he was.  

The drive ended up being just over six and a half hours and then they’d arrived in Sacramento, crossing over the river to the small city scape.  They grabbed a quick dinner at a small Italian place in the city, fulfilling Jokaste’s wish. Then, figuring the city would not have cheap places to stay, Damen found I-5 again and drove a bit north, getting off a couple exits before Sacramento and driving to a Motel 6.  They booked the same number of rooms as they had in Ashland, all right next to each other.  Damen was about to suggest they could do something, when Jokaste said she wanted to have a night in, preferably alone.  That put Nikandros out, so Damen suggested he come hang out in his room.  Nikandros glanced at Laurent, who was offering no ideas of his own, just watching passively as he leaned against the truck.

“Nah,” Nikandros said, eventually, “I think I’ll call Jord.  It’s been a couple days since we’ve talked.”

Then he and Jokaste walked off to their rooms, Nikandros already pulling out his phone.  There was a vibration against Damen’s leg, telling him Nikandros hadn’t grabbed his phone just to call Jord.  Damen didn’t look at it quite yet.

“Wanna come watch something?”

With an easy elegance, Laurent pushed himself from the truck, walked towards him and then past, directly towards Damen’s room.  Actual glee bubbled in Damen’s chest and he followed Laurent, head down to hide his grin.

Laurent got to the door of the room before Damen and he leaned up against the wall beside it, sticking his hands in his pockets.  Focused on entirely the wrong thing, Damen fumbled with the key and dropped it.  Closing his eyes briefly, he bent down, picked up the key, and stuck it in the lock, the door swinging open.

Flicking on the lights, Damen saw a slightly better TV than the one they’d had in Ashland.  The bed was plenty big, but just as musty.  Damen threw his bag on the floor and then settled on top of the comforter, grabbing the remote from the nightstand and turning the TV on.

Laurent took off his shoes and crossed the room, settling down on the other side of the bed, gathering one of the extra pillows and hugging it to his chest.  “Anything you want to watch?” Damen asked, already flipping through channels.

“Preferably not sports,” Laurent said.

Damen laughed and handed the remote to Laurent.  “Here.  You pick.  I’m good with whatever.”

Laurent accepted it silently and settled more comfortably against the pillows, tucking his legs underneath him.  Damen removed his phone from his pocket and read Nikandros’ text.

_ N: You’re welcome.  I suggest you take advantage. _

Glancing at Laurent, Damen noticed he was completely engaged in the activity of finding something to watch, so he decided to send a text back.

_ D: is this you approving _

_ N: No.  This is me hoping you’ll fuck him and move on. _

_ D: jesus nik _

_ N: I don’t know what his deal is, man, but I haven’t seen anything that indicates he isn’t just fucking with you. _

_ D: maybe i have _

_ D: point is im not going 2 fuck him _

_ N: Course you’re not.  You want some perfect first kiss in the rain or some shit.  Little bit of Celine Dion thrown in there, like you’re some hormonal teenager who watches too many rom coms. _

_ D: maybe i do _

_ N: I hate you. _

_ D: no u dont. im extremely lovable _

_ N: Go cuddle, lover boy. _

 

“He’s telling you to fuck me, isn’t he?” Laurent said.

“Are you actually psychic?” Damen sighed, wanting a hole to appear and suck him into the earth.

“No.  Just perceptive.  Neither one of you is particularly opaque.  Is this alright?” Laurent asked, gesturing to the television.

It was a nature show about whales.  The scenery was gorgeous and the narrator’s voice was calming.  Damen nodded and laid down fully, his head propped up on a pillow.  They were currently talking about the migration patterns of humpbacks.  “Just out of curiosity…”

“Shh,” Laurent said, eyes focused intently on the screen, where a whale and her child were swimming side by side.

Damen did as he was told and actually watched the show.  It wasn’t particularly fascinating or well done, but the ocean was broad and open and beautiful and the whales were magnificent.  It was impossible for a whale to seem normal.  They felt more like dinosaurs; some remnant of a prehistoric past.

When it went to commercial, Damen said, “So you’re one of those people.”

“Those people?”

“The ones who actually watch things when they’re on.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Laurent asked, eyebrows furrowing.

Damen shrugged.  “I suppose.  Most people I know are happy to talk, play drinking games, or mess around on their phones at the same time.”

Laurent hummed in response.  Turning his head fully, Damen gazed at him openly and without shame.  In a way he hadn’t noticed before, Damen saw that everything in Laurent was tense.  In fact, if he had to pick one word to describe Laurent, that would be the word he’d pick.  All of his body was wrapped in itself, trying to make himself as small as possible.  Damen wanted to see him relax.  He wanted to be the reason Laurent relaxed.

When his eyes drifted from Laurent’s shoulders to his eyes, he realized that Laurent had been staring back.  “You lack all subtlety,” Laurent sighed.  “It’s pathetic.”

“I’m not sure you should be commenting on the way I live life,” Damen replied.

“Why’s that?”

“Because we live it very differently.”

“That’s because you’re an idiot.”

“No,” Damen said, “It’s not.  There’s nothing wrong with trusting people, Laurent.”

“I assure you, there is,” Laurent said coldly, eyes disappearing from Damen’s.

“Have you ever been in love?  Have you ever had friends like Nikandros or Jokaste?”  Damen realized he didn’t even need to ask the question, he already knew.  He also knew he was heading into very dangerous territory, but now that they were here, he wanted to say his piece.  “You don’t get those things without trust.  And, sure, sometimes people betray you, sometimes you fall out of love, but that pain is worth everything else you get.”

“Guess I’m fucked, then,” Laurent declared.  “Now, shut up, the whales are back.”

Desperately, Damen wanted to ask what had happened, what had made Laurent like this, what had left a sour note on every moment Damen had felt like he was getting somewhere only to be shut down.

The rest of the night was completely silent.  There was another nature show on after, this time about chimpanzees, and only when it was over did Laurent talk again.  “Shall I sleep on the floor?”

“You’re going to sleep in here?”

“I slept in the back of a pickup truck with you.  I think I can manage this.”

“Right.  You know…”

“No,” Laurent said, stopping Damen’s thought.  “One of us is sleeping on the floor.  I don’t much care who.”

With a sigh, Damen rose from the bed.  In a few furious tugs, he dislodged a sheet and grabbed a pillow.  Then he was back on the floor, wondering when he would get to sleep in an actual bed again.  Floors were uncomfortable and the more nights spent on them, the more uncomfortable they became.

Laurent padded into the bathroom, changing into a loose t-shirt and pajama bottoms and brushing his teeth, before returning and shutting out the light.  “Good night, Damen,” he murmured.

“Good night,” Damen yawned, quickly falling asleep, exhausted from the drive and the trying conversations with Laurent.

 

He woke to the sound of a phone ringing, followed by a hand slamming against a nightstand.  There was some fumbling around for a moment, before Laurent’s voice whispered, “Nicaise?” in something gruff and afraid.  Laurent wasn’t awake enough to mask anything and Damen wasn’t awake enough to do anything about what he heard.

“Fuck,” Laurent growled.  “Goddammit.  Okay, Nicaise?  Nicaise, I need you to listen to me.  I’m coming and I’m getting you out of there.  I need you to…shh, Nicaise, hey…”  And then Laurent trailed off, listening to something on the other end of the phone.

“Of course,” Laurent replied.  “Lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to.  I’ll call you when I’m close.” 

Blankets began rustling and Laurent was cursing to himself and then he seemed to remember something and everything stopped.  Damen took that opportunity to shake himself from his haze and murmur, “Everything okay?”

“Yes.  Go back to sleep.”

Part of him wanted to.  Badly.  But it didn’t feel right.  Something had happened and it would be better if he actually verified that Laurent was okay.  Damen decided to compromise, his eyelids already drooping, “Please, god, tell me you’re not lying.”

“I’m not,” Laurent said.  “Go back to sleep, Damen.  I’m fine.”’

“Alright,” Damen slurred.  “But you have to wake me up if that changes.  Promise?”

“Sure.”

That wasn’t the response Damen wanted, but he didn’t care enough to keep pressing.  He allowed himself to fall back asleep.

Only to wake up again while it was still dark with the feeling that something was distinctly wrong and that he should’ve done more to make sure Laurent was okay.  Actually sitting up, Damen called into the darkness.  “Laurent?”  Then again, but louder.  Somehow, it didn’t concern him that Laurent could be asleep.

There was no answer.  Stumbling over to the light, Damen turned it on and saw that Laurent was nowhere to be seen.  The sheets were mussed and his bag was gone.  Suddenly, Damen was very awake.  He grabbed his phone from the floor and called Jokaste, who picked up on the second ring.

“Damen?  I thought I heard a door slam.  Everything okay?”

“You heard a door slam?”

“I think so.  Why?”

“Laurent’s gone.  I don’t know where.  Someone named Nicaise called him and it sounded serious and he said he was okay, but I don’t think he was.  Where the fuck is he?”

“I don’t know, Damen.”

“Shit.  Fuck.  Okay, I…I’m going out to look for him.  I’ll let you know when I find him.”

“Okay,” Jokaste replied.  “Do you want help?”

“No.  No point in all of us getting out of bed.”

“Alright.  Call me.”  Then she hung up and Damen was out of the door, car keys in hand, not worrying that he was wearing boxers and no shirt, not worrying about anything except that Laurent had lied to him about being okay and that he was filled with an inexplicable dread.

“Laurent!” he shouted, the moment he was outside.  There was no response.  He kept shouting as he jogged to his truck and got in, hurriedly turning it on and flipping the headlights.  Then he was driving, hoping Laurent hadn’t gotten far, wherever he was going. 

Damen decided to stick to the larger streets and he was glad he did because ten minutes later, he found Laurent walking, bag shouldered.  Damen tried very hard not to think about what could have happened if he hadn’t gotten so lucky.  Laurent was heading towards the freeway.  Damen rolled down the window and slowed, not caring about the one car out besides him that honked furiously and swerved around him.

“Laurent,” Damen said.  Laurent was standing and staring at him, mouth hanging open slightly and his eyes wide, glasses glinting in the headlights.  “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Hitching a ride.”

“With a random stranger?  I do have a car, you realize.”

“I need to get to Apple Valley tonight.”

Damen let out a strangled sigh and said, “Can you please get in the goddamn car so we can talk about this?  I’m not letting you hitch a ride with a random stranger.  You don’t even have money.  What the fuck were you going to give them?”

“I was thinking a blow job,” Laurent said flatly.

“Jesus,” Damen breathed.  “Get in the car, Laurent.  Please.”

“Are you going to take me to Apple Valley?”

“Why do you need to get there so quickly?”

“Are you?” Laurent responded.

“Yes, okay, I will.  You know I will.  I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.  The car, Laurent, please.”

But he didn’t move, not even with Damen’s promise.  Everything in his body was poised for flight and he was staring warily at Damen.

“I’m not going to ask for a blow job, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Damen said dryly.   

Laurent didn’t move.

“You aren’t going to owe me, not even for this.  You’re my friend, Laurent,” Damen murmured, barely audible over the roaring of the engine.  “I will do this for you a thousand times over and not ask for a thing in return.  Please.”

Something gave in Laurent’s shoulders and then he was walking to the car, throwing his bag into the backseat before joining Damen up front.  “Thank you,” he said, voice dead.  “I’ll google map Apple Valley.”

“Sure.  I’m gonna call Jokaste really quick.”

Jokaste picked up on the first ring this time.

“Damen?  Did you find him?”

“I did.  Are you and Nik alright with booking the motel rooms for another night?”

“Of course.  But why?”

“I’m driving Laurent down to Apple Valley.  I expect it’ll take a while.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Nik isn’t going to like it.”

“I know.  Tell him I’m sorry.”

“Hurry back,” she murmured.

“I will,” Damen said, hanging up and turning to Laurent. 

“I’m not saying you have to explain any of this to me, but it is a long drive and I’m curious why you thought it was a good idea to hitchhike instead of simply asking me.”

“I knew you’d ask questions,” Laurent said.  Then his phone began speaking, telling them to drive straight and take the ramp onto I-5 South.  Laurent didn’t expand upon his answer and with a sigh, Damen did as he was bid, hoping they weren’t about to have hours of silence.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing new to say. Thank you all so fucking much for everything.  
> Thank you Mari and Becky. I love you both. You keep me going.  
> Enjoy!!!! <3

After fifteen minutes of crackling silence, Damen said, in as normal of a tone as he could muster, “Really?You’re not even going to comment on what I’m wearing?”

“You mean nothing?”

“Hey, I have boxers on.”

There was no reply from Laurent.Instead, he placed the heels of his shoes on the seat and wound his arms around his legs, holding them to his chest.He rested his head on top of his knees and gazed out the window.His fingers were tapping a merciless rhythm against his shins.

“How long is the drive?” Damen asked.

“A little less than seven hours.”

Everything in Damen protested, but he voiced his thought anyway.“Do you want me to go faster?”

“Yes,” Laurent murmured.

Damen nodded and pressed his foot on the accelerator, speeding up so that they were going fifteen above the speed limit.That was about as far as he was willing to go. 

Laurent was still tapping his fingers.It looked as though he were ready to crawl out of his skin and attempt to morph into a bird.He was terrified and not for himself, but for another person.Nicaise.

“Nicaise is your nephew, isn’t he?” Damen asked.

“Yes.”

“What’s he like?”

“Young,” Laurent murmured, his fingers moving faster now.It wasn’t really an answer, but Damen knew that was all Laurent was going to be able to manage.Conversation wasn’t going to distract Laurent, but maybe he could listen.

“Once, when I was seventeen, living with Nikandros, we snuck out at two in the morning with a bottle of coconut rum from his parents’ liquor cabinet.It had felt like the evening had just begun and we chased each other down streets of his neighborhood, screaming and yelling, waking up more than just one person, until we came to this one outcrop on the hill where you can see the skyline of Portland perfectly and we started drinking the rum.

“It was the first time either of us had drank anything besides a couple sips of wine from his mom’s glass and we weren’t even halfway through the bottle before we could hardly stand.We started belting out Katy Perry songs, half of the lyrics made up, and we hadn’t even realized we were near someone’s house until an old man walked up to us in a bathrobe and told us to shut up.

“We, of course, started laughing uproariously, unable to handle the absurdity of an old man in a bathrobe standing in the road at two in the morning, because it was hard for us to believe there was another person awake.There’s something about the early hours of the morning that make you feel as though there’s no one else on the entire planet.It’s just you and whoever is up with you, so when we saw him, it was as though a fantasy world was infringing on our real world.It was the opposite, of course. “We only stopped when he threatened to call the police.That was when Nikandros raised himself to his knees, almost falling over twice, and pleaded with him, telling him we were only seventeen and we would be in so much trouble if he did.”

Damen glanced over at Laurent then and saw that his head was no longer facing the window, but facing him.His fingers were still.

“The old man started laughing,” Damen continued, “He told us his name was Fred and that he’d done something very similar when he was younger.He then proceeded to say that he couldn’t leave us out here to wake the entire neighborhood, so we should come to his house and sober up for a while before he drove us home.We couldn’t believe it, so we laughed some more.Quickly, he snatched the bottle of rum from Nikandros’ hand and waved it above our heads, daring us to stand.We tried and failed and with more pitying laughter, he had us latch to either side of his body and he practically carried us back to his house.”

“Are you trying to tell me this actually happened?” Laurent said.

“No interrupting,” Damen scolded cheerfully.“And, yes, it did.Anyway, we eventually got to his house, a small but nice place, and he sat us down in the kitchen and got us glasses of water and a bag of freshly-made cookies.He mentioned that his wife was going to be upset they were all gone, but that he thought this was better than him eating them all.He was already fat enough, apparently.Not that he was.Couldn’t have been.He somehow managed to carry two drunk seventeen year old boys a rather long way.

“Nikandros and I have no idea what happened next.That first part of the story is what we managed to piece together from our scattered memories, but the rest is a blur and we still haven’t come to an agreement.Nikandros seems to remember a game of Twister and I thought we’d watched _Pretty Woman_ in his living room.The only thing we really agreed on was that Fred stayed with us the entire time, filling our glasses of water and occasionally telling us about his kids, who’d just started college.

“Either way, we ended up falling asleep.Somehow, he got us both to his car and when we woke up we were in Nikandros’ driveway, the sun rising.There was a note on Nikandros’ chest that read “Spent an interesting night with you boys.As a thank you, I’m not telling your parents.As punishment, I’m leaving you in the driveway.Also, I’m keeping the coconut rum.Have fun explaining where that went. Fred”.We went back to his house the next day, thanked him, and met his wife.Now, Nikandros and I see him every Christmas.”

“If I thought you were a liar, I wouldn’t believe you,” Laurent said, smiling.

“Yes, well, we got lucky.”

“Obviously,” Laurent said.Then he sighed, but his eyes didn’t stray from Damen.“Were you really that worried?” he asked, looking Damen up and down.

“The moment I realized you weren’t in the room, I was outside.I promise you, I wasn’t thinking about my clothes.”

“I could’ve been doing anything.”

“You’ve always looked poised to run.It wasn’t a huge surprise that you tried,” Damen replied. 

“How do you see so much?” Laurent whispered.Damen wished the car was lighter so he could do more than guess at the expression on Laurent’s face.

“I look,” Damen shrugged.“It’s not as though I’m going to learn anything from conversation.”

Laurent laughed self-derisively.“I’ve never met anyone who actually wants to understand me,” he said, even softer than before.He flipped his head so his eyes were focused back on the window.Damen knew better than to press that conversation further, so he turned on the radio and scanned the channels for something that wasn’t static.It ended up being slow country songs, which made Laurent groan dramatically, but he didn’t make any moves to change it.The mood in the car was much less disturbed now, so Damen let it be silent, glad he wasn’t going to have to force conversation for six hours straight.

An hour of comfortable silence later, “Not Ready to Make Nice” by the Dixie Chicks came on the radio and Damen found himself singing along.Then, because he knew Laurent was still miles from being in a good mood, he belted the chorus.

He caught Laurent’s eye, who laughed half-heartedly and said, “You are an awful singer.Stop.”

“You can’t make me,” Damen said, before singing even louder.

Another quiet laugh burst from Laurent’s mouth and he covered his ears with the palms of his hands, glaring at Damen despite his smile.

When that didn’t work, Laurent reached across the seat and poked Damen hard in the side, sending a shooting pain upwards, causing Damen to stumble and falter over a few words.But it certainly wasn’t enough to make him stop.He gave Laurent a devilish grin and then suddenly realized what a bad idea that was when Laurent shot one back.Carefully, Laurent dug his finger even deeper, but then released the pressure, instead trailing the finger in small curlicues down Damen’s naked side.Then, his entire palm was spread across Damen’s side, the pad of his thumb against Damen’s back.

There was no singing now.Every inch of Damen’s brain was very focused on the layer of skin that was touching Laurent’s.Inhaling sharply, Damen fought to keep his eyes on the road.He so badly wanted to look down at the path Laurent’s hand was taking.

“I got you to stop,” Laurent said, the words much softer than he likely intended them to be.If he wasn’t driving and if he thought the touch had more to do with desire than competition, Damen would’ve kissed Laurent, because, suddenly, every molecule of the air felt like a star exploding. 

Directly after he’d spoken, Laurent removed his hand and settled back into the seat with ease.Carefully, Damen said, “You don’t like losing, do you?”

“I don’t lose,” Laurent replied.

“It sounds like maybe you lost something tonight.”

Laurent inhaled loudly and exhaled shakily.“I was supposed to have another year.Six months, at least.Which, of course, the bastard knew.”

“What?”

“It’s nothing,” Laurent said.

Laurent wasn’t even pretending his words were the truth.“Okay,” Damen whispered, “It’s nothing.”

“Not going to try and force me to tell you?”

“I’ll never force you to do anything,” Damen sighed.“I would hope you’d know that.”

“That would require trust.”

“Which you’re terrible at.”

“Yes,” Laurent allowed.

“Let me know if you see an exit,” Damen replied, shifting the conversation to something less personal, “I need to get gas.”

Laurent nodded, happy to look back out the window.

 

They got gas and then they were back on the road.An hour later, at four-twenty in the morning, Damen’s eyes began to glaze over.The first rest stop he saw, he exited the freeway.Either he was going to splash water on his face and get something from the vending machine or he was going to have Laurent drive.The problem with Laurent driving is that he would speed.He could get pulled over.The more pressing problem with that, however, was the increased speed of their trip.Once Laurent was in Apple Valley, it was over.Whatever it was.

But, Laurent automatically sensed what was happening and extended his slender hand, palm up, across the middle of the seats.Rolling his eyes, Damen dropped the keys in his palm and got out of the car.Laurent crawled to the driver’s seat and started the engine, waiting impatiently for Damen to get in and buckled up.“I’m going to sleep,” Damen said, “Try not to kill us.”

“I have no interest in dying,” Laurent replied, careening out of the rest stop and back on to the freeway.

“Good to know,” Damen mumbled as he closed his eyes and drifted into a restless sleep.

 

When Damen woke back up, Laurent had regressed back into tense silence, his lips pursed and his fingers fidgety on the wheel.The sun was rising and with a sickening dread, Damen realized they were almost to Apple Valley.

Sitting up, Damen swallowed a couple times, trying to get the taste of sleep out of his mouth.It was nice to be able to see Laurent’s face, despite the intensity and strangeness of the angles.He was afraid, Damen was almost sure.“Laurent,” Damen said, voice cracking slightly, “Talk to me.”

“I’m alright,” Laurent replied, checking his blind spot before switching lanes. 

“Maybe I can help.”

Laurent laughed humorlessly.“You’re doing plenty.”

“I don’t suppose we could get some food?”

“No.”

Damen nodded and gazed out the window with a sigh.The landscape was sparse, brown, dry, and flat.It was not the sort of thing that was capable of holding his attention, so he laid his head back against the headrest and watched Laurent from the corner of his eye. 

“You’re staring,” Laurent said.

“I’m sending you telepathic messages.”

“And how’s that going?”

“Not well,” Damen replied.“You’re not very cooperative.”

That was when he saw a sign for Apple Valley and it felt inevitable.Of course that was all this had ever amounted to.A night in the back of a pickup truck, a day of flirting, and then a six hour drive of a Laurent that reminded him more of day one Laurent.Damen thought back to Jokaste and when he’d first met her, so sure she was everything he ever wanted, until he caught her sleeping with a friend from the dorms.Maybe this was all he was destined to have.Moments and feelings that felt so right, only to be crushed by what should’ve been clear from the beginning.It wasn’t like this departure hadn’t been inevitable.

“Stop moping,” Laurent said.

“Stop evading,” Damen replied.He knew Laurent was going to do exactly that.And sure enough, Damen wasn’t graced with a response of any kind; not even a twitch of the lips.

They exited the freeway and quickly entered a small town bordered by enormous hills.There was a lake and a very green golf course and then they slipped into a neighborhood where all the houses were the exact same and it seemed to go on for miles.They were white stucco with red ceramic roofs, fairly standard for California.

Ten minutes later, Laurent parked, but didn’t move.Damen assumed they were sitting in front of Laurent’s uncle’s house, but he really had no idea because he knew nothing.It quickly became clear Laurent didn’t know much more because he still wasn’t moving.He was simply staring straight ahead, every line of his face indicating he was swearing profusely in his head.

“Sure I can’t help?” Damen asked, trying not to sound bitter.

“I just don’t…”Laurent stopped and fully stared at Damen, his face suddenly calculating.There was a flash of something in his eyes, almost guilt, and then Laurent was slipping out the car door and telling Damen to come with him.He even came around the car and opened Damen’s door for him.

“I don’t have any clothes on,” Damen said in horror.

Laurent waved a hand around at the early morning silence of the suburb.“There’s no one to care.Hurry up.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Damen murmured, getting out of the car.He joined Laurent on the sidewalk and side by side, they walked two doors down, to another identical house.The only noticeable difference to this one was the lack of a welcome mat.

“Your uncle lives here?”

Laurent nodded.He appeared to be paralyzed everywhere else, though, and Damen noticed that his hands were shaking.Moving to face Laurent, Damen clasped him on the shoulders and stared until Laurent met his gaze.

“Hey,” Damen said.

“Hi,” Laurent murmured.

“You okay?”

“I haven’t been back here since I started college.”

Damen should’ve expected a non-answer.Trying to recall the phone call he’d overheard, Damen replied, “Nicaise needs you, right?I know we’re here for him.Let’s go get him.I’m right here with you.”

Laurent nodded and Damen removed a hand from one shoulder.The other hand he slid down Laurent’s arm to hold his hand loosely, allowing Laurent countless opportunities to pull away.He didn’t.In fact, he clutched the hand closer, smothering the shakes.Damen tried to ignore the shiver that ran up his arm, as that hadn’t been the reason he’d offered his hand.

Then Laurent walked forward, up the concrete walkway.Releasing Damen’s hand, he bent down and pulled up a small rock to the left of the path and grabbed a small silver key.Once the key was in hand, he wound his fingers into Damen’s again and approached the door.Laurent unlocked it and closed his eyes, opening the door as quietly as possible.When he stepped inside, he turned to Damen and lifted a finger to his mouth, signaling that Damen needed to be quiet.Nodding, Damen allowed Laurent to tug him down a thin and dimly lighted hall to the left of the entrance towards a closed door at the end.There were a couple other closed doors on the way, but Laurent had little interest in them.

Taking a deep breath, Laurent knocked very lightly on the door.It was flung open by a short boy with curly brown hair and startlingly blue eyes.The moment he saw Laurent, he crashed into his chest and hugged him close.Knowing when he was no longer needed, Damen released Laurent’s hand and stepped away back towards the entrance of the house, trying to give them some privacy.

They were muttering to each other as they hugged.When they came apart, Nicaise ran back into his room, grabbed a bag, then took Laurent’s hand and together they started coming down the hall.

That was when a door creaked open upstairs and Laurent stopped dead.“Damen,” Laurent said, “I need you to stand at the base of the stairs until Nicaise and I are out of the house.If my uncle tries to pass you, I need you to stop him.”

“What?” Damen blurted, glancing to his right where a set of dully carpeted stairs sat.

“Just…do it.”

“I’m sorry, are we…”

“Damen,” Laurent said, cutting him off.Reluctantly, he met Damen’s eyes and Damen understood this is what he’d been brought into the house for.Reminding himself that Laurent must have a reason, Damen stood guard at the stairs, hoping Laurent’s uncle would not come and investigate the noise.

Nicaise was still frozen and Laurent tugged on him gently, murmuring something.That was when Damen heard footsteps.

“Please hurry, Laurent,” he said.

Groaning, Laurent picked Nicaise and his bag up in his arms, which shouldn’t have been as easy for him as it looked and then they were racing towards the front door.They made it out and Damen quickly followed, glad he didn’t have to restrain an old man. 

Laurent didn’t place the key back under the rock.He simply tossed it onto the lawn and set Nicaise down, hurrying them towards the truck.Damen matched their pace and crawled into the front seat, turning the car on.They were zooming away when Damen saw the front door open and an older man with brown hair and a beard stepped out and calmly watched Laurent and Nicaise disappear around the corner.It struck Damen as strange, but he wasn’t prepared to ask questions yet.

Damen had absolutely no idea where he was driving but it didn’t matter, because by the time he felt he was far enough away, he pulled over and put the truck in park.“Did we just kidnap your nephew?” Damen asked Laurent, who was sitting in the backseat with Nicaise.

It was clear Laurent was trying to find a way to explain, when Nicaise said, “It’s not kidnapping if I want to leave.”

“Actually, legally, it very much is,” Damen replied, still staring at Laurent.

“Look at me when you talk to me,” Nicaise demanded.

“Well, he may look nothing like you, Laurent, but it’s nice to know you’re actually related.”

“He looks like his mother,” Laurent murmured.“Damen…”

Nicaise crossed his arms and sat up straighter.He would be boyishly pretty if he wasn’t glaring so much.“You don’t owe him an explanation, Laurent.”

Laurent closed his eyes and ran a hand over his forehead.“Nicaise, not right now.”

“I don’t know who the fuck he is,” Nicaise responded.

“I know.I know you don’t.But he’s a decent person.Please, be respectful and don’t swear like that.Your mom wouldn’t like it.”

“She’s dead.”

“Yes, she is.And I’m trying to help you.Would you like me to take you back?”

“You wouldn’t,” Nicaise said in horror.

“Don’t make assumptions.Stop talking and let me handle this.Actually…” Laurent got out of the car and headed for the shade of a large tree in someone’s yard.Sighing, Damen got out of the car, making sure to take the keys with him.Damen wouldn’t trust Nicaise with a fork. 

“We just kidnapped your nephew from your uncle,” Damen said.

“We might’ve,” Laurent admitted.“It’s complicated, Damen.He won’t press charges.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“Because I can put him in prison for a very long time.I…” Laurent laughed and ran his hand through his hair, “I need you to trust me.I know what I’m doing and it is very important that we got him away from my uncle.”

“Why?”

“I…”

“You can’t explain,” Damen guessed.“He’s just a kid, Laurent.You have no money and nowhere to go.You can’t take care of a kid.”

“I’ve got a job and housing set up,” Laurent said.“It’s all taken care of.”

“So you want me to drive you and your kidnapped nephew to your new place.”

Laurent took a deep breath and shook his head.“I actually need you to take us to a motel.My place isn’t quite ready yet.”

“You can’t…oh my god,” Damen said.“You want me to pay for the room.Want to stop at the grocery store on the way, too?I can probably spare some money for food as well at this point.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“It would’ve been nice if this hadn’t been sprung on me.”

“You might’ve said no and I couldn’t take that chance.”

“I could just leave you on the street.”

Laurent stared at him sadly.“But you won’t,” he murmured.

Damen looked away from Laurent and tried to calm his simmering anger.This felt a lot like what Jokaste had done to him and he was having a hard time moving past that.After a moment, he shook his head, exhaled loudly, and said, “Get in the fucking car, Laurent.”

“Okay.”

“Can I ask one thing?”

Laurent nodded.

“What were you going to do before I drove you?”

Laurent shrugged.“Improvise.”Then he turned and strode back to the truck.Damen took a couple minutes to cool down and then he did the same, silently driving Nicaise and Laurent to a motel towards where they’d entered Apple Valley.He left them in the car as he went to the front desk and booked them a room for two weeks, hoping that was enough.The man helping him said nothing about Damen’s attire.It didn’t even earn him a strange look, actually.Damen thought that man must’ve seen things in his time here.

As he walked back to the car, he took four twenty dollar bills from his wallet and folded them up.He opened the back door and tossed the money into Laurent’s lap.“For food,” he said, leaning back against the the side of the truck and waiting for them to get out.

Nicaise exited first, hopping down and shooting Damen a disgusted look, which made Damen want to stick out his tongue as if he were five.Laurent came next and stopped in front of Damen, his face as impassive as always.

Handing over the keys, Damen said, “Room five.You have it for two weeks.”

“I don’t need the money, Damen.”

“I don’t care.It’s yours.Throw it down a drain if you want.”

“You’re angry.”

“No,” Damen said, “I just helped kidnap a kid.I’m totally fine.”

Softly, Laurent murmured, “It’s probably better this way.”

“You would think so.”

Laurent shouldered his and Nicaise’s bag and shot one more glance at Damen, before moving to Nicaise, who Damen distinctly heard say, “Why is he wearing nothing but boxers?”

For some reason, that, out of everything, made him want to laugh.At the thought of laughter, his mind flashed back to the bright laugh Laurent had given him at the lake in Lassen Volcanic National Park and the quieter laugh he’d had in the car when Damen had been singing.The anger in him settled and he realized this wasn’t the last memory he wanted to have with Laurent.

“Come back out in ten minutes,” Damen called after Laurent.“You owe me that much.”

“I thought I didn’t owe you anything.”

“I guess things change.”

Laurent didn’t reply, but Damen knew he would do as he was asked.When he heard the door of room five close, Damen pulled out his phone and called Nikandros, who picked up instantly.

“You fucking drove him down to Apple Valley?Are you crazy?What could he possibly need to do that desperately?”

“Hi, Nik.Kidnap his nephew, apparently, but that’s not why I’m calling.”

“Kidnap his…why are you calling?”There was a barely controlled anger in his voice.

“To say I should be back late this afternoon.And to hear your voice.”

“What are we?Seventeen year old star-crossed lovers?”

Damen chuckled and sighed, leaning his head back against the truck, staring up at the pale blue sky.“Maybe.I actually just need to calm down and you usually help.”

“Does this have something to do with a kidnapped nephew?”

“Possibly.”

“I knew Laurent was a bad idea.”

“Not helpful.”

“Right,” Nikandros replied.“Well, I called Jord last night, right?”

Damen nodded and then remembered he wasn’t in a room with Nikandros so he voiced his agreement out loud.

“I think I might be in love with him.”

“Since when?”

“Since last night,” Nikandros said.

“You haven’t even met him.What if it’s all a lie?Or he’s got warts on his feet or something?”

“I think I won’t care,” Nikandros admitted.“Last night, he was telling me about all of these things he has planned for us when I get down to San Diego.A whole range of things: from super chill to super romantic and he got all adorably flustered when he brought up the romantic things.And then we may or may not have had really hot phone sex.”

“Jesus,” Damen laughed.

“I didn’t even know phone sex could actually be hot.I didn’t even know we were at a point where he was okay with having phone sex.He just offered out of the blue and after I screamed into the phone nonsensically for five minutes, we just did it.He’s got this sinfully husky voice.It’s ridiculous.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve hit the limit of interest I have in that topic.”Then, “So that’s when you decided you were in love with him?”

“No, that was later when he was telling me about these nerdy comic books he’d been reading.Normally, I wouldn’t care, but he made me care and he got all excited about making me read them and I realized I was excited too, despite the fact that it’s comic books and they’re weird,” Nikandros said.

“We’ll be in San Diego soon,” Damen murmured.

“I know,” Nikandros replied, “I do.And whatever the fuck you’re doing in Apple Valley right now, I know you did the right thing.We can argue about whether or not Laurent deserved it when you get back.”

“I should go,” Damen sighed.“I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, yeah.Bye, Damen.”

Damen hung up and threw his phone through the open window of his truck.He returned his eyes skyward and took several deep breaths.It had been a long seven hours and all he really wanted was some sleep.It would be awhile before he got some of that, though.

Five minutes later, someone cleared their throat.Damen opened his eyes and peered down at Laurent, whose blue eyes were cautious.Now that he was standing here, Damen wasn’t sure what to say.All Damen could think was that he didn’t want to leave him and that he was beautiful.

It turned out he didn’t need to come up with anything, because Laurent laid a hand on his cheek, rose onto the tips of his toes, and kissed Damen once on the lips, quickly but softly.As soon as he was there, he was gone.

“You didn’t owe me that.”Damen had no idea why he said that.

Laurent considered him for a moment.“I did and now I don’t.Goodbye, Damen.”

He started to walk away, but Damen grabbed his arm and made him stay, just for a moment longer.“You can call me for anything anytime, Laurent.I don’t care what it is, I will drop anything to answer your call.And I need you to know that, despite today and all the things I said, I like you.I really like you.And when I come back down this way, I intend on stopping by, if that’s alright.”

Laurent shrugged his arm from Damen’s hand and bit his lip, keeping his eyes downwards.Damen thought back to before this had all started, when he was in Jokaste’s kitchen.She’s said that Laurent would need to leave a door open for him and Damen knew this was that door. 

_Please, god, leave it open._

“I’ll call you,” he said.

Damen beamed and Laurent gave him the smallest smile before he walked back to room five and left Damen alone in the parking lot with an open door and the memory of a kiss.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're all lovely and amazing and precious to me. What's new?  
> Thank you.  
> Also, thank you, as always, to my lovely betas (who I apologize for murdering...please don't kill me) Becky and Mari.  
> Enjoy!!! <3  
> P.S. This chapter is long as fuck and I don't have a good reason why. It just is.

As Damen drove away, everything felt wrong.The music didn’t hold his interest, the road didn’t offer promises—it was just long and taking him the wrong way—and every part of his body was begging him to turn around and return to Laurent.Damen still had no idea what had happened or what he’d just participated in, but the further away he got, the more sure he was he shouldn’t have left Laurent alone.It was possible Laurent was too used to being alone.

It was pointless dwelling on, however, because Laurent wouldn’t have let him stay.Not to mention Jokaste and Nikandros didn’t have a car and were waiting on him.Somehow, he was supposed to continue a road trip after this.It was going to take every ounce of his will not to drive all of them straight to Apple Valley. 

Not that he could, even if he somehow managed to convince Jokaste and Nikandros.This trip wasn’t all about him and it certainly wasn’t about Laurent.Jokaste wanted to see Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon and she wanted to do both before she had to go home and start her job.Nikandros wanted to see Jord—spend a week with him—and Damen couldn’t bring himself to deny them those things.They’d been around longer than Laurent and they’d likely stay longer than Laurent.

He was doing the right thing.

 

The drive felt even longer this time and when he finally pulled into the motel they’d stopped at, all the way back in Sacramento, he was exhausted physically and mentally.Damen laid his forehead against the wheel and just breathed for awhile, trying to regain some semblance of balance and control.When he finally felt like a person again, he got out of the car and walked to Nikandros’ room.He really wanted to take a shower and change into actual clothes, but he knew his first priority was letting his friends know he was okay.

He’d barely even knocked on the door when it was flung open and Nikandros exhaled loudly, slapping Damen hard on the arm.Then he stepped back and said, “Why in the hell are you in nothing but your boxers?”

“It’s a long story.I’ll tell you after I shower.I just wanted to give you actual proof that I was alive.Let Jokaste know, please.”

“Sure,” Nikandros replied.“You okay?”

“Fine,” Damen sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I take it Laurent is still in Apple Valley.”

Damen nodded and Nikandros frowned.“I…I’m sorry, Damen.That sucks.”

“A bit.I’m gonna go…”

“Right, yes, shower,” Nikandros interrupted.“I’m glad you’re back.” 

Damen tried to smile, but he wasn’t confident it came out looking like one.He stumbled away from Nikandros’ room and opened his own, greeted with the vision of the mussed sheets and a pillow still on the ground where he’d been sleeping.Laurent’s absence hadn’t felt more real.It was clear in every aspect of the room, from the bed, to the bare ground where Laurent’s bag had rested only hours ago. 

Damen realized it wouldn’t be long before he really and truly missed Laurent.It was strange how quickly you could become attached to a person.

He took a long shower, pulled on some clothes, and then returned to Nikandros’ room.Jokaste was already there and the moment she saw Damen, she gathered him into a hug and said, “I’m so sorry.”When she slipped away, she looked Damen up and down and continued with, “Oh, Damen, you look exhausted.Nik, I think we should let him sleep.”

Damen waved her off.“No, I owe you guys an explanation.I’ll sleep later.”

Jokaste and Nikandros settled down on the bed and waited for Damen to start.He paced for a moment and then decided to join them, their knees knocking together.Strangely, his mind flicked back to the day after his parents had died and he’d been sitting on Nikandros’ bed, their knees knocking together just as they were now.Damen felt a rush of warmth for his friends and he used that to gather his words through the haze of exhaustion.

“Nicaise, his nephew, called him in the middle of the night.I don’t know what about, but it was enough to convince Laurent that he needed to get down to Apple Valley as soon as possible.So, when I fell back asleep, he left the room and started walking towards the freeway, searching for someone to hitch a ride with.I got lucky and found him before that happened and the only way I could get him into the car was if I promised to drive him myself.So, I did, of course.”

“I really don’t like this guy,” Nikandros sighed.

“Shh,” Jokaste replied, eyes still on Damen.

“When we arrived in Apple Valley, we drove straight to his uncle’s house and kidnapped his nephew and now they’re in a motel that I paid for.”

“I’m sorry…what?” Nikandros asked.“I already knew all of this.”

“I’m trying to think of a better way to explain it,” Damen said, “But that’s all I can come up with.”

“He didn’t tell you why he was kidnapping his nephew?”

Damen shook his head, which earned a heavy sigh from Jokaste.They both turned to her and she whispered, “Come on, you guys.It’s Laurent.He’s not going to kidnap his nephew for no reason.His uncle is abusive.Almost has to be.”

Thinking back to what he heard over the phone, Damen realized that made everything click into place.It was just impossible for him to imagine an uncle abusing his nephew’s son.Family didn’t do that, not to each other.It got even more uncomfortable when Damen remembered that Auguste was dead.Abusing his son was the exact opposite of honoring his memory.

Jokaste was deep in rumination and when Nikandros noticed, he poked her in the side.“What?”

“The question becomes why now?The abuse hadn’t been happening before.”

“How do you know that?” Damen asked.

“Laurent wouldn’t have gone away to college if it had been.Everything indicates that he would have stayed with Nicaise and protected him if he was worried it was a real danger.But, obviously, judging by the fact that he was returning to California, he knew it was inevitable.”

“Maybe he just wanted to go home,” Nikandros said.

“To an abusive uncle?”

“Wait,” Damen said, “Are you saying he abused Laurent, too?”

Jokaste shrugged.“I can’t know that for sure.A lot would make sense if that was the case, though.”

“You mean his trust issues,” Damen said.

“Obviously.”

“Jesus,” Damen murmured, “I shouldn’t have left him alone.What if his uncle does something?It’s not like they’re far away.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much.Laurent is smart and resourceful.He’ll be alright.Although…”Jokaste trailed off and stared at the wall, her eyes very far away.It was far from reassuring.

“Can I have your phone?” she asked.

“What for?” Damen said.

“I’m going to text Laurent.”

“Uh…okay.”Damen handed over his phone and watched as the screen flickered to life and she easily entered his passcode.It shouldn’t have surprised him, but he still felt a bolt of shock.Under the veil of her hair, she typed something out and then there was a whoosh as the message sent.When she handed it back, Damen quickly read the message, Nikandros hanging over his shoulder.

_D: It’s legal to take your nephew on vacation - J_

“Did you just re-invite him on our road trip?” Nikandros groaned.

“I did.”

“Splendid.And now we get to help kidnap his nephew, too.”

“It’s a vacation,” Jokaste replied.

“That’s a technicality a court won’t give a shit about,” Nikandros said.

Jokaste turned to Damen and said, “He has something on his uncle, right?I assumed he did.Was I wrong?”

“He does, I think,” Damen replied slowly.“So?”

“So, if it becomes necessary, he can say he received permission to take his nephew on a road trip with his friends.Theoretically, his uncle won’t fight that account.It does mean that we’ll have to get back to Apple Valley as soon as possible, however.The longer he’s in that motel room, the less plausible that theory becomes.Actually, he should probably go home and wait for us to get there.”

“To his abusive uncle?” Damen asked, too overwhelmed to be shocked anymore.

“Your name is on the bill, so it’s not directly traceable to Laurent, but if he spends a night away from his uncle’s and someone saw him at the house today, it could end badly.Price you pay for kidnapping your nephew,” Jokaste sighed.“I think you’d better call him, Damen.Persuade him.”

“Of what?”

“Everything.He won’t want our help, I expect.”

“Maybe you should call him,” Damen said, holding out his phone again.“You clearly understand far better than I do.”

“I’m not capable of convincing him.Only you are.”

“Says who?”

“He doesn’t like me or Nikandros.He likes you.”

When Jokaste said that, Damen’s mind fell back to the kiss Laurent had given him.She wasn’t wrong about that, but this phone call would essentially be him asking for Laurent’s trust and he would prefer to do that in person.It already didn’t seem possible that Laurent would actually give it to him.He’d tried to hitchhike, for god’s sake.Clearly, he preferred doing things alone.Besides, they’d known each other for about a week.That wasn’t very long and it was asking a lot of anyone to put trust in people you’d known for a week, especially when that trust came with a nephew and mildly illegal behavior.“I don’t think he’ll let us help.”

“It’s worth a shot.”

“Why do you care?” Damen asked.

Jokaste smiled sadly.“He might not have liked me, but I liked him.Besides, I was rooting for you two, remember?”

“I’ll call him,” Damen sighed, “But, first, I’m going to sleep.I promise you I can’t convince him to do anything right now.I’ll just get angry.”

Jokaste nodded and Nikandros fell back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling.He didn’t protest any decisions made, but Damen could tell he was tired of their road trip becoming something entirely different.With a small smile, Damen said, “The moment we leave Apple Valley, we’ll drive straight to San Diego.”

That got Nikandros up and he was grinning.“Really?”

“Really.I think we leave to pick up Laurent tomorrow, if he lets us, and then drive straight there.You could see him tomorrow.”

With a happy shout, Nikandros stood and grabbed his phone from the nightstand to call Jord.He was bouncing up and down on his toes as he waited for Jord to pick up, and when he did, Nikanros shouted, “I’ll be in San Diego tomorrow!”Damen wasn’t about to tell Nikandros that he hadn’t convinced Laurent yet.

There was a voice on the other end and Nikandros burst into laughter, his smile larger than Damen had seen it in days.With a small chuckle of his own and a quick glance at a grinning Jokaste, Damen left them to it, returning to his room and collapsing on his bed.He fell asleep almost instantly.

 

When he woke, it was dark outside and there was a text from Laurent on his phone.

_L: Tell her to fuck off._

Damen ran a hand over his face and laughed shortly.He took a snapshot and sent it to Jokaste before texting Laurent back. _D: Can I call you?_

Setting the phone on the bed, Damen waited for a response, essentially twiddling his thumbs.It was nice to be in a bed and it was nice to have nowhere to be.Eventually, Nikandros and Jokaste would like to know what the plan was, but until he actually knew, he could be alone.

His phone buzzed.In a rush, he snatched his phone up and saw that it was only Jokaste.

_J: Told you.He likes you, not me.Also, Nik and I are starving.Do you mind if we take your car?Want something while we’re out?_

_D: sure.sandwich would be nice._

A few seconds later, there was a knock on his door and Damen groaned, reluctantly getting out of bed, grabbing his keys and wrenching open the door.Jokaste was standing there and she smiled.“Ever going to wear anything besides boxers again?”

Damen rolled his eyes and gave her his keys.“Thanks,” he said and then he shut the door and returned to bed.There was a laugh from outside and Damen was relieved that she’d found it funny instead of rude.

His phone vibrated again and Damen thought that if it wasn’t Laurent he was going to toss his phone against a wall.The last thing he needed was his phone putting him on edge, too.

_L: I’m going to regret this_

_D: Is that a yes?_

_L: No, Damen, because obviously I would regret telling you to fuck off._

Damen smiled.He knew Laurent was rolling his eyes.

_L: That’s a yes, dumbass_

Laurent answered on the second ring and said, “This is about Jokaste’s text, isn’t it?”

“Maybe I just wanted to talk to you.”

There was a long silence and Damen sighed.“Yes, it’s about Jokaste’s text, but we don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to.Are you alright?Your uncle hasn’t done anything, has he?”

“I said he wouldn’t.”

“I’m going to assume that means he hasn’t,” Damen said.

“Two cheers for Damen.”

“Could you maybe not be an asshole?Just this once?It’s a lot less fun to live through when I can’t see your face.”

“Why does my face make it better?”

“I can tell whether you’re being serious or you’re joking.”Then, after a deep breath, “Not to mention, your face is beautiful and softens the blow a bit.”

“Only you could compliment me while you’re telling me off for being an asshole.”

“One of my many talents.”

“I’m sure,” Laurent replied, amusement slipping into his voice.It disappeared, though, when he said, “Just say your piece, Damen.I have to get Nicaise to bed and that’s always difficult.”

“He seems like a difficult person.Is he okay?”

“Do you actually…yes, he’s alright.”A sliver of the iciness was back and Damen knew that was a topic he couldn’t continue to press.Although, this was probably going to get ugly no matter what he did.

“I don’t know what exactly you have planned, Laurent, but Jokaste seems to think she can spare you from getting charged with kidnapping.”Damen took a deep breath before continuing, not wanting to suggest this plan, but trusting enough in Jokaste to believe that it was necessary.“If you return to your uncle’s tonight, we can pick you up tomorrow and take both you and Nicaise on our road trip with us.This is a plan she made under the assumption that you can threaten your uncle so that he won’t reveal he never sanctioned a vacation for Nicaise.Truth is, I’m not entirely sure what she was mumbling about, but I know you do.I’m calling because my job is to convince you to come with us.”

“And, morally, you’re okay with this?” Laurent sneered.

“She said it was likely he was abusing Nicaise,” Damen mumbled, “If that’s true, then yes.”

“Why in the hell did you think I kidnapped my own nephew?” Laurent snapped.

“It’s not something I typically think of family doing to each other,” Damen admitted.

“Too trusting.”

Softly, Damen said, “Did he abuse you, too?”

The longest silence yet followed and with a pang, Damen realized that Jokaste had been right and he felt sick.If Laurent’s uncle was home tomorrow, it was entirely possible Damen would punch him.In one, hard word, Laurent said, “Irrelevant.”

“That is far from irrelevant.”

“It’s irrelevant as far as you’re concerned.”

“Not at all, actually,” Damen said.

“Why?Because you _like_ me?”

“Don’t say it like that…like it’s some childish crush.Yes, Laurent, it’s because I like you.Maybe it comes as a surprise, but I actually care about you and what happens to you.”

“That is extremely unfortunate,” Laurent replied, the sarcasm thick and impermeable.

“Because nobody is supposed to care, right?You’re not supposed to let that happen.But you did with me, Laurent.You let me care, so don’t fucking pretend this is all my fault and that you have no interest in how I feel.It’s not going to work anymore.”

There was a heavy sigh.“What do you want me to say?”

“I just want you to let me help you.I want you to let me care for you.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?I need a reason, Laurent, or I will come and kidnap both of you myself.”

“I don’t know how.”The words came out strangled and pained and Damen felt as though he’d been kneed in the stomach.There was very little air in the room.Only now did Damen comprehend just how alone Laurent had been all along.

There was only one thing Damen could say.“You don’t have to be alone anymore, Laurent.Let me show you what that’s like.Please.Trust me.”

“It’s not a solution.It’s a temporary fix.”

“And we’ll come up with a solution while we’re driving to the Grand Canyon.This gives you time. _Us_ time.”

After a prolonged pause, Laurent whispered, “Okay,” sounding more pained than he had before.With a shaky sigh, “Okay.I’ll see you at my uncle’s tomorrow.Hurry.I’d prefer not to have Nicaise there for long.”

“I don’t think you like being there either.”

“This is not ‘analyze how fucked up Laurent is’ time.We can save that for later, preferably when I’m in hell and you’re in heaven and it will be impossible.”

“I don’t think you’re fucked up,” Damen murmured, choosing to address that instead of Laurent thinking he would end up in heaven.That was better for a more flirtatious mood than this one.

“Everyone’s fucked up, Damen.It’s just a matter of degree.I have to go.I’ll see you tomorrow.”Then he hung up, before Damen could properly say goodbye.Perhaps the conversation hadn’t ended on a light note, but Damen was still happy.He’d gotten Laurent to agree and he was going to see him again tomorrow.He’d been gifted more time.A lot more time.Enough time to figure out if that kiss had been more Laurent paying what he thought he owed.Enough time to earn himself more.

Suddenly full of nervous energy, Damen got out of bed and dug through his bag.He found _Name of the Wind_ and started reading.It was the only thing he could think of that might distract him.

Only when Nikandros and Jokaste came to his door with food did he stop.They all sat together on Damen’s bed, eating, and Jokaste asked what Laurent had said.

“He’ll let us help him,” Damen smiled.

“Great,” Nikandros groaned.“Is the kid at least entertaining?You have met him, right?”

“Yeah, I met Nicaise.He’s a lot like Laurent.”

“For fuck’s sake.What is he, like eight?”

“Closer to ten, I think, but essentially,” Damen replied, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Well, perfect,” Nikandros sighed, “Just what we need.Two Laurents.I’m such a fan.”

“They’re both terrified, Nik.”

“I know,” Nikandros replied.“I do.I’m beginning to understand why Laurent is the way he is, but I still have a hard time forgiving him for all the things he’s said and done.Some people can go through shit like that and not take it out on other people.It’s not fair to the rest of the world if we don’t hold them to the same standard of decency.”

“Maybe,” Jokaste replied thoughtfully.“I think it’s hard to really know if that’s realistic though until you’ve lived through it.Either way, I don’t think it’s relevant in this context.Laurent doesn’t mind being an asshole in the slightest and he certainly doesn’t want to be forgiven for the things he’s done.”

“That’s for sure,” Damen grumbled.

“So how did you convince him?” Nikandros asked, diverting the conversation.

“I told him he didn’t have to be alone anymore,” Damen shrugged.

“And that convinced him?”

“Apparently.”

Jokaste smiled softly and squeezed Damen’s arm briefly.“I think he wants to be a more trusting person for Damen,” she sighed.“It’s so adorable.”

Damen flushed—forcing the words from his head so he didn’t get his hopes up—and Nikandros groaned again, tossing a fry into Jokaste’s face.“I don’t get how you can support this,” he said.

“Laurent is good for Damen,” she replied.

“How?”

“He drags his head from the clouds and shows him what the real world is like.I look at it like this…”And then she launched into a long explanation of how Damen and Laurent were on opposite ends of a spectrum called Life; that they were, in fact, at the extremes of this spectrum, which, in her opinion, were not healthy places to be.Slowly, they were helping ease each other towards the middle of the spectrum where normal people were.Her explanation ended with both Nikandros and Damen laughing so hard that they fell into each, leaning on each other’s bodies to hold them up.

Jokaste sighed and gathered the garbage, standing to throw it away.“You don’t have to believe me,” she said, “But I’m right.I’m also going to bed.We’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

“Says who?” Nikandros said.

“Me,” Damen admitted.“I want to get there as soon as possible.”

“But you were just there,” Nikandros whined.“Why can’t I sleep in?It’s all I want.”

“The sooner we get Laurent, the sooner you see Jord.”

“I don’t appreciate that you’re using Jord like this,” Nikandros said.“Unfortunately, it is working.I guess I’ll turn in too.”

“Six tomorrow?” Damen asked.

Jokaste nodded solemnly and Nikandros spun around, grabbed Damen by the shoulders, and shook him lightly.“Six?Are you actually insane?”

“Insane would be five,” Damen replied, “And, trust me, I considered it.”Shaking his head, Nikandros backed away and left with Jokaste.When he was alone, Damen allowed himself to indulge in a way he hadn’t yet today.A part of him knew it was a bad idea, that he should do so in doses or he’d never be able to stop, but he simply couldn’t help himself.He was seeing Laurent again tomorrow and it felt right, all of it.Even Nicaise coming with them.The wrench in his gut that hadn’t left since the moment he’d driven away finally disappeared.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

And that was when Damen lifted the last lid.The one that, somehow, he’d managed to keep locked and closed all day, even in the monotonous boredom of the drive back to Sacramento. 

Laurent had kissed him, for whatever reason.A nothing kiss, but a willing one.It had been the barest touch of lips, but Damen still felt his stomach warm at the memory of it.Then his imagination took over and Damen let himself sink into a vision in which he had the time and the wherewithal to kiss Laurent back, winding his arms around the small of his back and pulling him in closer.

Damen wanted that so badly it hurt.He wanted Laurent to acknowledge that it had happened.And in his ratty motel room in Sacramento, Damen allowed a tiny particle of hope to escape from its cage and fill him.He wanted Laurent to acknowledge that something was happening between them.

Without thought, he reached for his phone and began typing out a text to Laurent and then paused before he sent it.It was possible he was going too far, indulging too much.With a sigh, he erased the text and set his phone down.Then he picked it back up and typed a different message.This one he sent.

_D: Everything okay?_

The response was almost immediate.

_L: Laurent can’t come to the phone right now._

_D: You literally just texted me._

_D: You’re not alright, r you?_

_D: Are_

_L: Revolutionary idea: put all of your thoughts in one text._

_D: Talk to me._

_L: Just because I agreed to your ridiculous plan does not mean you get an all access pass to my thoughts._

_D: Why are you texting me back then?_

Most of the responses had been coming seconds later, but after two minutes, Damen still hadn’t received a response.Figuring he’d scared Laurent away, Damen set down his phone and turned off the lights in his room.He wasn’t particularly tired, but he knew he could sleep.The last day had been that tiring.

As he settled under the covers, he heard his phone vibrate against the wood of the nightstand.Smiling into his pillow, he flipped and reached for the phone, the light from the screen blinding him for a moment.

_L: I’m lying in my old room.Why do you think?_

Damen was trying to think of a response when another text followed.

_L: I’m going to call you.Do whatever you want with that information._

Then his phone was ringing and Damen’s smile only grew.He answered right away, sitting up in bed so that he could pick at a thread on his sock while he talked.“Two phone conversations in one day?What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?” 

“Being irritatingly persistent.”

Damen bit down on a smile.He’d known a flirtatious tone was going to be the right one.Laurent didn’t actually want to discuss his problems, he only wanted a distraction.Either way, this was an outright display of fledgling trust.“I only texted you.”

There was no response.“So,” Damen continued, “What’s your old room look like?”

“A room.Four walls.A door.Pretty standard.”Despite the banal words, the soft murmuring of Laurent’s voice in his ear, as though they were whispering to each other, mouths to ears, was a singular experience.Especially in the dark.

“Why did you call me, Laurent?” Damen murmured.It was a stupid road to travel down, but it was hard to stay flirtatious when there was so much else going on; when lots of topics were off limits.

“I hate it here.”

“I’m so sorry we asked you to go back.”

“I made the choice,” Laurent replied.

There was another silence and Damen let this one hold, just listening to Laurent breath.There were so many questions he wanted to ask but he knew Laurent wouldn’t answer them.Not to mention, they would have the potential of bringing up unpleasant memories and that was the last thing Damen wanted to do, not when he wasn’t there and not when Laurent was in a place that made them stronger.

“I can’t sleep,” Laurent murmured some time later.

“That’s apparent,” Damen laughed.“I can’t either.When I got back to Sacramento, I slept the rest of the day away.”

“When will you be here tomorrow?”

“We’re leaving at six.Noonish?Little later.”

Even more silence.

“He isn’t going to do anything, is he?” Damen asked.

There was a choked laugh.“No, Damen.He won’t do anything.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

“Why did you decide to trust me?”

“I leapt,” Laurent said, the words clearly dripping with sarcasm.

“No, you didn’t.You’re not a leaper.”

“Think you know me?”

“I think I’m starting to,” Damen replied.

There was a sigh and then Laurent said, “I don’t trust you, Damen.That wasn’t me trusting you.”

“What was that then?”

“That was…I want to trust you.But I…”

When it was clear Laurent wasn’t going to finish that sentence, Damen did for him.“You hate that you want to trust me.”

“Maybe you do know me,” Laurent murmured.There was another pause, but much shorter, and then Laurent said, “Goodnight, Damen.”

“Goodnight, Laurent.”

 

Damen had been awake for an hour by the time he wandered to Nikandros and Jokaste’s rooms and banged on their doors.When they stumbled out, dressed and packed, Damen handed them coffee and pastries he’d gotten from a bakery in the city.They accepted them gratefully and climbed into the car, Nikandros taking the front seat.By the time they were on the freeway, he had practically melted into it, groaning every five minutes or so.

“Oh for god’s sake, Nik,” Jokaste said.“Just sleep if you’re going to complain so much.It’s irritating.”

Only Damen saw his smile before he groaned louder and said, “Six is too early.I feel like I’m dying.”He didn’t look like he was dying.His smile was only growing larger, especially when Jokaste huffed and crossed her arms.When he glanced at Damen, he winked.

At the halfway mark, they stopped to get gas.Damen took that time to text Laurent and say they were three hours away.

Finally, they were back in Apple Valley.Damen managed to find his way back to the street he’d left Laurent on just by memory, but when he was faced with the same house over and over again, he was unsure.He drove down the road a ways and then declared, “It’s somewhere in here.I think.”

“You’re a prodigy,” Nikandros said, getting out of the car to stretch his legs and take a look around.“This place is depressing,” he decided.“I need a little variety in my neighborhood.”

“That house has a garden gnome,” Jokaste said, pointing.

“More variety than that.”

Damen rolled his eyes and texted Laurent.

_D: Here.Generally._

_L: Okay._

When Damen read that, his heart leaped and it took all of his will not to obsessively scan the houses until he saw Laurent.Instead, he joined Nikandros and Jokaste who were inspecting some flowers by the edge of the road.

Or, they were, until Nikandros plucked a bug from one of the flowers and flicked it onto Jokaste who shouted, “I’m going to get you, bug boy.I seem to remember you don’t like spiders.”

When she found a spider, she used a stick from the ground to gather it and then she started chasing Nikandros around the street.

“What are they doing?” a young, sneering voice asked.Damen turned, seeking out the voice, and saw Nicaise, staring at Jokaste and Nikandros with thinly veiled disgust. 

“They’re chasing each other with bugs,” Damen sighed.

That perked Nicaise’s interest and he left Damen, walking closer to them so he could watch.Glancing up, Damen saw Laurent coming down the sidewalk, carrying three bags.He appeared to be in a positively foul mood, but it didn’t disturb Damen in the slightest.He’d been waiting all morning for this.

“Want help with the bags?” Damen asked, strolling towards him. 

“Sure,” Laurent said, dumping all three on the ground and walking straight past Damen.Turning, Damen watched him open the front door of the truck and climb in.It was never easy with him.Sighing, Damen picked up the bags and went around the back of the truck, tossing them in with the others.

“Let’s go,” he shouted at Nikandros and Jokaste, who were now being chased by a laughing Nicaise.It was a surprise to seem him laughing and Damen couldn’t help smiling when Jokaste shot a glance at Nicaise and then held Nikandros’ arms back and nodded, yelling, “Hurry!I can’t hold him for long!”

Nicaise leaped forward and though Damen couldn’t see the spider, he knew from the protestations from Nikandros that it was currently crawling on him.Wrenching from Jokaste’s grip, he brushed the spider from his arm and then shook his shoulders, grimacing.Jokaste, on the other hand, was offering Nicaise a high-five.One he accepted.If nothing else, he would get along with her.

Nikandros was the first to arrive.He was about to go the front seat and then saw Laurent was there.“I hate this,” he said to Damen.“That child willingly put a spider on me.What is his problem?”

“Jord,” Damen said, reminding Nikandros of the one good thing that would come from today.

“Thank god.I might not survive this otherwise.”Then he got in.When Damen saw Jokaste and Nicaise working their way to the car, he did the same.

Settling in, he heard Nikandros say, “Hi, Laurent.”When Laurent didn’t respond, Nikandros continued, “Oh, hi, Nikandros, it’s nice to see you.Wow, Laurent, I’m so impressed you’re actually being polite, even though we have an unhealthy level of mutual animosity.”

“I wouldn’t talk to him,” Niciase said, crawling into the car and sitting in the middle.“He had a conversation with Uncle this morning.Best to leave him alone or he’ll bite your dick off.”

“Did he just say what I thought he said?” Nikandros asked.

Damen nodded.

Nikandros laughed.“You’ve got some balls, kid.I’m Nikandros.Most people just call me Nik.”

“What kind of name is Nikandros?That’s stupid.”

“So is Nicaise.”

That made Nicaise smile and he accepted Nikandros’ offer of a fist bump.Damen noticed that Laurent was surprised at how well Nicaise was getting along with the present company.When Laurent noticed Damen staring at him, he said, “Aren’t you supposed to be driving?”

Deciding to ignore the jab, Damen started the car and drove off.“Jokaste,” he said, “Can you get us to San Diego?”

“Sure thing,” she replied, pulling out her phone.

“San Diego?” murmured Laurent.

“We’ll hit anything we missed on the way back,” Damen replied.“Since we’re already all the way down here, we figured we’d just go on to San Diego.Nik is desperate to meet Jord.”

“Who’s Jord?” Nicaise asked.

“Nik’s boyfriend,” Jokaste smiled.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Nikandros said.

“Not at all,” Damen said.“You didn’t have hot phone sex or anything.Or shall we talk about the fact that you’re in love with him instead?”

“Oh my god, Damen.I said both of those things in confidence.”

“You love him?” Jokaste asked curiously.

“Oh my god,” Nikandros groaned.“I’m never talking to any of you ever again.”

“That’d probably be possible if you were capable of not talking,” Laurent drawled.

“Nice to have the resident asshole back.I’m surprised you decided to swallow some of that pride and come with us.”

“He only came because Uncle managed to get rid of both his job and his housing.It’s not like he actually wants to be here,” Nicaise said.

Damen flicked his gaze to Laurent, who was staring straight ahead.There was a flush in his cheeks though and it was hard to care that Laurent had lied to him when the only possible reason to do so was to get back in Damen’s good graces.The piece of hope that had escaped last night grew in size.

What he hadn’t noticed was Nicaise watching his reaction carefully.“I knew it!” he declared loudly, making Laurent close his eyes.“He didn’t know that.You do like him.”

“How’d your uncle ruin your job and your housing?” Damen asked softly, choosing to address what Nicaise had said later.Preferably when they were alone.

“I don’t know,” Laurent replied.“I was so careful.Clearly not careful enough.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I know you are.”

 

The drive to San Diego was a lot more entertaining than the drive to Apple Valley had been.Jokaste let Nicaise pick the music and he spent most of the trip playing I Spy with both Jokaste and Nikandros.He was excellent at the game, able to pick out obscure things in short amounts of time.Neither Damen or Laurent participated.In fact, they were very quiet, simply watching and listening.The car felt full, but in a good way.It felt like this was the way the road trip was meant to be.Somehow, Damen knew it would’ve been lesser if it had just been he, Nikandros, and Jokaste.

When they arrived in San Diego, they booked a motel.Damen fought with Laurent for over five minutes, trying to get him to let Damen get him a separate room for he and Nicaise.Eventually, Laurent caved.Damen knew it was because of Niciase and Nicaise alone.His love for Niciase wasn’t a one time fluke.Laurent was sacrificing left and right for him.It was a side of Laurent Damen never would’ve expected and he began to realize the Laurent he thought he knew was only one side.It wasn’t safe to assume that one side represented all of him, not anymore.

They’d barely finished unloading the car when Nikandros said, “Who’s driving me to Jord?”

“Don’t you want to eat first?” Damen asked.

“Not at all.”

“Alright, let’s go then.”Damen turned to Jokaste, the only person there with them and said, “I’ll be back soon and then we’ll get something to eat.Let Laurent and Nicaise know.”

When they got in the car, Damen noticed that Nikandros’ leg was shaking and that he was plucking at the friendship bracelet on his wrist; one Damen had given him at the start of college.He’d been drunk when he’d made it and he’d been very embarrassed when he gave it to Nikandros, but Nikandros had simply grinned and asked Damen to tie it for him.

“Are you going to puke?” Damen asked as he backed out of the parking space.

“Entirely possible.”

“Please don’t do it in the car.”

Nikandros opened the window and leaned out of it, breathing in the fresh air.When he was settled, he entered the car again and programmed Jord’s address into his phone, directing Damen to the apartment that was on the outskirts of the city.

It was only a fifteen minute drive and when they arrived, Nikandros didn’t move.He didn’t even unbuckle his seatbelt.

“It’s Jord.”

“I know.That’s what I’m worried about,” Nikandros said.“What if I say something embarrassing and he doesn’t like me anymore.What if he thinks I’m ugly?What if I tell him I love him on our first date?What if he thinks I talk too much?Or what if I say nothing at all and he thinks I’m an idiot?”

“Only one way to find out,” Damen said, unbuckling Nikandros’ seatbelt for him.“Why don’t you text him and let him know we’re here so he can come down and get you?”

“Okay,” Nikandros said, shaking fingers slowly typing out a message.Then he started laughing as he watched his fingers shake.“I never get like this.Why am I like this?”

“Because you actually care about him.That’s never happened before, either.”

“Will you wait with me?”

“Of course.”

They got out of the car and headed towards the entrance of the apartment complex.There was a key code to get in and so they waited just outside the door.Nikandros’ phone buzzed and he murmured, “He’s on his way down.”

“Doing okay?”

“Sort of.If I picture just how fucking gorgeous he’s going to be, I feel a bit better.”

“Then keep doing that.”

“Thank you for being here.”

“Anything for you, Nik.”

That was when the door burst open and a man with stunning gray eyes stepped out, breathing hard.He’d run down the stairs and Damen couldn’t help smiling.They were going to be just fine.

The gray eyes landed on Damen for half a second before flicking to Nikandros and sticking.“Hi,” Jord said, ruffling his hand through the mess of hair on top of his head.Damen noticed that Nikandros watched that hand intently and his eyes widened when the hand fell back to Jord’s side.The hair was distinctly more disheveled now and Nikandros clearly found it attractive.

Apparently, he had landed on the speechless side of things.Damen nudged Nikandros gently in the side and that was all it took.Nikandros beamed and flung himself at Jord, hugging him close.There was a surprised laugh from Jord, but he returned the hug happily.

When Nikandros finally pulled away, Jord approached Damen and stuck out his hand.“You must be Damen,” he said, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Damen said genuinely, grasping his hand.“I have to go.Take care of him will you?I expect he’s hungry.”

“I will,” Jord said seriously, giving Nikandros an adoring look.

“Perfect,” Damen said.“Call me when you want to be picked up,” he said to Nikandros.

“Yeah, sure,” Nikandros replied, busy staring at Jord.

Laughing, Damen turned away.He smiled as he heard Nikandros launch into the story of the drive down, most of it featuring Nicaise.Walking slow, he heard Jord wait for sentences to be finished before he asked thoughtful questions.They were going to be more than just fine.Damen wasn’t expecting to receive a call tonight.

 

When he arrived back at the motel, he saw Laurent sitting outside, alone on a curb.He parked just to the left of Laurent and then went to join him, staring up at the early afternoon sky.It was going to be extremely hot today and Damen couldn’t help wondering why Laurent was subjecting himself to this kind of weather. 

“Did you want to be alone?” Damen asked.

“I did.This is fine, though.”

“Nicaise alright?”

Laurent nodded.“He’s really excited, actually,” he murmured.“He hasn’t really been anywhere.”

“I didn’t realize until today just how much you loved him.”

“He’s all that’s left of Auguste,” Laurent said, as if that meant everything.Damen thought maybe it did.

“Why are you out here?” Damen asked.

“Thinking.”

“About what?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Yes, actually,” Damen said, laughing softly.

Laurent’s eyes came down from the sky and landed on Damen.With a sigh, he said, “Stop staring at me like that.”

“Like what?” 

“Like I mean something to you.”

“Well, you do.”

“I’m aware,” Laurent said.“But, I must say, I preferred it when you stared at me like you wanted to tear all of my clothes off.”

“Why on earth would you prefer that?” Damen asked.

“It’s much easier to ignore.”

Taking a deep breath, Damen said, “I’m not sure how to ask this, but…”

“You want to know why I kissed you,” Laurent interrupted.Then, softer, “I knew I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Then why did you?”

“I didn’t think I was going to see you again.”

“You were curious?”

“Something like that.”

“Find anything out?” Damen asked.

Laurent smiled grimly.“Not at all.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Do you want to know what I think?” Damen began, having no intention of stopping until he was done.He was tired of beating around the bush.It wasn’t something he excelled at, certainly not the way Laurent did, and he suddenly realized that they could do this forever if he didn’t force the issue.“I think that you feel the same way about me.But I also think you’re terrified and that you have no framework in which to approach something like this and you’d prefer to go on forever pretending nothing is happening and that that kiss was just payment for my help.I think that you typically don’t let people see you, not the real you, because you think that when people do, they won’t like what they see.I’m telling you that I see bits and pieces of you that you can’t quite cover up and I like what I see.I want to see all of it.I’m telling you that I understand that you’re afraid and I’m willing to take this as slow as you want as long as you stop trying to push me away, because it’s not working.Not anymore.When I say I don’t believe you, I’m one hundred percent confident that I don’t.”

Laurent was staring at him, eyes wide.His mouth opened and then closed a couple of times, as if he were about to say something and then thought better of it.Damen was just relieved that he wasn’t storming away in anger. 

Laurent opened his mouth again and was clearly about to say something when Nicaise burst out from his room and said, “I knew you had to be back.Why are we not getting food?I’m starving.”

Damen closed his eyes and laughed away the tension.“Good question.Go get Jokaste and we’ll go.”

Nicaise narrowed his eyes at Damen and said, “If you hurt him, I will kill you.I have a pocket knife and I’ve used it before.”

Laurent smiled at Nicaise and Damen whispered, “Has he really?”

“Almost definitely,” Laurent said, grimly.He cocked his head to the side and stared at Damen, thinking hard.

With a sigh, Damen said, “Don’t worry about it, Laurent.I don’t actually expect much from you.”It was the first time he’d sounded remotely impatient and he knew Laurent noticed.

Then Jokaste and Nicaise were back and they piled into the car and drove off to find lunch.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of really quick things:   
> Two beautiful fanarts were made. One by @blondesinvere and another by @naomibisthenextme (both tumblr). They're both gorgeous. Thank you so so much guys. Like...holy shit.  
> And then, as usual, thank you to all of you who comment and stick with this. I love you all so much.  
> Also, lots of thanks to Mari and Becky <33333  
> ENJOY

They spent most of the afternoon getting accustomed to San Diego.There were lots of wrong turns, all of which resulted in Nicaise saying something derogatory about Damen’s driving skills.There was also lots of walking, because eventually they got out of the car and explored the waterfront.Laurent bought Nicaise an ice cream cone, but beyond that he didn’t speak much.Often, he walked just behind Damen and looked out at the water.Jokaste tried to engage him in conversation a couple of times, but all of his answers were one syllable and eventually she gave up.

As they were walking to dinner, Jokaste wound her arm through Damen’s and naturally, he tilted his head down towards her.“What’s up with him?”Laurent was still walking behind them, hands in his pockets, eyes unseeing.

“I gave him something to think about,” Damen responded.

“Like?” Jokaste prodded.

“I think he feels the same way about me.”

Jokaste nodded thoughtfully.“That explains a lot.”She was about to say something else when Nicaise came and tugged on her hand.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I want to eat here,” he said, pointing to a hole-in-the-wall Mexican place; a place Damen would’ve just walked by without a glance. 

Jokaste looked at it for a second, then said, “I don’t like Mexican.Give me three good reasons I should do what you want.”

Nicaise pondered that and said, “One, I love Mexican.Two, it will irritate you.And three, I looked it up on Laurent’s phone and it has four and a half stars on Yelp.Not to mention, it said they had good margaritas.”

“Why would you care about something like that?” Jokaste asked, eyes sparkling.

“I don’t,” he shrugged, “But I thought maybe you would.”

“Mexican it is,” Jokaste declared, opening the door and holding it for the group.Nicaise whooped and hurried inside, grabbing the first table he saw that could fit four.It always unnerved Damen when Nicaise spoke like that and then proceeded to act his age.The two images didn’t go together.

Laurent sat down next to Nicaise, across from Damen, and picked up one of the menus that was already on the table.He opened it and stared, but his eyes weren’t moving.How was it possible for someone to be this deep in thought for this long?

A waiter arrived and asked if they wanted anything to drink.Jokaste ordered a margarita, smiling at Niciase, who flashed a grin back.Everyone else got glasses of water.The waiter quickly came back with the water and said that the margarita would be out soon.He lingered slightly longer than he needed to, flashing a smile at Damen.Unthinkingly, Damen gave one back, earning him looks from everyone at the table, all of them vaguely murderous.Everyone’s except Laurent’s, that is.Laurent simply looked bored.

“What?” Damen said.“I was just being polite.”

“That smile wasn’t polite,” Nicaise said.

“Aren’t you like ten?” Damen asked.“How could you possibly have any idea?”

“Because I’m not stupid.And I’m eleven, actually.”

“Oh, sorry,” Damen said, “That obviously makes you an expert.”

“I should’ve gotten two margaritas,” Jokaste murmured, eyes scanning the menu.Damen glared at her and she rolled her eyes. 

Sighing, Damen glanced at the menu, decided on the first thing that looked remotely edible, and then closed it up, deciding to people-watch.It had been a long day.A long day with people who were a lot more like Laurent than him.Damen missed Nikandros.He probably wouldn’t be so irritable if Nikandros was here.

As he watched two women coo over their child at a table across the room from them, Damen could feel eyes on him.He knew they were Laurent’s.They had a certain weight. When Damen finally returned his eyes to their table, he found he was right.Laurent was staring, eyes slightly narrowed, as he played with the straw in his water.

“What?” Damen asked.“Something to say?”

The corner of Laurent’s mouth quirked up and he shook his head.

“Three margaritas,” Jokaste said.

Damen could sense he was about to burst, something Laurent seemed to sense as well and was happily waiting for, as if it were going to be the entertainment of his life.He was about to excuse himself to avoid a scene when his phone started to ring.It was Nikandros and Damen let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m going to go take this,” he said, standing from the table.“If the waiter comes back, order the Fajita Burrito for me, please.”Damen didn’t wait for acknowledgment, he simply walked out onto the street and answered Nikandros’ call.

“Hey.What’s up?”

“You doing anything?” Nikandros asked.

“Searching for a bench.Why?”

“Because I need to be fifteen years old for a minute and I’d like to do it with you.”

“Where’s Jord?”

“Picking up Chinese food,” Nikandros said.“I was going to go with him, but then I realized it would be a good time to call you and give you the rundown, because I’ve spent all afternoon internally screaming.I really need to externally scream.”

“Go ahead,” Damen sighed, “I’m at the worst dinner ever, so…”

“We’ll address that later,” Nikandros said.“So, we get up to his apartment, right?And he lives here alone and it’s actually pretty nice and somehow, he affords it all by himself, which is definitely a point in his favor.We watch TV for awhile, because neither one of us really knows what to say to each other and we start out on opposite ends of the couch, but we inch closer the entire time and we both know we’re doing it, but neither of us wants to acknowledge it and I’m already going crazy by this point.”

“Take some breaths every once in awhile, Nik.”

Nikandros took an exaggerated breath, then continued.“Eventually, some stupid game show comes on and Jord shuts the TV off and turns to me and I break into a full-on sweat, because he’s gorgeous and I’m in love with him and I really want to kiss him.”

“Sure,” Damen said.

“And then he just starts talking about everything.How his sister is, how he has to pick up his dog from the vet tonight, how he’s so happy I’m here, a bunch of normal stuff, you know, and, suddenly, it feels so perfect and right and I relax.This was the moment I realized it wasn’t going to be any different now that we were in the same room with each other, which was a relief.

“So, naturally, I close the distance between us and sit across from him, so that our knees are touching and we just talk, for like two hours.Sometimes, while he was listening to me ramble, he’d reach up and curl a finger into my hair and I might’ve died.I’m not entirely sure if I’m actually alive at this point.”

“Either that or you’re a very convincing ghost,” Damen said.

Nikandros laughed excitedly.“Anyway, the third time he did it, I leaned in and kissed him.And, somehow, that was perfect, too.He’s a really good kisser, actually.It’s entirely unfair.He also has no problems with kissing for hours, which is what we did, and it was great.Then, grand finale, he went to get Chinese food, which he is paying for by himself.He insisted.I don’t really know where I’m going with this, except that I want to say he’s utterly perfect and I really needed someone to know how perfect he is.”

“No surprises, then?”

“No.He’s as quiet and genuine and gentlemanly as he is on the phone.”

“That’s great, Nik.You deserve it.”

“Now tell me about your awful dinner.”

“Well, it just started, so there’s not much to tell.I just really wish you were here.I can’t handle Jokaste, Laurent, and Nicaise all alone.”

“To be honest, I’m really glad I’m not there.”

Damen laughed.“I know and that’s fine.I should probably get back.Have a nice evening.Don’t fuck it up.”

“You mean by telling him I love him?”

“Yeah, that probably wouldn’t be good.”

“It wouldn’t, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore,” Nikandros sighed.“God,” he groaned, “I sound like you.”

“Thanks for calling, Nik.This helped.”

“Don’t get sappy.I’m in a sappy mood and that means I might get sappy in return and I’d really regret doing that.”

Rolling his eyes, Damen said, “Bye, Nik.”

“See ya.”

Damen pocketed his phone and returned to the restaurant to find that Nicaise was the only one sitting at the table.

“Where is everyone?” he asked.

Nicaise shrugged.“Jokaste dragged Laurent to the girl’s bathroom.I think she probably wanted to convince him you weren’t flirting with that waiter even though you were.”

Damen couldn’t find a point in arguing, so he didn’t.Instead, he watched Nicaise poke at the ice cubes in his water.It was obvious he was bored out of his mind.Controlling his emotions was not something he had yet mastered, though Damen wasn’t laboring under the misapprehension that Nicaise wasn’t working on that.He admired Laurent greatly and it didn’t surprise Damen at all that he was trying hard to be exactly like him.Part of him wanted to tell Nicaise to stop, let him know that there were better ways, but a larger part of him knew that it wasn’t his business.

“Ever played soccer?” Damen asked, searching for a neutral topic.

“No,” Nicaise said, “Why?”

Damen shrugged.“I could teach you the basics sometime, if you want.It’s pretty fun.”

Nicaise was eyeing him cautiously, but he couldn’t disguise his interest.“Really?”

“Sure.”

“I’ve always wanted to play a sport.Uncle wouldn’t ever…” Nicaise trailed off and started bopping the ice cubes again. 

Thankfully, Laurent and Jokaste returned soon after.They settled back into their seats and Damen sent Jokaste a questioning look.All she did was smile and take a sip of her margarita, humming contently.

As for Laurent, he was staring at Damen again and when their eyes met, he said, “Who was on the phone?”

“Nik,” Damen replied.“Apparently his date with Jord is going very well.”

Jokaste grinned.“Good,” she said.“I want to meet Jord.We’ll have to make that happen.”

“Definitely,” Damen said.“He seemed very down to earth.I think he’d fit in just fine.”

“Someone to keep you from going insane?” Laurent asked, feigning innocence.

“Yes.”

“You really are irritated with me, aren’t you?”His eyes were fixed on Damen and they were glowing with amusement.Damen didn’t find it particularly funny, so he scowled down at his water and didn’t respond.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Laurent said, taking a sip of water.“I didn’t think you got irritated.This is truly fascinating.”

“Laurent,” Jokaste warned, her eyes hard.“I will pour my margarita over your head if you aren’t careful.”

“Have I done something wrong?”

“Did you listen to a goddamn word I said to you?” Jokaste asked.“Because if you did, I want you to think about what you’re doing.”

“Leave it, Jokaste,” Damen said.It was easier to end this conversation now, before he grabbed Jokaste, stormed out of the restaurant, and demanded to know what the fuck she had said to Laurent.

“You do realize standing up for yourself is not the same thing as being mean, right Damen?Because sometimes I wonder.”

“Leave it.”

Jokaste groaned and drank the rest of her margarita, raising her hand to the waiter and asking for another.He fetched her one and informed them that their food would be here soon.He also tried to catch Damen’s eye again, but Damen cast them downwards, not wishing to relive the first part of this dinner.It stung, though.The poor guy didn’t have any context.

When their food came, Damen couldn’t even find it in himself to be surprised when a plate of nachos was placed in front of him.Nicaise smiled unsympathetically.Damen miserably picked through his nachos and ate them slowly, watching the cheese drip off each chip he lifted.Indulging in his bad mood was about the only fun he could have right now.

Halfway through his nachos, almost everyone was done with their meals, happily wiping their mouths and sighing.Lethargically, Damen kept picking up chip after chip and absentmindedly listened to Jokaste and Nicaise have in an in-depth debate about a movie they had both seen.

There was a sardonic laugh from across the table and Damen glanced up to see Laurent almost smiling.“You are pathetic,” he said, reaching over and taking Damen’s plate from him.Then he slid his own across the table, two tacos left on the plate.They looked infinitely more appetizing.

“Are you sure?” Damen asked.

Laurent lifted a chip from the pile of cheese and meat and ate it in response.

“Thank you,” Damen murmured, picking up a taco and taking a messy bite.The crunch of lettuce and the hint of sweet tomato was so much better than the greasy cheese.He might’ve moaned.

That earned a laugh from Laurent, one very similar to the laugh next to the lake.The laugh Damen had a picture of.However badly Damen didn’t want it to improve his mood, it did.Carefully, he smiled at Laurent, testing the waters, and was pleased to discover that Laurent was happy to return the smile, albeit with a hint of sarcasm.“I didn’t realize just how good you were at moping,” he said.

“Learned from my brother,” Damen said, “He’s a master.”Then, “You weren’t feeling bad for me, were you?”

“I think you’d have to be a master for that.”

“Too bad I’m not Kastor, then.”

Laurent frowned.“He may be a master, but I wouldn’t be capable of feeling bad for him.He’s ruined more than his own life.”

“Careful,” Damen said, “It’s starting to sound like you care about me.”

Laurent held Damen’s gaze, even as he was eating.It was making Damen’s skin prickle and his stomach warm. 

Damen had no idea how long they’d started at each other, but obviously long enough for Jokaste and Nicaise to notice, because when Laurent averted his eyes, Jokaste said, “Ha.You owe me a dollar.”

“Damn it,” Nicaise muttered, reaching into Laurent’s pocket and nabbing his wallet, handing Jokaste a dollar from it. 

In a light tone, Laurent said, “I suggest if you make bets, you have the money to pay them.Now you owe me a dollar and I charge interest.”

“I’ll let you read aloud to me.”

Laurent narrowed his eyes.“Deal.That gets rid of the interest.”

“Oh, come on,” Nicaise groaned.

“I suggest you start picking up quarters off the street.”

Nicaise sent a strange look Damen’s way and Damen was about to ask why he was being stared at like that, when Laurent said, “No, Nicaise.You’ll owe me two if you mooch a dollar from Damen.He’s too easy of a target.”

“You haven’t had a problem with that before,” Jokaste said softly, eyes boring into Laurent’s.

Damen could feel his bad mood settling back in.Taking out his wallet, he tossed a dollar to Nicaise.“Do what you want with that,” he said.“The rest of you,” he continued, flicking his eyes between Laurent and Jokaste, “Can stop trying to protect me.My life is mine to live and this is how I’m living it.In fact, I’m going to stand up and go to our waiter and pay for everyone’s meal because I can and because it’s the kind of thing I do.”

There were protests from both Jokaste and Laurent, but Damen ignored them, handing over his card to the waiter and telling him that he was paying the entire tab.Then he walked out of the restaurant, knowing Jokaste would make sure to get the card back, and headed down the street to the truck, which was parked a couple of blocks away.

It wasn’t that he was angry, he was just tired.Tired of defending himself, of keeping himself from saying what he really wanted to say to Laurent, and of spending almost all of his time with other people.Damen had never been the type who preferred being alone, but he wouldn’t have minded now.

Slamming the car door behind him as he settled into the front seat of his truck, Damen turned it on and tapped his foot to the music playing, letting it drown out his thoughts.After three songs had played, he heard car doors opening around him.Nobody said a word as they got in and Jokaste handed Damen’s card up to Laurent, who handed it to Damen.

“Thanks,” he said.He put the card away, then pulled out of the spot, heading back towards the motel.Someone could’ve protested and he might’ve listened, but he could really use his own room—his own space—right now.

 

Blissfully, Damen was alone in his room.The TV was on, but he wasn’t really watching.It was just background noise for lying on his scratchy bed and savoring his aloneness.He was very glad he’d insisted on buying Laurent and Nicaise a separate room.

Of course, the question became how he was going to entertain himself for the evening.He could read _Name of the Wind_ or he could continue pretending to watch TV.Unsure what he wanted to do, Damen decided to shower first, get the grime and the excess irritation of the day down the drain.

When he stepped out of the shower, he got dressed and threw his hair up in a towel.Then he checked his phone, making sure Nikandros hadn’t called.He hadn’t, but there was a text from Laurent.

_L: Text me when you’re out of the shower._

_D: How’d you know I was in the shower?_

A text arrived immediately, summoning an image of Laurent holding his phone in his lap, waiting impatiently for Damen to respond.

_L: Assumed._

That wasn’t the response Damen expected.He sighed, sinking down onto his bed, figuring he should’ve figured Laurent didn’t actually want anything from him.And then it occurred to him that Laurent must’ve knocked on his door and not received a response.That was the only way he could’ve assumed anything.He did want something.

And, sure enough, a knock sounded on his door thirty seconds later.Damen removed the towel from his head and threw it into the corner of the room, before heading to the door and opening it.

Laurent was a study in tension and he wasn’t quite meeting Damen’s eyes.In a quiet voice, he said, “Can I come in?”

“I…”Damen stopped and thought of himself for once.He needed this night alone.Painfully and with lots of awkward pauses, Damen said, “I think I want to spend the night alone, actually.I’m tired.”

“I know,” Laurent said, “But I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do this again and I know you want to hear what I have to say.”

“You know, do you?” Damen asked, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed.

Laurent finally met his eyes and frowned.“Yes.I do.Would you like to hear it or shall I return to my room?I don’t have endless patience like you.”

“Was that a compliment?”

“Damen…”

“Okay,” Damen sighed, moving so he was no longer blocking the entrance.“But if you irritate me, I’m kicking you out.”

“I didn’t come here to irritate you.”

“Why are you here?”

Laurent came into the room gradually and then he settled for leaning against the dresser that the TV was on top of.Giving Laurent space, Damen went to the bed and sat down on the end, leaning his elbows on his knees.Laurent ran his fingers through his hair and met Damen’s eyes.He didn’t speak, not right away, and Damen knew he was collecting his thoughts, organizing them into a coherent statement.

“There are two conditions before I say what I want to say.One: you cannot interrupt me once I start.Two: I have no obligations to answer any of your questions once I am finished.Understood?”

“Yes,” Damen responded.“Are you sure you don’t want to sit?”

Laurent glared at him and stayed where he was.“As I understand it, you wish to pursue a romantic relationship with me.”

Damen already wanted to interrupt, but he simply nodded and waited.

“This morning, you accused me of having a similar…desire, which, under normal circumstances, would be utterly preposterous because we’ve only known each other a week, but…”Laurent trailed off and gritted his teeth, turning to stare out the tiny window.“I do like you, Damen.A lot.”It seemed to pain him exceedingly.“But I need you to understand that it doesn’t mean the same thing coming from me as it does from other people you’ve been with.I’m not sure I can give you what you want and I can promise you I won’t be good at it.I will need it to go slow and when I say stop, you will have to stop.It will take a long time for me to fully trust you and there will be lots of moments where I will refuse to answer your questions.I won’t be interested in public displays of affection and I’d prefer to avoid being called your boyfriend.What I’m trying to say is that it won’t be easy.For either of us.”

Damen’s heart was pounding in his throat and it was impossible for him to contain a smile.Before anything else, though, he had to ask: “You’re not doing this because you feel like you owe it to me, right?”

“No,” Laurent murmured, eyes directed at the floor.“I want to try this.With you.You…I’m happy when I’m with you.”

“Okay,” Damen said.

“Okay?” Laurent asked sardonically.Clearly, he’d expected his long list of reasons not to be with him to be more convincing.

“I’m not nearly as verbose as you, Laurent.That’s the best I can do right now.”

“You’re freaking out.”

Damen laughed shakily.“Only a little.”

“Me too,” Laurent said, crossing the room and sitting beside Damen.Not close enough that their thighs were touching, but closer than Laurent had ever willingly sat beside him before.

It was dizzying.It had been unexpected and now Laurent was here, beside him, being honest, so honest that it was uncomfortable for him.Damen wanted to do so many things, suddenly, now that he could, but he had no idea where to begin.So, for a moment, he simply stared, taking in Laurent, in all his hard, tense angles.As usual, the simple beauty of him was stunning and Damen said so, because he could.“You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

Laurent finally turned to look at Damen, every movement controlled and wary.“I’m not going to fuck you tonight.”

Unable to help himself, Damen burst into laughter, which earned him a harsh glare from Laurent.Before Laurent could retreat further, Damen said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s not funny, it’s just not something I imagined we would be doing.At all.”

“But you do want to fuck me.”

“Why are you so focused on sex?”

Laurent didn’t shift his gaze, but he did steel his jaw.

“I would like to have sex with you, but not until you’re ready.”

“What if I never am?”

“Then you aren’t,” Damen murmured, a horrifying thought occurring to him.But it wasn’t one he was ready to face or contemplate, so he shoved it deep down, hoping it wouldn’t occur to him ever again.

Laurent nodded.

“What do you want to do?” Damen asked.

“I don’t know.I didn’t get that far, which is unusual for me.My imagination didn’t proceed past your door.”

Damen laughed.“You’ve said what you wanted to say, I’m here, and I’m not leaving.We can do anything.There’s probably a movie on TV.We could make out.We could calmly pretend this didn’t happen for right now and you could go back to your room.I’m okay with whatever.”

“What do you want to do?”

Damen laughed again and raised his hand to sweep it through Laurent’s hair, the trail of his hand ending at the nape of Laurent’s neck.Both his skin and his hair were smooth, so Damen did it again because Laurent didn’t stop him and because it was nice.

The third time, Laurent leaned into the touch imperceptibly, exhaling shakily.For once, his lips weren’t in a thin line; they were full and hanging open slightly.Damen’s eyes landed on them and didn’t leave.“Can I kiss you?” he whispered. _Please, please, please._

Laurent blinked once, leaned in, and pressed his lips to Damen’s experimentally.It was chaste, unpracticed, but it was also soft and warm.A delicate lethargy spread all the way to Damen’s toes.Smiling, he cupped Laurent’s face with his hands and kissed him again, keeping his mouth closed.Laurent was the one who swiped his tongue against Damen’s bottom lip, sparking a fire low in his stomach.

The kisses deepened and Laurent brought one of his hands to rest on Damen’s wrist, his thumb rubbing a relentless rhythm against the thin skin above his pulse.It was exploratory and messy and Damen started laughing when their teeth clashed, but he felt incredible, because this was Laurent.Laurent had given him _this._

Regretfully, Damen pulled away and kissed the tip of Laurent’s nose.He noticed it shocked Laurent and he laughed again, earning him a shy smile.“Was that alright?”

“Adequate.”

That made Damen laugh again.He wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop laughing anytime soon.“That’s all I get?What if that’s my best performance?”

“That could be a problem.”

“You have standards, do you?”

“Only a hundred or so,” Laurent smiled.Damen ran his index finger down Laurent’s cheek.Laurent tensed under the touch, but didn’t pull away or ask Damen to stop.

“Do you ever relax?” Damen murmured.

“Have you ever seen me relaxed?”

“No.”

“I believe you just answered your own question.Bravo.”

“Why not?”

“More reasons that you or I can count,” Laurent said.

Silently, Damen added that to the list of questions he wouldn’t ask again anytime soon.Laurent watched him curiously and when the break in conversation started leaning towards awkward, he stood and grabbed the remote.Then he raised a pillow against the headboard and sat down, his legs crossed out in front of him.

Damen smiled as Laurent turned on the TV and began flipping through channels.Nothing in his face or posture suggested he was at all uncomfortable, but Damen knew he was.Laurent was unsure and unconfident, neither of which he could be particularly used to.Every minute Laurent remained in this room, the more grateful and amazed Damen became.This was beyond difficult for him.

Rising, Damen went to join him and sat on the other side of the bed, mimicking Laurent’s pose.Laurent’s eyes shifted to him and he said, lips tight, “We just kissed.I assure you, if you come sit beside me, I won’t hurt you.”

“Miss me already?”

“I was simply assuming you missed me.Forgive me if I was wrong.You’re more than welcome to stay over there.”

Damen shook his head, still smiling.He was going to wrinkle prematurely at this rate.“You’re way too good at comebacks.”He’d been about to add “How am I supposed to break through those walls when it’s almost as fun not to?” before he thought better of it.Instead, he crawled across the bed and sat so close to Laurent that their thighs were touching.Again, Laurent tensed and Damen murmured, “Are you sure this is alright?”

Something was warring in Laurent’s eyes, but he nodded.Carefully, Damen trailed his fingers down the fine skin of Laurent’s arm and then pressed his fingers in the spaces between Laurent’s. 

Both of their breathing was strained.It took Laurent a moment to move, but then he resumed flipping through channels, leaving his hand beneath Damen’s.“Looks like this one is about wildebeest,” Laurent said.

“Not the nature channel again,” Damen groaned.

“The only reason you don’t like it is because you know if you were one of these animals, you’d be the one at the end of the pack getting eaten by the lion.”

“I can run fast.”

“Perhaps, but you’d probably do something stupid, like sacrifice yourself to save all your wildebeest friends.”

“Do wildebeest have friends?” Damen asked, trying not to laugh.

Laurent huffed and threw the remote against Damen’s chest.“You pick something then.Not sports.”

“What do you have against sports?” Damen said, as he watched the channels changing on the screen.

“Boring.”

“Sports are not boring.”

“Maybe not to play, but certainly to watch.”

“We’re going to have to agree to disagree,” Damen said.

“I sense that happening a lot in our future.”

Damen smiled at his lap. _Our future._

Laurent grimaced at him and said, “You’re disturbing.Stop smiling.”He dug a fingernail into the corner of Damen’s mouth and watched happily as the smile turned into a wince from the pain.

“And I’m the disturbing one,” Damen grumbled.

“We can both be disturbing.I think that’s allowed.”

Eventually, Damen turned the TV off.There wasn’t anything interesting on and Laurent was talking to him, which was astronomically better.The dark screen seemed to put Laurent on edge, but Damen knew he could distract him.Turning on his side, elbow against the pillows, Damen said, “So…tell me something about you that I don’t know.It can be anything.”

“You first.”

“Okay,” Damen said, pausing to think.“I was offered a position on the soccer team at U-Dub, scholarship and everything, and I turned it down.”

“Why?”

“Nik didn’t make it and I decided I’d rather be on a team with him.It helped that I didn’t have to worry about money, obviously.”

“Are you sure you aren’t in love with him?” Laurent said dryly.

Damen laughed.“I probably am in love with him, but it’s entirely platonic.There’s something about watching someone go through puberty that ruins any chance of romantic feelings.Not that it was going to happen anyway.We’ve always been brothers.”

“When I first met Auguste’s wife, girlfriend at the time, I made her cry.”

“How?”

“By being vaguely insulting.She was just sensitive.”

“I assume you wanted to make her cry.”

Laurent smiled lightly.“But that would be insensitive of me, Damen.”

“Why did you do it?”

Laurent shrugged.“I was young, barely twelve, and he was my brother, not her boyfriend.I don’t like sharing.”

“Why does that not surprise me?”None of it did.Not even the thought of a twelve year old boy making an adult woman cry.Or at least, he assumed.“How much older was Auguste?”

“Seven years,” Laurent said.“My parents were only going to have one child, but then my mother got pregnant on accident and she was attached to me within minutes.Or, at least, that’s what she liked to tell me.”

“He got married young, then.”

“Yes,” Laurent frowned.“It was ridiculous, but she was his soul mate or something.I don’t remember exactly what he said.I just remember the reason being stupid.”

“I take it you don’t believe in soul mates, then,” Damen laughed.

“It’s like believing in God,” Laurent said.

“Bold statement.”

Laurent caught Damen’s eyes and said, “Please tell me you’re not religious.”

“Would that be a problem?”

There was something strange happening to Laurent’s face and Damen burst into laughter and leaned his forehead on Laurent’s shoulder.When Damen stopped laughing, he lingered on Laurent’s shoulder and said, “I’m not religious.My mom was like you; the see it to believe it type.”

After a brief silence, Laurent said, “Are you going to remove your head from my shoulder?”

“Nope.I like it here.”

“It’s inconvenient.”

“Like my face that much?”

“I do prefer looking at someone when I’m talking to them,” Laurent said.

Damen hummed, considering Laurent’s argument.“I’ll move if you let me kiss your neck.”

“You’ll move anyway,” Laurent said, something hard in his voice.

“Yes I will,” Damen sighed, lifting his head.“I take it I can’t kiss your neck, then.”

“No.”

Nodding, Damen satisfied himself with sliding his fingers out of Laurent’s and flipping his hand so that the palm was up.Moving slowly, he traced the lines on the palm, cataloging them with both sight and touch.

“Stop,” Laurent murmured.

As though Laurent’s skin had shocked him, Damen removed his hand in a flash and scooted a couple of inches away.Their eyes didn’t leave each other for a second and then Damen whispered, “Sorry.”

“You did nothing wrong,” Laurent said, as though it were a surprise to him.Then, “I’m going back to my room.”

“Sure,” Damen murmured, suddenly confident he had done something wrong.

Laurent stood.He walked around the bed and opened the door.Before he left, he glanced back at Damen and sighed.“I’m just tired, Damen.”Then, leaving the door open, he made his way to the bed and pressed one knee down into the sheets, gathering Damen’s face in his hands and kissing him sweetly.Damen felt like he was on the verge of swooning.He didn’t think Laurent could do anything sweetly. 

Lips still inches from Damen’s, he murmured, “You did nothing wrong.Good night.”

“Night,” Damen whispered, laying one of his hands over Laurent’s for a moment.

The moment the door shut, Damen laid down and grinned at the ceiling, his chest hurting with how happy he was.Damen hadn’t fucked anything up and it felt good.He turned off the light, but he knew he wasn’t going to sleep for hours.There were multiple kisses he could relive and a few conversations as well.

It wasn’t as good as having Laurent there with him, however, and so, only minutes later, Damen shot Laurent a text.

_D: Can I take you out?_

_D: No pda required._

_L: I hate you._

_D: Is that a yes?_

_L: No._

_L: Yes._


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of you. The support that keeps flooding in for this fic is insane and I'm so utterly grateful. Thank you so so much for everything.  
> Thank you, like always, to Mari and Becky, the people who consistently share my pain. <3  
> And thank you thank you thank you to @hsincerely (tumblr) for the most beautiful mood board on the face of the planet. Holy fucking shit. It's literally my phone backgroud right now.  
> Enjoy!!! <3

When Damen woke in the morning, he felt better than he had in a long time.He’d always been an optimistic person, despite the death of his parents and the betrayal of his brother and Jokaste, but he’d never felt like he’d gotten a reward for being as forgiving and kind as he was.Obviously, the world didn’t deal in rewards, and Damen wouldn’t want it to, but, either way, this felt like one.After all this time, he’d earned a sliver of trust from an impossible man. 

Damen ran his fingers over his lips, remembering the final kiss from last night and wondered when he would get another one.This morning?A day from now?Would they have to be alone?Or would Laurent be alright with it in front of Damen’s friends?

Realizing he was obsessing, Damen picked up his phone.He was about to text Laurent about their date, when he saw that he had a text from Nikandros.

_N: I’m sitting in his bed with him, eating a breakfast he made for me.Is this real?_

_D: And you’re texting me?_

Knowing he likely wouldn’t get a response for awhile, as it had been sent over a half hour ago, Damen moved onto formulating a text to Laurent.There were lots of things they could do, but he wasn’t sure what would interest Laurent.It would be good if he could find away to include everyone else as well, because he had the only form of transportation.Where was a place they would all enjoy, but he and Laurent could still find time to be alone together?

An idea occurred to Damen and he grinned as he typed it out. 

_D: How about the zoo?Everyone can split up and do their own thing, but we can all drive there together.We’ll invite Jord.Nik will love that.And Nicaise can hang out with Jokaste.I know he likes her._

_L: Do you go a second without thinking about me?_

_D: Not this morning.Zoo?_

_L: That’s seriously the best you can do?_

_D: You’re the one obsessed with nature shows._

_L: I’m not obsessed._

_D: ??????_

_L: Fine.But only if you ask me properly._

_D: Properly?_

_L: Get out of fucking bed._

_D: Maybe I am._

_L: You’re not._

_D: You very literally cannot possibly know that.Unless you really are psychic and have been holding out on me._

_L: I just have a brain that I actually use.Am I wrong?_

_D: …no_

_D: So…was I the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?_

_L: Out.Of.Bed._

Laughing to himself, Damen got out of bed, put on clothes, and brushed his teeth.He was slipping his feet into flip-flops when his phone buzzed.It was Nikandros.

_N: He was in the bathroom when I texted you.Now he’s reading the newspaper.What a nerd.How’d the awful dinner end last night?_

_D: wanna go 2 the zoo?u can bring jord_

_N: Sure.Did it go that bad?_

_D: about that…_

Damen wasn’t entirely sure how to reveal the news to Nikandros.He’d be happy for Damen, of course, but Laurent was a touchy subject.Besides, text was not how Damen would’ve preferred to tell him.

_N: Gonna finish that thought?_

_D: im going 2 call u in a min_

_N: Okay???_

Pocketing his phone, Damen exited his room into warm morning and strolled down to Laurent’s room.When he arrived, he knocked twice and then shoved his hands in his pockets, rolling from his toes to his heels over and over again.It surprised him how nervous he was.Laurent had already agreed, after all.But there was something about doing it in person, especially with Laurent, who could take the opportunity to poke and prod Damen instead.It was a relief to realize how far they had to go.Neither of them even truly trusted each other.

Laurent cracked the door and moved so that he was blocking the view of his room. 

“You’re not tall enough,” Nicaise yelled, “I know it’s him.I’ve already told you I know what happened last night.You were smiling while you were brushing your teeth.”

Biting down on his smile, Damen watched as a light flush grew from Laurent’s neck.Regaining control, Laurent said, “That was fast.You must like me.”

“Something like that.Morning Nicaise.”

“I don’t like you,” Nicaise shouted back in lieu of a greeting.

“Now,” Damen began, “What is your definition of properly, Laurent?”

“On your knees.”

“Seriously?I mean, I can.It’s not preferable, but…”

Laurent raised his eyebrows, stopping Damen in his tracks.“That was a joke,” Damen murmured, rubbing the back of his neck.“I knew that.”

Laughing, Laurent crossed his arms and waited.It was unfair how utterly comfortable he was.Damen would get him back for that.“Laurent,” Damen said, “Would you accompany me to the zoo on this fine day?”

“Are you a sixty year old man?”

Damen rolled his eyes.“For fuck’s sake.I’ll buy you ice cream.”

“Oh, well in that case…”

Damen laughed and a thrill shot through him when he saw the amusement mirrored in Laurent’s eyes.Then, “Yes,” Laurent murmured.“I believe that’s acceptable.”

“Perfect,” Damen smiled.“So…do I get a good morning kiss?”

The flush came back harder and Damen felt a measure of pride.Now Laurent was uncomfortable.It looked as though he was trying to say something, but couldn’t quite find the words.Damen waved them away and leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Laurent’s cheek.His hair smelled nice.“I’ll let you know when we’re leaving,” he said.Then, “Nicaise, are you alright spending the day with Jokaste?”

“As long as it’s not you.”

“Is he ever going to be nice to me?” Damen asked.

Laurent’s lips quirked.“No.Probably not.”

“That might be a first,” Damen said.Taking a deep breath, he started trying to extricate himself.It was difficult because Laurent looked amazing (as usual), his hair smelled good, and he was still standing there, patiently waiting to see if Damen had anything else to add. 

“You can just leave, Damen.It’s not that hard.All it involves is moving your feet in any direction but forwards.

“Why do I like you?” Damen joked, realizing too late it was the wrong thing to say.Something shuttered in Laurent’s eyes and automatically, Damen began to apologize.His eyes hardened further at that and Damen knew he was supposed to stop talking completely.So he did.

“I know a joke when I hear one, unlike you,” Laurent said.The words came out harsh and Damen suspected that Laurent considered it a good question, not a joke.There was a moment where Damen considered reassuring him in any way that he could, but those eyes were still impassable, borderline cruel, and so Damen nodded and strolled away.

And then came back.A thin crack of the door was open still and Laurent sighed, pulling it wider.“What?”

“I was going to walk away and let that lie, but I suspect you’ll build your walls back up like that often and I don’t think that means I should give up and leave.It probably means I should do the opposite, actually, so that’s what I’m doing.

“I like you because you’re intelligent and clever and interesting.I haven’t been bored a single second spent with you and I don’t think that’s something that’s likely to change.I’m sorry I made a joke about it.That was insensitive.”

“Do you always say everything you’re thinking?” Laurent asked.

“No.”

“Whatever you say.”

“We good?”

“We were already fine,” Laurent said, shutting the door in Damen’s face.

It was clear that being with Laurent was going to be a non stop adventure.Laughing softly, Damen retreated to his room and called Nikandros.

“That was a long minute,” Nikandros said.

“What’s Jord think about the zoo?”

“It’s fine with him.He just wants to spend time with me.”

A crackle of laughter came through the phone and then Damen listened as Jord and Nikandros had a muffled side conversation.All he could discern was the tone and it was Nikandros’ full dose of teasing; as high as he could turn it.

“Sorry,” Nikandros said, coming back.“So what wouldn’t you tell me over text?”

“The dinner sucked,” Damen said, “So I went back to my room for some alone time and that was when Laurent came to my door.”

“Oh god,” Nikandros groaned.

“There’s a long story here, but to make it short, we kissed.More than once.And I’m pretty sure he’s not going to go around kissing other people, either.”

There was a long silence and then Nikandros said, “There is nobody on this planet who would kiss him besides you, Damen.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Fine.That he would let kiss him.I take it you’re happy then?”

“Yeah.”Damen grinned.“Really happy.”

“I’ll refrain from punching him, then.Also, Jord says we should have already been at the zoo, because it gets crowded and hot.I think we should get a move on.”

“I’ll mobilize the troops,” Damen replied.

“And Damen?”

“Yeah?”

“I am happy for you.Really.I just hope he’s not another Jokaste.”

“So do I,” Damen murmured.

 

Within twenty minutes, Damen managed to gather everyone and get them in the truck.Laurent was easy to maneuver, having already been dressed, but Nicaise was more interested in playing on Laurent’s phone and Jokaste was busy putting the last touches on her makeup.Those final touches were apparently critical, making or breaking the look.Damen tried to be sympathetic, but after ten minutes, he made her finish in the car, which she was grudgingly okay with doing.

They were going to pick up Jord and Nikandros.Damen wasn’t quite sure how they were going to fit everyone inside, but he knew someone would be able to figure it out.If nothing else, Nikandros would be happy to have Jord on his lap.It was likely they’d be one of those couples.Nikandros was very demonstrative; always had been.

As usual, Laurent was in the front and he was sneaking glances at Damen a lot more often than he had been before today.It was incredibly distracting and halfway to Jord’s, Jokaste turned to Nicaise and said, “It happened, didn’t it?”

“Yep,” Nicaise grumbled, glaring daggers at Damen’s back.

Jokaste smiled and slapped Damen on the shoulder with the back of her hand.He couldn’t help his smile and Laurent automatically rolled his eyes, flipping Jokaste off.

“Uncalled for,” she laughed.

“Hardly.”

“Does Nik know?” Jokaste said suddenly, her voice lowering.The question appeared to perk Laurent’s interest.

“He does.”

“And?”

“Grudgingly happy for me.”Laurent slumped in his seat slightly and Damen flicked his eyes to him, watching as Laurent _pouted_.No one else could see, which was perhaps why he allowed himself to do it, though when he noticed Damen staring, he straightened slightly.“I can’t believe you want Nik to hate you,” Damen said.

“It’s entertaining.”

“Of course you would find that entertaining.”Damen tried to sound exasperated, but when the words left his mouth, they were helplessly charmed instead.Nicaise noticed and groaned outright.

“I did not sign up to be around a bunch of lovesick adults.It’s disgusting.”

“You didn’t sign up for anything,” Laurent said dryly.“You were getting away from Uncle, so shut up.”

“I wouldn’t have had to if you’d gotten me out earlier.”

Damen’s ears perked at the new information.Laurent, however, sensed that both he and Jokaste were paying very close attention and he didn’t reply to Nicaise.He simply turned back to the road and scowled at it as though it had personally offended him.That killed the conversation and the remainder of the drive to Jord’s apartment was silent.

When they arrived, Jord and Nikandros were sitting on the sidewalk beside the apartment, waiting. 

The moment Nikandros noticed Damen’s car, he bounded up and grinned.Reaching behind him, he extended his hand to Jord who took it without question, and then Nikandros was dragging him to the truck.

Opening the back door, Nikandros said, “So, how are we doing seating?Also, hi everyone, this is Jord.Be nice.”His eyes lingered on Laurent and Nicaise.

Jord waved, smiling shyly and Jokaste reached over Nicaise and shook his hand.While that was happening, Damen said, “I think someone is going to have to sit on someone’s lap.We’ll just have to hope I don’t get pulled over.Or you could double buckle.You might all be able to squeeze.”

Shrugging Nikandros slid into the car and shoved Nicaise over with a playful shove.It earned him a finger in the side, but Nikandros simply laughed and kept bumping him with his hip until he was snug against Jokaste.By the time Jord got into the car, the entire back seat was squirming and Niciase looked downright murderous.“I don’t like double buckling,” he growled.“I think Jord should sit on your lap.”

“If anyone’s sitting on a lap, it’s you kid.Sorry to break it to you,” Nikandros said.

“I’m not sitting on anyone’s lap.”

“Then we’re double buckling.Suck it up.”

Jord observed the conversation silently and then murmured, “I wouldn’t mind sitting on a lap if…”

“Don’t listen to him.Him or Laurent, the blonde one in front.This is just how they are.Better to not let yourself get pushed around.”

“You think you can stop me?” Laurent asked.

“Ugh, fuck off,” Nikandros said.

“Nik…” Damen warned.

“What?I promised not to punch him.I did not promise to be nice.”

Laurent laughed quietly.“You probably shouldn’t have done that.I’ve promised no such thing.”

“You couldn’t land a punch on me,” Nikandros scoffed.

“Care to test that sometime?”

“Stop.Both of you,” Damen said.“Are we all buckled in?”

“It’s as good as it’s going to get,” Nikandros replied.

Nodding, Damen drove through the parking lot of the apartment complex and out, Jord giving him firm and explicit instructions to the zoo.There was a significant amount of bickering in the back, however, and so eventually, Damen had to order an end to all talking.Nicaise tried to disobey the demand, but Laurent turned in his seat and stared at him, earning him a grumbled, “I can’t believe this,” from Niciase.But he did shut up and they managed to make it to the zoo without hurting each other or crashing, which Damen counted as a success.

When they were out of the car, however, it was chaos.Jord hung back, his fingers loosely linked with Nikandros’, who was walking ahead of him and giving a detailed speech to Laurent, warning him exactly what he would do if he hurt Damen.Nicaise was glaring at Nikandros, his eyes very clearly saying that Damen needed to hear a similar speech, and Jokaste and Damen were in the very back, watching with wide eyes.

“We’re all going to murder each other,” Damen murmured.

“It was always a possibility,” Jokaste sighed.“Just promise me we’ll make it to the Grand Canyon first.”

“Well I’m not going to murder anyone.”

“True,” she laughed.Then, quieter, “So it happened.”

Damen smiled softly, staring down at his feet as he walked.“Yeah.I mean, I think.I don’t ever actually know what’s going on in that brain of his.”

Jokaste nodded in commiseration and Laurent took that moment to glance back at Damen and say, “I thought you were taking me out.Isn’t the first requirement actually talking to me?”

“I think his brain is in a similar place as yours,” Jokaste whispered, nudging Damen forward with her elbow.

“I suppose it is,” Damen said, coming up to Laurent, who had stopped walking, letting Nikandros, Jord, and Nicaise get ahead.Nikandros and Nicaise had started bickering about something, but they were both smiling, so Damen let it be.“How’s your day been?”

Laurent shrugged.“I dare you to make it better.”

“I dare you to let go.Just a little.” “I dare you to flip off a child.”

“I’m not going to flip off a child,” Damen sighed.

“And I’m not going to let go.It’s good we’re so predictable.”

“That’s not a word I would use to describe you.”

“But it is one I would use to describe you,” Laurent countered

“You and the rest of the world.”

“Do I detect a hint of bitterness?”

Damen laughed.“No.I like who I am.I see no reason to become someone I don’t like to please the world.It won’t like what I become, either.There’s no winning.”

When Damen finished speaking there was a tussle between Nikandros and Nicaise, which ended with the blade of a pocket knife directed at Nikandros’ leg.Jord was utterly horrified, especially when Nikandros grinned and raised his arms, admitting defeat.Cheering, Nicaise walked over to Jokaste and showed her his knife.A plan began to form in Damen’s mind as he observed.A part of him felt guilty, but the price was a small one for what he could gain from it.

“I think you’re going to have to let go.”

“Really.”

“Hey, Nicaise!” Damen shouted.Folding the blade back in, Nicaise turned to Damen questioningly.With a large grin, praying to god Nicaise wouldn’t interpret the action wrong, though figuring their relationship couldn’t get much worse, Damen flipped him off.Sneering, Nicaise returned the gesture, pointing it at Damen like a gun.

“I flipped of a child,” Damen said.

Laurent appraised Damen.“I didn’t think you had it in you.”Then, without further ado, he slipped his hand into Damen’s, slowly threading his fingers in the spaces between.It was so surprising, it felt illicit. 

“This feels like PDA,” Damen observed.

“You dared me to let go.”

“If it’s not okay, it’s not okay,” Damen whispered.

“If it wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t be doing it.Stop fretting.”

“I can’t help it.You laid out very broad boundaries and I don’t want to break one.”

“Just ask,” Laurent said simply.

They got into a long line to buy tickets, right behind Jord and Nikandros.Jokaste was ahead of them with Nicaise.Their heads were together and they were looking in the same direction, whispering about something.Damen was going to ask Nikandros what they were doing but Laurent saw the direction of his focus and said, “They’re playing Nicaise’s favorite game.”

“And what’s that?”

“Making up stories for strangers.He makes most of them murderers.”

“Jesus.Why?”

“Keeps it interesting.”

“Of course,” Damen sighed.

“It does,” Laurent said, pointing to a young woman in a large sun hat, fanning herself with her hand.“It requires making a woman like that a murderer.It takes some creativity.Maybe she’s wearing that hat because there’s blood in her hair or maybe she’s wearing it so her victims can’t see her eyes while she watches them.Maybe she wears sneakers with a dress,” Laurent grimaced, clearly finding the combination horrifying, “Because she has to be ready to run from police at a moment’s notice.”

“Well I know where Nicaise gets it.”

Laurent smiled.He didn’t try to defend himself.

“Did you essentially raise him?” Damen asked.He knew it was a dangerous question, that Nicaise was a topic better left alone, but he was curious. 

There was a long pause, but then Laurent nodded carefully.“Essentially,” he said.“Of course, I left for college when he was seven, so I’m not sure how much raising I really did.”

“Is that what he was talking about in the car?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you leave?”

“What were your parents like?”

Damen took a moment to get used to the shift in conversation and come up with a satisfactory answer.“My father had lots of expectations.I was to play soccer, work towards being a business mogul, marry a nice girl and have some kids.Most of the time, I was happy to work towards those things, because if I did, he spent time with me.And his time was always being monopolized by Kastor.That is, until my father realized I had a greater chance of becoming what he wanted his sons to become.But, when he did give you his time, he was funny and charming and interesting.Easy to love.

“My mother, on the other hand, taught me how to be kind.Everything she did was for other people.I’m not sure I ever witnessed her doing something that was solely for herself.She loved all of us a great deal and my father adored her.She managed to make him soft, which wasn’t true of his first wife.”

“First wife?” Laurent asked.

Damen nodded.“Kastor’s actually my half brother.My father had a wife before my mother.I don’t know much about her.I know she died tragically, but no one ever talks about her.Not even Kastor when he’s drunk, and he talks about everything when he’s drunk.”

Laurent’s hand tightened around Damen’s briefly and then he said, “I left because I knew I had to get him out of the house, but I wanted us to have a good life when we did.For that, I had to go to school.I’m not just an art major.I majored in Computer Engineering as well.I prefer art, but I knew I couldn’t abandon him just for art.”

“That’s incredibly selfless of you, Laurent.”

“Didn’t think I had it in me?”

“Do you think you do?”

Laurent met his eyes, but remained silent.Softly murmuring something about his hand being sweaty, he pulled away from Damen and stared up at the slowly moving line.“This is ridiculous,” he said, walking up to Nicaise.With a sigh, Damen watched as Laurent left him for the company of others.Pressing Laurent always landed him here, but Damen knew he wasn’t going to stop.It was the only way he got the answers he wanted.

Surprisingly, Laurent came back, eyes glittering, though he did not retake Damen’s hand.Damen wanted to ask why he was in a good mood suddenly, but he figured he’d already asked too many questions today.It became obvious five minutes later, anyway, when Nicaise dropped to the ground, appearing to faint. 

Damen watched as the glitter disappeared from Laurent’s eyes and was replaced by frantic concern.It looked practiced, though, and Damen wasn’t surprised when Laurent rushed to Nicaise’s side and started demanding things from the people around him.Water, a member of the staff, somewhere he could take Nicaise that wasn’t blisteringly hot, and on and on.Most people stood around gaping, but some followed his orders and before long, there was a large crowd around Nicaise and Laurent was talking to employees of the zoo, pointing at Damen, Jord, Nikandros, and Jokaste as he talked.Before Damen even knew what was happening, they were all in a small air conditioned room off the front gates and the staff was trying to make a passed out Nicaise comfortable. 

“Is he going to be alright?” Jord murmured.

The skin around Nikandros’ eyes was tense and he shrugged.Damen wanted to tell them he suspected that Nicaise was just fine, but he wasn’t going to ruin Laurent’s plan.

A minute later, Nicaise’s eyes fluttered open convincingly and a young woman handed him a glass of water, asking if he was alright.For a minute, he glanced around in confusion and then nodded slowly, taking small sips of the water.Then he turned to Laurent and in the softest voice he murmured, “You’re not going to make me miss the polar bears, are you?I’ve wanted to see them for weeks.”

“I can’t have you waiting in direct sun for that long,” Laurent said.“I don’t want you to faint again.If you had opportunities for shade and air conditioning on occasion, I’d say yes, but those are only found in the zoo and we have to go back to the line.”

An older man glanced pleadingly at his fellow employees and a woman in a slightly fancier shirt nodded shortly.Quickly, he said, “If you give us some money, we can let you into the zoo no problem.We’d even be happy to send you with a bottle of water for this little tyke.”

“That would be wonderful.Thank you,” Laurent said genuinely.

The staff began to scurry around, fetching things and Damen handed over money for himself, Laurent, and Nicaise.Then they were in the zoo and Damen felt like he’d just witnessed a play on Broadway. 

When the staff left them, Nicaise handed the bottle of water to Laurent and groaned.“Why do they always call me little?I am not little.”

“You are kind of short,” Nikandros observed, looking slightly confused.Not as confused as Jord, however, who was utterly bemused.

“The whole point is that you’re little,” Laurent said.“And adorable.”

“I hate when you make the plans.”

“It’s the only one that works.I’m not young enough anymore,” Laurent sighed.

Something clicked in Nikandros’ brain and his mouth fell open.“That was all to get us into the zoo?”

“We’d be waiting for at least another half hour,” Laurent said.

Jord was glancing at everyone and then he burst into laughter.Laurent, who’d hardly even acknowledged Jord, stared at him and smiled.Jord returned the smile and said, “That’s amazing.I had no idea.Have you guys done that before?”

Nicaise nodded, rolling his eyes.

“Wow.I’m impressed.Thanks for saving us a wait.”Then, “Come on, Nik.The seals are usually getting fed right now.”Nikandros waved as he was tugged away.

“Does this mean I don’t have to find you a dollar?”

Laurent considered that and then nodded.Cheering, Nicaise slipped his hand into Jokaste’s and said, “Let’s go!I actually do want to see the polar bears.They’re so cool and sometimes they…” and then they were too far away to hear, but he was obviously still chattering away.Both Damen and Laurent watched for a minute and then Damen shoved his hands into his pockets and said, “Where do you want to go?”

“Do you have a map?” 

“No.I expect we would’ve gotten one if we’d waited in the line like normal people.”

“Are you complaining?”

“Not at all.”

Laurent gazed at him impassively and then started walking off towards a family who had a collection of maps in their hand.

“May I have one of your maps?” he asked the father.

The man smiled, his cheeks naturally red, and handed over his map.“Here you go.”

“Thank you,” Laurent said, retreating a ways and opening up the map.Damen listened as he outlined a route.One that they could realistically cover and that included all of the “worthwhile animals”, as he put it.He did ask if there was an animal that Damen wanted to see that wasn’t covered, but Damen shook his head, happy to do the day Laurent’s way.

They headed to the left and started at the section of the zoo marked “Outback” where koala bears were housed.Laurent didn’t talk, but examined the animals with interest.Truth was, they weren’t particularly exciting and were mostly hidden, so there wasn’t much to see.Eventually, they moved on and went up a thinner path to giraffes and rhinoceros, which were of more interest.Damen smiled when the giraffes came into view and leaned against the fence to watch them.

“Like giraffes, do you?” Laurent said, the first time either of them had spoken in over ten minutes.

“Yeah,” Damen said.“They’re tall and have black tongues.What’s not to like?”

“They don’t do anything.”

“No animals in zoos do anything.”

“Yes, but even in the wild they do nothing.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Oh?Can you think of anything they do besides eat and have sex and occasionally run from predators?” Laurent said.

“No.What do you have against giraffes?”

“Nothing,” Laurent said.

“Well what’s your favorite animal?”

“Wolf.”

“Suits you,” Damen said.

“What’s yours?”

Damen shrugged.“Elephants, probably.I’m fond of giant pandas, too.”

Laurent nodded and leaned up against the fence right next to Damen, their elbows brushing.A wave of nerves flooded through Damen and he took a deep breath, trying to keep it under control.There was no reason to worry about today, whether it was a date or not.Laurent liked him and they’d already been through some ridiculous stuff together.It wasn’t really possible that he could make anything worse on a trip to the zoo.

Nudging his elbow against Laurent’s, he said, “How can I make your day better?”

Laurent considered him.

“Just say what you’re thinking.Give me the unedited version.”

There was a war in Laurent’s eyes as he fought to make a decision.When he did, he sighed, as though it were a surrender of some kind and said, “You’ve already made it better.”

“Really?” Damen said, wondering how on earth he’d done that.“We haven’t even talked for the past twenty minutes.Most dates involve talking.”

“I don’t give a fuck about most dates.I don’t mind silence.I prefer it actually.Most people have nothing intelligent to add to a conversation.”

“Please tell me I do.”

Laurent laughed softly.“If you couldn’t keep up with me, we wouldn’t be here.”

“That’s reassuring.”

With fumbling fingers, Laurent’s hand found his and locked there.Damen could sense that it was not a comfortable motion for him, so he squeezed the fingers gently, offering his own reassurance; he was happy and this was perfect.

Now, they were walking through the zoo holding hands.It mostly resulted in Damen being forcefully moved around the zoo, once into another person, but he was still having a hard time containing a smile.He wanted everyone in the world to notice and to make a comment about how momentous this was.Of course, literally no one cared.Their eyes passed right over them and to an animal or a child who was running the wrong direction.

“Do you like kids?” Damen asked, as they stared at the giant pandas.They’d been here awhile, waiting for an opportunity to get close enough to see them.About five minutes in, Laurent had clearly lost interest, but he was still standing with Damen, and that was almost better than the hand in his.

“Are you asking me if I want kids someday?That seems a little fast.”

Damen tried to decide if he was horrified or amused and landed on choked laughter.“I’m not.Honestly.I’m just curious.”

“I do,” Laurent said.“Children are able to look at the world and see beauty and kindness.I admire that.”

“Can you not do that?”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

Damen laughed.“I just want to know you.Anything wrong with that?”

The hand in his tensed and Damen could feel the walls rebuilding themselves.Gently, Damen removed his hand and stepped a few inches away.“At your own pace, Laurent.Always at your own pace.”

“Why did you stop holding my hand?”The question wasn’t accusatory or pleading; it was simply interested.The kind of question that demands the facts.

“You were doing that thing where you retreat within your castle, scurry to your chambers, and bolt the door.I could be wrong, but I don’t think you like to be touched when you’re retreating.”

“I didn’t tell you to stop.”

“That doesn’t mean you didn’t want me to.”

That caught Laurent by surprise.Damen could tell by the way the mask dropped for just a second, before being put back up and multiplied in strength.In a hard voice, Laurent said, “I think you should buy me lunch.And my ice cream.”

“Okay.”

They got lunch at one of the cafes and by the time they were finished, Laurent had opened back up.Damen had spent most of it making animal puns, which the restaurant hadn’t provided, to his dismay.The more Damen made, the more irritated Laurent grew until he burst into laughter from the ridiculousness of it.Then he simply laughed because he enjoyed the puns.

Now, he was talking about the process involved with making his art, as they walked past polar bears and foxes and moose.Damen listened, not interrupting or asking questions, because that was how Laurent preferred it.Only when he’d finished talking about mixing paints did Damen ask, “Would it be possible to watch you paint sometime?”

“We’re on a road trip, Damen.That’s unrealistic.”

“There is an after, you know.Hopefully.”

“I know,” Laurent whispered.

“Do you really?” Damen grinned.He’d expected to get blasted over that comment.There was lots of ammunition there.Besides, it was pleasant to imagine Laurent contemplating an after.

“Do you think I enter things lightly?”

Damen shook his head and murmured, “I want to kiss you.”

“No.”

“I know.I just thought I’d tell you.”

Laurent flushed lightly and slapped Damen hard on the chest.“I don’t like it when you talk to me like that.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t think.”

“You do realize that just makes it more appealing, right?”

Laurent slapped him again, but laughed this time, and then let his hand fall into Damen’s.

That was when his phone vibrated against his leg.Carefully, making sure not to jostle Laurent, Damen extricated it from his pocket and saw that Nikandros had texted.

_N: Everyone’s hot and wants to go back to the motel.Or to a swimming pool.Jord has one in his apartment.That’s my vote._

_D: we havent even been here that long._

_N: Three and a half hours, Damen.Three and a half fucking hours.I do not like animals this much and it’s almost ninety degrees.I’m dying.Besides, Nicaise is telling me all of the places he could stab me with his pocket knife that would result in me bleeding out in minutes._

_D: why r u w/ Nicaise?_

_N: We bumped into each other and decided to hang.Stop flirting and get the fuck to the front._

_D: fine_

“Everyone wants to leave.They’re waiting up front.”

Laurent frowned.“They can wait.I haven’t seen the tiger.”

“We can’t just…”

Laurent rolled his eyes and started jogging, taking Damen with him.There was a complaint on the tip of his tongue, but Laurent said, “It’s not that far away and it gets us closer to the entrance.Sort of.”

Helplessly, Damen started laughing and he couldn’t stop.It was making it hard to run and hard to breathe, but Laurent managed to carry them both in the direction of the tiger through sheer willpower.

When they arrived, they were both sweating, though it was hard to tell on Laurent.The tiger was lying in the shade of a tree, sleeping, but Laurent still smiled.The run had been worth it for that smile.“They’re beautiful,” he breathed.“Can you imagine how powerful they must be?”

“Are you sure these aren’t your favorite animal?”

“Very.But there’s something about tigers.”

“There is,” Damen agreed, taking in the bright orange pelt and noticeable muscle.The tiger bled life, even though it was sleeping.Somehow, it reminded him a lot of Laurent.“We should go,” he murmured.

“Alright,” Laurent sighed.

They didn’t run to the entrance, but they did walk fast.When they arrived, the entire group let out a collective sigh of relief.“Swimming?” Nikandros said.

 

When they arrived back at the motel, they split to go and get changed for swimming.Nikandros had managed to convince everyone by complaining loudly and constantly.Even Laurent had caved simply to get him to shut up.

Getting ready was pretty simple for Damen.He just removed his shirt, put on swimming trunks, and threw his hair in a bun.The moment he was done, he strolled to Laurent’s room and knocked on the door.Nicaise opened it and said, “Well, at least he’s ripped.”

“Jesus,” Laurent said from the back of the room.He was not at all ready.In fact, he had a pair of running shorts in his hands and he was staring at them with utter disgust.When he saw Damen watching, he sighed and disappeared into the bathroom.Nicaise ran to pick up Laurent’s phone and started playing around on it.Damen simply sunk onto the bed and waited, watching Nicaise as he did.That was why he noticed Nicaise paling, his mouth falling open into a soundless moan.He didn’t call for Laurent.He didn’t move at all.

“Laurent,” Damen said, the worry clear in his voice.

It got an automatic reaction.Laurent opened the door in a flash and knelt beside Niciase.Running his fingers through the curls on his forehead, Laurent murmured, “What?Nicaise, talk to me.”

“Uncle…he…he emailed me.I didn’t even…”Nicaise shuddered and his head fell onto Laurent’s shoulder.Softly, into Laurent’s neck, he murmured, “He said he knew where we were.He threatened to hurt you.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing new to report, except that I've been yelled at about my cliffhangers. There may be another one. And I really do apologize...I don't actually mean to do it like this. Not really, anyway. Thanks for putting up with it.  
> As far as everything else...I love you all so much. The comments continue to be lovely and inspiring.  
> Thanks to Becky and Mari, the two most delightful betas in the world. Also, I was going to do this last time, but it slipped my mind. Both of them have their own capri fics currently and they're lovely, you should check them out. One is called "Beyond the End of the Stars" and the other is called "Etude"  
> Other than that, enjoy!!! <3

“Damen, I need you to leave,” Laurent said.

“But…”

“Leave.We’ll be right out.”

Without a word, Damen stood and left, shutting the door quietly behind him.He knew there were some things that Laurent wouldn’t tell him for a very long time, but information about their uncle suddenly seemed important.If Damen was going to protect them, he’d need to know just how likely it was their uncle could actually find them.He’d need to know what this man was capable of doing.

Sitting on the curb by his truck, Damen ruffled his hair and tried not to worry about Laurent and Nicaise.They were both smart and resourceful.Their uncle wouldn’t be able to touch them. 

The moment Damen thought that, he remembered that Laurent’s uncle had somehow managed to ruin the job and the housing Laurent had set up.Clearly, he was resourceful, too.This did little to ease Damen’s anxiety and he was having a hard time sitting still.So, figuring he had some time, he went on a ten minute jog around the hotel complex.It wasn’t as distracting as he’d like it to be, but it did release some of the nervous energy that had been building up all day.

When he got back, Jord and Nikandros were leaning against the truck, Nikandros in his swimsuit, chattering away about Nikandros’ parents and what they were doing while they were in Cabo.The second Damen arrived, however, Nikandros stopped talking and turned to him with concern written all over his face.“What happened?” he asked.

It was hard to know what to say.It was entirely Laurent’s business and it was unlikely he would’ve ever shared with Nikandros.Trying to be as vague as possible, Damen said, “Their uncle got in contact with Nicaise.”

“Shit,” Nikandros murmured.“What is that guy’s problem?”

“Besides being abusive?” Damen grumbled.

“Are we still going swimming?”

“Course.Go get Jokaste.Fill her in.I’m going to go see if Laurent and Nicaise still want to come.Even if they don’t, we’ll go.”

“Are you sure?”

Damen nodded.“This is the perfect day for swimming.I’m not going to let Laurent’s uncle ruin it for all of us.”

Nikandros nodded and headed off to Jokaste’s room, leaving Jord behind.Damen sighed and said, “I’m so sorry you’ve been dragged into our drama.It’s pretty much constant.”

Jord laughed, a deep, grounding sound.He reminded Damen of trees; strongly rooted but always reaching for the sun.“Have you met Nik?” he asked.“He is drama incarnated.”

“True,” Damen smiled.“Thank you for not murdering him.”

“Thank you for giving me the opportunity to,” Jord said seriously.

Laughing, Damen shot him a grateful smile and then headed to Laurent’s room.Taking a deep, steadying breath, he knocked twice.There was no discernible sound from beyond the door, but, nevertheless, a minute later, Laurent opened it and raised an eyebrow at Damen.

“I just wanted to verify if you still want to go swimming or not.”

“You’re not very observant, are you?” Laurent said.

Damen was about to ask what he was talking about, but then he looked down and his eyes were met with miles of pale, luminescent skin.Everything stopped.His heart beat, his breathing, his hope of ever having a conversation again.There was just so much skin.Laurent’s legs and chest were bare and his shorts were hanging low on his hips.Hips that were all delicate bone and sharp angles. 

“My eyes are up here, Damen,” Laurent said dryly.

So much skin.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Laurent continued, pinching Damen’s cheek.That snapped Damen out of his reverie and he blushed as their eyes met.There was the smallest hint of a smirk on Laurent’s face.

“I take it you’re going swimming then,” Damen said stupidly, managing to stumble over three of the words in the process.

“You’re such an idiot.”Then, he turned in the doorway and said, “Are you about ready, Nicaise?”

“Yep.” 

Damen felt his heart sink when he heard Nicaise speak.He was trying so hard to sound bright and chipper, ready to skewer anyone with his words, but it rang entirely false. 

While they were still alone, Damen thought it would be a good time to say what he wanted to say.“I know you have no interest in telling me anything about what just happened, but I want you to consider that there might be some things I need to know.Think about it.And if anything occurs to you, please let me know.”

“Going to protect us from the big bad wolf?” Laurent said.

“Yes.”

“The wildebeest that gets eaten by the lion,” Laurent murmured.

“You two have the weirdest version of flirting,” Nicaise said, shoving past Laurent and out of the door.“I’ve never heard so many animal metaphors in one conversation and they’re not even euphemisms.”

“How does he even know that word?” Damen said, mostly to himself.

“He reads,” Laurent answered, shoving past Damen himself and heading towards the truck.There were two small dimples in his back and his shoulders were corded in lithe muscle.It was obvious that Laurent exercised.Damen wondered how.It was also obvious that he was going to have trouble focusing for the rest of the day.Somehow, Laurent had become more attractive.

When Nikandros saw Laurent he groaned despairingly.“Jesus christ, is there anything that’s actually wrong with you besides your caustic personality?”

“No.”

“Damen’s fucked,” he sighed.Then he ushered Jord into the truck.Laurent had turned around to hide his smile from Nikandros, but Damen managed to catch it.Warmth spilled into his chest and he tried to contain his own smile as he got into the truck. 

Before starting the car, Damen waited until Laurent was inside, more than happy to let his eyes linger on the slender form.Of course, then Laurent was seated and Damen still couldn’t tear his eyes away.Behind him, Jokaste cleared her throat politely.All it did was catch the attention of everyone in the car and Nicaise said, “I don’t think he should be driving.He’s going to kill us.”

“My truck, my rules,” Damen said, flipping the engine.“I’m driving.”

He managed to keep his eyes away from Laurent the entire drive.When they arrived at Jord’s apartment, Nikandros grimaced and tossed a dollar into Jokaste’s lap, before getting out.“Would you stop placing bets on things I do?” Damen shouted after his retreating figure. 

Everyone else headed in the direction of the pool, but Damen lingered back and so did Laurent, guessing correctly that he was wanted.He leaned up against the side of the truck bed and crossed his arms, blue eyes holding a challenge.“Is there something you want?” he asked.

Damen got within inches of Laurent and murmured.“Not really.I just wanted to tell you that I want to kiss you.Again.”

“It’s skin, Damen.”

“Skin you never show.”

There was a long silence and then Laurent said, “Well?Are you going to kiss me or not?We’ll never get to actually swim at this rate.”

Smiling, Damen leaned down and kissed him softly, the uncontrollable nerves of the day finally settling.As always, Laurent was tense, but when Damen moved to pull away, Laurent wound his arms around Damen’s neck and pulled him back, opening his mouth.

The slide of tongue made his brain go fuzzy and he slipped his arms around Laurent, pulling him flush against his body, skin meeting skin.Everything was sensation and Damen realized if he let this continue, his swimsuit would get uncomfortably small.

Retreating only an inch or two, Damen whispered, “What was that for?”

Laurent’s eyes were still closed, but when he opened them, Damen saw a wariness and a hardness he hadn’t expected.“Let go of me.”

Stepping back, Damen felt his mind start spinning.It hadn’t been an over exaggeration when Laurent had said this wouldn’t be easy.Damen had no idea what Laurent was thinking.Not even an inkling. 

Laurent slid to the left and started walking towards the pool, but Damen caught his arm before he could truly escape.Suddenly, Laurent’s eyes turned dangerous and he wrenched his arm away.He didn’t leave, though, and Damen was glad he’d been willing to give that much. 

“Can you explain what just happened?I don’t want to…”Then something occurred to Damen, “Oh god, I should’ve asked if I could touch you.I’m so sorry.”

“I…” Laurent paused and swallowed.“It’s not that.That was…fine.”

“Okay,” Damen said slowly, thinking that that had been a lot more than fine. 

It was clear Laurent was trying to phrase his thoughts into something that didn’t give too much away.Eventually he said, “I needed to stop thinking for a moment.But, when you stopped kissing me…I started thinking again.”

“About your uncle,” Damen guessed.“Should I be worried?”

“No.”

Damen didn’t believe that for a second.Laurent was someone who did things alone, that much had become clear.Deciding it was better to change the topic of conversation, however, Damen said, “Well, whatever the reason, that was an awesome kiss.”

Laurent rolled his eyes and headed towards the pool.Hanging behind, Damen watched him walk away and whistled playfully.Laurent didn’t even turn around to flip him off.Instead, he simply raised his hand above his head to do it and shouted, “Don’t objectify me.”

Chuckling to himself, Damen jogged to catch up, walking a companionable distance apart from Laurent.When they got to the pool, there was a code to open the gate, but Jord had been watching for them and he was there in a flash, letting them in.The pool was moderately busy, most of the chaise lounges gone.Fortunately, Jord had grabbed them some.Settling down on one, Damen noticed that Nikandros was already in the pool, swimming around the deep end.

“Does he ever run out of energy?” Jord asked.

“Not really,” Damen replied.

Jord nodded, smiling softly as he watched Nikandros swim.Catching his gaze, Nikandros grinned and waved for Jord to come and join him.With a sigh, Jord removed his shirt and sat on the edge of the pool, letting Nikandros drag him into the pool.The minute Jord’s head came up, Nikandros sprayed him with water from his mouth.

Damen shifted his gaze to Jokaste, who was already down to her bright pink bikini and reading one of the many books she’d bought at Powell’s.Beside him, Laurent did the same, cracking his own book.They didn’t appear to be going anywhere or interested in engaging in conversation, so Damen turned to Nicaise and said, “Want me to toss you into the pool?”

The question seemed to offend Nicaise, but it appealed to him at the same time.An internal debate went on for some time, but then his face split into a grin and he nodded vigorously, bounding out of his chair and waiting by the side of the pool.Laughing, Damen joined him and then, with permission, put his hands on either side of Nicaise’s waist and lifted him as high up in the air as he could.

“Ready?” Damen said.

“Duh.”

Damen counted down from three, swinging Nicaise gently, and then he threw him as far and as high as he could.In the air, Nicaise curled into a cannonball position and when he hit the water, there was a massive splash, drops landing on almost everyone in the pool.When Nicaise bobbed back up, he laughed and swam to tackle Nikandros, who was trying to do the same to Jord.

“Get in, Damen,” Nikandros shouted over the splashes and the laughing.“I’ll drown you next.”

“No way in hell.I’m drowning you,” Damen replied, jumping in.

They all tussled for awhile, getting water everywhere, and scaring most of the inhabitants of the pool away.A couple girls watched them interestedly from the shade, but when Nikandros pinned Jord up against the side of the pool and kissed him breathless, they shifted into talking among each other.

Nicaise kept crawling out of the pool and jumping back in, trying to splash Damen in the face.Getting water in his eyes was not at the top of his list, so he took off down the pool, swimming luxuriously, reveling in the feeling of water sliding against his skin.When he turned back around, he saw Nikandros and Jord still kissing and he said, “Hey!Stop feeling each other up.You’re scaring the kids.”

Nikandros dove in for one more lingering kiss and then grinned, coming after Damen and dunking his head under the water.When Damen rose, spluttering, Nikandros whispered, “As if you wouldn’t be doing the same thing if you could.”

Damen punched him on the arm and sprayed water into his face.Nikandros returned the gesture and it was when Damen was blinking water out of his eyes, that he saw Laurent sitting on the edge of the pool, his long legs dangling.Every inch of him was bathed in sunlight, hair and skin glowing, and Damen had to pause all motion to restart his heart.Once everything was functional, he swam over and stood, pressing his wet chest against Laurent’s calves.“How are you so beautiful?” Damen murmured.

Kicking out, Laurent shoved Damen back and slid into the pool.When he rose from the water, he slicked his hair back out of his eyes.Unsurprisingly, wet Laurent was just as unfair and Damen groaned, closing his eyes and sinking into the water.Sometimes, his beauty was painful and it was better to avert your gaze before you imploded.

There was a sharp tug on his hair and then he was being pulled up out of the water.Laurent was there, staring at him, holding his hair in one hand.Then, “God, you’re pathetic,” he said, throwing Damen’s head back and swimming away with fluid strokes.Was there anything he was bad at?

Damen chased after him.When he caught up, he said, “What?You don’t think I’m attractive?”

Laurent scoffed and stood, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms.His eyes were on Damen and they clearly said _I am not impressed_.Laughing to himself, Damen stood and trudged through the water, until they were only inches from being flush, and bent forward so that his lips were right next to Laurent’s ear.Almost touching.“Are you sure about that?”

Laurent placed his hands on Damen’s chest and pushed him away.Not far, but far enough that Damen could no longer reach his ear easily.Nothing in his body gave anything away, but then Damen’s eyes found Laurent’s, and they were a slightly darker color than normal.They were also slightly dazed.

Humming contentedly, Damen flipped on his back and floated in the water.“You totally find me attractive.”

There was a popping sound as someone disappeared under water and then there was a splash right next to his ear as Laurent appeared and whispered, “Very,” biting down on the lobe of Damen’s ear and sucking it into his mouth.That startled Damen from his relaxed pose and he was desperate to see Laurent’s face, only to find him back under the water, swimming back towards the deep end.

Letting out a surprised laugh, Damen got out of the water and padded around the pool, so that when Laurent resurfaced, he was sitting on the edge, waiting.Laurent did not look surprised to see him there, but his eyes were wary.He really didn’t like giving any information away.“How do you keep managing to surprise me?” Damen asked.

“I dislike being predictable.”

“Why?”

“You do have a brain somewhere in there, right?”

“I hope so.”

“Then you don’t need me to spell everything out for you,” Laurent said.

“It has to do with your trust issues, doesn’t it?”

“Ding, ding, ding.”

Damen was about to ask if Laurent trusted him at all, even a little bit, but then his mind flashed back to the motel bedroom when Laurent had told him to stop touching him, to the back of the pickup truck when he’d talked of his parents and Auguste, to the phone call where he’d managed to convince Laurent to finish their road trip with them.That was trust.Possibly the most trust Laurent had ever given to one person since his brother died and Damen found he had a completely different question.

“What did I do to deserve the trust you’ve given me?”

“Ask me later.”

“Later?”

“When I come to your room tonight,” Laurent said.

Heat pooled low in Damen’s stomach.Rolling his eyes, Laurent said, “Get your head out of the gutter.I thought I’d tell you what you need to know about my uncle.”

“Wait…you’re actually going to tell me something?”

Shaking his head, Laurent launched himself out of the pool and walked past Damen, grabbing a towel that was in a stack on Jord’s chaise.He dried himself off and then laid down on his own chaise, picking up his book and studiously ignoring Damen.

The rest of the afternoon proceeded that way and Damen spent most of it in the pool with Nicaise and Jord and Nikandros.The latter two didn’t go a single second without touching in some way, something Nicaise teased them about endlessly. 

Then they left to go get dinner, bringing Jord and Nikandros with them, which Damen was thankful for.However, it was relatively short, as everyone was tired and Nikandros looked way more interested in getting Jord into bed and licking the taste of Jord’s dinner out of his mouth.

When they got back to the motel, Nicaise and Laurent disappeared to their room.Damen walked Jokaste to her door and said, “Did you have an alright day?You were kind of third wheeling.”

“A very good day,” she smiled.“I love Nicaise.I really do.I swear to god, if that bastard uncle of his so much as touches him while I’m around, he’s dead.”

“Hopefully we won’t have to see him.”

“Hopefully,” she sighed.“Something tells me he’s more than a match for all of us, though.”

“What can he do?” Damen asked.

“I don’t know,” she murmured.“And that’s what scares me.”

 

Leaving Jokaste, Damen wandered back to his room and idly wondered when Laurent was going to show up.He’d said he would, but he probably wanted to shower and to reassure Nicaise.Figuring he’d be alone for awhile, maybe the remainder of the night, he picked _Name of the Wind_ back up and started on the last third.He was truly surprised how much he was enjoying it and it wasn’t hard to understand why Laurent liked it.The main character was smart and resourceful and he’d been through a lot.There was a certain kinship between them.It also helped Damen understand why Laurent liked reading as much as he did.If there was a character like this—like him—who could find happiness in a dark world, then maybe so could he. 

Twenty pages later, there was a knock on the door.Damen placed his finger where he’d left off and carried the book with him as he went to answer.Laurent was there and without a word, he slipped in.He looked as impeccable as always, hair dry and clothes unwrinkled.Gone were the swathes of skin from this afternoon.Long gone.

“You’re almost done,” Laurent observed, gesturing to the book.

Damen nodded.“Mind if I finish this page?”

“No.”

Sitting down on the end of the bed, Damen read the last half of the page and then closed it, tossing it up towards his pillow.Laurent was watching him intently and Damen returned the gaze, unsure what else to do.It was tense between them; the knowledge that Laurent might reveal something about his uncle was palpable.

“I really like the book,” Damen said.“Thank you.”

Something in Laurent’s eyes softened and he nodded.“I’ve yet to meet a person who didn’t like it,” he said, crossing the room and sitting beside Damen.

“If you’ve got any other recommendations, I’d be happy to listen.”

“It has a sequel.”

Damen laughed.“Done.”

Laurent swallowed and looked down at his hands.“This might take awhile.I’m not very good at talking about him.”

“You’re not very good at talking about anything sensible.”

Laurent laughed shortly.“You’re not wrong.”

Damen remained silent, but he did take one of Laurent’s hands in his and lifted it to his mouth, kissing the palm once before setting it back into Laurent’s lap.“That isn’t going to help,” Laurent admitted.

“What do you want me to do then?”

“Just…sit there.”

“Okay.”

“You probably deserve to know everything,” Laurent whispered, “But, unfortunately for both of us, I’ve never been known for giving people what they deserve.The truth is, my uncle is not someone to be trifled with and he is dangerous and you should probably be worried.If you care about me, that is, and…”

“Yeah.And I do,” Damen said, completing that sentence.

“Right.He thinks the same way I do, except he does it better.Usually.What he wrote to Nicaise may have sounded like a threat, but it’s probably a promise.I have no doubt he knows where we are and I have no doubt he wants to hurt me.”

“Why?He’s your uncle.I don’t understand why he’d want to hurt you.”

Laurent sighed and closed his eyes.“I don’t know how to explain it to you.You’re too…”

“What?”

“Good, empathetic, innocent.Take your pick.”

“Try,” Damen whispered.

“I took Nicaise from him…while he was in the house.I’ve threatened him.I managed to escape him and go to college.None of those things were supposed to happen; they were small battles I won and he doesn’t like to lose.It’s all about power with him and I keep taking bits of it away.It’s not absolute if I keep defying him.

“The biggest problem is I’ve threatened him with the only piece of leverage I have.Not only does he know it’s the only thing I have left, but he knows it only protects us from the law.It doesn’t protect us from him directly.”

“Why can’t you just take whatever you have on him to the police right now?”

“I just…I can’t.”

“Why?”

Laurent steeled his jaw and looked away from Damen.“I would prefer if I never had to actually use it.”

Yet again, Damen found hundreds of questions ready to boil over, but he managed to contain them as he gazed at Laurent’s face.It was clear he was done with the topic and that if Damen pressed further, it would quickly turn into a fight.Not that fighting was always bad, but Damen thought this might not be the right topic to start one over.

“Okay,” he said.“What do we do?”

Laurent laughed derisively.“Are you sure you still want that to be a ‘we’?”

Carefully, Damen took Laurent’s hand.“Of course I do.”

“If he finds out about you, you’ll be in danger, too.”

“Alright.”

“Damen…” Laurent sighed, removing his hand and standing, retreating towards the wall by the door.“Do you have an ounce of self preservation?What about Nikandros and Jokaste?Do they deserve to be in danger because of your stupidity?”

“As if you care.”

“But you do.”

Damen groaned and ran his hand through his hair.Picking up his phone, he called Nikandros.

“What?” Nikandros answered.

“Apparently, Laurent’s uncle is dangerous and could hurt all of us.Are you alright with helping Laurent or would you prefer to leave him and Nicaise in a ditch somewhere to fend for themselves?”He didn’t attempt to disguise the irritation he felt.

“I mean…”

“Nik.”

“Yeah, yeah, you know I only pretend to be a horrible person.Of course I don’t want to dump either of them in a ditch.”

“Thank you,” Damen said, hanging up.And then he called Jokaste and asked the same question.She had the exact same answer as Nikandros.

“There you go,” Damen said to Laurent.“They’re alright with being in danger, too.None of us are abandoning you, so what can we do?”

Laurent blinked, holding himself very still.“No matter what we do,” he began, “My uncle is going to be able to find us.The only thing we can do is stay ahead of him, which means we shouldn’t stay in a place longer than a few days.”

“But how is he finding us?”

“Credit cards and phones.Don’t pretend you can stop using those.”

“I mean…”

“Damen,” Laurent sighed, “Stop.The truth is, I’m going to have to face him at some point.What I really need from you is to be there when it happens.”

“Why do I need to be there?”

“Because he terrifies me,” Laurent murmured, “And you’re the first thing that’s made me feel grounded in years.”

Damen’s stomach flipped and without thinking, he extended his hand towards Laurent.Laurent stared at it for a moment, unsure, but then his hand slipped into Damen’s and he let himself be tugged towards the bed.Damen stopped pulling when Laurent was directly in front of him.“Thank you for telling me,” he whispered.

“That’s not the least of it.”

“Thank you for telling me what you did, then.”Every single conversation with Laurent felt like a test.There was always at least one point where he’d say something that was supposed to scare Damen away.He wondered how many of them he would have to pass before Laurent stopped giving them.

Instead of replying, Laurent moved to straddle Damen’s lap.It was unexpected and Damen suspected Laurent was doing it for all the wrong reasons, but then Laurent was placing Damen’s hands on his waist and they were kissing.Laurent wound his fingers into Damen’s hair and pulled his face further back so he had a better angle.Swiping his thumbs up and under Laurent’s shirt, Damen let out a soft moan as Laurent bit and sucked on his bottom lip.

Damen’s brain could not keep up with everything that was happening, though his hardening cock could.His shirt was off and Laurent was grinding their erections together through the layers of denim.Moans were escaping Damen left and right now and he could feel his fingers digging hard into Laurent’s hipbones, searching for purchase somewhere.

Laurent’s lips left his and started trailing kisses down his neck, his hands flicking and twisting Damen’s nipples.

Then he was sliding from Damen’s lap and kissing lower, down Damen’s chest, towards his taut lower stomach.Biting his lip, Damen held back his lowest groan yet and moved one of his hands into Laurent’s hair.A harsh scrape of teeth startled Damen and he noticed Laurent looking up at him, his eyes hard and his hand around Damen’s wrist.“Don’t touch me,” he murmured, going back to his ministrations of the skin around Damen’s hipbones.Nodding, Damen reached behind him and grasped the sheets, mind hazy with pleasure.

Laurent’s hands were sliding up Damen’s thighs and then they were lingering on the button of his jeans, fumbling with it.Something in Damen’s brain was shouting, but he ignored it as Laurent got the button free.What snapped Damen out of the feeling of Laurent’s tongue winding patterns just above the waistband of his jeans, was the sound of them being unzipped.In a rush, he pushed himself backwards, farther onto the bed, and left Laurent without anything to touch.

Laurent’s eyes, which had been steely the entire time, were ice now and Damen whispered, “Whatever you were about to do, do you actually want to do it?”

“Do I do things I don’t want to do?” Laurent asked.

“I think you do when you think you owe someone.”

“Do you not want a hand job?”

Damen’s cock twitched in his jeans and he ran a hand over his face, trying to completely remove himself from his desires.This wasn’t about him, this was about Laurent and his self-destructive behavior.“I want you to _want_ to give me a hand job,” Damen said, “And I don’t think you do.”The dark thought that had occurred to him only yesterday reared it’s ugly head again and this time, for whatever reason, Damen felt the need to voice it.Maybe it was because he was already using all of his control in stopping himself from taking what Laurent was forcing himself to give or maybe it was because it wasn’t a thought Damen wanted to keep to himself, or maybe it was because he wanted Laurent to tell him that it wasn’t true.“Did he sexually abuse you?”

Laurent stood in a flash and left, slamming the door behind him.Damen was left with an erection, the knowledge that he had royally fucked up, and the sickening realization that he’d been right. 

Sighing, he slipped into the shower, beat himself off listlessly, and then lingered, leaning his head against the plastic, letting the water stream onto his back.The only reassuring thing about the evening was that he’d managed to stop Laurent.That had been another test, one that would’ve lost Damen all his trust, confirming to Laurent that sexual favors were all he was good for.Obviously, Damen shouldn’t have brought up his uncle, but the bigger mistake had been avoided.

Turning off the water, Damen toweled himself off, then retreated to his bed, pulling the covers over himself, forming a small cocoon.Picking up his phone, he fiddled around with what to text Laurent and eventually landed on:

_D: I’m sorry.I shouldn’t have asked that.But I need you to know I don’t ever intend on using you like that.I don’t regret stopping you._

Five minutes later:

_D: I’m so so fucking sorry._

Damen knew he wasn’t going to get a response, so he burrowed himself down into his pillow and closed his eyes.He probably wasn’t going to sleep, but there was no harm in trying, not when it was so unpleasant to be awake.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so fun to write, so I hope you like it!  
> As always, thank you all soooo much. I love you to death.  
> Thank you to Mari and Becky, the best betas a girl could ask for. Some of the best friends, too.  
> Also, @blondesinvere drew me even more fabulous fan art. It's beautiful and amazing and once again, I'm in awe.  
> Enjoy!!! <3

When Damen woke, there was no response from Laurent.It wasn’t as though he had expected one, but now he actually had to resign himself to a day of silence from the man he really liked.Deciding to wallow for awhile, Damen remained in bed and scanned the news on his phone.

He was reading about the continuing struggles in Syria, when a knock pounded on his door.In a desperate flash of hope, Damen bounded out of bed and opened the door.He was greeted with the sight of an angry Nicaise, his eyes only giving a second of warning, before he punched Damen in the stomach.It surprisingly hurt quite a bit.

“What in the fuck did you say to him?” Nicaise asked.

Sighing, Damen left the door open and walked back to bed, managing to stay in an upright position instead of lying back down.He did bring the sheets back up to his waist, though.The pity party did not impress Nicaise.Walking over, he wrenched the blankets off of Damen and folded his arms across his chest.

Seeing no point in lying, not to Nicaise, Damen said, “I may have asked him if his uncle sexually abused him.”

Nicaise’s eyelids fluttered and then he sat down on the edge of the bed in a rush, putting his head in his hands.“That explains a lot,” he murmured.

The position, elbows on knees and head in hands, was not one an eleven year old should ever be in and Damen felt his fingers twitching in anger.He could kill the bastard and Jokaste could hide the body.It would probably work.“Explains what?” Damen said through gritted teeth.

Looking up from his hands, Nicaise sighed.“Laurent wouldn’t want me to be here and he certainly wouldn’t want me telling you anything.”

“But?”Damen really hoped there was a but.It sounded like maybe there was.

“But nothing,” Nicaise whispered, standing from the bed.He walked away from Damen and made to leave, but before he did, he said, “I don’t like you, but he does.I haven’t seen him happier since…”Nicaise trailed off.“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you, Nicaise.”

“I’m not doing it for you.”

“I know.It’s good he has you,” Damen said.Then, “If you’re up for it later today, we could probably play soccer for a bit.”

Nicaise’s bright blue eyes lingered, but he didn’t say a word.When he left, he shut the door softly behind him and Damen groaned, falling back into bed.He tried not to think about how unusually mellow and grown up Nicaise had been just now.

An hour later, when he was done pitying himself, he texted Jokaste.

_D: breakfast?i could use a pastry and some coffee._

_J: Sure thing.Nicaise and Laurent ready?_

_D: dont know.laurent and i fought last night_

_J: Well that explains why we didn’t get breakfast earlier.You okay?_

_D: not really_

_J: I’ll go and ask them if they want to get breakfast then._

_D: thank u_

While Jokaste did that, Damen worked on putting on clothes and shaving.It had been awhile and his skin was starting to itch.Part of him thought Laurent would prefer it this way as well, but then Damen reminded himself he was unlikely to kiss Laurent for some time.Possibly ever again.So, when he finished shaving, he went right back to bed and waited for Jokaste to knock on his door.She would if he ignored her texts.

Sure enough, fifteen minutes later, she knocked.“Damen,” her voice carried through the door, “Stop being a baby.”

Opening the door, Damen fell into Jokaste, his head landing on her shoulder.“I fucked up,” he murmured.

“Oh for…” Jokaste began, gathering Damen’s face in her hands and pulling it up and off her shoulder.“Listen to me, Damen.A relationship with him was never going to be easy and you were bound to fuck up at least once.Laurent is far from stupid and realizes this.I know he’ll forgive you eventually, so grow up.You have a great opportunity now, actually, because they’re coming to breakfast.”

“Oh god,” Damen said.

“What did you do?” Jokaste sighed.

“I asked if his uncle had sexually abused him.”

“Just…exactly like that?”

Damen nodded.

“Well, that was stupid.I’m impressed you figured it out, though.”

“I wish I hadn’t.I want to kill him.”

“I know.So do I,” Jokaste murmured.“Come on, let’s go get some breakfast.It’ll be awkward and painful, but it has to be done.”

“Why is he even coming?”

“You can thank Nicaise for that.”

Nodding, Damen moved so he was completely out of the doorway and shut the door behind him.Patting his pockets, he made sure he had a wallet and keys and then he strolled towards the truck, silently running through a series of scenarios, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say to Laurent.Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t working.Every scenario ended with his head on a platter.

Thankfully, neither Nicaise or Laurent had made it to the truck yet.Slipping into the front seat, Damen stared at his hands clutching the wheel and waited.It wasn’t long before doors were opening and closing and the rustling sounds of people trying to get comfortable filled the car.When everyone was buckled in, Jokaste whispered, “Breakfast, Damen.Foot on the accelerator.”

“I know how to drive,” Damen sighed, turning on the car and backing up.He made sure to keep his eyes firmly away from Laurent.He still hadn’t figured out what to say.

The drive was painfully silent and halfway through, Damen cracked.His eyes landed on Laurent, who was staring out the window, and he blurted, “I’m so sorry.I wasn’t thinking.Not that I’m trying to make excuses, because obviously, there’s no way I can somehow make this not my fault because it totally is my fault.I don’t even…”

He stopped when Laurent turned to face him, eyes hard.There were barely noticeable dark circles under his eyes and Damen felt like crying.He’d done that.

There were simultaneous groans from the backseat.“How has he survived?” Nicaise asked.

“I don’t know,” Jokaste replied, her voice slightly horrified.

The silence fell again and Damen turned on the radio, blasting it loud so he didn’t have to think about other people being in the car with him.It also distracted from his deafening thoughts.

When they arrived at a bakery in the city, Damen ordered his coffee and a scone.Then he went to a table and plopped down into a chair to wait.The others joined him after they’d ordered and it was still quiet.Flicking his gaze to Laurent, Damen noticed he was reading a newspaper that was left on the table and that he seemed quite satisfied with the activity.

“Did you think about soccer?” he asked Nicaise.

Nicaise nodded.“Sounds fun.Can Nik come?”

“Sure.I’ll text him now,” Damen said, pulling out his phone.

_D: nicaise wants 2 learn soccer.u game?_

_N: Sure.Alright if Jord comes?_

_D: i wouldnt dream of splitting u 2 up_

_N: Smart man.What time you thinking?_

_D: were getting bfast now.1? well need a soccer ball_

_N: Jord and I will go buy one and I’m sure Jord knows of a field.I’ll text you the details when I know._

_D: thanks_

Turning his phone dark, Damen said, “Nik can come.Are you alright if Jord is there, too?”

“Sure.”

Jokaste said, “Can I come as well?It’s been a long time since I’ve kicked a ball around.”

“Forever, you mean?” Damen laughed. 

“I played in high school, just like you.I may be awful, but if we’re teaching Nicaise, I won’t be the only awful one.”

Nicaise glared at her and she smiled in return.An employee of the bakery shouted that Damen’s scone and coffee was ready.

Standing to retrieve it, he picked it up and brought it back to the table, only to hear the orders of the others were ready as well.As he was already standing, he went to fetch theirs too, receiving thank you’s from everyone, including Laurent, though he didn’t glance up from his newspaper.

They ate in relative silence, but it was less awkward than it had been before.It helped that he could still have conversations with Nicaise and Jokaste.Halfway through his scone, Nikandros sent him a text, giving directions towards a field they could play on and Damen found himself relaxing slightly.Today didn’t have to suck if he didn’t let it.

“Do you want to come play soccer with us?” Damen asked Laurent, carefully.He was expecting a rude comment in return.He wasn’t entirely sure how that question could be met with one, but he knew if it could, Laurent would think of it.

“Desperate to see skin again?” Laurent asked flatly, eyes still on the newspaper.

It was a good thing he’d been prepared.It gave him time to filter all of his own rude responses out.“Not at all.I was just trying to be inclusive.I’m more than happy to drive you back to the motel.If that’s the case, though, we should really leave now so we can get to the field on time.”

“I have a book,” Laurent said.

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“I’ll come.”

“Could’ve just said that the first time,” Damen mumbled, wincing when he’d realized what he’d said.It did get Laurent to actually look up from his newspaper and directly at Damen.The stare was one of Laurent’s trademark inquisitive ones, making Damen’s skin tingle in irritation.Damen held the gaze, challenging Laurent to say something.He didn’t. 

Jokaste, in the meantime, cheered.“My boss gave me an extra week before I have to start.We are so going to Yellowstone.”She started texting immediately and Damen knew she was gloating to Nikandros.

“You are amazing,” Damen said.

“I know,” she replied, flipping her hair mockingly.

“Do we get to go to Yellowstone, too?” Nicaise asked.“It’s north of Apple Valley.”

“Of course,” Damen smiled.“If Laurent is alright with it, that is.I’m not entirely sure what he has planned for you two.”

Nicaise nudged his shoulder against Laurent’s and said, “Can we?”

“Whatever you want,” Laurent murmured.

That was another thing to talk about when they were back on speaking terms.If they were ever back on speaking terms.Damen knew Laurent had a plan, but he wanted to know what it was.He wanted to make sure he and Nicaise would be alright wherever they ended up.He also wanted to know if he was still in the plan.

Whooping, Nicaise stole Jokaste’s phone from her hand and looked up pictures of Yellowstone.Together, he and Jokaste bent over the pictures and related articles and began to plan where they would go and what they would see.Jokaste was grinning, happy to have someone interested in planning with her, however demanding her co-conspirator was.

When Damen finished his coffee, they piled back into the truck and drove to the field.Damen had handed his phone off to Laurent, so that he could provide the directions.He was slightly worried Laurent would purposefully get them lost, just to spite Damen, but he didn’t.Swerving into a parking spot, Damen saw that Nikandros and Jord were already there, passing the ball between them.Jord wasn’t as good at aiming his passes, but he had the mechanics down.Maybe they could play a pick up game.It would probably be fun.It would require Laurent, however, if they wanted equal teams.

The minute he was out of the car, Nicaise stripped out of his shirt and ran towards Jord and Nikandros, stealing the ball in the middle of a pass.Neither of them complained.Instead, Jord retreated a ways back and Nikandros began to show Nicaise how to pass the ball, demonstrating proper foot placement right beside him.

Damen, on the other hand, turned to Laurent and waited for him to lift his eyes from his book.Eventually, he did and Damen dangled the car keys in front of him.There was a question in Laurent’s eyes and Damen said, “It’s hot out there.I thought you might want to sit in here with the AC on.I also don’t have a problem with you taking the truck somewhere as long as you have it back in a couple of hours.”

Accepting the keys, Laurent turned back to his book.With an audible sigh—a very loud one, so Damen was sure Laurent would hear—he hopped out of the truck, removed his shirt, and flung it into the backseat, before slamming the door behind him.

“Ball coming your way!” Nicaise shouted, making an attempt at a pass.It came in the right direction, but fell a little short.Damen thought nothing of it, jogging towards it and then dribbling towards Nicaise, executing a fake kick and cut when Nicaise looked prepared to take the ball from him.

“Woah,” Nicaise said.“Can you teach me that?”

“Of course,” Damen laughed, bringing the ball back and setting it in front of Nicaise.“All you have to do is run with the ball, pretend you’re going to kick it one direction and then use the outside of your foot to take it another.Why don’t you try it on Jokaste?”

As Nicaise ran towards her, fumbling the ball a couple of times, Damen said, “Now, remember, it’s all about timing.That’s more important than how convincing it looks.”

He managed to fake Joksate out, but then he proceeded to trip over the ball and fall onto his face.Laughing, Jokaste extended a hand and helped him up.There was a heartbreakingly beautiful smile on Nicaise’s face as he said, “I did it!”Running at Damen, he extended his hand and happily, Damen slapped it.

After that, they gathered into a circle, one person in the middle, and passed around, trying to evade the person in the center who was trying to take it away.Whoever made the faulty pass was the next in the middle.They did this for almost a half hour, before Damen declared they were ready to set up a mock field and play.

“But we don’t have an even number,” Nikandros said.

“It can be me and Nicaise against you three.”

Shrugging, Nikandros picked up the ball and curled it underneath his arm.“Fine with me.Be prepared to lose.”

“Are you sure we can’t get Laurent to play?” Jokaste asked, glancing back at the truck, which was still parked where Damen had left it, Laurent’s legs dangling out the open window as he read.Then Jokaste glanced back at Damen pleadingly.

“I’m not going over there,” Damen said.

“But you’re the only one who has a chance,” Jokaste said.

“No.No way.”

“Wait, what happened?” Nikandros asked.

“They fought,” Jokaste sighed.

“Do I need to go punch him?”

Damen shook his head furiously.“God, no, it was my fault.Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Only if you go and ask him,” Jokaste said.

“Fine.Just know that I hate you.”

Stalking off, Damen wrenched open the front door of the truck, startling Laurent from his comfortable position, and said, “Jokaste wants you to play with us.I need a yes or no.”Every single word was dripping with irritation and Damen didn’t even care.

“She does realize that…”

“Yes or no, Laurent.Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“You are very literally asking me to play soccer.How can that be perceived as difficult?”

“I don’t know.Maybe because you’ve barely spoken to me all day and I didn’t want to come and ask you and I’d really just like to go back over there and play soccer until I forget about the fact that we’re not talking.”

“We seem to be talking right now,” Laurent said.

Turning his head away, Damen pounded his hand against the side of the car.“Yes or no?Don’t make me ask again.”

“Or you’ll do what?”

“Or you’ll find it a lot harder to get me to listen, if you ever plan on forgiving me, that is.”

“I thought you were the god of forgiveness,” Laurent said sarcastically.

Rolling his eyes, Damen slammed the door and walked away.Everyone was tense when he arrived and he waved his hand in Laurent’s general direction.“I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing, but I asked.Let’s play.”

Jokaste laid a hand on his arm, but he shrugged it off.Nikandros tossed the ball to Damen and said, “That’s a goal over there, between the two shirts and that’s another goal there, between the two apples.You guys have kick off.”

Taking a deep breath to calm himself marginally, Damen said, “You ready, Nicaise?”

He nodded, eyes wide.“I’m just glad I’m not on the other team,” he said.

Damen laughed shortly and kicked the ball to Nicaise’s feet and they began.They were clearly outmatched by the other three, but Damen managed to keep it relatively even, telling Nicaise where to run as he dribbled, so that he could side foot it into the goal.Every time he scored, Nicaise would raise his arms and run around in swirl-patterns, making airplane noises.

By the time they were too hot and exhausted to continue, Jokaste’s team had won by two goals.Collapsing on the ground beside Nicaise, Damen said, “We’ll get them next time.You’re not bad, you know.I was actually pretty impressed.”

“I wish you hadn’t pissed Laurent off.He would’ve played.”

“Sorry,” Damen sighed.“I really am.I think I probably only made it worse when I went over there.”

“I’m sure you did.You’re an idiot.”

“I am, aren’t I?”

Nicaise laid the side of his head against the grass and stared at Damen.“Could you fall in love with him?”

“Yeah.”

“Adults are so gross,” Nicaise sighed, standing.“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ll talk to him, make him face you.I don’t think anyone has ever thought they could fall in love with him before.”Then, softer, “I just want him to be happy.Laurent’s hardly ever happy, you know.”

Damen nodded.

The sadness faded from Nicaise’s face and he said, “I’ll race you to the car.If you lose, you buy me ice cream.”

“What happens if you lose?”

“I won’t,” Nicaise laughed, already sprinting towards the car.Swearing, Damen chased after him and almost recovered the distance, but then Nicaise’s hand was against the car and he was laughing, jumping up and down.

“We’re getting ice cream,” Damen shouted back at the others.“I’m paying.”

There was a resounding cheer and Damen was smiling as he climbed into the car.The minute his eyes landed on Laurent, the smile disappeared and it took all his self control not to say something and continue their pointless arguing.Meeting eyes with Nicaise in his rearview mirror, Nicaise shook his head minutely.

Sighing, Damen turned on the truck and waited for everyone to get in before he drove off in search of the nearest Dairy Queen.When they found one, they entered the drive thru, which brought it’s own kind of chaos.No one knew what they wanted and there was lots of shouting and gesturing once they decided.Damen had to repeat everyone’s order at least twice before the woman manning the intercom understood their entire order.Laurent hadn’t said a word the entire time and Damen murmured, “Do you want anything?”As he asked, he silently wished he wasn’t the only one here—excluding Nicaise; a child—who cared about including Laurent.

“A small sundae,” Laurent replied.

“Okay.”Damen relayed the order and then he drove to the window and they began passing out ice creams.It took some time, but eventually, they all had something cold to snack on.Handing over his card, Damen paid, and then they left, back to the motel.

When they got back, Nikandros said, “Jord and I are thinking about going out tonight.Anyone want to come?”

“Sure,” Jokaste said, “Sounds fun.”

“Why not?” Damen said.Alcohol sounded like an excellent idea. 

Laurent was still standing among them, but he didn’t say a word.Nikandros looked at him and he shook his head once before turning on his heel and walking away.As Damen watched, he remembered another thing about last night’s debacle that he’d been trying to ignore and said, “Nik, I need to talk to you about something.”

“What?”

“Laurent advised we don’t stay in one place for more than a couple days.It means we should leave tomorrow.I’m sorry.”

Jord’s face fell, but he gripped Nikandros’ hand tightly and whispered, “I’ll see you on your way back up and then, somewhere, I’ll find money to fly up and visit you.”

“I’m getting so drunk tonight,” Nikandros replied.Then, “Tomorrow it is.”Dejectedly, he tugged Jord away and towards his room.They were murmuring softly to each other and Damen closed his eyes so his heart would stop breaking.This had been nothing close to the week he had promised.

Swearing softly, Damen turned and kicked the tire of his truck.The pain in his big toe was almost a relief.Leaning against the front, Damen gazed up at the sky and tried to make shapes out of the few wispy clouds.It didn’t end up distracting him from the shitty day he’d had, but the sky was at least nice to look at.

Damen was jolted from the sky by movement beside him.He looked down to see Laurent standing a few feet away, staring at him blankly.He would’ve sworn that Laurent had left, but of course he hadn’t.Gathering all of the patience he had left, Damen said, “What?”

“We’re leaving tomorrow?”

Damen nodded.

“Thank you,” Laurent murmured.

“Yeah,” Damen sighed, shoving himself off the truck and heading towards his room.There weren’t sounds of footsteps following him and he sighed in relief.That is, until he was alone in his room.He realized then that he’d wanted Laurent to chase after him and fix whatever had been broken last night. 

 

He’d almost finished _Name of the Wind_ , when Nikandros knocked on his door and said they were heading out.Pulling on a collared shirt and grabbing his keys, he followed Nikandros and Jord to the truck.“Where’s Jokaste?” he asked.

Nikandros sighed, “Verifying that Laurent doesn’t want to come.”

“He doesn’t drink.”

“That’s what I said.”

But, to all of their surprise, when Jokaste arrived, Laurent was trailing behind her, in his familiar dark skinny jeans and a dark red sweater.The red was stunning beside his skin and Damen swallowed, trying to remember how to breathe, trying to remember that he was irritated with Laurent.

Nobody said a word as they climbed into the car.Smiling, Jokaste said, “Turns out Laurent did want to come.Good thing I checked, isn’t it?Where are we going?”

“The Tower Bar,” Jord said.“It’s cheap and it has a jukebox, which is kind of cool.I’ll get us there.”

“Perfect,” Jokaste declared, buckling her seatbelt.

Jord began giving directions immediately and Damen said nothing as he drove them to their location, most of his brain power focused on figuring out why in the hell Laurent was with them.He didn’t really like any of the others and he wasn’t talking to Damen, not really.Even though Nicaise had probably talked to him by now, it still didn’t explain this.If Laurent wanted to talk, he would’ve asked Damen to stay behind, surely.

Ten minutes later, they arrived at the bar and walked in, Jord going to snag a table with enough chairs at it.Jokaste followed him, shouting at Nikandros that she wanted a lemon drop.Damen decided to follow Nikandros to the bar and, surprisingly, so did Laurent.It took a moment for the bartender to reach them, but when he did, Nikandros said, “We want a lemon drop, a bloody mary, and four shots of vodka.”

“Eight,” said Laurent.

“Eight shots of vodka,” Nikandros verified, shooting Laurent a bemused look.

“And I’d like a Manhattan on the rocks,” Damen said.

Nodding, the bartender set to work and Laurent left to go sit with Jokaste and Jord.They’d picked a seat very close to the tiny stage, where a band was setting up to play.There was a fair sized dance floor in front of them and Damen wondered how many people actually used it.He supposed they were about to find out.It was probably a half hour from getting crowded.

“What is he doing here?” Nikandros asked.“And why does he want shots?”

“No clue,” Damen replied.

“He doesn’t drink.”

“Maybe he does, just not often.”

“Isn’t this the kind of thing you’re supposed to know?”

Damen shrugged.“Probably.”

Settling a hand on Damen’s shoulder, Nikandros said, “Hang in there.He’ll forgive you.If he doesn’t, I’ll kick his ass.”

“With my permission.”

“Naturally.”

Damen laughed half-heartedly and smiled.“What would I do without you, Nik?”

“You’d be dead without me, Damen.So…nothing.”

Ten minutes later the band had started and they had their drinks on a tray.Nikandros carried it over and dispensed the drinks.Cradling his Manhattan, Damen watched as Laurent picked up one of his shots and took it.He didn’t wince and immediately reached for the second one.

“I thought you didn’t drink,” Damen said, searching for some kind of explanation.

“I don’t.”

“That looks like drinking.”

“Your observation skills continue to be impressive,” he drawled, setting the second shot glass back down on the tray.Damen was going to protest if he reached for the third, but he didn’t.He simply turned his eyes to the band and watched.Amazingly, some people had already moved onto the dance floor.

Nikandros turned to Jord and said, “Drink faster.I’m getting you on that dance floor.”

Jord groaned.“Why?I’m happy watching.”

“Don’t make me drag Damen out there.He doesn’t appreciate it when I grind up on him.”

“That’s true,” Damen said, “I don’t.”

With a sigh, Jord downed his drink and went up to the bar to order another.When he returned with another tray, filled with eight shots, he said, “You’re lucky I love you,” before taking a shot.He did wince.

Breaking out into a grin, Damen watched as Nikandros stopped with a shot halfway to his mouth.“What?” he murmured.

Laurent took his third shot.

Jord seemed surprised at his own words for a moment, but then he grinned and took another shot.“You heard me.Come on, boyfriend.Let’s go show the bar how it’s done.”

Nikandros didn’t move.“You can’t be drunk already,” he said.

“I’m not,” Jord replied.“I’m about to be, though.I never drink this much.”

“I’m so confused,” Nikandros said, mostly to himself.

Leaning in close, Jord ran a finger down Nikandros’ cheek.“I have known you for over a year, Nik.You seriously think I managed that long without falling in love with you?”His eyes were serious and his voice was gentle and Damen had to look away.Somehow, they’d managed to create a private moment in the middle of a dive bar.

Naturally, Damen’s eyes landed on Laurent, who was taking his fourth shot.

“Maybe you should slow down,” Damen said.

“Maybe you shouldn’t tell me what to do.”

“It was just a suggestion.”

While they’d been conversing, Nikandros had managed to burst out of his shock and he shouted, “Oh my fucking god!” drawing the attention of most of the residents of the bar.Then he barreled into Jord, who laughed, holding him close.Seconds later, they were up and on the dance floor. 

Jokaste clapped, smiling, and then finished her bloody mary.“I’m going to get another.Want anything, either of you?”

“Two more shots,” Laurent said.

“I’ll take two shots as well,” Damen said.

“I’ll be right back.”Jokaste stood and took the empty trays with her.Uninterested in examining how alone he and Laurent were, Damen watched as she crossed the room, fluidly weaving between people, and started shamelessly flirting with the bartender.Laughing, he took the last few sips of his Manhattan, crunching his teeth through the ice.

“Nicaise said you were pining.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Damen said, silently cursing Nicaise.Of course that was how he’d formulated his argument.

“I do.”

“Luckily for me, the universe doesn’t actually revolve around you.”

“The universe doesn’t revolve around anything.It’s infinite and always expanding.Things revolve in it.”

“Great,” Damen said.“Doesn’t change the fact that we are not having this conversation, here, in the middle of a bar.If you somehow manage to be coherent by the end of the night, we can do it then.”

“I don’t intend on being coherent.”

“Then it’ll have to wait.”

Laurent huffed and settled back in his seat, watching the people around him with disinterest.There was a pink flush to his cheeks, but besides that, Damen couldn’t really tell if the alcohol was affecting him at all.It must’ve been, though.

When Jokaste came back, she said, “Should I sleep with him?I can’t decide.”

“The bartender?”

She nodded.

“He’s not unattractive,” Damen said.

“True.But I’d have to wait here until at least two if I wanted to.I’m not sure it’s worth it.”

“We are leaving tomorrow.”

Jokaste sighed.“I guess not, then.That’s alright.What were you guys talking about while I was gone?”

“Nothing,” Damen sighed, taking one of the shots Jokaste had brought him.Laurent, on the other hand, was staring at his and debating.In a flash of motion, he took one.

“Someone can have my last shot,” he said.

Shrugging, Jokaste took it and said, “I’m going to go over there.I think that guy will be up for a quickie in the bathroom.”

Damen raised his eyebrows at her.

“It’s been awhile,” she sighed.“I’m tired of it having been awhile.”

“So you’re going to do something about it, in typical Jokaste fashion.”

She flashed him a grin and stood, smoothing down her dress.“He won’t even know what’s hit him,” she said, folding herself into the crowd.

Neither he or Laurent said a word when she left and so Damen slid his eyes across the masses of dancing people and spotted Jord and Nikandros on the left edge.Jord’s arms were slung over Nikandros’ shoulders and they were going at it.It would’ve been disgusting if Damen wasn’t so happy for them. 

After taking his second shot, he began to feel the alcohol warm his stomach and dull his brain.Damen didn’t get drunk often because he liked this feeling.This was usually enough for him.It would be enough tonight considering he was driving.

Ten minutes later, the close proximity of Laurent in the dim lighting, the alcohol, and the utter silence emanating from the space Laurent was inhabiting, was driving Damen crazy.

“Question for a question,” Damen said.

There was a beat of silence, Laurent considering him through his long eyelashes.“Did you really tell Nicaise that you thought you could fall in love with me?” he asked, expression contemplative.

Damen nodded cautiously.“Why are you here?”

“I need to be drunk,” Laurent replied.Then softer, “Think I made it.”

“Why?”

“Not your question.Come on,” he said, standing and extending a hand towards Damen.

“Where are we going?”

“Outside.”

All he’d really wanted all day was the opportunity to touch Laurent again, so he took the offered hand and let Laurent lead him from the bar and out into the fresh night air.Once there weren’t people around him, it was clear Laurent wasn’t walking in an entirely straight line.Trying not to laugh, Damen brought him to a halt and said, “Why are we out here?

“I’m not doing this in the middle of the parking lot.”

“We are not doing this at all, Laurent.You’re drunk.”

Laurent let out an irritated sigh and said, “Yes, I am and that is entirely by design.The only way I can have this conversation with you is if I’m drunk, so you’re going to have to deal with it.”

“Is this something you’re going to regret tomorrow?”

“Probably.”

“Laurent…”

Laurent tugged him to the truck and then clambered onto to the hood, slapping Damen’s hand away when he tried to help.Sighing, Damen joined him and continued with his earlier thought.“We can’t talk about last night right now.”

“Why,” Laurent began, through gritted teeth, “are you so difficult?”

“Yes, I’m definitely the difficult one here.”

Damen could almost hear the cogs in Laurent’s brain spinning.It wasn’t quite up to form and so it took a lot longer for him to come up with a solution, but he came up with one nonetheless.“Fine,” he said.“This doesn’t have to be a conversation, then.I’m going to talk.You can either listen or not.I don’t particularly care.I’m very very good at pretending that nothing in the world matters to me and if I need to include you in that, I can.I think.”

“Stop, Laurent.There’s a reason you’re not supposed to resolve fights drunk.”

Laurent’s eyes left the sky and landed solidly on Damen.“I need you to hear what I’m going to say and this the only way I can do it.I knew that when Jokaste asked me to come with you guys and I knew that when I took that first shot.Consider this a decision made by a sober me.”

“Is there any way I can stop you?” Damen sighed.

“No.”

“Fine.But we’re talking about this later, too, when you’re sober.”

“Yes, fine, whatever makes you feel better,” Laurent said.Then he took a deep breath, which shook slightly on the inhale.“He did…sexually abuse me, as you’ve probably already assumed.It’s why I had to take Nicaise away.He called and said that Uncle had tried to…well, feel free to use your imagination.Only Nicaise knows that it happened.But, now, I guess, so do you and so does everyone else.”

Damen tried to say something, but Laurent cut him off.“This isn’t a conversation.Jokaste already knew, I suspect, and there was no way you were going to be capable of not telling Nikandros.I am angry at you about that, but I’ll get over it eventually.

“The truth is, I hate how well you understand me.You were entirely right about everything last night and you weren’t supposed to be.You were supposed to let me fuck this up by now, but every time I try, you see it coming.And then, directly after I try, I want to take it all back, because I like you.I like you so goddamn much and I wasn’t supposed to.You weren’t supposed to like me, either. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you’re my worst nightmare, Damen.And, for some reason, I seem to think I want to live in a nightmare.”

There was a long silence and then Laurent whispered, “We weren’t ever fighting.You did absolutely nothing wrong.You made a correct assumption and I panicked and I spent all day convincing myself that I could get through the rest of this trip pushing you away.But,” Laurent laughed, “Then you bought me ice cream and you told Nikandros that we had to leave tomorrow.I know exactly how painful that was for you.You did all that, even though you thought we were fighting.On top of all that, you told Nicaise you could fall in love with me.”He let out a long sigh.“I have a question for you, Damen.”

“What?” Damen breathed.

“How in the fuck am I supposed to defend myself against that?”

“I don’t know,” Damen whispered.

Laurent laughed softly.“I don’t either.If you ever figure it out, let me know.”

“Sure.”

“You’re awfully quiet.Did I finally manage to scare you away?That would be ironic.”

“I’m just…uh…”

“Please tell me you’re not crying.”

Laughing, Damen shook his head.“I’m not crying and you haven’t scared me away.Far from it, actually.I’m just trying to wrap my head around all that information.There was a lot of it.”

“Are you scared of anything?”

“Of course,” Damen said.“Heights, needles, disappointing people, losing the people I love…lots of things.”

“I’m scared of you.”

“Laurent, I…were you even ready to tell me any of that?”

“No, but I wasn’t going to lose you.”

“Are you always so pragmatic?”

Laurent shrugged, staring down at his feet.Knowing this was far from the right moment to touch Laurent, Damen gazed up at the stars in the sky.“What else do you know about stars?” he asked.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize it's been awhile, which I apologize for. This is more like how I normally update, for those who didn't read Kings Reign. Real life decided to become a thing in an incredibly good way and by the time it settles (maybe), school will have started so....basically five days is a good expectation.  
> Thank you guys so much, though, for everything. You're all sweet and amazing.  
> As always, thanks to Mari and Becky for betaing and screaming and for everything else.  
> Enjoy! <3

Getting Laurent down from the hood of his car ended up being one of the biggest struggles of the night.He insisted he could do it alone and every time Damen tried to help, Laurent’s eyes threw daggers.The problem was, he very much couldn’t do it himself, and spent a long time staring at the ground and trying to find a foothold.It was clear he had no interest in sprawling to the ground in front of Damen.

It was a lot like watching a cat trying to decide how much they really wanted the rubber duck on the other side of a water-filled bathtub.

“For god’s sake, Laurent, let me help you,” Damen said, for probably the fiftieth time.

“No.Tell me: how far away is the ground?I can’t really tell.”

“It’s four or five feet.Hardly anything.”

“Hardly anything, he says,” Laurent murmured.“It’s not hardly anything when most of your body feels numb.”

“And who’s goddamn fault is that?”

“Yours.You insisted on being irritated with me.”

“I would’ve just taken an ‘I’m sorry and I panicked’” Damen said.“You were the one who insisted on telling me too much.”

“Yes, well, I’m an all in or all out sort.Why doesn’t this godforsaken piece of crap have a foothold there?” Laurent asked, pointing.

“Probably because most people just jump down from the hood.And my truck is not a piece of crap.”

“It is.”

Rolling his eyes, Damen said, “Well, now I don’t even want to help you anymore.”

“Yes, you do.Stop lying.”

“I have to go and check on the others, see if they need help to the car.Would you prefer me to leave you here?”

“No.Don’t leave.”Those words made Damen’s stomach flip and he took a moment to recollect himself.

“Then I suggest you offer a solution and quickly.”

Laurent grimaced and then said, “Fine.Help me down.I’ve already obliterated my carefully contrived persona to make you feel better.” 

“I am not at all to blame for that.Take a little personal responsibility,” Damen replied, walking over and extending both hands to Laurent.Gripping them lazily, Laurent pitched himself from the side of the truck and landed badly, stumbling forward into Damen’s chest.Luckily, Damen was prepared for the inevitability and he caught Laurent easily, taking steps back when he had a firm grip on Laurent’s shoulders.

“If you let me blame you for this entire night, I’ll forgive you for telling Nikandros.”

“Why do you need to blame me?”

“It’ll make it easier for me to live with myself in the morning,” Laurent replied.

“Laurent…”

“Shh,” Laurent murmured, reaching up and placing a finger over Damen’s lips.In the interest of keeping Laurent’s hands on his skin, Damen held his breath and waited, eyes not budging from Laurent’s. 

Of course, Laurent’s eyes slipped away, moving to his own hand.Carefully, he uncurled his other fingers and moved to caress Damen’s jawline with tentative fingers.“You shaved,” Laurent murmured, nonsensically, stepping closer and slipping his fingers to Damen’s lips, sliding his thumb down the middle of his bottom lip.Damen inhaled sharply, his mouth hanging open slightly.As though his reaction had no effect on Laurent, his fingers traveled up to the bridge of Damen’s nose to Damen’s forehead, before traveling back down to his jaw.

Unable to bear it any longer, but unwilling to take advantage of Laurent in this state, Damen said, “God, you’re so drunk.”

“I had no idea,” Laurent replied dryly, his hand falling back to his side.Instantly, Damen missed the brush of Laurent’s fingers, the warmth and the tingling, but he’d been dangerously close to pressing Laurent up against the car and kissing him until the world ended.The problem was, he couldn’t be sure that was something Laurent actually wanted, and until he was, he would refrain.

“Let’s go find the others,” Damen sighed, having to repeatedly shove the image of a breathless, just-kissed Laurent out of his mind.

“Fine,” Laurent said, falling in beside Damen.Together, they walked back across the parking lot and into the bar.The horde of dancers had only grown, some of it spilling out into places that weren’t meant for dancing.There were also couples kissing against walls and the bar was clamoring with people trying to get drinks.Sighing, Damen scanned the crowd, wishing he could just walk right back out.Sitting with Laurent had been much more pleasant.Laurent was clearly thinking the same thing.His entire body was a study in utter disgust.

Thankfully, Damen spotted Jokaste, sitting back at their old table, sipping a margarita and watching the crowd with mild interest. 

When they got to the table, Jokaste smiled happily and patted the table, asking them to sit down.Shaking his head, Damen bent down to her ear and said, “I need to get Laurent home.Are you alright leaving?If you’re not, I can come back and pick you guys up later.”

“I’m ready.This night was far from satisfying.I’ll go ask Nik and Jord, shall I?” she said, before standing, wobbling slightly, and then disappearing onto the dance floor, bobbing and weaving her way towards the center.It was lucky she knew where they were.

“Do you like dancing?” Damen asked as he and Laurent waited.

“I’m not dancing with you.”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t offer.”

“What if I said I did want to dance with you?” Laurent asked, moving closer to Damen and slipping his fingers into Damen’s.Using that as a way to keep his balance, he raised himself to Damen’s ear and whispered, “I can’t imagine you’d refuse.The pulsing beats, the sweat, the bodies pressed up against you…” Laurent trailed off and stepped back slightly, smiling pleasantly.

“I’d say no,” Damen replied, “Because we’re leaving.”

“Your self control is truly remarkable.”

“And I’m sure you’ll keep testing it,” Damen grumbled, keeping his eyes firmly away from Laurent.If he looked, he would have no self control left.There was something about being in this crowded bar, so far from where he wanted to be, that made Laurent seem like a lighthouse; the only thing that could bring him back to sanity. Before Laurent could confirm that statement, Jokaste came back and said, “Nik and Jord want to stay.I think.They’re largely incoherent, but they had very little interest in anything I was saying.I’ll stay with them, so that someone can call when they want to leave.”

“You sure?”

Jokaste nodded, the motion more exaggerated than usual.It was about the only way Damen could ever tell she was drunk.She was someone who stayed largely unaffected, at least outwardly.Once, Damen had found it amazing.

“Alright,” Damen said.“Please make sure they don’t die.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Turning away from Jokaste, Damen said, “Let’s go, Laurent.”

Without saying a word, Laurent trailed behind him and back out of the bar.Glancing back to make sure he was still there, Damen noticed that he was having an even harder time walking now.Smiling softly, Damen paused and waited.“Dizzy?” he asked.

“The world is definitely spinning,” Laurent said, squinting slightly.“It’s awful.Why in the fuck do people like this?”

“Nobody likes this part,” Damen laughed, easily sliding an arm around Laurent’s waist.He held it very still in case Laurent wanted to pull away, but he didn’t.Instead, to Damen’s utter surprise, he leant against him heavily, letting Damen support all his weight.The warmth of his body was pleasant.It was even more pleasant to be trusted this implicitly.

“I’m so tired,” Laurent murmured.

“I bet.We’re almost home.”

“We’re in the parking lot of a bar.We are not almost home.”

“Closer now than we were a second ago.”

“I hate you.”So far, Laurent had managed to keep a slur from most of his words, but he hadn’t succeeded with those.It came out sounding like one long word with soft vowels and rounded edges.

“I know,” Damen said, smiling.They’d reached the passenger side of the truck and Damen shifted Laurent slightly so that he could reach the door and open it.Once he’d accomplished that,he gently jostled Laurent into a standing position, then maneuvered him into the car.

“Such a gentlemen,” Laurent teased.

Taking Laurent’s hand, Damen leaned down and pressed his lips to the back of it.Then he took a bow and closed Laurent’s door for him.Luckily, he didn’t miss the beginning of Laurent’s laughter.

 

When they got back to the motel, Damen helped Laurent to his room.He knocked on the door and after a long pause, Nicaise came to answer it, yawning, his eyes sleepy.Gesturing for Damen to come in, he mumbled, “This isn’t what I suggested.”

“I’m pretty sure nobody suggested he get drunk,” Damen replied, spilling Laurent onto the bed.

“Thankfully, I don’t consult either of you on how I live my life.”

“Maybe you should,” Nicaise said.“You look like shit.”

“I bet Damen doesn’t agree with you.”

“Yes, well, he’s an idiot.”

Looking Nicaise in the eye, Damen said, “Make sure he drinks lots of water.If you can get him to eat, that would be excellent.I have some granola bars in my room.I’ll bring them over.If he needs to throw up, he’ll need help making it to the toilet, so be prepared for that.”

“I just want to sleep,” Nicaise groaned.

“Someone’s got to take care of him.”

“How about you stay here and I go sleep in your room?”Nicaise caught the appalled look on Damen’s face and rolled his eyes.“As if you don’t want to stay with him.”

“I can’t,” Damen said.“I have to go pick up the others soon.He shouldn’t be left alone.”

“We’ll look after him until then and when you get back, I’ll go sleep in your room.It’s going to be awhile before he sleeps.”

“How do you know that?”

“Uncle used to get drunk like this sometimes,” Nicaise murmured.

“Right,” Damen said, clearing his throat awkwardly.With a sigh, he nodded to Nicaise and grabbed a cheap plastic cup the motel had provided.He went to the bathroom and filled it with water from the sink, before approaching Laurent and sitting on the edge of the bed by his head.

“You need to sit up,” he murmured.

Laurent blinked, the words processing slowly and then he groaned, trying to get himself up.About a third of the way into a sitting position, he shook his head and slumped back down.“That’s not going to happen.”

“Why?”

“The spinning.”He lifted his hand and used his index finger to draw a lazy circle in the air.Damen would’ve laughed if he thought it wouldn’t earn him a harsh glare.

“Okay,” Damen sighed, setting down the glass.“I’m going to help you to the bathroom.”

“That would require standing.”

“Yes, but once you throw up, you’re going to feel a lot better.Maybe better enough to drink some water.”

“I’m fine,” Laurent said.

“Sure you are.”

“You are not going to see me throw up.”

“Okay,” Damen said, grabbing one of Laurent’s arms and hauling him up.It was clear immediately that Laurent was feeling incredibly nauseous.He grimaced and held his stomach lightly, his face pale.He struggled for a moment, but then thought better of it, glaring at Damen instead.

“Stop being a petulant child,” Damen said.“I’m right about this.Take it from someone who’s been drunk a fair amount.”

With an arm around Laurent’s waist and one of Laurent’s arms slung around his neck, they managed to make it to the bathroom.It was a tight fit for both of them, so Damen retreated back into the doorway once he’d situated Laurent next to the toilet.He was sitting against the wall, staring at Damen through hooded eyes.The level of control, even drunk, was incredible.Damen knew he had to be feeling awful and off balance, but he managed to look only slightly affected.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to stay and watch,” Laurent said.

“I thought you weren’t going to throw up,” Damen replied, leaning against the doorjamb, crossing his arms.

“I’m not.”

“Then this shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re difficult?”

Damen nodded.“You did, in fact.About two hours ago.”

Laurent raised his eyebrows and then sighed, tilting his head back against the wall.It revealed the expanse of his slender neck to Damen’s gaze.Naturally, his eyes landed on Laurent’s Adam’s apple and he had to fight his desire to kneel down in front of Laurent and kiss it.

“You’re staring,” Laurent murmured.

“You’re easy on the eyes.”

“Such a flirt.”

“If I can’t flirt with you, who am I supposed to flirt with?”

“Your reflection?”

Damen laughed softly and then decided to sit, since he intended on staying.Leaning his back against the doorjamb, he spread his legs out just outside the door, since they weren’t going to fit within the small space, no matter how he contorted his body.

“You know you can do whatever you want to do,” Laurent said a minute or two later.

“No, I can’t.If you’re drunk, you can’t consent.”

“So honorable.”

There was a lilting tone to the words, but Damen could hear seriousness beneath it.Laurent meant those words and he may have even found it admirable.Shrugging, Damen said, “Not really.I’m mostly interested in getting the chance to do what I want when you’re sober.”

“Ah,” Laurent murmured, smiling softly, before letting his head fall down between his knees.He let out a long, low groan and reluctantly put his hands on the edges of the toilet bowl.Sliding across the floor, Damen placed a hand on Laurent’s back and rubbed it slowly.

“This feels like taking advantage,” Laurent sighed, staring at the water.

“I’m trying to make you feel better.Should I stop?”

“You should leave.I don’t want you to see this.”

“Okay.Can I at least send Nicaise in?It’s nice to have someone sit with you.”

“If it would make you feel better,” Laurent said.

Standing, Damen walked out of the bedroom and sat down beside Nicaise, who was curled up on the bed, reading one of Laurent’s books.He still looked sleepy and Damen was impressed he was still awake.“Do you mind sitting with him?” he asked.

“Okay,” Nicaise sighed, setting the book down and padding to the bathroom.Five minutes later, the sounds of hacking and coughing and spitting emanated through the room and Damen’s heart hurt.He wanted to be doing something to make it better.Luckily, before he could dwell on it too long, his phone rang.

“You guys ready?” Damen asked when he picked up.

“We are.Nik can’t walk and Jord is making no sense, just warning you.”

“God, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.I finally found someone to hook up with, so the night could’ve been worse.”

“Oh yeah?What happened to the first guy?”

“He freaked out when I pulled a condom from my purse,” Jokaste sneered.“God, he was such an asshole.”

Laughing, Damen said, “Alright, well, I’m on my way.Hang tight.”

Hanging up, he called out, “I’m off to the bar.I’ll be back.”

There was a noise of acknowledgement from Nicaise and Damen left.

Fifteen minutes later, he was at the bar and Jokaste, Nikandros, and Jord were sitting outside on a bench.It was obvious, even in the dark, that Jokaste was irritated and tired.Pulling up, Damen put the car in park, but left it on.When Nikandros saw that it was Damen, he stood and ran at Damen, almost falling over twice, and gathered him into a sloppy hug.

“Damen!” he cried happily, holding him close.“Where’ve you been?”

“Taking care of Laurent.”

“I’m glad you’re here now,” Nikandros slurred, “I love you, man.”

“I love you, too,” Damen said.“How about you take those professions of love into the car?”

“Not without Jord,” he said, almost seriously.He stumbled back to Jord and wrapped his hand around his elbow, pulling him up.Somehow, they managed to keep each other up and get back to the car.“I think I love him more than you,” he continued, “I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, Nik.”

Jord was silent as he was herded into the car, but the moment he and Nikandros were touching again, he broke into a series of giggles and nonsensical whispers.Only Nikandros seemed to understand, because he laughed along.“Wow,” Damen whispered to Jokaste, who was riding shotgun, “I’m impressed you managed to get them onto that bench.”

“It was difficult,” she sighed.

“I hate to ask this of you, but do you think you could make sure they get to bed alive?”

She nodded warily.“Sure.Got to get back to Laurent?”

“Yeah.”

Damen pulled out of the parking lot as Jokaste said, “I take it you’re not fighting any longer, then,” she smiled.

“That remains to be seen.He’s very drunk.”

“That does pose a problem,” she said, before yawning and slumping down into the seat.The rest of the ride was silent except for the murmurs and giggles from the back seat. 

 

Jokaste handled Jord and Nikandros with relative ease to Damen’s surprise and relief.Watching her talk to them softly and gently made it easy for him to leave and return to Laurent.When he knocked on the door, Nicaise opened it with a cheer.He held out his hand and Damen dropped his keys into it.Nicaise was already opening the door of Damen’s room before Damen could even get a word out.At least he would be getting some sleep.

Laurent was on the bed when he entered, holding a glass of water and taking small sips.“Hi,” Laurent murmured, smiling shakily.Damen hadn’t expected a smile and he could feel his heartbeat falter.

“Hi,” Damen replied.“Feeling better?”

“Yes,” Laurent said, taking another sip of water.“I’m going to be hungover, aren’t I?”

“Yeah.No question.”

“Perfect.”

“Do you think you’re going to throw up again?”

Laurent shrugged.“It’s entirely possible.”

Carefully, Damen perched on the edge of the bed and bent down to remove his shoes.When he kicked them off, he turned slightly, one knee resting against the bedding and stared at Laurent.“Is there anything I can do?Anything you need?”

“More water.”

“Alright,” Damen said, taking the glass from Laurent’s outstretched hand and strolling to the bathroom.He filled it up and came back, their fingers brushing as they exchanged the glass.

Laurent gulped some more water and then shook his head, holding very still for a moment.Then, in a flash, he was back in the bathroom.Sighing, Damen crawled up the bed and got more comfortable, calling out every once and awhile, making sure Laurent didn’t want him to come and sit with him.He never did.

An hour later, Laurent returned, looking exhausted.He crawled underneath the covers, still fully clothed and stared at the ceiling.“When does the nausea stop?”

“Hopefully soon,” Damen replied.

“Certainly sobers you up.”

Damen laughed and glanced over at him.“Is it alright if I sleep here?I can go sleep with Jord and Nikandros if it bugs you.”

“Why not?” Laurent sighed.

Damen nodded and leaned his head back against the wall, still watching Laurent.

“You can go to sleep, Damen.I’ll be fine.”

“I’m alright.I’ll wait until I think you’re actually going to get some sleep.”

Laurent laughed, shaking his head.“I can’t imagine why anyone…what happened with you and Jokaste?”

“She cheated on me,” Damen said.“With a friend, actually.It turned out she’d started dating me just to get closer to him.She regretted sleeping with him instantly, but the damage had been done.I wasn’t going to be able to trust her again.Not completely.”

“How can you trust me at all?” Laurent murmured.“Jokaste and I are very similar.”

“But you’re not the same.”

“Too trusting.”For the first time, it sounded teasing, not serious.

Damen smiled softly and stood, removing his shirt and his jeans.Then he grabbed a pillow and began searching for a good spot on the floor.It seemed to him Laurent was going to be fine in a few minutes.Fine enough to sleep, anyway.

Finding a good spot, he tossed the pillow on the floor and was about to lie down when Laurent said, “Stop.You’re being ridiculous.Get in bed.”

“Laurent…”

“I’m sober enough.You’re paying for this room.You should get to sleep in the bed.”

“I’m not…”

“Whatever the reason, I almost gave you a fucking hand job, Damen.I assure you, this is fine.”

“It’s a different kind of intimacy,” Damen pointed out.

Laurent groaned.“I want you to sleep in the bed.With me.Okay?”

“Okay.”

Damen picked the pillow up off the floor and settled on top of the sheets, getting as comfortable as he could.He might get a little cold, but there were some advantages to the hot summer days of San Diego.

“Under the covers, Damen.”

“Okay,” he said again.

“Verbose, aren’t you?”

“I just don’t want to fuck up again,” Damen whispered, as he slid underneath the covers.Slowly, Laurent closed the distance between them and laid his hand on Damen’s cheek.

“You are in no danger of genuinely fucking up,” he whispered.“Stop worrying.”Then, he placed one, chaste kiss on Damen’s lips and retreated back to his side of the bed, turning his back.

“Do you regret tonight yet?”He didn’t want to ask, but he had to.

“No.”Laurent flicked off the light.“And I don’t think I will.”

 

Damen woke to the scratch of denim and wool, but also a pleasant warmth against his neck.Blinking away any blurriness, Damen realized that he and Laurent must’ve sought each other out in the night, because their limbs were tangled together in the middle of the bed.One of Laurent’s arms was flung over his chest and his mouth was inches from his neck.Sliding slightly to the left and turning his head, Damen watched Laurent in lazy appraisal.He looked warm and at ease; happy to be in Damen’s arms.While he didn’t believe that that would continue when Laurent woke, he still foolishly hoped it would.

Even more foolishly, he wished to brush Laurent’s hair away from his face, but he kept his hands to himself.Whatever was happening now, he still didn’t know if this was something Laurent truly wanted. 

Of course, he wasn’t going to move, either.He was comfortable and once Laurent woke up, he would be unbearable.Damen had yet to see him hungover, but it couldn’t be a pleasant experience.

So, Damen laid there, happy and warm, considering the arm that was underneath Laurent’s body was completely numb.He was also considering how very in danger he was.Their relationship was on a tight rope.Perhaps, right now, he was walking across it with all the grace of a professional, but that could change at any moment, which was terrifying because Damen was beginning to understand just how deeply involved he already was.He didn’t want this to stop; couldn’t have it end.

There was a shift of Laurent’s legs, sliding further in between Damen’s and then there was a low groan as Laurent woke up, wincing at the light.Damen was about to say something, whatever came to his mind first, but then Laurent closed his eyes again and burrowed in closer, his head now completely nestled under Damen’s.Laurent’s lips were against the pulse in his neck.

“Why don’t you go wrestle the sun back under the horizon?” Laurent murmured, lips brushing skin and Damen was very impressed that he’d managed to catch any of those words, let alone the entire sentence.

“I’ll do that, shall I?” Damen asked, shifting slowly and he almost laughed when Laurent’s grip stiffened around his waist and tugged him back.

“Stay,” Laurent mumbled.“We both know you can’t actually wrestle the sun, which means I need something to block it.”

“My neck must be doing a stellar job then.”

“Quite.”

Their conversation had ended, but Laurent still hadn’t moved.There was no end to the surprises with him, apparently.It boded well for their sober conversation about last night.After all, he was sober now and they were touching in all sorts of places.

“How do you feel?” Damen asked.

“That’s a stupid question.”

Damen laughed and whispered, “Can I touch you?”

“That’s also a stupid question.”“Laurent.”

“Damen.”

“We need to talk about…”

“I need food before we have this conversation,” Laurent interrupted.He still didn’t move.

“I think that requires getting out of bed.Or, at least, letting me get up so I can go and get you something.”

“I don’t like any of my options.”

“What do you propose we do, then?” Damen asked.

“Lay in bed awhile longer.”

“Okay,” Damen sighed, unable to deny him this.Not while he was hungover, not after last night.“Want me to stop talking?”

“Talking is fine, as long as it’s quiet.”

“Headache?”

Laurent nodded jerkily.“Little dizzy, too.”

“Well, if it helps, Jord and Nik are doing a lot worse than you, I’m sure.They’re probably already throwing up again.”

“Surprisingly, that does help.”

“I thought it might,” Damen chuckled, his eyes falling to Laurent’s neck.He either needed to have the conversation now or he needed to get out of bed and far away from Laurent.The list of things Damen wanted to do to Laurent was growing.It was probably close to endless.With a sigh, he said, “I need to go get breakfast or you need to be alright with having the conversation, because I’m about to go insane.”

“Nice to know I’m still attractive when I’m hungover.”

“Conversation or breakfast, Laurent?” Damen asked, not falling for the abrupt shift in conversation.

Sighing, Laurent rolled away from Damen, back to his side of the bed.He didn’t rise, but he did flip his head so that his eyes were fixed on Damen’s.“Might as well get this over with,” he said, every line of his face tense.

“Would you like a refresher of what you said last night?”

“No.”

“Do you remember what you said?”

“Most of it,” Laurent said carefully.

Sighing, Damen said, “You verified that you were sexually abused, which I’m very not okay with and would like to have a conversation about someday, whenever you’re ready.You said that you were scared of me and that I kept ruining your attempts to fuck up what we have.”

“Sounds painfully accurate,” Laurent murmured, flipping so that he was staring at the ceiling.

“You also said that you really liked me and that you didn’t want to lose me,” Damen whispered.

“Yes.”There was a sharp inhale and exhale around that word and Damen felt his chest constrict.It was hard to put Laurent through anything uncomfortable, but it needed to be done.

“Okay, so as I understand it, it’s going to take a long time for you to be truly comfortable and you will test me regularly, however unconsciously.Basically, you weren’t lying when you said this wouldn’t be easy, I just didn’t understand quite how much so until last night and I’m sure I still don’t understand fully.”

Laurent nodded.

“So is there anything I can do to help make any of it easier?Anything I can do to prevent future arguments?”

“Just be you,” Laurent murmured.“I promise you’re doing better than anyone else ever has.”

“Alright,” Damen said.

“Is that it?” Laurent drawled.

“Yes.”

“Thank god.Now, either go get me breakfast or come back and block the light.”

“You can just say you want to cuddle some more,” Damen said.

Laurent glared at him and Damen burst into laughter, sliding across the bed and opening his arms for Laurent.There was a moment where Laurent considered shoving him away—Damen could tell—but then he took a deep breath and laid his head on Damen’s chest.Slowly, so very slowly, Damen raised his forearm off the bed and brushed his fingers through Laurent’s hair.He was so, so tense on top of Damen, but when, a minute later, he leaned into the touch imperceptibly, Damen knew it was okay to continue.

Damen had no idea how long they’d been lying there, silently and listening to each other breathe, but they were interrupted by a buzzing text from Nikandros.One that read:

_N: I don’t want to leave._

Sighing, Damen brushed his lips against Laurent’s forehead and then sat up, running his hand through his hair.Leaning over his shoulder, Laurent read the text and frowned slightly, eyes flicking to Damen’s profile, trying to judge a reaction.Damen tried to give nothing away, but he knew it didn’t work, when Laurent brought his hand up and brushed his fingers through the hair beside Damen’s ear.“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“It’s not your fault,” Damen replied, holding his fingers above the keys, trying to think of something to say.Luckily, Nikandros knew he didn’t have anything, because there was another text seconds later.

_N: When are we leaving?_

“You want breakfast, right?”

Laurent nodded.“But we can grab it on the way.”

Damen shook his head.“I want to give them some time to properly say goodbye.We’ll take Nicaise and Jokaste with us and leave them alone.I know there’s a place they can walk within ten minutes.”

_D: were gonna go get bfast.i suppose after we get back_

_N: Okay._

_D: im sorry_

_N: It’s alright.It wasn’t like I could stay forever._

Getting out of bed, Damen pulled on his clothes from yesterday and then laughed when he saw Laurent remove the covers.He’d managed to forget that Laurent had never changed.It was a rare moment of inelegance.Not to mention, he winced, the headache likely increasing in severity.

Laurent stared at him, considering.Before he made a decision, Damen made it for him.“I’m going to go to my room and put new clothes on.I’ll send Nicaise back and then we’ll go.”

The tenseness in Laurent’s shoulders dissipated and Damen smiled, turning and opening the door.He was about to leave when Laurent stopped him.With slow steps, he approached Damen and placed his hands on Damen’s chest.Then he slid them up, circling his arms around Damen’s neck.

“It was…nice, waking up to you this morning,” Laurent murmured.

Damen was unnaturally aware of every part of his body and the beating of his heart.Unable to help himself, he leaned in gradually, giving Laurent time to retreat, but he didn’t.He leaned in as well, holding his lips inches away for a moment, letting the electricity build, before he kissed Damen gently.

“Thank you,” Damen whispered, when they parted.Laurent tried to step back, but Damen slipped his arms around Laurent’s lower back and kept him close.“I’m not quite ready to let go of you yet.”

“Okay,” Laurent whispered, stepping closer and transforming the embrace into a proper hug, hiding his face in Damen’s neck.

“You’re being awfully nice.”

Damen felt Laurent smile.“I’m not thinking clearly.My head hurts.”’ “I can’t believe I’m happy you’re hungover,” Damen said into his ear.

“Me neither.Doesn’t sound like you.”

“Apparently, you’re capable of being nice and I’m capable of being selfish.”

“Who knew?”

“I should go,” Damen said.

“Then go.”

“I don’t want to.”

“We are not playing this game,” Laurent said.“It’s disturbing.”He removed himself from Damen’s arms and retreated to the bed, pulling off his shirt.He was undoing the button of his jeans, when he noticed Damen was still standing there.“Going to stay and watch the show?”

“Would you mind?”

Smiling sharply, Laurent said, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“I’m just going to go,” Damen said, pointing his thumb behind him at the door, tripping over his own feet as he walked backwards, unable to take his eyes from Laurent and the light trail of hair disappearing into his jeans.

“Has your head ever felt sunshine?”

“Huh?” Damen asked, halfway through the door.

“It seems to me it’s always in the gutter.”

Flushing, Damen laughed half-heartedly.“Sorry about that.”Then he hurried out of the door, before Laurent could drive more verbal needles in.It took all of five seconds for him to realize that he wanted to stay and take the needles.He would take any and all needles to get the privilege of waking up beside Laurent every day, just like he did this morning.It was one of the best gifts he’d ever been given.Smiling to himself, he knocked on the door of his room and waited for Nicaise to answer.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hit some massive writer's block. This is the result of me struggling through that. It's not perfect, but I'm back on track now and I know what I'm doing and it won't be this choppy again.  
> Thank you, as always, for your endless support. It's so amazing and wonderful and made the writer's block slightly more bearable. It had been months and months since I'd dealt with it, so...  
> Thanks to Mari and Becky, who I love dearly.   
> Enjoy!

When they returned from breakfast, Nicaise was still talking about the excellent french toast he’d had, and Damen sent Nikandros a text, letting him know they had returned.It was almost physically painful to press send and Laurent hung back, letting Jokaste and Nicaise get ahead.

Starting to walk, Damen slipped his hand into Laurent’s and was grateful he didn’t retreat.“Is there anything I can do?” Laurent asked, the words coming out awkward.Offering comfort was not something he did often or well.

Damen shook his head.“No.It just sucks and that’s how it is.Nothing to be done.”

“I’m causing you pain.I’m sorry,” Laurent said, his lips forming a small scowl. 

“It’s not your fault.It’s your uncle’s.”

Laurent said nothing in reply and Damen could see his walls being built back up.Instantly, Damen regretted bringing the uncle up.They were so far away from being able to have a conversation about him.

Damen was trying to think of something to say, something to ease the tension, when he caught Nikandros’ eye across the parking lot, where he’d just come out of his motel room.Jord was straight behind him, but his head was down.

The emotion etched in Nikandros’ face was impossible to describe, but it made him look ten years older than he actually was.Damen let go of Laurent’s hand and approached Nikandros, gathering him into a hug.Clutching desperately at his shoulders, Nikandros whispered, “You know I don’t blame you or Laurent, right?”

Damen nodded.“I’m still sorry.It doesn’t seem fair.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

Slipping out of his arms, Damen turned to Jord and extended his hand.Taking it, they shook hands, and Damen said, “I wish I didn’t have to take him away from you.You’re good for him.I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.”

“Stop embarrassing me,” Nikandros said, but the joke fell flat.There was simply no energy behind his words.

The pain was palpable and before any of them could dwell on it too much, Damen ushered everyone into the car.The ride to Jord’s apartment was completely silent and Laurent’s brow was furrowed the entire time.If it had been anyone else, Damen would’ve thought Laurent was simply thinking, but his thinking face was complete and utter stillness.Laurent was still blaming himself.The minute he realized this, he wanted to say something, but he remembered when they had been fighting and he’d tried to address their problems around the others.It hadn’t worked. And it was unlikely to work this time.

When they arrived at Jord’s apartment, he and Nikandros got out and walked to the front entrance of the complex, holding hands.Unable to tear his eyes away, Damen watched as they hugged furiously; so furiously it was as if they were trying to meld into one being.Then they kissed once, their foreheads falling together.It was hard to tell if they were talking to each other or not, but then Nikandros was walking back, his hands shoved into his pockets and his head down.

He was silent as he entered the car and he didn’t say a word when they drove away, his eyes lingering on Jord as long as possible.The silence was so rare from him, that Damen felt his presence more than he normally did.It was as though Nikandros was a black hole, sucking everything in the car into his crushing sadness.

“Where do we want to drive?” Damen asked, softly.

Nobody answered him.

“I’ll just drive then,” he murmured.“I think Interstate 8 will get us to Arizona eventually.”

 

Two hours later, they were in Arizona.Nikandros hadn’t stopped texting a single minute of those two hours and when he saw the green sign, he spoke for the first time, asking Damen to pull over at the first motel he saw.Nodding, Damen took the first exit they came across and stopped at a rundown Best Western. 

No one moved when the car came to a stop.Not even Nicaise, though it looked as if he wanted to.Laurent glanced over at Damen and Damen glanced at Nikandros, who was typing another text out on his phone.The moment he was finished, he shoved Jokaste with his hip and then the car was in motion, everyone scurrying to get out.

Surprisingly, Nicaise was the first one to try and engage Nikandros. _Unsurprisingly_ , he didn’t try to navigate his way around the absence of Jord.He simply said, “He’s great and all, Nik, but you’re too cool to get mopey.In fact, I can’t have you mopey.”Drawing his pocket knife, he pointed it at Nikandros’ leg and said, “I will use it.Stop being depressed or get stabbed.”

“Stab away, kid.”

Shrugging, Nicaise began to drive the knife forward, earning a loud shriek from Joksate, a lunge of motion from Damen, and a dismissive harrumph from Laurent.At the very last second, Nikandros leaped away and then Nicaise was chasing him around the parking lot. 

“I think this is actually going to work,” Damen murmured, mystified.

“It’s possible,” Laurent said.“Shall we get rooms?”

“Sure.”

Grabbing Jokaste on the way to the front desk, they all got rooms.Nikandros could get his on his own, when he was done with his therapy session, or whatever the hell was really going on out there.It was actually surprising to Damen how quickly Nicaise had grown to understand Nikandros.The quickest way to get him to feel better was to get him to do something, usually active, like sports.It had taken Damen months to understand that about him.

Somehow, this was what really cemented the words Laurent had told him a couple of days ago.His uncle really was dangerous.If he could outsmart two of the most intelligent and perceptive people Damen had ever known, they were in trouble.

A stripe of fear whipped through his body and Damen found himself stumbling for words when asking the man at the desk for a room.Laurent noticed immediately and shot Damen a look, one that very clearly said: _I know what’s happening and we’re talking about it._

How nice that they had to talk when he wanted to talk.

Damen quickly shoved that thought down, knowing it was far from fair.

When they had keys, they returned to the parking lot, to see Nicaise and Nikandros leaning against the truck, panting, their hands on their knees.Then, amazingly, Nikandros gave a short laugh and ruffled Nicaise’s hair.“You’re fast, kid.Almost had me a couple of times.”

“Don’t touch my fucking hair,” Nicaise fired back, kicking Nikandros hard in the back of the leg.

“Shit,” Nikandros groaned, bending down and massaging his calf.

“You knew better.”

“Yeah, I did.Sorry about that.”Nikandros extended a hand and Nicaise clasped it, pulling him away from the truck and tugging him towards Laurent, Damen, and Jokaste, who were watching in a clustered group.

“He’s done moping,” Nicaise declared, confidently.There was a brief moment where it looked as though Nikandros was going to protest, but then he nodded.

“I realized that being heartbroken that I’d left the person I loved behind after a few short days was stupid and pathetic.I’ve amended my ways, thanks to the wise, old sage, Nicaise, who knows the ways of the heart infinitely better than I do.”

With complete seriousness, Nicaise nodded.

Damen broke out into a smile and flicked his eyes to Nikandros’ shyly.A half smile was returned to him and a lot of the tension Damen had been holding close flooded down through his toes and into the ground. 

“That being said,” Nikandros continued, “I’m stealing my best friend and I’m going to drink vodka while we watch a movie.None of you are invited.Have Jokaste entertain you.”

“It’s the middle of the afternoon,” Nicaise said.

“Don’t get judgmental on me.You were just trying to stab me with a knife.We all make shitty life choices.”Then Nikandros caught Laurent’s eyes and he said, “Don’t give me that, Laurent.I’ll give him back to you tonight.”

“I think maybe…” Damen began.

“Shut up, Damen.You don’t get a say in the matter.I’m invoking my rights as a best friend.”

Trying not to laugh, Damen raised his hands and stepped back towards Nikandros, indicating where his loyalties lied.

Laurent let out a long sigh and said, “Five minutes?”

Nikandros eyed him and then nodded.“I’m going to go get a room and that’s where I’ll be waiting,” he said to Damen.“You better fucking be there in five minutes or I’ll kill your boyfriend.”

“I’m not his boyfriend,” Laurent said.

“Sure you’re not.”

“He’s not,” Damen said in solidarity.It earned him a glance of approval from Laurent and Nikandros rolled his eyes, turning and walking away.Nicaise and Jokaste were still standing beside them, so Laurent grabbed Damen’s hand and wrenched him across the parking lot, to the shade of a tree on the edge of the lot.

“You’re scared,” Laurent said bluntly.

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

“I said I was, didn’t I?”

“Well there you go.”

Laurent sighed and crossed his arms across his chest.“Yes, but, something happened when we were getting rooms.Something changed.Have you changed your mind?Would you prefer to leave Nicaise and I behind?Are you beginning to understand that just because you want to fuck me, it doesn’t mean you have to risk your life for us?”

“Yes, of course, all I want to do is fuck you,” Damen murmured to himself.“Laurent, stop offering me ways out.I’m not going to leave you and you know that.It makes me wonder why you even bother asking anymore.”

“I thought maybe you’d finally understood what you’d gotten yourself involved in.”

“I think maybe I did.”

“Well, then…”

“I am not abandoning you,” Damen said forcefully, stepping into Laurent’s space and placing his hands on either side of his face.“Yes, I’m scared and yes, I’m beginning to understand that your uncle could and would murder all of us in the apocalypse, maybe even in real life, but I am falling in love with you.This isn’t about a fuck for me and it never has been.It’s not just a casual summer fling either.I want this to work and I want this to last and abandoning you really doesn’t do anything for me.Besides, there’s no way I could.Not anymore.You’re stuck with me.”

“You’ve known me little more than a week.”

“Does it look like I give a shit?”

Laurent grabbed Damen’s wrists and removed his hands.“You should go to Nikandros.I’ve already kept you too long, I’m sure.”

“He can live.This is important.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“You don’t think it’s important?”

“Damen…”

Sighing, Damen said, “Fine.I’ll see you for dinner.We’re not done talking about this.”

“Never imagined we were,” Laurent said, brushing past Damen.

 

The minute he was securely in Nikandros’ room, Damen slumped onto the bed and said, “God, he’s so infuriating.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Nikandros replied, falling onto the bed beside him.“You do not get to complain about Laurent.He’s here with you and you’re not in some world ending fight.The last thing I want to do is talk about our love lives.Let’s talk about what movie we should watch instead.Oh, and how drunk we want to get.”

“I’m not getting drunk.”

“What if I order you to?”

“Still not getting drunk.I have to drive everyone else to dinner at some point.Life is still happening, you know.”

“Yeah,” Nikandros began, his voice rising slightly, “I don’t think you get to be bitter at me, either, just because you and Laurent don’t see eye to eye on something.Fun fact, Damen, just in case you haven’t noticed yet, you’re going to disagree on a lot because you’re very different people.It happens.I want to watch a movie with my _best friend_.You are more than him and his problems.Okay?”

“Sorry,” Damen murmured.“You’re right.”

“Damn straight I am.So, what are we watching?”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a Transformers movie.”

Nikandros groaned and slapped Damen hard on the arm.“I was fifteen and liked watching things blow up.Will you ever fucking drop that?”

“I thought it was Megan Fox on a motorcycle.”

“It’s not my fault that movie blatantly objectified her.I was fifteen and supposed to enjoy it.”

“Let’s just binge watch The Walking Dead or something,” Damen replied, nabbing the vodka bottle from Nikandros’ side and taking a sip.Smiling, Nikandros brought up Damen’s Netflix account, the one they had been sharing for as long as Damen could remember.He started the very first episode of The Walking Dead, something they had watched together through college, and said, “I think I might have to move to California.”

Damen handed the bottle of vodka over and murmured, “Yeah,” his eyes fixated on the computer screen.

“You could move with me.”

“Could.”There was no way Damen was ever going to and both of them knew it.Washington was where Damen’s heart belonged.Sure, he loved the sun of California, but he would miss the slower pace of Washington and the utter beauty of the nature; lush and heavily populated by all kinds of trees.It was home.

“I hate growing up.Why does the world insist on keeping people who love each other apart?I shouldn’t have to choose between you and Jord.”

“California isn’t that far, Nik.It would be fine.”

“I just…”

“I know,” Damen said.“I do.”

“Sorry.I’ll just watch, shall I?”

“Not a terrible idea.”Then, “Have more vodka.”

 

When dinner time rolled around, Nikandros was drunk and it took a lot of convincing to get them all in a car and driving towards a restaurant.Jokaste was tired of being around a drunk Nikandros and Laurent said something about Nicaise being impressionable, but Damen could tell he was only protesting because Damen had once again gone too far with his words.It occurred to Damen that perhaps he shouldn’t have said he was falling in love with Laurent, but it was how he felt and he wasn’t the type to skate around his feelings.Maybe that was a policy he’d have to change.It always seemed to make Laurent uncomfortable.

But, his mother had always told him never to change for someone.Compromise, yes, but never change.And Damen hadn’t known her to be wrong.

It wasn’t like he regretted it anyway.He was falling in love with Laurent.Completely.Detaching himself from this situation was impossible.

They arrived at a small local diner, the only semi-edible looking place for miles, and grabbed a seat near the front.A bored looking waitress came over and asked about drinks, her eyes lingering on a visibly drunk Nikandros.She kept rolling her eyes as he ordered and made jokes after every word, laughing at them himself because no one else would.

When the waitress left, Jokaste snapped her menu closed and shot a look at Damen.“I appreciate that Nik is suffering, but was this the best way to handle it?He’ll just be more miserable when the alcohol is out of his system.”

“I make my own fucking choices,” Nikandros declared, squinting at the menu.He angled it towards Damen and said, “What does that say there?”

“Garlic mashed potatoes,” Damen responded, before addressing Jokaste.“How would you have done it differently?”

“Let him talk it out.”

“I didn’t want to talk about it,” Nikandros grumbled.“Besides, when I start talking about my relationship problems, so does he, and I have no interest in his relationship problems.They’re really complex and strange.This one,” he continued, gesturing at Laurent, “has some serious issues.”

“Oh Nik,” Jokaste sighed.It didn’t seem to faze Laurent in the slightest, but he did raise his eyebrows at Damen.Groaning, Damen slumped forward onto the table and tried to ignore everyone around him.Couldn’t anything be perfect for more than a few hours?

“I’m more grown up than you guys,” Nicaise said.

He was behaving like a child.Lifting his head from the table, Damen took a sip of water and then asked Jokaste and Nicaise what their trip to Yellowstone was going to look like.They were more than happy to oblige, Jokaste pulling a scrap of paper with notes on it from her purse and Nicaise beginning to list and explain things on a napkin.Everyone listened politely and managed to pretend that everything was fine for fifteen minutes.That all fell apart when the waitress came back with the food they’d ordered in the middle of the explanation and Nikandros murmured, “Jord loves garlic, you know.Puts it in everything,” as he stared down at his garlic mashed potatoes.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Laurent said, taking a bite of his salad.“He’s not dead.”

“But he’s not here,” Nikandros shot back.“If you hadn’t come along, there would’ve been room for Jord in the car.”

“Nik,” Damen sighed, “You know very well Jord couldn’t have come anyway.He has a job, remember?”

Nikandros stabbed his fork into his potatoes and then left it there, watching as it slowly fell down towards the plate, gravity winning that battle.

“He’s just jealous,” Laurent said, eyes sparkling.

“Stop trying to start a fight,” Damen replied, pointing his fork at Laurent.

“Why can’t we have one nice dinner together?” Jokaste asked.

“I’m just stating facts,” Laurent said, eyes not straying from Damen.

“Yes and you’re doing so to make Nik angry.That’s still trying to start a fight.”

“He’s an asshole, Damen, what did you expect?” Nikandros asked.

Taking a deep breath, Damen gathered his plate and his glass of water and said, “I’m going to go sit at the table over there.Nicaise, Jokaste, you are both welcome to join me.You two can sit here and finally sort out whatever the fuck you need to sort out.I think we’ve all had enough of it.”

The prospect of being left alone with Nikandros seemed to excite Laurent.Nikandros, on the other hand, glanced pleadingly at Damen and whined, “I’m drunk.It’s not a fair fight.”

“It’s never a fair fight with Laurent,” Damen replied, strolling away to a table of the complete other side of the diner.It wasn’t long before Nicaise and Jokaste joined them and the spent the rest of their dinner pleasantly, Nicaise and Jokaste exchanging bets on the results of the conversation between Laurent and Nikandros, and then all three of them discussing the pros and cons of the movie adaptations of Lord of the Rings.Both Jokaste and Nicaise were more suited to the conversation, as they’d read the books, but Damen was happy to listen and add more general comments.

Sometimes, their conversation was interrupted by the guttural sounds of Nikandros’ raised voice, but the both of them managed to keep their conversation relatively contained.Laurent certainly never shouted.He was sitting calmly and smiling unpleasantly, his eyes giving away just how irritated he was.Damen wondered what exactly he was getting worked up about.He understood Nikandros being upset, but he didn’t know what Laurent could possibly be upset about.He outmatched Nikandros so thoroughly, that it seemed impossible Nikandros could get under his skin.

By the time Damen finished his burger, Nikandros stomped over and said, “I need to leave.Your boyfriend is making me homicidal and I’d prefer not to kill everyone in this restaurant.I don’t understand how you spend a single minute with him.”

“Did you resolve anything?”

The fury in Nikandros’ eyes faltered.“I don’t know,” he groaned.“My brain can’t handle this right now, but I think he managed to convince me of lots of things I didn’t want to be convinced of.It’s terrifying what he’s capable of.It wouldn’t surprise me if the only reason you give a shit about him is because he’s managed to seduce you 1700’s Puritan witch style.”

Jokaste laughed, but halted when she received glares from both Damen and Nikandros.Without another word, Nikandros turned around and headed out of the restaurant.Laurent came over and said, “Your best friend just left his bill for me to pay.”

“I’ll get it,” Damen sighed, standing and throwing some cash down on the table.“Let’s get out of here.”

 

When they got to the motel, Jokaste grabbed Nikandros’ hand and dragged him to her room, saying that she was going to supervise him for the rest of the night.She also invited Nicaise over her shoulder and he happily trailed after, bouncing around Nikandros, poking him in his sides.

Laurent walked towards his room and Damen followed.He wasn’t entirely sure Laurent wanted him there, but they did have a lot to talk about and Damen was happy to be a physical reminder of that.Unlocking the door, Laurent strolled in and left it open as an invitation.Damen followed and shut the door behind him.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Laurent said.

“Want company?”

It caught Laurent by surprise and Damen managed to fight the smile from his face by the time Laurent swiveled to look at him.“Are you sure you don’t want to talk first?Don’t go breaking your pattern now.”

“I can multitask.”

“Can you?I seem to recall your multitasking abilities faltering when you saw me in a swimsuit.”

“Well we could find out.”

A wry smile appeared on Laurent’s face and Damen was pleased to discover he knew exactly what Laurent liked.This was how he got what he wanted; playing Laurent’s game with him.If Laurent needed to win, he would, but most of the time, he preferred to simply play.The longer he went without winning, the longer the game continued.

“Better hurry or I’ll shut the door in your face.”

Damen was up in a flash and Laurent couldn’t help chuckling as he stripped off his shirt and padded to the shower, turning it on.

“So you wanted to talk,” Laurent said.

Damen was busy staring at the muscles bunch in Laurent’s back as he fiddled with the knob, trying to get the water to a good temperature.“Huh?” he said.

“Are you even trying to prove me wrong?”

“Uh…yes.Yes, sorry.Let’s talk.Where do you want to start?”

Laurent took off his pants and nodded at Damen, who was still completely clothed.“Why don’t you start by taking off your clothes.”

“That’t not technically necessary for talking.”Laurent sighed and strolled over, wearing nothing but a pair of briefs.It was hard not to stare, but Damen managed it. 

To Damen’s surprise, Laurent didn’t stop a few feet from Damen, but inches in front of him.And then his hands were on Damen’s lower stomach and his fingers were fiddling with the bottom of his tank top.Carefully, Laurent removed the shirt and then gripped Damen’s biceps so he could extend to his toes and whisper into his ear, “True, but I’m trying to distract you, remember?I don’t actually want to talk.”

“Why not?” Damen breathed.“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You see me,” Laurent murmured, now undoing the button on Damen’s shorts.When the zipper was down, he said, “I trust you can handle the rest.I’m getting in the shower.”

In one swift motion, the briefs were on the floor and Laurent was slipping into the steaming water.All Damen had managed were hazy glances and his mind was swimming.He was in over his head.As usual.With a sigh, he removed his own clothes and then peeled back the shower curtain at the end of the tub.He was pleased to see he guessed right and that Laurent was already underneath the spray of water, his fingers threading through his darkened hair.

The fingers halted in their movements when Laurent noticed Damen and for a minute they both stared at each other.Laurent’s gaze was long and easy, everything about it exuding nonchalance.Damen’s were shorter, but more focused and before long, they had Laurent flushing lightly.“See something you like?” Laurent asked sardonically.

“Think so.”

“Is that the best you can manage?”

“Uh huh,” Damen voiced, stepping closer, splashes of water flecking his body.

“Don’t touch me,” Laurent murmured, stepping further into the water, so that droplets began to pour down his face and into his eyes.They falling from his eyelashes, down, down, down, and Damen began to truly appreciate just how beautiful Laurent was.He was exquisitely proportioned and perfect.

“I won’t,” Damen whispered, turning his back and grabbing the shampoo bottle.Cautiously, he extended it to Laurent, who accepted it after a beat, his eyes not predatory for once.It was the first time Damen had seen him so fidgety, capturing every single one of Damen’s motions with wary eyes; as though he were prey.

“I won’t touch you,” Damen repeated, pressing his back against the wall of the shower and watching as Laurent lathered the shampoo into his hair.“Instead, I’ll talk.”

“Actually going to manage it, are you?”

“If I could touch you, I probably wouldn’t be able to.”

Laurent smiled sharply and waved his hand for Damen to carry on talking.There was a moment where Damen felt a wave of disappointment, when he realized that he’d been aiming for exactly this, not the permission to press Laurent against the wall of the shower and kiss him.Funnily enough, the latter sounded better now that Laurent was here and naked in front of him.

“I scared you,” Damen said.

Laurent was silent, his eyes warring with something.Finally, he said, “Yes.”

“I just wanted to tell you how I felt.That’s all.I am sorry I scared you, but I’m not taking it back.”

Laurent seemed to be searching for words.Before he could say anything, Damen continued with, “And I don’t need anything from you.Whatever you are comfortable with giving, Laurent.Always.”

“I…I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information.”

“Nothing, if you want.You simply needed to understand where I was coming from.I will take on one hundred men like your uncle, if it means I get to spend more time with you.”

After a beat, Laurent asked, “Are you cold?” shifting to the side of the shower and opening up some of the spray for Damen.Moving gingerly, Damen slid half of his body into the water, turning sideways so he could look at Laurent.

“Since we’re talking,” Damen said, “I wanted to ask what you plan to do when this road trip is over.”

“Is that you asking?”

Damen nodded.“Also, I’m going to need you to either move or be okay with me touching you, because only half of my hair is getting wet.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed.You look ridiculous.”Laurent paused for a moment, judging his own desires, and then he shifted back towards the end, clutching his arms to keep warm.It would be undignified if he didn’t hold his head so high.

“So?” Damen asked, pouring some shampoo into his hand.

“I don’t know,” Laurent murmured.“It’s hard for me to…I don’t know what my uncle is going to do and I can’t think past that.I realize that sounds…stupid, but he’s the only future I can see.”

“Alright.We’ll figure it out later, then.”

“Do you condition your hair?” Laurent asked.

Damen nodded.“Just the ends.”

Picking up the bottle of conditioner, Laurent squeezed a dollop of it into his hand and then moved in close, slowly jostling Damen until he could brush his fingers through the hair flattened against Damen’s back.It tickled gently, but Damen leaned back into the touch nonetheless, wanting Laurent to know he loved being touched by him.Laurent being comfortable with it was paramount.

It was taking longer than really necessary, but Damen didn’t complain.Especially when Laurent began talking.It was irritating that Damen couldn’t see his face, but he knew that was precisely why Laurent was talking now as opposed to a minute ago.

“I am scared of how you feel about me,” Laurent whispered, “But I know you think it’s because of my trust and intimacy issues.”

“You have intimacy issues?”

Laurent slapped his back, but he didn’t back down.“It is partially because of those things, but it’s mostly because I feel the same and I don’t know what to do with that.I thought you deserved to know that much.”

Damen turned abruptly, desperate to see Laurent’s face.Realizing his eagerness was perhaps too much, he pretended the motion had simply been about washing his hair out.“There are no rules, you know.There’s no right or wrong way to do something like this.It is scary, but it’s not wrong.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“You’re not going through this alone.I’m right here.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

Damen shrugged, moving out of the way so Laurent could finish up with his shower.“I think you do.”

 

They got out of the shower and Damen put his old clothes on again.Laurent put on pajamas and took out his contacts in favor of his glasses.Fingering the edges of them, Damen said, “Makes making out hard.”

“Presumptuous of you.”

But it wasn’t really.Laurent removed his glasses minutes later and then they were kissing, slow and hot and with no apparent end date.They were getting better at it, figuring out what the other liked, and Laurent let Damen touch him anywhere as long as clothes weren’t removed.The best part was the lack of urgency.They were making out and all they were going to do was make out and that was fine.Excellent, even.

Then there was a knock on the door.Laurent ignored it until Nicaise’s voice came through.Without a second’s delay, he was off of Damen and opening the door, not even bothering to fix his mussed hair and shirt.Damen was so sure Nicaise was going to tease him for it, but he didn’t and that was the moment Damen knew something was wrong.

“Uncle?” Laurent asked.

Nicaise nodded, curling into Laurent’s body.“He texted Jokaste,” Nicaise said, the words muffled by Laurent’s body, but Damen still made them out and his stomach sunk.

“What did he say?”

“He’s watching us.He’s here, Laurent.”

“Is it possible he’s just trying to scare Nicaise?” Damen whispered.

Laurent turned towards the bed, bringing Nicaise with him.They settled on the edge together and Nicaise quickly burrowed his face into Laurent’s neck.His shoulders were shaking as he cried silently.If Laurent said that he was sure his uncle was here somewhere, Damen was going to go find him and hurt him.Preferably slowly.Making Nicaise cry was far from an easy feat.

“It’s possible,” Laurent said, “but unlikely.We’re already scared, after all.”


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so it's been ages. Definitely feels like ages, anyway.  
> This chapter was another bitch. I don't know why, but it was. BUT I GOT IT DONE. WOOOOO  
> Thanks to Mari and Becky for being betas who are always there even when I don't let them do their job because it takes me years to write anything.  
> Anyway (sorry, I'm exhausted) this a thing that happened and I am actually proud of it. I love all of you so much for everything. So goddamn much.  
> Actually, I'm gonna blame all my issues on the Nightrunner series. I've been binge reading those.  
> Okay, whatever. Enjoy!!!!!!!

“You say he’s probably here?” Damen said, shoving himself off the bed.“I’m going to go find him and beat him senseless.Excuse me.”

It took a moment for Laurent and Nicaise to realize he was serious, but when they did, they both leaped from the bed and held him back, Laurent grabbing one of his arms and Nicaise tugging on the back of his shirt.“That would be even more idiotic than usual,” Nicaise said.

“I’m sorry,” Damen said, “but I’m tired of this bastard tormenting us.I’m not sure what I can do, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for him to make his big move.I don’t want him to hurt either of you.”

Nicaise dropped Damen’s shirt and whispered, “How did you manage it, Laurent?”

“I don’t know.”

“What?” Damen asked.

Laurent seemed uninterested in sharing, so Damen flicked his eyes to Nicaise.Head hanging slightly, Nicaise said, “No one has ever fought for either of us.Not since Auguste.”A war proceeded to take place in Nicaise’s eyes, similar to the way it did in Laurent’s, and then Nicaise was hugging him tight, face buried in his stomach.

Glancing up at Laurent, Damen tried to understand what was happening, but Laurent didn’t seem to know either.His face was as still as it had ever been.Carefully, Damen wrapped his arms around Nicaise and held him back.“Don’t ever leave Laurent.You’re family, just like him.”

“I don’t plan to,” Damen whispered back, clutching Nicaise even closer, looking back at Laurent as a warmth flooded his entire body.Laurent’s mouth was hanging open and when he caught Damen’s eyes, he mouthed, _now you’re really fucked._

 _You would think so,_ Damen mouthed back.

When Nicaise stepped back, he jabbed Damen hard in the stomach with a finger.It caught him by surprise, though it probably shouldn’t have.“You can’t go find him, Damen.He’ll hurt you.”

“I’m not sure he can.”

“He owns a gun,” Nicaise said.

“Jesus,” Damen sighed, running a hand over his face.“How did you two live with him for more than a day?”

“Necessity,” Laurent said, hard as ice.

“I know,” Damen murmured, “Sorry.If I can’t go beat him up, what the fuck are we supposed to do?He’s here, at this motel, and he could do anything.We need a better plan than sitting in the open, begging for our heads to be removed.”

“There’s nothing else we can do,” Laurent murmured.“Watch and be more careful, I suppose, but we won’t see him until he wants to be seen.He’s reminding us of his promise and as long as he can do that indirectly, he will.There’s no way he’s going to face me when you’re around.That’s not to his advantage.”

“Then neither of you are leaving my side.”

Laurent smiled without a hint of amusement and with more than a hint of derision.“How is it possible you’ve lived in this world and turned out like this, Damen?”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that if he wants us parted from your side, he can do it.”

“This is not reassuring.”

“I’m not trying to reassure you.”

Nicaise sighed and flopped down on the bed.“Stop, Laurent.He doesn’t deserve this just because you’re upset.”

“I’m just being honest.”

“Yes, but you could be nicer about it.”

“Not in my nature.”

Groaning, Nicaise said, “What Laurent is trying to say is that Uncle can outsmart both of us because he understands both of us.”Turning to Laurent, he said, “What we really need is something he can’t predict or understand, because if he manages to get us alone…”There was no need to finish that thought.Laurent clearly understood perfectly and Damen thought he understood enough to realize just how ominous it was.

“Well, of course that would be ideal, but…” Laurent trailed off, his eyes lingering on Damen thoughtfully.Damen knew that look and he wasn’t sure he liked it in this context.Then, he said, “How would you like to handle this?”

“How would I…”Damen paused and thought for a moment, all his fractured thoughts coalescing into messy and frantic desires.“I want to get all of us out of here immediately.I want both Nicaise and you sleeping in my room with me.However much it might ultimately irritate me, I want both of you to always be within my line of sight, because I have to be there when he shows his face.I have to.”

Taking a deep breath, he continued.“I also want to know what you have on him, Laurent, and why we can’t take it to the police.The real reason.”

Slowly, Nicaise rose from the bed and murmured, “I’m going to go take a shower.A long one.”

Both Damen and Laurent watched as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, their eyes glued to the door until they heard the shower turn on.Then, with quiet malice, Laurent asked, “And why do you want to know?Don’t trust me when I say that I can’t turn it in?Don’t trust that my reason is good enough?”

“I do trust you.I do.But the easiest way out of this is to hand whatever you have over to the police.I just…you don’t have to tell me, but I need to make sure you’ve seriously considered it.”

“Of course I have.Tell me, Damen, when my uncle goes to jail, who’s going to look after Nicaise?”

That was a good point and it irritated Damen that he hadn’t though tot it.“I don’t know,” he murmured.“You have to know…”

A softness lighted Laurent’s eyes and he approached Damen, curling his fingers around Damen’s wrist.“I know you would.But the courts wouldn’t let you.You’re not related and you’ve only known Nicaise a week.And they won’t let me because I don’t have an income or a place to live.I need those things before I fight for him.”

“What if I could get you those things?” Damen asked.

“What?”

“I…never mind.”It wasn’t necessarily a stupid idea, but it was a vulnerable one and Laurent’s mood was not one to encourage such things.They could talk about it later, since Laurent wasn’t willing to go to the police anyway.

“I’ll tell you what I have on my uncle if you tell me what you just thought.”

“Honestly, Laurent, that’s far from a fair deal.You know I’ll tell you if you ask.”

“Let’s pretend it’s fair,” Laurent murmured.

“Laurent, I…”

Carefully, Damen ran a finger down Damen’s cheek and then over his lips, shaking his head minutely.Then he kissed him, sharing his fear and insecurities with trembling lips.The kiss wasn’t long, but it lingered and Damen rested his forehead against Laurent’s when they pulled away, keeping his eyes closed.Into the thick air between them, Damen murmured, “It would mean facing my brother, but I have house you and Nicaise can live in, free of charge.And I know that Jokaste could get you an entry level position where she’s working.You wouldn’t even have to work a day there, if you don’t want, but it’s something to tell the court.It would mean that…”

“That we would live together.”

“Potentially,” Damen sighed.“I could go crash with Nikandros, though.We lived together all through college.I can keep doing it.”

“Damen…”

“Not now, Laurent.Just think about it.”

“I’m not sure that will be enough.”

Opening his eyes, Damen caressed Laurent’s cheeks with trailing fingers, over and over again.“It has to be,” he whispered.“You’re related and Nicaise wants to live with you.That has to matter.”

“I have a video,” Laurent choked out, eyes still closed.

“Of…of you and…”Damen couldn’t finish the sentence.Every part of his body was rebelling against it.Those were not words he should ever have to speak aloud.

They weren’t words Laurent could say, either.He simply nodded against Damen’s forehead, swallowing loudly.Unsure what else to do, Damen shifted his head to the left and pulled Laurent into a crushing hug, one that hardly allowed space for breathing.Clinging tightly, Laurent exhaled shakily into his ear.Only when his breaths sounded relatively normal did Damen release him, making sure to slide his hands down into Laurent’s, so that they were still touching.He had to make sure Laurent knew he was here for him.

“I’ve never told anyone that,” he whispered.“Not even Nicaise knows exactly what it is, though I’m sure he’s guessed.”Then, “Why, Damen?Do you know?”

“What?”

“Why do I trust you of all people?There are dozens of people I’ve known longer, who I know have never meant me any harm, so why are you the only one who’s actually been able to convince me that honesty, safety, and loyalty exist?”

“Are you asking me to help you understand what goes on in that brain of yours?”

“Yes.”

“Laurent, I very literally have no idea.”

“I…when Nicaise is done with his shower, can we leave him with Jokaste or Nikandros?Would that be acceptable?”

“Sure,” Damen said, trying not to read too much into the request. “Once we get the fuck out of here.”

“Oh, right,” Laurent laughed softly.“I forgot we were doing things your way.”

“You were the one who wanted to.”

“Yes, well, I hope he can’t predict you.I certainly can’t.” “Something tells me that you’ll get better at that,” Damen replied.

“Maybe,” Laurent said.“I certainly didn’t realize you’d want to go find my uncle and punch him.Who knew you had that kind of violence in you?”

Laughing, Damen gathered Laurent into another hug, simply because he wanted to.“I did,” he said.“Nikandros knows, too.He was around in high school after I lost my parents.I did a lot of things I regretted almost instantly that year.”

“Any of it directed at Kastor?”

“Quite a bit.”

“Then you shouldn’t regret it,” Laurent said, voice hard.

“Nik agrees with you.Still, there are better ways to handle things than violence, especially when it’s family.”

“But my uncle is not your family.”

“Precisely.”

“I really, really like you,” Laurent whispered.

Damen’s heart missed a couple of beats and he had to pause every thought in his brain so he could focus on breathing.Finally, he managed, “Good.Because I really, really like you, too.”

Pulling away from the hug, Laurent retreated to the bed and said, “Someone should tell Jokaste and Nikandros we’re leaving.”

“I’ll text them,” Damen said, pulling out his phone.Normally, he would go and deliver the message himself, give them a sense of urgency, but he had promised to never leave Nicaise and Laurent’s side and he had meant every word.Panic would not even begin to describe what he would feel if one of them disappeared from his sight for longer than a minute.

In a groupe text, he sent:

_D: were leaving this motel in 20_

_D: @ the most_

_J: Should I be worried?_

_D: long story short, uncle_

_N: I’m going to kill that motherfucker, I swear to god.Who in the shit does he think he is?_

_J: I don’t understand.Is he here?_

_J: OH MY GOD HE IS HERE, ISN’T HE?_

_N: Jesus.I feel sick._

_D: just pack.hurry_

_N: You got it._

Sighing, Damen perched on the end of the bed, his back against Laurent’s shoulder.“They’re completely freaked out.”

“They should be.”

“I just don’t understand why he’s so determined.”

“Does it need an explanation?He’s an abusive asshole.That’s all the explanation I’ve ever needed.

“You do know that if you need to talk about it, I’ll listen, right?”

Nodding jerkily, Laurent laid his head on Damen’s shoulder.“I bet you didn’t think your road trip was going to be this exciting.”

“I certainly didn’t expect there to be guns involved.”

“Oh, you should’ve expected that much.Asshole, remember?I’m sure I’ve made enemies that would be more than happy to blow my head off.”

“You know I don’t believe that.”

“I do,” Laurent said.“Your regard of me is much too high.It should be negative, honestly, after all the things I’ve done and said to you.”

Damen shrugged.“I’m the idiot who kept pursuing you, aren’t I?”

“Think you’ve got me, do you?”

Laughing, Damen shook his head.“No.I would never expect to presume so much.You’re not even my boyfriend after all.”

“You’re smarter than I give you credit for.”

“Think I’m stupid, do you?”

“I certainly have before,” Laurent said.

“And you wouldn’t be the first,” Damen chuckled.

That was the moment Nicaise stepped out of the bathroom and he stopped in the door, flicking his eyes between them.“Well,” he began, “I’ll admit this is not what I was expecting.I thought you’d be dead, Damen.Laughing’s better.”

“So, since I’m a part of the family, does that mean you’re not going to hassle me anymore?”

That question earned him a roll of the eyes and a middle finger.Damen took that as a resounding no.He thought about laughing, but then he remembered that they were in haste.“Hurry up and pack, you two.Once you’re done, we’ll go to my room and I’ll pack and then we’ll be out of here.I think we’re looking forward to another night sleeping in the car out in the middle of nowhere.”

“Sorry I missed that,” Nicaise drawled.

“Just what I need,” Laurent grumbled, stuffing a book that had been resting on the nightstand into his bag.

“Oh, please, you like looking at the stars too much to complain,” Damen said.

“Not what I was talking about,” Laurent replied, purposefully vague.

“Oh?” Damen asked, not missing the light flush on Laurent’s skin.Whatever he had been thinking, it was obviously something he had no interest in telling Damen.Nicaise made a gagging sound behind Damen and Damen swiveled to shoot him a wink.“I’d look away if I were you,” he said.

Unable to stop himself from smiling, Damen approached Laurent and lightly bumped his shoulder with his chest.“Tell me what you’re being so mysterious about.”

“Aren’t we in a hurry?”

“Yes,” Damen said slowly.

“Then we certainly don’t have time for whatever you’re attempting to do right now.Especially since I can promise you that it isn’t going to work.”

“Oh, can you?If you can’t predict what I’m going to do, how do you know it’s not going to work?”

Laurent grimaced and didn’t say a word, bending down to pick up his shoes.Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he watched Damen warily as he sat beside Laurent and kept bumping him with his shoulder.“Tell me, tell me, tell me.”

“Your approach is to be a five year old.Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Is it working yet?” Damen asked, still bumping his shoulder against Laurent’s.

Turning his gaze to Damen, Laurent kept every line of his face still.That is, until Damen broke into a lopsided smile, which left him groaning and laughing at the same time.“It’s nothing, really.I was just thinking that I didn’t need to add another thing to the list of things Nikandros hates me for.”

“I can’t imagine he…hang on,” Damen said, recalling the flush, “You want Nik to like you, don’t you?That’s what all of this is about.”

“I’ve finished packing,” Laurent said.“We should go.”

“That is the worst diversion I’ve ever seen attempted.”

Shooting Damen a truly terrifying glare, Laurent snapped, “Of course I do.He’s your best friend and he doesn’t approve.I would like him to.Are we leaving?”

When in the hell had Nikandros had the chance to state his disapproval?I mean, they were always glaring at each other, but it wasn’t as though…then it occurred to Damen.Dinner, when he’d left them alone.It felt like ages ago, since the revelation of Laurent’s uncle being here, but it had only been a couple of hours and it was still clearly on Laurent’s mind, whatever had been said between them.Picking his words out carefully, Damen said, “I don’t know what he said to you, but if you want him to like you, you have to convince him you’re not going to break my heart.That’s the only reason he’s keeping his distance.”

“Can I break your heart?”

“Definitely,” Damen whispered.

Nodding, Laurent shouldered his pack and walked out of the door.Nicaise stayed behind, eyeing Damen.It began to get uncomfortable and Damen said, “What?” fighting down his urge to flee.He did make sure he could still see Laurent and, thankfully, he could.Laurent had consciously kept himself in view.

“I’ve decided.”

“Why are both you and Laurent so vague all the time?How hard is it to elucidate?”

Sighing, Nicaise said, “I’ve decided that I’m rooting for you.Which means I’m going to tell you that you could break his heart, too.I would say don’t break it, but it’s more likely he’ll do it himself.”

“Nicaise?”

“What?”

“You know I care about you, too, right?I’m not just helping you both because of Laurent.I don’t want you to get hurt because you’re you.”

Something flickered in Nicaise’s eyes and before Damen could decipher what it was, Nicaise had barreled into his arms for the second time that night.Then, just as quickly, he was gone and slapping Damen hard on the arm.“You’re too soft,” Nicaise said.“I still don’t understand how you’ve survived.”

Damen smiled because it was something Laurent would say. 

 

They were in the car, driving, and Nicaise was filling Jokaste and Nikandros in.When he revealed that Damen intended on making them camp outside, they protested loudly.“Damen,” Jokaste cried, “We’re in a desert.It gets fucking freezing at night.And it’s not like he’s not going to be able to follow us.It probably just puts us at an even greater risk.”

“Yes, but that way, I can see everyone at all times,” Damen said.

“Can’t spend the rest of the trip doing that, man.Sorry to break it to you,” Nikandros said.

“Fine.We’ll put it to a vote.Everyone in favor of camping out?” 

He raised his hand and so did Nicaise, but everyone else kept their hands lowered.Sighing, Damen turned to Laurent and said, “I thought we were doing things my way.”

“We moved.That was your way.I would like to sleep in a bed.I’d also like to talk to you.Alone.That requires a room.”

“Whatever.Jokaste, figure out where the fuck we are and where we need to go from here.”

“Done,” she replied, bringing up her phone, the artificial light piercing into the darkness of the car.

There was a motel ten minutes away and Jokaste got them there easily, exchanging yawns with Nicaise as they pulled into the parking lot.Together, as one big group, they entered the office and got rooms.As they exited, Nikandros said, “Anyone up for a game of cards or something?We could all use a way to wind down.I would recommend alcohol, but that solution wouldn’t work for Nicaise.”

Damen glanced at Laurent in the moonlight and noticed he was staring right back at him.For some reason, he was deferring to Damen.Probably because he knew that Damen was going to do what he wanted anyway; he was endlessly curious about what Laurent wanted to talk about with him.It had to be something interesting if they had to be alone.

Before Damen could say anything, Nicaise groaned and said, “I’m being shoved off onto one of you tonight.Who’s up for a sleepover?”

“Sure, kid,” Nikandros replied, waggling his eyebrows at Damen.“Let’s leave the adults to do their adult things.You up for a game of cards?”

“With two people?”

“They do exist, you know.”

Laughing, Jokaste slung her arm over Nicaise’s shoulders and said, “Three people.It might keep me awake and that’s necessary, because going to bed at ten seems rather pathetic.”Before she ushered Nikandros and Nicaise away, however, she turned to Damen and Laurent—who were standing together, not even trying to hide their wish to be alone—and said, “You two okay?Is everyone okay?”

Everyone voiced their assent and she nodded.Then, after a moment’s consideration, she gestured for everyone to gather around her.Slowly, they coalesced and she put her arms around Nikandros and Laurent, who were beside her.Laurent turned to stone.

“Goddammit, Laurent,” Jokaste began.“Just indulge me for a minute.I think we all need a group hug.”

“I have never, in my life, needed a group hug,” he replied stiffly.

Sighing, Jokaste dropped her arms, but she did say, “I love all of you.I mean that.Let’s take down this son of a bitch.”Turning to Laurent, “I will help you with whatever you need.I’m just as intelligent as you.We can figure it out.You’re not alone in this and not just because of Damen.”

“Bold words,” Laurent said.

“And you know I mean them.”

“I expect so, yes,” he murmured, tugging on Damen’s hand.“We’re going to his room.Don’t take your eyes of Nicaise.Either of you.If something happens to him, you have me to face and it won’t be pretty.”

“What do you think that looks like?” Nikandros said to Jokaste.

“You don’t want to find out, Nik.I promise.”

Then Damen was being dragged away and after he was able to get over the compassion Jokaste had just demonstrated, he focused all of his attention on Laurent, gripping his hand tighter and saying, “So what exactly are we talking about?”

“Unlock the door.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

As he worked on opening the door, he caught Laurent’s smile out of the corner of his eye.“Like that do you?” Damen asked.

“Perhaps.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Letting Laurent into the room first, Damen came up behind him and flicked on the lights, dropping bags on the ground and collapsing onto the bed.“God, I don’t know how it’s possible that I’m tired, but I am.It must be your uncle’s fault.I’m officially blaming him for everything from now on.”

“It probably wouldn’t even be entirely inaccurate,” Laurent sighed, settling beside Damen, as close as he could get without touching.

“I’m pretty sure it would be if I blamed him for…I don’t know, global warming or something.”

“Are you sure?”

Laughing, Damen turned his head sideways and gazed at Laurent’s profile.It was all perfectly rendered angles and he let out an unconscious sigh.He was so beautiful and it continued to amaze Damen.

Meeting his gaze, Laurent simply stared for a minute.Then he lifted his hand and twisted his fingers through the curls framing Damen’s forehead.There was a long, intensely fragile moment, where Damen felt as if he could’ve told Laurent he loved him and meant it completely.He held his tongue, however, and waited for Laurent to breach his own topic of conversation.

Removing his hand, Laurent returned to his back and fixed his eyes firmly on the ceiling.“I want to have sex with you.”

“Oh,” Damen said.That was all he said.It took a long while for his brain to catch up with what was happening.Finally, he managed, “Okay.”

“I just thought I’d tell you now so you didn’t stop me again.”

“Wait, like, right now?”

“Ideally.”

“I…”All thoughts fled from Damen’s head and he knew he was audibly scrambling for words.Laurent was staring at him as though he were a bug on the ceiling.Funnily enough, all that occurred to Damen was, “Condoms.Lube.”

“Handled,” Laurent murmured, at least having the decency to blush.

“Laurent…”

Raising himself onto his elbow, Laurent turned to face him and whispered, “I want to, Damen.I trust you.”

“To what?Stop?I’d like to think I would, but I tend to lose control during sex.I might not be a good thing to count on.Not in this.”

“You will stop.”

He sounded so sure that Damen almost believed him.It didn’t help that he’d wanted this moment for so long, but he had to make sure of one more thing before it got out of hand and he couldn’t remember that he wanted to protest at all.“Why now?This isn’t paying me back for something, is it?”

“Does it matter?”

“I think so.”

With a dramatic sigh, Laurent slumped back into the pillows and said, “I guess I’ll just go to sleep then.See you in the morning, Damen.”

“Laurent, goddammit.Look at me.I’m on the edge over here.Regretfully, I’ll admit to you that even if you gave me the lamest reason ever, I’d still count it as a reason.I’d prefer it to be the truth, but…”

“I need a distraction,” Laurent murmured.

“So I’m your shitty coping mechanism.”

“If you want.”

“I don’t know if…”

“You are not my parent, Damen.You’re my…whatever you are.”

“Boyfriend,” Damen supplied.

Laurent grimaced.

“I’m happy to be your boyfriend, anyway.Doesn’t mean you have to be mine.”

“It does, actually, but we can talk about that later.My point is, it’s a parent’s job to tell me this is not the right way to handle my anxiety about my uncle.That’s not your job.Your job is to fuck me until I don’t remember a goddamn thing.If you’re capable, that is.”

“Don’t make this a challenge,” Damen sighed.

“I just did.”

“How sure are you about this?”

“Positive.I…you’re going to have to take the lead.”

Suddenly, waves of tension were rolling off Laurent and Damen instantly sought a way to put him more at ease.Laurent, seeing that in Damen’s eyes, gave him an answer.“Kiss me,” he whispered.

So Damen did.He rolled on top of Laurent and used his forearms to hover above him as he pressed their lips together again and again.Keeping all of the kisses slow and lingering, Damen shifted a knee between Laurent’s legs, and kneeled above him.He made sure to keep his back hunched so that Laurent didn’t have to reach.

Laurent’s arms slipped around his neck and tugged him closer.At the same time, he opened his mouth and tilted his head back, deepening the kisses.It was getting hard to breath or concentrate on anything besides on how Damen wanted to feel their skin sliding together.In panting breaths between kisses, Damen said, “How do you want to do this?What are the rules?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to see you relax.”

“Good luck,” Laurent laughed shortly, moving to spray open-mouthed kisses down the side of Damen’s neck.

“Are you willing to let me try?”It took considerable effort to get the words out.Laurent’s warm lips against his skin were more than distracting

“What exactly does that involve?”

“Free reign.I can understand if…”

Kissing him solidly on the lips, Laurent hands scrambled under Damen’s shirt and then lifted it off.“Do it.Whatever you want to do.”

“Are you sure?”

Laurent simply continued down to Damen’s collarbone, sucking and biting the skin there lightly.

“I need a yes, Laurent.”

Falling back into the pillows, Laurent crossed his arms over his chest and sneered.“Why do you make everything so difficult?”

“Oh yes, because consent is so hard.”

“Yes, Damen.Free reign.As long as you stop if I need you to.”

“Okay,” he murmured, moving down and sliding his lips across Laurent’s jaw.“You don’t happen to know what you like, do you?” he said into the pale skin.

There was an agonizing silence that followed and Damen simply shrugged, grazing his teeth across Laurent’s pulse point.“I suppose we’ll find out.”He was hoping it sounded nonchalant instead of angry, because the last thing they needed right now was to have Laurent’s uncle in the room with them.He captured Laurent’s lips with his again, their tongues sliding together, sending jolts of pleasure straight to his hardening cock.

Beneath him, Laurent was incredibly tense and every move he made was inexperienced.It wasn’t unsure, but the confidence he was displaying didn’t feel genuine.Somehow, Damen wanted to get across that it was more than alright for Laurent to be himself, so he pulled back and locked eyes.Very gingerly, he trailed a finger down Laurent’s cheek, then across his mouth.“I really really like you,” he murmured, pecking him on the mouth once.

The blue of Laurent’s eyes darkened.Sliding his hands up Damen’s chest, he tweaked both nipples and used his hold to direct Damen into another kiss.Lips touching, Laurent said, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”Judging by the barely controlled fear in his voice, Damen figured he wasn’t talking about the act of sex itself.It had to be the intimacy that was disturbing him.

“Is it too much?”

“Shut up, Damen,” Laurent growled, sliding his tongue across Damen’s lower lip before biting down on it and sucking it into his mouth.

Gathering Laurent’s hands in his, he pressed them into the sheets at their side and then rose, gesturing for Laurent to sit up.With slow precision, he did and Damen smiled as he helped Laurent take his shirt off.Before he could consider being uncomfortable, Damen sat on his waist and kissed down the center of Laurent’s chest, licking and sucking and biting.It was obvious that Laurent liked it, judging by his erect cock, but he’d yet to make a sound.None of this was what would make Laurent fall apart under his touch.Unsure what else to do, Damen licked a long stripe up Laurent’s chest and returned to his neck, slowing the kisses down.Lingering, some of them just whispers.

A shaky breath escaped Laurent as Damen paid special attention to his pulse point.Grinning, Damen looked up and said, “You like it slow, don’t you?”

“Apparently.”

“Excellent.”

Sliding down Laurent, Damen began to place similarly gentle and slow kisses across his hip bones and lower stomach.Before he could spend long there, however, there was a long-suffering sigh from Laurent and suddenly, Damen was on his back and Laurent was straddling his waist.“You’re still wearing clothes,” Laurent said dryly.

“So are you.”

“Maybe we should do something about that.”

“Yeah, okay,” Damen said, unbuttoning his shorts and yanking the zipper down.“It’s going to be difficult with you sitting on me.”

Laurent didn’t move.He simply stared at Damen, eyes unsure.His entire body was poised for flight.Managing to calm some of his lust, Damen lifted a hand and brushed a few strands of hair off of Laurent’s forehead.“Hey,” he whispered.“We can stop whenever.There’s no pressure on this.”

“Help me with my jeans.”

Nodding, Damen slid his hands around Laurent’s waist and lifted and pushed, laying him out on the bed.Placing a quick kiss in the dip just inside Laurent’s hip bone, he undid the button and zipper.Then he slid his hands down Laurent’s legs, grabbing the ends and tugging.When they were off, he tossed them onto the floor.

Quickly, he did away with his own and then his boxers as well.

“You’re certainly very eager,” Laurent said, eyes fixed on Damen’s cock.

With an easy grin, Damen said, “What can I say?You drive me crazy.”

Laurent burst into laughter.“Does that get you laid?”

“Has before,” Damen replied.“Want help with your underwear, too?”

“Yes,” Laurent whispered.

Keeping his eyes locked on Laurent’s the entire time, Damen hooked his fingers underneath the waistband and slid them down and off Laurent’s body, flinging them away with the jeans.Sensing that Laurent wasn’t quite ready for anything, he slumped down on his back next to Laurent, letting their legs cross and his arm fall haphazardly across Laurent’s chest.There was a breath of silence and then Laurent said, “You’re experienced.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not.”

“That’s obvious.”

Laurent said nothing to that and Damen said, “But you want to know a secret?”

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter.Not with you.My heart is beating incredibly fast, my limbs feel like they’re liquid, and I’m more nervous than I’ve been in a long time.”

“Have you done it with a man before?”

Damen nodded.“I made sure I got the full college experience.”To his relief, Laurent laughed at the joke.

“How do you like it?”

“I prefer being dominant, but it’s not necessary.I mostly just enjoy giving pleasure to others.Quite a lot.”

“But…”

“Rougher and faster than you,” Damen said.

Licking his palm, Laurent rolled onto his side and took Damen’s cock in his hand.Shocked not only by the touch, but the suddenness of it, Damen let out a loud gasp.Biting his lip in an attempt to hide his smile, Laurent set a respectable pace, swiping his thumb over the slit on every trip.

It was beyond great.This was clearly something he knew how to do.Damen tried not to think about it too hard, which proved relatively easy, because holding a coherent thought in his head for longer than a second was impossible.

In between a gasp and a moan, Damen said, “I’m going to come in less than a minute if you keep that up.”

His teeth couldn’t stop the smile that followed.Leaning in, Laurent kissed him messily and then removed his hand, so that he could straddle Damen.Then, very deliberately, he rolled his hips, sliding their cocks together.Wanting desperately to feel even more of Laurent’s skin, Damen sat up and kissed Laurent, one hand resting on his neck and the other pressing into his lower back, begging him to move faster.

Selfishly, Damen flipped their positions, slowing down the rhythm they’d built considerably, desperate to hear another jerky breath from Laurent, anything that indicated this was doing anything for him.It was so hard to tell.

Not physically.Laurent’s skin was flushed and his cock was definitely hard.But his eyes were controlled, he was tense, and the most sound he’d made was a hitched breath.Not that it disturbed Damen in the slightest.He could still when Laurent enjoyed something, whether it was a muscle tremor or the tightening of his stomach.

“Fuck me,” Laurent breathed.Then, “There’s a condom and lube in my bag.Left side pocket.”

Standing, Damen rifled through the bag, found the items and returned to the bed, sitting beside Laurent’s feet.He massaged the arches as he stared at Laurent.

“What?”

“You’ve done this before?”

Laurent nodded cautiously.Closing his eyes for a moment, Damen nodded in return, cracking open the bottle of lube and coating his fingers.In a moment that left both of them feeling the true importance and significance of this, Laurent let his legs fall open.It brought Damen to a complete halt and he whispered, “You’re beautiful, you know.”

“Would you get on with it?”

“So tense.”

“Always.”

Laughing, Damen crawled in between Laurent’s legs and bent to kiss the inside of both thighs.Then, he licked up the bottom of Laurent’s cock and slowly inserted a finger inside him.There was a sharp inhale, but when Damen asked if he was okay, he responded positively.Before long, he had three fingers inside and was moving them in an achingly slow rhythm, one that was—to Damen’s delight—driving Laurent absolutely insane.Damen could tell in the quiet moans an the fact that he hadn’t stopped biting his lip for an entire minute.

“Who knew you enjoyed tenderness?” Damen teased.

“Fuck off,” Laurent said, almost evenly.“Actually, fuck me is more appropriate.”

“You can still speak in full sentences.I’m doing something wrong.”

“Damen, I swear to fucking god…”

Smiling, Damen set back to work, scissoring his fingers and suckling the head of Laurent’s cock with his tongue.Laurent was bucking his hips in tandem and when it became clear Laurent was close to coming, Damen removed himself completely and rolled a condom onto his cock.Then, he set the tip against the tight ring of muscle and looked up at Laurent.

Laurent nodded once and Damen took it inch by agonizing inch.It was so tight and warm and he had to close his eyes to keep himself from fracturing.When his hips were pressed against Laurent’s, he leaned over and kissed Laurent soundly.Clutching him close, Laurent whispered into his ear, “Move before I make you.”

“Now there’s some dirty talk.”

Laurent laughed, but it was cut short when Damen rolled his hips.

“Fuck, Laurent,” Damen moaned, kissing him again.Anything to distract himself from how quickly he was going to come.Much quicker than he thought possible, especially at this pace.

Suddenly, Laurent wrenched his lips away and murmured, “Damen, I…I need you to stop.”

In a flash, Damen was on the end of the bed, hands raised slightly, indicating that he was not going to touch.It earned him a grateful smile from Laurent, before he ran a hand over his face and sighed.

“What is it?” Damen asked.

“I…I was about to come.”

“And that’s a problem.”

Laurent made a noncommittal gesture and then fall back into the bed, closing his eyes.Crawling back towards Laurent, Damen sat beside his head and waited for him to open his eyes.When Laurent did, Damen said, “Should I go take a cold shower?”

“No,” Laurent said.“I’ll take care of you.” And he did.It took less than a minute and then he spilled across Laurent’s hand and his own stomach.Despite everything, it was perfect and Damen was still murmuring Laurent’s name as he came down from his high.

“Do you…”

Laurent shook his head and whispered, “I’m going to go take care of it in the bathroom.I’ll…be back.”

“Okay.”

Five minutes later, Laurent returned, still naked and his face an unshakeable mask.Settling a few inches from Damen, he said, “I suppose you want an explanation.”

Damen shrugged.“I once had sex with this girl who couldn’t come if my eyes were open.I had sex with this guy who had to be standing up to come.”

“Your point?”

“I didn’t ask them for explanations.It doesn’t matter to me what you do as long as you’re comfortable.Was it alright?”

Flushing lightly, Laurent nodded.“More than alright,” he whispered.

“Good.”

There was a long pause and then Laurent said, “You’re a cuddler, aren’t you?”

Damen laughed and settled back into the pillows.“Definitely.Care to join me?”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten years later.....  
> The only thing I really want to say here is I hate school and I hate dead car batteries. I do love when original stories are being your friend, though.  
> Also, I realize that I haven't yet responded to your comments. I've been like half-dead recently, but I promise I'm going to respond to them. Super promise...they were all excellent and deserve responses.  
> As always, I love you all and I love Mari and Becky for their help and support.  
> Enough talking, I think. Here's an actual motherfucking chapter. Enjoy! <3

Laurent stared at Damen incredulously.Raising his eyebrows, Damen slid his left arm out in an open invitation.Laurent’s eyes grew hesitant as he regarded Damen silently.The desire to flee was written in his limbs, but when his debate ended, he slid towards Damen and tucked himself under his arm.It was like cuddling a rock, except the skin was soft and warm, so Damen didn’t mind all that much.In a soft whisper: “I’m feeling a bit exposed.”

“Sheets?”

“Please.”

“Done,” Damen replied, shifting them carefully and tugging and pulling blankets until they were pooling over them.

Gradually, Laurent relaxed and began winding his finger around Damen’s chest.The touch was so light that it tickled and Damen had to fight the urge to bat Laurent’s hand away and scratch the tingling trail lingering in his wake.Instead, Damen leaned over and pressed his lips to Laurent’s forehead.It was distracting enough and he left his lips there, inhaling the scent of slightly stale sweat.Closing his eyes, he was prepared to enjoy a comfortable silence, but then Laurent started talking.

“I must say, I feel sorry for the man who had to be standing to come.That seems like it would be exhausting.I suppose one could…”

“Uncomfortable?” Damen interrupted.

“What?”

“You don’t typically talk this much, especially about things that you don’t care about.”

“How do you…”

“Are you trying to tell me that you care about some stranger’s sexual proclivities?You literally don’t even know his name.”

Laurent sighed.“Yes, I’m uncomfortable.”

“Why?”

“I hate this.”

“Hate what?”

“This feeling,” Laurent murmured.“This feeling that _that_ meant something and that I’m lying here in a private bubble with you.I hate that it feels safe and I hate that it’s compelling me to be forthright with you about anything and everything.”

“It did mean something,” Damen said.

“I know.”Then Laurent broke into hysterical laughter, hiding his face in Damen’s neck as he did so, his fingernails digging hard into Damen’s chest.

“Woah,” Damen said, grasping Laurent’s hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing the pad of each finger.“Careful with your fingernails there.”Then, “Care to share why you’re laughing?”

“Not really.”

“Go figure,” Damen sighed, setting Laurent’s hand back on his chest and then trailing his fingers up and down Laurent’s forearm.Besides Laurent’s apparent mental freak out, this was perfect.Damen was calm.Something he hadn’t been in days.He almost felt like laughing himself just because he and Laurent were having such different reactions.Not that it came as a surprise.

“I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did,” Laurent whispered.

“Happy to be of service.” 

A smile burst onto Laurent’s face.Damen couldn’t see it, but he could feel it against his still sensitive skin.Then he started laughing again and Damen joined in this time, enjoying this respite from the recent and constant stress.Into the silence that followed, their breaths coming slightly faster, Laurent said, “You weren’t how I expected.”

“Oh?And what did you expect?”

“Faster and rougher.”

“Honest, aren’t you?”

“I really should’ve known better,” Laurent continued, ignoring Damen’s comment.“You may be intimidatingly physical, but you’re also pathetically soft.You’d want to make love.Fuck probably isn’t even in your sexual vocabulary.”

“I assure you, it is,” Damen replied.“I could show you sometime.”

“I’m sure.”

“Intimidating, huh?”

“Shut up.”

Damen chuckled and hugged Laurent closer.“Thanks for cuddling with me,” he murmured.“I know it’s not really your thing.”

“Insinuating something?”

“No.I was simply thanking you.Why?Are you?”

“Did I mention I don’t like this?I’m giving far too much away.”

“You’re cuddling with me because you really, really like me, aren’t you?” Damen asked, unable to contain his smile.It quickly fell away when Laurent slapped him on the chest, the sting more prominent because it was skin against skin.

Deciding to press the issue in payback, Damen said, “I know you wouldn’t cuddle with just anybody.”

“I hate you.”

“You’re such a liar.”

Another silence followed and it was comfortable for Damen, but he could hear Laurent’s brain whirring beside him.It was amazing just how little relaxation he allowed himself.There had been no post coital laziness from him and that was not a simple thing to do.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“My thoughts are worth at least a dollar.”

“Go take a dollar from my wallet then,” Damen replied.

“Did you mean what you said?About giving Nicaise and I your house?”

“Entirely.”

“Damen…”

“No matter what happens, I want you and Nicaise to be safe.I have a way to guarantee that.I’m not going to deny you two that just because we’ve only known each other for a little while.That’s not in my nature.Besides, what other choice do you have?This road trip can’t last until Nicaise is eighteen.Even you can’t pull that off.”

“How am I supposed to repay you for this?” Laurent asked.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Keep giving me this, then,” Damen said.

“Sex?I’m not a prostitute.”

“Jesus, Laurent, no.This, meaning you and me.Our relationship.Whatever you would like to call this.I’m rather fond, to be honest.”

“Oh,” Laurent said, kissing Damen’s neck softly.“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“We should sleep.I intend on moving us again very early in the morning,” Damen said.

“He’ll just follow.Might as well sleep.”

“My way.”

“I’m beginning to regret allowing it.”

“Yes, well, if there’s a chance he can’t predict me, we need to keep doing it.”

“It’s not so much that he can’t predict you, you know,” Laurent murmured.“What he can’t predict is how you feel about me and how I feel about you.He doesn’t know or understand either of those things.It’s our only defense.”

“He thought you’d be alone forever, I take it.”

Laurent nodded.“Not a ridiculous assumption to make.You know that as well as I.”

“Tomorrow is another day, Laurent.We’ll deal with it then.”Nudging Laurent’s face from his neck with his chin, Damen leaned over and kissed him soundly on the mouth.“Would you like to stay here or do you want me to release you?”

“I’d like to stay,” Laurent said.

“I’m sensing that maybe I’m not the only cuddler.”

“Do not make me kill you.It would be tragic, but I’m still willing.”

“Noted,” Damen laughed, pulling Laurent back in and closing his eyes.“Sleep well, sweetheart.”

There was a long silence that followed and Damen tried not to break out into laughter.He was supposed to be sleeping after all.Though, it was painfully obvious that neither of them were even trying to sleep.Finally, Laurent said, “Seems a little early for terms of endearment, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know.There’re those ladies that call everyone ‘love’ and ‘dear’.And they’ve only known you for a whole five seconds of your life.”

“Are you one of those ladies?”

“Maybe I am.”

Laurent scoffed and burrowed himself even closer to Damen, their legs intertwining.It was particularly shocking when his toes found their way underneath his calves because they were freezing.Somehow.Even after sex.Even after being under these covers for a solid fifteen minutes.“I suppose it’s acceptable,” Laurent eventually allowed.“Only in private, though.”

“Yes, I know.Can’t have anyone thinking you’re my boyfriend.”

“Good night, Damen.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

They woke the next morning to soft light, still air, and warm skin.It was almost painful to move, everything in Damen screaming to stay and hold Laurent just a moment longer, but the reprieve of last night was no longer possible.Laurent’s uncle was still out there and he wasn’t going to disappear just because Damen wanted him to.

While lying lazily, limbs still entangled, eyes half closed, Damen murmured, “We need to leave.”

Laurent, likely sensing Damen could be easily swayed, said, “What’s the point?We can’t outrun him.If we never leave this bed, I’ll never leave you, and he won’t disturb me.It’s an ingenious plan, really.”

“Do you really want to spend that long in a bed with me?”

“You make a good argument.What’s the grand plan, Damen?Enlighten me.”

There was a long silence.Damen didn’t have a plan.The entirety of his plan involved moving them as often and as quickly as possible, in the hopes that they would lose the uncle for a moment or two.The truth was, he wanted to get home.Somewhere he felt safe, had the upper hand.But that was somewhere he couldn’t bring Nicaise, not until a legal decision had been made—hopefully the right one.Inventing his plan as he talked, Damen said, “I think we need to press onto the Grand Canyon today, get a room, and then see it tomorrow.Then we drop Nik off in San Diego and get the both of you home.Not the physical building, but the town.That’s where we make our stand.It’s easier to convince a court we did nothing wrong if Nicaise is where he’s supposed to be.”

“I hate that place.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

“You’re going to make me turn over the video.”

“I won’t make you do anything,” Damen sighed.“I just know I’m not willing to participate in the kidnapping of your nephew.I know that you can win custody, so why not fight for it?”

“It’s accepting a lot of favors,” Laurent murmured.

Damen kissed Laurent on the forehead and trailed fingers down his spine.“I’m going to tell you something and you aren’t going to want to hear it, but I need you to.”Laurent didn’t say anything in reply, but he didn’t argue either.Taking that as permission to continue, Damen said, “You are a good person.You’ve known a lot of bad people, more than your fair share, and they’ve taught you about a type of world that doesn’t allow for the existence of good people.Good people get hurt in that world; they don’t survive.Somehow, you came out on the other side and you are still _good_.One advantage to being a good person is that people care about you, want to share their time and their life with you.Those people, a lot of the time, will also give you things.It won’t matter whether you’ve given them things in return or not.I can promise you all they care about is your happiness, because when you’re happy, they’re happy.The things they give are what you like to call favors.I prefer gifts.Either way, they’re freely given, and the person who gives them doesn’t want to hear all the reasons you don’t deserve it, all they want to hear is ‘thank you’.It’s the price you pay for being good.”

“That’s incredibly black and white,” Laurent said.

“That’s how I think.You’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“I’m not sure I believe a word you said.It was an entirely selfish speech.”

Damen laughed.“Perhaps, but I do believe that.Very much…I have to.”Then, “What else are you going to do, Laurent?Leave Nicaise to him?”

“Never.”

Letting that sit, Damen untangled himself from Laurent and got out of bed.Shuffling through clothes in his bag, he put some on and then returned to the bed, perching on the edge so he could text Jokaste.

_D: can u get laurent a job_

A few seconds later, a response popped onto his screen.

_J: Probably.It won’t be nearly as good as mine, but it’ll be something._

_D: thats all it needs 2 b_

_J: Then, yes, I should be able to.I’ll email my boss._

_D: what the fuck did u do 2 get such an agreeable boss_

_J: Honestly?I got his daughter to fall in love with me._

_D: daughter_

_J: She’s seven, Damen._

_D: right.thanks, jokaste_

_J: Of course._

 

“Jokaste is confident she can get you a job,” Damen said.“If you want it.”

Turning to look behind him, he saw Laurent putting on clothes.His chest was still bare and Damen’s eyes caught and held.The sun was pouring through the slats in the blinds and streaking his chest in layers.Damen wanted nothing more than to trace them, but Laurent’s eyes were shuttered, so he knew better.

In the softest voice, Laurent said, “I want it.”Then he began to pull a v-neck shirt on, hiding his face for the briefest moment.Long enough to shield any emotions that had escaped onto his face.It was nice to think that, eventually, Laurent wouldn’t feel the need to do that around him.Hopefully.

“I’ll have to talk to Kastor, then,” Damen murmured.

Carefully, Laurent settled down beside Damen and gathered his face in his hands.Brushing his thumb back and forth across Damen’s cheekbone, he said, “Do you want me to handle him?Because I will.”

“It needs to be me, but thank you.”

“Together?”

Breaking out into a smile, Damen nodded, covering one of Laurent’s hands with his own.“I would like that very much.I’m going to call him and warn him, but it’s likely we’ll have to forcefully remove him and I’ll definitely need you then.”

“You’ll have me.”

“God,” Damen whispered, closing his eyes, feeling Laurent’s skin against his, “I’m so glad you gave me this.”

“I have yet to regret it,” Laurent murmured.Sliding his hand out from underneath Damen’s, he stood and opened the door of the motel room.“I’m going to check on Nicaise, get him packed.I’ll meet you at the car.”

“Not leaving you alone.”

“It’s five seconds.”

“Five seconds where your uncle could fuck everything.”

Laurent let his head fall back, as he took a deep and fortifying breath.“I’m not going to handle this well, am I?”

“Probably not, but I’d rather you were alive and hating me than the opposite.”

“Fine.Come with me, then.”

“I need to…”

“I think you misunderstand me.I’m leaving right now.You are either coming with me, or you’re not.I could care less,” Laurent said, voice hard.

“Alright,” Damen said, following Laurent out of the door.

They didn’t say a word as they travelled a few doors down and knocked, Jokaste opening it with a smile.Nicaise appeared by her side seconds later and he flicked his eyes back and forth between Laurent and Damen.“I knew it,” he said.Then he extended an open palm towards Jokaste.

“You think?” she asked.

“I don’t think.I know.”

“I think we have to ask, though, don’t you?”

“Laurent won’t like it.”

“You could be wrong, though,” Jokaste pointed out.

“I really couldn’t.”

“Would you two shut up and tell us what the fuck you’re talking about?” Laurent said.

“You slept with him, right?” Nicaise said.

“Oh my god,” Damen murmured, running a hand down his face.It was amazing that they had bet on this, that they were even willing to ask the question.Fixing his eyes on Jokaste, he made sure she knew exactly what he was thinking.All she did was wink in return.

Rolling his eyes, Laurent said, “Yes.We fucked.Better pay up, Jokaste.After you’ve done that, pack up.We’re heading for the Grand Canyon today.”

With a dramatic sigh, Jokaste handed over a five dollar bill, slapping it into Nicaise’s fist.She disappeared from the door, going back into the room and organizing her things.Ignoring the proceedings, Laurent rested his hands on Nicaise’s shoulders and said, “Are you doing alright?”

“Not really,” Nicaise replied.

“Me neither,” Laurent said.It was a shock to hear Laurent say it.It was something he hadn’t even been willing to say to Damen, certainly not as explicitly.The fear in his voice was almost tangible.Nicaise noticed and burrowed his face into Laurent’s chest, holding him tightly.

“I wish he’d leave us alone,” Nicaise whispered.“You’re the only family I’ve ever needed.”

“I need Auguste,” Laurent said.“Every day, I wake up and think he should be here.He’d know what to do.”

“I wish I’d known him.”

After a short pause, “He loved you, Nicaise.So much.”

Damen couldn’t believe he was being permitted to listen to this.As Laurent stroked Nicaise’s hair, he peered over at Damen, then extended his hand.Taking it, Damen felt warmth flood his chest.His presence here was a deliberate choice from Laurent.This felt just as significant as last night had.

Nicaise eventually pulled away from Laurent and said, “I don’t think my father could do any better than you.”

Laurent smiled and laughed shortly.“You wouldn’t know, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

Nicaise shrugged.“I think you overestimate him and underestimate yourself.”Without another word, he slipped back into the room and began packing up his stuff.Jokaste, who had finished with hers, began to help Nicaise with his.

“I think he’s right,” Damen said.

“Yes, well, you’re an idiot.That is well-established.Go mobilize Nikandros, would you?I’ll stay right here, I promise.”

“You better.”

“Where else am I going to go?”

“Always prepared to irritate me, aren’t you?”

“Always,” Laurent smiled. 

“Kiss goodbye?”

“Nikandros’ room is ten steps that way.I’ll still be able to see you.You’re not going anywhere.”

“Please?”

There was a debate clear in Laurent’s eyes and then he motioned for Damen to come closer.Damen did, staring at Laurent’s lips as they moved closer and closer, oh so slowly.Then, in a flash of motion, Laurent had bit down hard on the lobe of Damen’s ear. 

“Fuck,” Damen said, jerking away and clapping a hand over his ear.“That hurts.”

“Don’t I look sympathetic?” Laurent asked, face impassive.

“Why?” Damen whined.

Tilting his head, Laurent brushed Damen’s hand away and ran a finger across the blooming red of the bite.“I was having fun.”

“That’s your idea of fun?”

“Sure you want to know me?”

Damen nodded seriously.“Of course I do, Laurent.You know I do.”

“Weren’t you leaving?”

“You’re kind of distracting,” Damen said, kissing Laurent on the cheek.“I suppose I’ll leave now, though.Unless you want to distract me again?”

“Stop trying to get me to kiss you.I’m not even your boyfriend.”

“I think we really need to have a serious conversation about that.”

“Bye, Damen.”

“Fine,” Damen sighed, leaving Laurent with Jokaste and Nicaise, strolling to Nikandros’ door.He knocked once, then twice, when Nikandros didn’t immediately answer.Finally, the door opened and Nikandros blinked blearily.“What?” he groaned.

“We’re leaving.”

“Now?”

“Nik, it’s almost noon.”

“Oh,” Nikandros said, rubbing the corners of his eyes.“I didn’t realize.I’ll go pack, I guess.Wanna help me?”

“Sure.”

“Great,” Nikandros said, turning and flopping back onto the bed, closing his eyes.“Just pick up whatever’s on the floor and shove it in my bag.Don’t care how you do it.”

Shrugging, Damen did as he was asked, looking over his shoulder at Nikandros as he did; watching his friend’s eyes close, listening as his breathing began to slow.He wasn’t usually this lethargic, not even when you got him up at an ungodly hour.“What’s the deal, Nik?”

“I was up late,” Nikandros grumbled into the sheets.

“Obviously.”

“I was talking to Jord,” he whispered.“Until four, actually.”

“You miss him.”

At that, Nikandros sat up and met Damen’s eyes.“It’s like…” then he paused, his brain trying to catch up with his mouth, “Well, I’m not sure I can describe it, but it aches.It’s not actually physical, but it feels physical.And it’s always there.Sometimes it fades and I can feel mostly normal, but sometimes it incapacitates me a little bit.That was what happened last night.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault, Damen.”

“Actually, I was talking to Laurent this morning, and I think we’re going to press straight on to the Grand Canyon today, spend a day or two there, and then drive back to San Diego.I thought maybe you’d like to be left there.I know you can buy a plane ticket back home.”

“You mean…”

“You could see him again in less than a week.”

Barely a beat after the words left Damen’s mouth, Nikandros was crushing him into a ferocious hug.Returning the hug, Damen smiled into Nikandros’ shoulder.This was the first time in days that he felt like he was doing something right.“You are so whipped, man,” Damen said.

Nikandros laughed.“I am so so whipped,” he sighed.“And so so gay.It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this gay.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Bet was going around on whether or not you and Laurent banged last night.Did I win or lose?”

“Which side did you take?”

“I’m your wingman, dude.Of course I took the ‘definitely banged’ side.What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

“Then you won.Jokaste already paid Nicaise.”

“Excellent,” Nikandros grinned.“So, how was it?”

Damen grinned and Nikandros laughed, shaking his head.“I think that’s enough information for me,” he said.“Let’s finish packing my shit and get out of here.I now have incentive.”

Together, they stuffed clothes and candy into Nikandros’ duffel and then headed out the door and back to Jokaste’s room, where everyone was hanging on the bed, Laurent reading and Jokaste and Nicaise playing some sort of hand slapping game.Their hands were almost a blur, they were moving them so fast and they were both trying not to break into laughter.

“Everyone ready to go?”

“Hang on,” Nicaise said, “I’m determined to beat her.”

“You’re not going to,” Laurent said.

“Aren’t you supposed to encourage me?”

“I’m just telling you the truth.You’re simply not capable.I’ve been watching and there’s no hope.”

“Damn you.”

“Aren’t you supposed to treat me with respect?”

Nicaise stuck out his tongue at Laurent and promptly lost whatever game he was playing.Smiling, Laurent stuck out his tongue back and closed up his book.Rising from the bed, he approached Damen and Damen’s heart stopped.There was something about the morning after the first time.If it wasn’t the most horrible thing ever—which last night hadn’t been—everything glowed, especially the person you had sex with.

“Are you capable of not looking at me like that?”

“Nope.I don’t think I’ll ever be used to how beautiful you are.”

There was a simultaneous groan from everyone else in the room and Laurent laughed happily, stepping closer and running the back of his index finger down Damen’s cheek.The groans continued and he laughed louder.He was having fun again and Damen knew in that instant that there wasn’t going to be anyone else, not like this.He couldn’t explain why now, but he knew.Part of him wanted to tell Laurent, but a larger part of him was too scared to.It was the kind of thing that would terrify Laurent into a sullen silence.Instead, he cleared his throat noticeably and said, “Everyone ready to go?”

“I think you two are the only ones who aren’t,” Nikandros said.

Jokaste smiled and bumped against Nikandros.“Someone’s in a better mood.”

“I get to see Jord in less than a week.”

“That would do it,” Nicaise grumbled.“I should just live with you, Jokaste.You’re the only one who doesn’t disgust me on a regular basis.”

“You are always welcome at my place.”

Nicaise grinned and shouldered his bag.He lead all of them out of the motel and to the car, Jokaste checking out this time around.They waited for her to return and then they were back on the road, heading north.There was almost non-stop chattering, but it was all light and simple, not putting a strain on anyone.It felt so right.It felt as though there was nothing chasing them.Damen knew they were only trying really hard to forget that there was, but they were all incredibly talented at pretending.Especially Laurent.Sometimes he read, sometimes he participated in the conversation, and sometimes he stared at Damen, not minding in the slightest when he got caught.He’d simply smile softly, the look in his eyes something close to tenderness; a look Damen wouldn’t have thought he was truly capable of.

A couple of hours into the drive, they stopped for lunch.A quick one, as Nicaise spent most of it staring at the door, waiting for the wrong person to come through.While they’d been waiting for their food, Jokaste had tugged his face into her shoulder and stroked his hair, shooting worried glances at the others.Laurent had mouthed _thank you_ in her direction.

In that moment, Damen had realized just how hard it was going to be to split up this little family they had created.They all depended on each other now; Laurent and Nicaise in a way that they hadn’t depended on others before.Somehow, this break from reality had become more real than Damen’s life usually was.Being in danger really did strengthen bonds, forced them to develop.

When they finished lunch, they got back in the car and kept driving until they were twenty minutes from the Grand Canyon.That was when they got off the highway and found a busy motel, almost completely filled.They had only two rooms left, so Jokaste and Nikandros got a room and Damen and Laurent and Nicaise the other.It suited Damen just fine.He preferred them together anyway.None of them should be alone right now.

As he and Laurent set down their bags in their room—Nicaise had already gone over to Nikandros and Jokaste’s room to play a board game—Damen said, “Think he followed us here?”

“Almost definitely.”

“Was he a spy or something?How did he get so good at this?”

Laurent laughed.“What a romantic notion.No, he wasn’t a spy.He’s never been much of anything, actually.That was my father…his brother.My uncle was always jealous of him.It didn’t help that he fell in love with my mother, either.”

“What?”

Laurent nodded.“Control and power are the only two things that matter to him, so maybe love isn’t the right word, but he certainly wanted my mother, so he could have a measure of control over my father.

“He got good at this sort of thing, because it was important to him to know everything about everyone.If you know someone, you can control them.It’s simply practice, Damen.Nothing more than that.”

“I hate him.”

“Yes.So do I.”The words came out slow and Laurent slid his eyes to a wall, watching it as though it were a television screen.

“What are you thinking?” Damen asked.“That we’re going about this the wrong way.”

“Like hell.”

Laurent met Damen’s gaze again and smiled faintly, walking over and falling into Damen’s chest, breathing deeply.Hardly thinking about it, Damen wrapped his arms around Laurent and held him close.“I can assure you,” Laurent began, “you’ve irritated him.He’s had to rethink his strategy because you won’t leave me or Nicaise alone, but eventually, he’ll figure something out.This time you’ve given me was exactly what I needed—time to think—so I thank you for that, but I think I’m prepared to commence a new strategy.”

“Like what?”

“I need to force the meeting.”

“Laurent…”

“I do.If I do, it can be in a public place, somewhere I choose, and most importantly, I can guarantee that you’re there with me.That’s important.”

“I’m not sure I’m worth…”

“You are,” Laurent said seriously.“You are the reason I’m brave enough to do this.However misplaced the notion is, I feel safe with you.I like to think he can’t hurt me if you’re there, holding my hand.It’s complete bullshit, of course, but…”

Pulling Laurent even closer, Damen bent down and rested his nose in Laurent’s hair.Kissing him and then leaving his lips there, Damen mumbled against his head, “So how do we force the meeting?From what it sounds like, he can find a way to avoid the walls we try and build around him.”

Clearly, this is what Laurent hadn’t quite managed to grasp yet.The pause was a thoughtful one and Damen made sure not to talk through it.

“How good are you at acting?”The words were careful, prodding.Whatever he’d come up with, he wasn’t sure about it yet, that much was obvious.

Damen grimaced against Laurent’s hair.“I think you already know the answer to that question.”

“It feels like lying to you, I know.That doesn’t mean you’re bad at it.” “I think it pretty much does.Why does it matter?”

“I don’t know how much he knows, but at the least, he knows that I’m important to you.You wouldn’t keep me and Nicaise around otherwise.I need him to believe that you don’t want us around anymore.He has to think we’re isolated.”

“I don’t like this,” Damen grumbled.

“The idea is that we won’t actually be, Damen.But, it’s important he thinks we are.It’s the only way I can guarantee he’ll make a move.”

“We should just go to the police.”

Laurent’s eyes darkened and he shifted in Damen’s arms, getting in a position where they could look at each other.“Do you really think he’ll let us enter a police station?We had our chance earlier, when he wasn’t following us, but that chance is gone.”

“I don’t understand how meeting him does anything for us.”

“I can buy us enough time to get the video to the police.”

“How?”

Laurent was silent.Damen asked again, but there was no reply and Damen sighed.“I take it you won’t tell me.”

“Aren’t I allowed secrets?”

“I don’t think you are.Not if you want my help in this.”

“You won’t like it.”

“An even better reason to tell me.”

“I’ll consider that,” Laurent allowed, slipping from Damen’s arms and moving to the bed.Lying down, he stared at Damen with tired eyes.Then, in a soft whisper, Laurent said, “Come here.”

“Not until you tell me what you’re thinking.”

There was tension crackling between them and Damen sensed that this could quickly turn into a fight, one unparalleled by their past fights.It wasn’t something Damen wanted, but he also wanted Laurent to be safe.And if you added Laurent’s self destructive tendencies up with his reluctance to tell Damen the hinge of the plan, he safety wasn’t guaranteed.Crossing his arms, Damen waited, holding his gaze, matching Laurent’s intensity.

“He will need to feel like he’s in control,” Laurent murmured.

“But what does that mean?”

The blue of Laurent’s eyes disappeared under fluttering eyelids and something in Damen’s chest wrenched him forward, across the room and to the bed, until he was sitting right beside Laurent, holding his hands between his own.In a voice that wasn’t familiar, even to him, Damen said, “Trust me.Please trust me.”Something in Laurent’s eyes changed with those words.He’d had a new thought, a way to better the plan.That did nothing to reassure Damen.The better the idea, the more scared he was.

“I have to give him what he wants.”

“Your death?That’s not likely to help a goddamn thing.”

“He doesn’t want to kill me.He can’t control me if I’m dead.He only said it in the hopes that it would scare Nicaise and I into making a mistake.No…he wants Nicaise home and he knows Nicaise will follow me anywhere.Besides, I think the idea of breaking me brings him a sadistic kind of joy.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand what you’re saying.Because, if you’re saying what I think you’re saying, I’m very firmly in the no category.So firmly in that category, in fact, that I might be willing to go to jail for kidnapping instead,” Damen said.

With a shaking hand, Laurent slipped his fingers through Damen’s hair near his temple.“He needs to think I’m isolated.Not only that, he needs to think I’m heartbroken, that I’m weaker than I’ve ever been.He needs to think that the only solution I see is returning home with him and then I need to actually go home with him.”

“Why in the fuck would he ever believe, ever, that you would want to return home with him?That makes no sense.”

“Oh, Damen,” Laurent murmured, “You’ve never been broken, have you?”

“I…”

With a sad smile, Laurent kissed him gently, his fingers comforting in Damen’s hair.“He’s my only family, besides Nicaise.For a large chunk of my life, he was the only person I depended on.I even trusted him, once.When you’re broken, you return to the one thing you know better than anything else, however damaging.”

“Fine,” Damen murmured.“Whatever you say.I still don’t see how I fit in this.”

“Well, you follow, of course.I give you the video before he and I meet.Then, when we’re in Apple Valley, you go to the police, tell them everything you know.He won’t be able to stop it.Then you come and get Nicaise and I, doing whatever you have to do to get us out.”

“You’re alone for most of that,” Damen responded.

“No,” Laurent murmured.“No, I’m not.I’ve never been less alone in my life, Damen.I couldn’t have done any of this until today, until this moment.”

“I’m not sure I want this much trust.”

Chuckling, Laurent shook his head.“You’re not fooling anyone.”

“I hate it.”

“I know.”

“There has to be a better way.A simpler way.”

“This is what I’m doing.”

Damen looked up, not bothering to disguise the pain and worry.“How about this?” he said.“I’ll let you explain it to everyone else and if they’re okay with it, then we’ll do it.But that’s the only way I’m doing it.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t follow if I did it without your consent?”

“Don’t fuck us up, Laurent.”

“Okay,” Laurent whispered, quickly.“Okay, I’ll explain it to them.Whatever you want.”

“Is it crazy?” Damen blurted, losing track of his words and thoughts in his worry.

“What?” Laurent asked, suddenly confused.

“Never mind,” Damen sighed, kissing Laurent instead.It seemed to distract Laurent well enough, but it didn’t distract him at all.As though they were flashing lights on Broadway, the words _I think I’m in love with you_ pulsed in time with his heartbeat.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing new to say, really. Thank you everyone who has stuck with this through the delayed updates and for everyone who has told me not to worry about that, especially since it's probably not in your best interests.  
> Thanks to Mari, who continues to be an endless source of support and awesomeness. I decided to edit myself this time around, but I hope you enjoy the chapter, dear.  
> Enjoy!!! <3

“No.”

“Are you actually shitting me?”

“I don’t know…it could actually…”

“Jokaste, what are you fucking talking about?There is no way in hell…”

“Just…no.No.No, no, no.”

Everyone's voices dissipated when the wisp of Nicaise’s voice repeated 'no' over and over again.He was curled in on himself, his eyes fixed on the floor.Nikandros, who was still pacing, stopped and glared accusatorially at Laurent.In a cautious gesture, Jokaste reached out to Nicaise, aiming for his shoulder, but he shrugged her away. 

When he finally looked up, his blue eyes were burning and they were fixed straight on Laurent’s.“You know we can’t go back with him.You know that.So why are you doing this?”

“I’ll have the upper hand.”

“How many times have you thought that before?” Nicaise asked.

“Only once,” Laurent whispered, kneeling down on the floor before Nicaise.The gesture took everyone in the room by surprise and Damen had to look away, feeling that this wasn’t something he should be witnessing.Something was passing between Nicaise and Laurent and it wasn’t pleasant.It was the knowledge they alone possessed of their uncle; the knowledge that Damen only had a small inkling of and would never truly understand.

There were tears in Nicaise’s eyes, but despite that, they were hard as ice, mirroring looks Damen had often seen in Laurent.Gripping Nicaise by the shoulders, Laurent said, “It can be over.We can put him in jail for a very long time and then I can take care of you.I need you to be brave.We both need to be brave.”

“I shouldn’t have to keep being brave.”

“Only for a little while longer.I promise.”

“You know very well you shouldn’t make promises you’re not sure you can keep,” Nicaise murmured.

With a wave of his hand, Damen brought Jokaste and Nikandros to him.“We should go out into the hall," he whispered, trying not to draw attention to himself.

They nodded and followed Damen out, shutting the door quietly behind them.They didn’t go any further, however, not willing to leave Nicaise and Laurent unprotected for even a second.Nikandros crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows at Damen.

“I don’t like it,” Damen said.“But I told him if he could convince all of you, we’d do it.”

“It’s completely insane,” Nicaise said.

“It is,” Jokaste whispered, “But that’s why it will work.If Damen can pull off a fight, anyway.Although, I suspect Laurent is more than capable of goading you into one, so really, I’m sure…”

“It puts Nicaise at risk,” Nikandros declared.

Jokaste grimaced and ran a hand through her hair, mussing her loose braid.She didn’t even bother to fix it.Instead, she shifted her weight back and forth and bit the corner of her lip.Then, in a much softer voice, “Even I can’t think of a better plan.I think Nicaise is worried that Laurent’s uncle will see right through all the deceptions, but he underestimates the blinding effect of getting exactly what you want, of seemingly holding all the cards.”

“Clearly, I underestimate that too,” Nikandros replied, rolling his eyes.“You and Laurent with your stupid fucking brains.They make both of you arrogant.”

“Only occasionally,” Jokaste smiled.It was half of a smile.Only a shadow of what she was usually capable of.

“We have to trust he knows his uncle better than we do,” Damen murmured.“We have to trust that he knows what he’s doing.”

“If Nicaise gets hurt…” Nikandros said.

“Laurent wants him hurt even less than you do.”

“Why does it sound like you’re suddenly on Jokaste and Laurent’s side?”

“Because he asked me to trust him and I’m going to.Because I know he can win and I have to show my confidence in that, so that he believes it himself.  If he doesn't believe it...” Damen trailed off, knowing he didn't need to finish that sentence.

“I could just kill him,” Nikandros offered.“If he ends up hurting Nicaise, I’ll do it anyway.”

“I’ve plotted his murder in at least a hundred different ways,” Jokaste said.“Very few of them end with us avoiding jail and all of them end with us suffering from debilitating mental issues for the rest of our lives.”

“Unfortunate.”Letting out a long sigh, Nikandros nodded.“If Nicaise is alright with it, then I am.You’re going to have to drive back down to San Diego, though.Promise me.”

“I’m sure we could drop you off on…”

“No,” Nikandros interrupted.“I have to make sure Nicaise is okay.I’m not leaving until this is over.”

Leaning back against the wall, Damen laughed in exhaustion.“How’d they do it so quickly?”

“You mean wriggle their way into our hearts?” Jokaste asked, smiling softly, this one full and genuine.

Damen nodded.

“I believe that’s your fault, man,” Nikandros replied.“I sure as hell didn’t want to care about the kid.I could still give less of a shit about Laurent, but the kid…he doesn’t deserve the hand he’s been dealt.He’s…”

“You love him,” Damen supplied.

“I wasn’t going to get quite that gushy, but sure.Yeah.”

The door opened behind them and Laurent poked his head out, raising his eyebrows at Damen.“You’re sure?” Damen whispered.

Laurent didn’t even have to nod.The determination in his eyes provided his response.With a sigh, Damen nodded, indicating that everyone present in this hall had agreed to the plan.The permission didn’t seem to make Laurent happy.Instead, he looked resigned.Turning to Jokaste and Nikandros, Laurent said, “Nicaise is…I don’t think he wants to spend time with me right now.Look after him, would you?”It was clearly causing him pain to ask it of them.His mouth was downturned and Damen could tell it was taking all of his considerable willpower not to glare at them, as though Nicaise’s anger was their fault and not his. 

Before he got an answer, Laurent curled his hand into Damen’s and dragged him back to their room.Turning around, Damen noticed that Jokaste and Nikandros were still standing outside the open room, mouths open and expressions confused.“Shouldn’t we…plan?” Damen said, allowing himself to be dragged along simply because whatever mood Laurent was in scared him a bit.

“I’ve got a plan.They know it.”

“Yes, but…”

“We’ll go see the Grand Canyon in the morning.Then in the afternoon, you and I will fight.It’s rather simple.”

“It’s not, Laurent.None of this is simple.”

“I suggest you get over whatever reservations you have.”

Raising his eyes briefly to the ceiling, Damen halted right in front of their door and weathered the hopeless tugging on his hand.Whipping around, Damen was met with hard eyes and a stern mouth.“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want me to go somewhere with you?”

Laurent stared.

“Because, if you do, I suggest you be nice to me.This is the last night I have before I watch you leave with your abusive uncle.I’d prefer to spend it not fighting.”

“I’m sure you would.”

“Do you want to fight?”

After a short pause, Laurent said, “No.”Staccato.Then, he pleadingly pulled on Damen’s hand.Together, they stumbled into the room.Damen made sure to kick the door closed behind them.

The minute they were truly alone, Laurent dropped Damen’s hand and strolled to the window, peering out of it.Entirely unsure about everything, Damen disappeared into the bathroom and took a shower.

When he stepped out into the moist and condensed air, water dripping from his body to the floor, Damen hoped that there would be something in Laurent he could appeal to.There hadn’t been much before he'd showered.

Stepping into his old clothes, he ruffled his hair in the towel, hoping that would be enough to avoid dripping all over himself, and went back into the main room.His eyes instantly began to seek Laurent and they found him sitting on the floor, beside the window, reading a book.Biting the inside of his cheek, Damen crossed the room and settled down beside Laurent.

Silence pervaded the room and Damen let it.Pulling his knees up to his chest, he rested his arms across them and stared at the wall opposite them, wondering if he was actually assisting Laurent in any way right now.

Over ten minutes passed and Damen had to ask.“Should I be doing something different?”

Laurent took his time, finishing the page he was on, before saying, “Asking me to give away all my secrets?”

“Yes.”

“You’re helping.”Laurent returned to his book.

“I suppose you don’t want to talk about it.”

“You suppose correctly.”

“What if I thought you needed to?” Damen asked.

“I would say that the door is over there.I’m sure Jokaste would be happy to talk feelings with you.Shut the door when you leave, would you?”

“I wish you wouldn’t shut me out,” Damen sighed.He thought about leaving the room, but it would leave Laurent alone and that was not something he could do.So, instead, he moved to the bed, crawled underneath the covers and turned on the TV.ESPN was replaying an EPL match, which suited Damen fine.He settled in, turned the volume down low, and watched a tiny white smudge fly around a bright green screen.It made him miss his TV back in his and Nikandros’ apartment.Soccer was more fun when you could actually see the ball.

When the game hit halftime, Damen muted the TV and let his head fall to the side so he could stare at Laurent.The book he was reading was resting on his knees and he had one hand in his hair, holding back his bangs.The light from the lamp on the nightstand was practically golden the bulb was so old, and it made the scene perfect.This was how he always wanted to remember Laurent.This right here.Damen hadn’t seen him looking more like himself; not in the entire time he’d known him, which was beautiful in itself.This, right here was the man he was in love with.He could admit that to himself now and it wasn’t such a terrible sight.The singular devotion he was paying to that book was evidence enough.Few people Damen knew could hold their attention that long.

Suddenly, blue eyes flicked up from the pages and gazed at him.“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Laurent paused and then flushed lightly, returning to his book.

Trying not to laugh, Damen asked his question again.Pointedly, Laurent ignored him.Unable to contain his laughter any longer, Damen slipped from the bed and knelt down in front of Laurent, tugging the book from his grasp and setting it down on the floor next to them.

“Don’t put it down like that,” Laurent said, his eyes not leaving Damen’s.“It’s not good for the spine.”

“Got a bookmark?”

Silently, Laurent pulled a thin slip of paper from his lap and handed it over.Picking up the book, Damen put the bookmark in place and then shut it.“There,” he whispered.“Happy?”

“Happier.”

“How was I looking at you?”

“Like I mattered.”

“You do.Trust me.I’m very knowledgeable about these sorts of things.”

“Really.”

Damen nodded seriously and a bubble of laughter escaped Laurent.But, then, he sobered and said, “I’m…sorry.For this entire evening.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Then talk to me.”

Laurent cast his eyes downward and picked at his generally pristine fingernails.“Nicaise is scared and that scares me.I’m confident this plan will work—I am—but if it doesn’t, I’ll have ruined everything and suddenly, I have so much to lose.I used to have nothing to lose. 

“I was mad at myself for not preventing this moment.I still am.I should’ve been able to foresee the consequences of getting Nicaise out, but none of them seemed to matter at the time.”

“Rightfully so,” Damen said.“You’ve handled it well, Laurent.I couldn’t have handled it as well, I know that much.”

“I only handled it well because of you.If you hadn’t existed, I would’ve been fucked a long time ago.That also scares me.I don’t depend on people.I didn’t used to depend on people is a more accurate wording.There’s no way I can argue I don’t depend on you.”

“I depend on you too, you know.”

Laurent scoffed.“For what?How could you possibly need me?”

“Seriously, Laurent?”

Huffing, Laurent glanced up from his hands.“You’re right, of course,” he said, every word forceful and blatantly sarcastic.“Everyone wants a piece of this.Beautiful and ice cold.”

“I…” Damen trailed off, trying to think of how he wanted to go about this.There were so many things he wanted to say, so many ways he could say it, but it all came to the truth he couldn’t stop thinking about.“I loved having sex with you,” he began, “but that is not at all why I’m still here.You’re not just a body that can be used and discarded.You are, in fact, what I think about ninety percent of every day.And not how beautiful you are, but how clever you are, how funny you are, how intricate that mind of yours is, and how much I want to understand it.

“Just now, in fact, when I was looking at you, I was marveling over your concentration reading that book.I saw you, reading, sitting on the floor like a fucking idiot, considering there’s a bed three feet away from you, and I thought, God, I’m in love with this man.”

“You expect that to make me feel better?”The words were shaky and quiet.The grimace that followed indicated just how Laurent felt about how his voice had sounded.

“No,” Damen said, not arrogant enough to think his love was enough to save someone, especially from themselves.“But I wanted you to know how I see you.”Then, “Are you going to run?”

“I’m not running.”But he was completely still and he couldn’t meet Damen’s eyes.Still, it was better than spitting harsh words and fleeing from the room, which, honestly, was kind of what Damen had expected.When Laurent finally looked up, he said, “It’s barely been two weeks.”It didn’t sound like an argument or disbelief.It sounded like someone trying to convince themselves.

“Who cares?I know what I feel.I don’t need society feeling for me.”

Instead of replying, Laurent burrowed his head into Damen’s neck and simply breathed.It was an entirely awkward pose, Damen still kneeling and Laurent still sitting, but it was Laurent’s way of seeking comfort and so Damen didn’t complain.If he was being honest, it was actually adorable and made his stomach drop.“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” Laurent murmured into his skin.“About anything.”

“I haven’t met a person who knows what they’re doing.”

“Not even you?”

“Definitely not me.”

“What if Nicaise gets hurt?”Each word was half broken, syllables confused and sounds meshed.

“What if _you_ get hurt?” Damen countered.

There was no response and Damen knew it was because he didn’t care what happened to him.He was smart enough to know the answer would disturb Damen. 

“There’s no other way to do it,” Laurent sighed.

“I know.”

“I’d like to keep reading now.”As he said it, he slipped his face out of Damen’s neck and gathered his book from the floor.He didn’t open it, though, eyes lingering on Damen.

Nodding, Damen said, “At least come join me on the bed.The floor can’t be comfortable.”

“Not particularly.”

Standing, Damen extended a hand to Laurent and smiled as a warm hand met his, the blood in his body feeling as though it were glowing, like it was filled to bursting with exploding stars.It wasn’t a different feeling from usual, it was just more profound and it had to do with ‘I love you’ and the way Laurent kept looking at him and the fact there’d been no complaints about the subtle shift in their relationship to the more permanent.

Of course, Laurent hadn’t said anything in return.As Damen settled back onto the bed, he realized that it was making him anxious.It wasn’t like he thought Laurent was in love with him, but he was still unsure he hadn’t gone too far.It was possible he had.Sure, Laurent was still in the room with him, but he was on the opposite side of the bed, curled in on himself, and reading a book.‘I love you’ wasn’t necessarily monumental, but it felt more monumental than this.

“You’re staring again,” Laurent said.

“You noticed much sooner.”

“Yes, well…” Laurent flushed and didn’t continue.

“Come over here.”

“How am I ever to finish this book if you keep distracting me?”

“I’m still capable of that, am I?Thank god.”

Laurent rolled his eyes and crawled across the bed.He settled in against Damen’s side, head thumping back against his chest, and slipped one of his legs across Damen’s.“I’m not running,” he said again.This time it sounded sure.This time it melted Damen’s insides and made him crane his neck painfully just so he could kiss Laurent on the forehead.

That was how they spent the rest of their night.Curled up together, Damen watching the rest of the soccer game and Laurent reading his book.It hadn’t been what Damen had pictured, but it had been wonderful nonetheless.

 

The next morning, they woke early to the sound of an alarm.Damen grumbled and kept his eyes firmly shut, uninterested in answering the call of an electronic device.Laurent, on the other hand, shoved himself off of Damen’s chest, leaving it cold, and turned the alarm off.Instead of sliding back into place like Damen wanted him to, he got out of bed.“Why?” Damen moaned pitifully.

“Do you want to see the Grand Canyon?”

Damen didn’t answer.They both knew very well that was the point of the entire road trip.There was a length of silence where Damen almost fell back to sleep, but then Laurent ripped the sheets away, harshly forcing him into wakefulness.“Fuck you,” he murmured.He hadn’t really meant for Laurent to hear, but it was clear he had, judging by the smirk on his face.

“And here I thought you were in love with me.”

His stomach twisted at those words and he found himself grinning, despite the overwhelming desire to close his eyes and pretend to fall back asleep out of spite.“Not mutually exclusive things,” he said into his pillow.

“If you want to see the Grand Canyon, we have to leave soon.Decide.”

“Who do you think you are?A prince?”

“I’d prefer to be King, actually,” Laurent replied, reaching down and trailing his fingers up and down the arches of Damen’s feet.It tickled and sleep fled completely.With a groan, Damen sat up, rubbed his eyes, and glared at Laurent.He had to.On principle.

Laurent smiled.

Damen smiled back.Then remembered he was supposed to be glaring, but all that did was make Laurent laugh, which did not help his attempts at looking frustrated.“Why don’t you go wake everyone else?” Damen asked.“You’re clearly good at it.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Laurent said, heading for the door.

“Wait.I’m coming with you.”

“I’m walking three steps to the left and knocking on a door.What is the worst thing that could happen?”

“I don’t know and I’m not sure I want to.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I can’t lose you.”

“So dramatic,” he said, the corner of his mouth cricking up.Then, with complete seriousness, “You’re not going to.”He opened the door and stepped out into the hall.It fell shut behind him.

Damen ruffled his hair, his anxiety spiking. _Nothing is going to go wrong.He’s just outside the door.You’d be able to hear if something happened.Relax, trust him, and put on some clothes._

Deciding to take his own advice, Damen ruffled through his bag and found a clean pair of shorts and a shirt he’d only worn once.After he’d put them on, he wandered around the room aimlessly, waiting for Laurent to come back.The aimless walking quickly turned to pacing and when Laurent came back into the room, he shook his head, biting back a smile. 

“I survived,” he said.

“I worry.”

“Obviously.”Laurent crossed the room and ran his hands up Damen’s chest, gathering the shirt up in his hands as he went, until he had enough to tug Damen forward with.Faces only inches apart, Laurent whispered, “I was going to kiss you, but your breath smells terrible.Go brush your teeth.”

“Stop ordering me around.”

“Are you asking me to waste my talents?”

“I’m not sure that qualifies as a talent,” Damen grumbled, doing as he was told.Laurent followed him into the bathroom, which was generally a tight squeeze.For a moment, he watched Damen as he squeezed toothpaste onto his tooth brush and then put it under running water, before he unceremoniously began to undress himself.Damen choked on his toothpaste.

“I thought I’d have a shower,” he said in explanation.“Come get your kiss when you’re ready.”

Damen knew his toothbrush was dangling from his mouth.He was vaguely aware that some of the toothpaste was dribbling down his chin, but his brain was having a hard time processing anything besides the teasing look in Laurent’s eyes and the gentle curve of his ass as he turned around to turn the water on.Around his toothbrush, he said, “Are you even a real person?Or have I just been imagining this entire road trip?”

“I’m sorry?Did you say something?” Laurent asked with glittering eyes, stepping into the steaming water.

Inhaling as deeply as he could through his nose, Damen returned to brushing his teeth, keeping his eyes on his reflection so he didn’t get distracted again.He found himself rushing through his routine, spitting out the excess toothpaste, then stripping out of his clothes and stepping into the shower.

Laurent was under the water, washing out shampoo.He grinned when he saw Damen and it was enough to make Damen’s knees weak; something about his presence being enough to earn a smile like that.“Hi,” Damen said breathlessly.

“Hi,” Laurent said, leaning forward and kissing Damen succinctly on the lips.“Mm.Minty fresh.”

“Would you prefer bubblegum?”

Laurent grimaced and Damen laughed, kissing him again.The warmth of Laurent’s tongue pressed against Damen’s lips and without thought, Damen opened his mouth, sliding his arms around Laurent’s waist and pulling him in close, not minding the feel of slippery, wet skin against his relatively dry skin.When Laurent pulled away, he stayed in Damen’s arms and brushed his fingers through the curls framing Damen’s face. 

“What?” Damen asked quietly, when Laurent didn’t say anything as Damen had expected him to.

“I’m giving myself something to remember.”

“It won’t be long,” Damen murmured, hoping that was true.His definition of long was likely unrealistic.

“I know,” Laurent smiled.“I have complete faith in you, Damen.”

“Is he going to hurt you?”

Laurent laid a finger against Damen’s lips.“I don’t want to remember that question,” he replied.It was his way of saying yes and Damen had to focus on breathing and slowing his heart to a pace that wouldn’t kill him.

“Hand me the shampoo?” Damen said, finally.

 

A half hour later, they were driving to the Grand Canyon, the North Rim entrance to be specific.Even though they’d all been looking forward to this moment, the car was graveyard silent.They were all locked in their own brains, battling cruel and invasive thoughts.Damen knew that if any of them were battling the same kinds of thoughts as him, they were suffering.He felt sick, actually.It was going to be a long and terrible day.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at the entrance and an old lady asked for $25 and handed them a map of the national park.Accepting it with a quiet thanks, Damen handed it to Laurent, who automatically unfurled it and ran a finger on one of the roads running to the edge of the canyon.“We should take this one,” he muttered.“It looks like it has the best views and we can’t do all three.”

“Okay,” Damen said.“I’m appointing you navigator.”

“Drive.We’ve still got fifteen minutes or so before we get to the canyon.”

“Right.”

Nikandros rolled down his window and stuck his head out of the car, looking around.When he pulled it back in, he said, “For fuck’s sake, people.We’re at the Grand Canyon.”Then, he threw his head back out the window and shouted, “We’re at the motherfucking Grand Canyon!”

“Nik!” Jokaste scolded, tugging him back into the car.“Don’t get us kicked out before we get there.”

“Then stop being depressing.All of you.I want to live this moment in the present.It’s a present sort of moment.”

“You’re right,” Nicaise murmured.“Except I feel like I’m going to throw up, so I can’t help you.”

“Same,” Damen said.

“Pathetic,” Laurent murmured, but the look he gave Damen spoke to something else.It was pure, unadulterated concern.Jokaste was giving Nicaise a similar one.Nikandros just groaned, checked his phone and then groaned even louder.

“I was gonna call Jord, but, of course, I have no fucking service.He’d live in the moment with me.” 

It was the dramatic pouting that pulled Damen out of his funk, at least, temporarily.The almost paralyzing anxiety surrounding what was about to come this afternoon was unlikely to stay away for long, but this trip had been about the Grand Canyon.Before Laurent, before his uncle, before rescuing Nicaise, it had simply been about seeing a marvel of the United States with his best friends.This was for them.

Turning up the music, Damen yelled, “We’re at the motherfucking Grand Canyon!”

Nikandros grinned and then whooped, reaching across the car to slap Damen on the back.The bell-like laughter of Jokaste fell into their orchestra and Damen let loose a smile.A full-power smile that he released on Laurent.The act of that smile was enough to improve his mood ten fold.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Come join me in the moment.”

“Not typically where I live.”

“You can go right back to wherever you normally live when we leave.For now, take a vacation.Sit back and sip a margarita, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby,” Laurent grumbled.The edges of his mouth began to form a smile, though.

“Are you guys still not dating?” Nicaise asked.

“Not technically,” Damen replied.

“Laurent, that’s stupid.”

“And why’s that?” Laurent asked, voice amused.The tone caught Damen’s attention.It was as though _he_  was aware how stupid it was.

“You both look at each other like you’re the brightest star in the sky.Sirius or whatever.”

“Oh man,” Jokaste said, “You can’t say Sirius in this car and get away with it.Are you ready to cry about Sirius Black with me?Because I can go for hours.”

Nicaise nodded sagely, as though he were much older than he really was.“It’s the perfect name for him, you know.He is the brightest thing when he’s around, but it also connects him with the night sky and that covers the super dark parts in his character too.Jo deserves a round of applause for that one.”

Laurent caught Damen’s eye and smiled.Unbuckling his seatbelt, he leaned over, so his lips were right at Damen’s ear and said, “Hard to argue with Nicaise’s logic.Brightest star in my sky.”

It took a minute for Damen to properly collect himself and restitch his insides together, but then he said, “That is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“I’m sure I’d lose a cheese contest,” Laurent replied, before saying, “Perhaps she does deserve a round of applause, but there is an argument to be made for the stupidity of an entire family naming each other after stars.”

The conversation took off from there and by the time they reached the canyon, the conversation had moved on to Remus Lupin and Sirius Black and the tragedy of their lives.Jokaste and Nicaise, in particular, were arguing about the nature of their relationship, platonic or romantic.

The argument came to an abrupt halt, though, when both Damen and Nikandros gasped.Pulling the car over into a lookout, Damen leaped from the car, quickly followed by Nikandros.Together they leaned against a metal bar and took in the harsh cliffs of red rock, reaching down to a tiny, winding river.It was so intense that Damen felt as though he’d been punched in the stomach.Pictures didn’t capture the magnificence.It was vast and stunning and incomprehensible.And the colors!Damen had had no idea how many shades of red rock there were until now.

“What in the shit?” Nikandros breathed.

“Yeah,” Damen responded, bumping his hip lightly against Nikandros.

“Can we stay forever?”

“Seems like a good idea right now.Nothing bad can happen here.”

“Not exactly true,” Laurent cut in, coming up to stand beside Damen.

“Ah, the resident mood killer.Thank god we brought you.”

“Be nice, Nik,” Jokaste said.

“I’ll be nice if he’s nice.”

“He’s not capable of nice,” Nicaise said, squeezing his way in between Damen and Nikandros and looking down.“Woah,” he continued, taking a shuddering breath.“If I pushed one of you down there, at one point do you think you’d die?Against the cliffs, when you hit the water, or would you just drown?”

“And here I thought all of our questions would be able to be answered by the informational signs,” Nikandros sighed.“I should’ve known better.”

“Cliffs,” Jokaste responded.“You’d be in free fall long enough before you hit a cliff of any kind that it would kill you when you did.I would think, anyway.I can’t be certain.”

Nicaise nodded.“We could be certain,” he said, shooting a glance at Damen.

“Why me?” Damen asked.

“Because you wouldn’t complain.I’d tell you it’s in the name of science and you’d willingly throw yourself off.”

Everyone laughed, including Damen.Then, in a quiet but confident voice, Laurent said, “No one is throwing my boyfriend off the side of the Grand Canyon.”

“Aww,” Nicaise said.“Because you wuv him?”

“Something like that.”

Before Damen could kiss Laurent senseless, Nikandros said, “I swear to God, if I have to watch you two make out, I’ll volunteer as tribute and jump off just so I don’t have to watch.”

“Now who’s the mood killer,” Damen said, laughing.

Jokaste pulled her phone out of her pocket and began snapping pictures.She wandered around the outlook, getting different angles, then began pulling each of them aside for selfies.Eventually and expectedly, she wanted to get a group selfie and they all grumbled and jostled each other into position.She’d snapped a couple when a young woman with a small child approached them and said, “I could take a few for you, if you want.” Jokaste grinned and handed her phone over immediately, swinging her arm around Nikandros’ waist and pulling him in tight.Nicaise found his way to the front and Nikandros slung one arm around him, in a sort of hug.Damen sidled in close to Nikandros, bringing Laurent along with him and pulled him in snug.There was no complaint for Laurent.In fact, he seemed to snuggle in even closer and Damen knew, just knew, that his smile was going to be the hardest thing to ignore in the picture.

The woman handed the phone back.Her child, a small boy, was clutching her leg as she moved and she gently tried to prod him off, laughing self-consciously when Damen noticed.“He’s terrified of heights,” she said.“But he wanted to see the Grand Canyon.”She laughed again as the boy nodded vigorously.

Crouching down, Damen said, “Hey there, buddy.What’s your name?”

“Tyson.”

“I’m scared of heights too, Tyson.Makes this place kind of scary, doesn’t it?”

Tyson nodded, putting his thumb into his mouth.

“You know what I like to do when it gets scary?I like to look up at the sky; all that blue.It reminds me how much higher I could be and it makes me forget just how high I am.The sky always looks the same distance away.”

Taking a deep breath, Tyson peeled himself from his mother’s leg and tilted his head up towards the sky.“Bird!” he said, pointing to a hawk circling.

“A pretty bird.”

Tyson nodded, looking back down and into Damen’s eyes.Holding up his hand, he smiled and watched as Tyson smiled nervously back and gave him a high five.“That’s my man,” Damen said, standing and saying to the woman, “Thank you for the picture.Have a nice day.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, eyes sparkling.She was about to say something else, when Laurent came up and slipped his hand into Damen’s.

“Come on, sweetheart.We’re on a schedule.”

Damen blinked, trying to wrap his head around the endearment.Laurent bit his nails into Damen’s skin, shaking him out of his reverie.“Yes,” Damen blurted.“Schedule.Thank you again.” 

As they were strolling back to the car, Damen said, “Sweetheart?”

“She was about to profess undying love for you,” Laurent said.

“She was?”

Laurent rolled his eyes and dropped Damen’s hand.“Get in the car, lover boy.”

 

They drove and stopped at every lookout that was on the road they’d chosen.They were almost to the end where there was a lookout that extended in a half circle out over the canyon.Nicaise jumped out of the car the second it had stopped moving for this one and ran out to the very end, shoving through people in a way only young children could get away with.Jokaste and Nikandros went out to join them, but Damen and Laurent stayed on the left edge, looking down. 

“I’m having one of those cliché, I-want-the-entire-world-to-stop moments,” Damen said.

“Me too.”

“You called me sweetheart,” Damen said, grinning at the sheer rock as if it were the one doling out compliments.

“You’re disgusting.”

“And you called me your boyfriend.”

Laurent flushed at that and stared at the sheer rock as if it were stabbing him in the stomach.Softly, he said, “You told me you were in love with me.”

“Don’t tell me this is a payback thing.”

“No,” Laurent said.The quickness with which he responded seemed to embarrass him, but he said it again anyway.“No, it’s not.”He reached over and grasped Damen’s hand, running a thumb nervously back and forth on the back of his hand.“Would you be my boyfriend, Damen?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“No.”

“Then no.”

Laurent scowled and Damen laughed, squeezing his hand.“I’m kidding.Yes, of course.You know very well that’s what I want.”Then, “So me being in love with you doesn’t scare you, huh?”

“No,” Laurent murmured.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t.”  The fact that he didn't know why it didn't scare him seemed to be scaring him, however.

“Suits me fine,” Damen smiled.

“I know.”

Damen inhaled deeply and gazed out at the canyon some more.It was not a view that would ever tire him.He wanted to build a house here, right on the edge, and never leave.If only that was something he could do.He voiced his thoughts aloud and Laurent nodded solemnly.“Nicaise would love that,” he said.

“I don’t think I said you could live with me.”

Laurent groaned and mimed shoving Damen off the walk.The walls fell back into place and Damen knew that he could no longer tease.He tucked a piece of hair behind Laurent’s ear and said, “That would only make my fantasy better.”

“Ugh,” Laurent said.“I hate you.” 

He walked off towards the others and Damen followed, chuckling the entire way.

 

Two hours later, they were leaving the park behind.Nicaise had a shirt from a gift shop and Jokaste had her pictures, but other than that, it was as if they’d never been.It was amazing how quickly the awe inspiring views deserted their brains.Damen could hardly remember the exact color of the rock by the time they’d gone back through the entrance.It dampened their moods and the events that were about to follow wormed their way back in, suddenly harsher in their immediacy.

Halfway back to the motel, Damen said, “I’m not sure I can pull off a fight.”

“I’m not sure he can, either,” Nikandros said unhelpfully.“I was never sure he could, though, to be fair.”

Laurent sighed.“I assure you, I can make you fight with me.It will look incredibly real.Stop worrying about it.”

“See, I think that worries me.”

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Nicaise said.“Or ever?I’m already anxious.”

“It’s gonna be alright, kid,” Nikandros said.

“Lies aren’t actually comforting, despite popular belief.”

Nikandros rolled his eyes and turned to gaze out the window with a huff.That huff was the last noise in the car for the remainder of the trip.

 

When they got back to the motel, they all went to Jokaste and Nikandros’ room and milled around, listening to Laurent explain the plan again, making sure everyone knew what they were doing.When he finished his speech, he pulled a USB from his pocket and handed it to Damen.“This is the only copy of the video,” he murmured.“Don’t fucking lose it.”

“I won’t.”

“The video?” Nikandros asked, paling.

“Got something to say?” Laurent asked.

Nikandros shook his head slowly, eyes wide.In a surprisingly gentle gesture, Nicaise grabbed his hand and held it tightly. 

“So,” Damen said, voice wavering slightly, “Shall we fight?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got nothing. I think I should probably apologize in advance, but other than that, the standard stuff is going to follow, so feel free to skip ahead.  
> As always, thank you to everyone who's stuck with this. It means the world to me. I know read WIPs is fucking hard, so bless you.  
> Thank you so so so much to Mari. You're the best beta ever and you're also a fabulous friend. Thanks for putting up with my screaming.  
> Enjoy! <3

“Do you…should we…leave you alone?” Nikandros asked.“Or…”

“Let’s…” Jokaste began, tugging on Nikandros’ sleeve, moving him inch by stumbling inch towards the door.Laurent was watching Damen with mild anxiety and honestly, it was justified.Everything in Damen wanted to crawl under the bed, cover his head with a pillow, and pretend none of the world existed.If Laurent wanted to join him, he was more than welcome.

Gently, Laurent laid a hand on Damen’s cheek; a touch that Damen leaned into, as if he were an attention-deprived cat.“What the fuck are we going to fight about?I don’t want to fight with you.I hate fighting,” Damen said.

“No you don’t,” Laurent smiled softly.“I know what it is to hate to fight and I don’t see it in you.You just don’t find much to fight about.There’s a difference.”

“But…” Damen trailed off and turned his face, so he was kissing Laurent’s palm.“How am I supposed to do this?” he murmured, his lips brushing against warm skin.It felt as intimate as they’d ever been, but, suddenly, somehow, he was supposed to reverse all of his feelings and send Laurent away from him to his abusive uncle.‘How am I supposed to do this?’ referred to more than just the act of fighting.

“Should I start or would you like to?” Laurent whispered.

“I can’t start this,” Damen sighed.“You’re going to have to do the honors.”

Laurent laughed softly, heartbreakingly.“Suddenly, I don’t want to.”

“Your plan, sweetheart.”

“Sure you can keep up?”

“I can sure as hell try.”

“Damen,” Laurent said, eyes serious, “I need you to know that I don’t mean a word I’m about to say.Mostly.”

“Oh god, you’re apologizing in advance.”

Slipping a hand around Damen’s neck, he pulled him down and kissed him with earnestness.Then he stepped back and regarded Damen silently.Jokaste, Nicaise, and Nikandros were still in the room watching wordlessly.In a cool glance, one Damen figured he would be seeing a lot of soon, he dismissed them.

“Where the fuck are we supposed to go?” Nikandros asked.

“Next door,” Damen supplied, keeping his eyes on Laurent.

There were no more protests and Laurent kept his eyes away from Damen until the door slammed closed.The cool eyes transferred targets and Damen felt himself still.He couldn’t do this.He really couldn’t. 

Laurent seemed to sense his hesitancy, but he did nothing to reassure.Instead, he folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall.It was unsettling how quickly the mood in the room changed, especially since what was about to proceed was pretend.Clearly, Laurent would’ve excelled in acting. 

Figuring it should rise organically, or as organically as they could make it, Damen said, “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Like what?Surely not like you matter.”

Damen felt his breath desert him.“I don’t understand,” he said.“I don’t understand what I did wrong.”That was as close to the truth as he could get, because he didn’t really understand what was happening or how Laurent could go so quickly from one attitude to another.It was unfair to use their own words against them, even in this situation.However often he chanted that none of this was real, a part of him thought he might not be able to make it out of this anyway.

“Don’t understand?” Laurent scoffed.“Either you have the brain of an insect or you’re being purposefully obtuse.I’ll have you know, if you’re being purposefully obtuse, it won’t go well for you.”

Damen wanted to break out of his role.He wanted to say, “For fuck’s sake, Laurent, how am I supposed to know what I haven’t done?”But, instead, knowing Laurent would actually get mad at him if he gave up so easily, Damen said, “I’m not being obtuse.I don’t fucking know what I did.Why don’t you step down off your pedestal and enlighten this peasant, who clearly doesn’t match you in intelligence.”He’d, perhaps, let too much sarcasm wriggle in, but he was bad at acting.

Laurent gazed at him for a moment and then slowly crossed the room, in a manner that reminded Damen uncomfortably of a cat stalking its prey.“Think back.It only happened last night.Surely, you can think of something.”

“Why don’t you just tell me?”

“Because this is more fun.”

“Oh, thank god,” Damen groaned.“Laurent is having fun.What a relief.It’s not like we’re trying to have an important conversation or anything.”He paused for a breath and then continued.“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.You know I don’t want to fight.You know I don’t want to risk what we have.”

“Then think.”

Damen glared at Laurent, realizing that Laurent was leaving the topic of this fight up to him.Before he could think of a reasonable response, Laurent began to move towards the door.“While you’re thinking, I’m going to go grab something from the car.Keys?”

Silently, Damen tossed them and then watched as Laurent, strangely, left.Unsure what to do, Damen paced, thinking of something he’d done or said last night that could be debated, when his phone buzzed.It was Jokaste.

_J: Follow him._

It could be read as a plea, but Damen knew it was something Laurent had planned with her beforehand.Because, of course, this fight had to take place in a public venue.Laurent’s uncle had to be able to hear it, or at least, know it was happening. 

Before he could think too hard about what he was about to say, Damen gathered the keys to the room and left.Before he even got to the stairs that led down to the pavement, he was jogging.It had to look like he was desperate.

He caught up with Laurent quickly, who was almost to the car.Wrenching on his elbow, Damen spun Laurent around and said, “Is it because I told you I loved you?You should’ve said something.”

Something in Laurent’s eyes softened for the briefest moment, before he said, “You know very well I’m not going to do this out here.”

“There’s nobody around.Here is where we are and I asked you a question.”Never, in a million years, would Damen ever press Laurent like this, but his uncle didn’t know that.The faster they got this over with, the better.

Laurent’s eyes darkened and he took a step back from Damen.“What happened to ‘anything I want?’ and ‘Nothing I can’t handle’?”

After a shuddering breath, Damen took another step forward, driving Laurent back so he was pressed against the car.“Sometimes, Laurent, I want things.This may come as an utter surprise to you, but it can’t always be about you all the time.I put my heart on the line and you haven’t responded to it at all.I was worried that you wouldn’t take it well and apparently, you haven’t.I just wish you’d told me in the first place.”

“So now you’re demanding a response.”

“Yes.”

Laurent turned his head to the side, clenching his jaw.It took all of Damen’s willpower to keep his face stern and his body large.All he wanted to do was step back, unpin Laurent, and apologize for everything.The worst thing was, in his rush, he’d managed to pick something he was actually anxious about and this wasn’t likely to help his anxiety.

It was just not how he would’ve handled things.

The blue gaze that returned to him was fierce.“Weeks, Damen.Barely.That’s all it’s been.Of course I don’t love you.Now, please, let me grab what I need and leave me alone.We’ll finish this later.I can’t do it right now.I mean,” Laurent turned towards the car and began digging around in the truck bed, “You didn’t seriously expect me to be in love with you already, did you?”

Damen could feel his heartbeat.It was loud, it was furious, and it almost hurt.Slowly, he said, “I just don’t understand why it upsets you.No, I don’t expect you to love me, but I do expect you to be happy about me loving you.I think.It should be a good thing.”

Laurent was silent.

“It’s because you don’t think you deserve to be loved, right?” Damen whispered.He couldn’t help it.He did realize it was veering dangerously toward a conversation they actually needed to have, but he was terrible at acting.He really should’ve emphasized that in the creation of the plan, because it was causing a lot of problems currently.

“I like you,” Laurent whispered.“A lot.Can’t that be enough?”

“Could you ever love me?” Damen replied.

Laurent’s body went still and he didn’t turn around.Nor did he respond.The silence was killing Damen.This had been such a bad idea and they were both sensing it.Luckily, the body language connoting anger and fear weren’t all that different.

“I don’t know,” Laurent said, finally.“Maybe not.”

Trying not to think about that response too hard, Damen knew this was his cue.Laurent was leaving him an opening to do irreparable damage and he had to take it.The entire point of this was to make it seem like Laurent was broken and alone.Taking a step back, Damen shook his head, and stared up at the sky.The blue, blue sky.

“I can’t keep giving and giving,” he said.“That’s all I’ve done in my entire life and I need someone who isn’t going to take everything I have and offer nothing in return.If you can’t love me, then what the hell are we doing?”

Pivoting, Laurent whispered, “What are you saying?”The small crack in his voice was enough to make Damen consider falling to his knees.

“I’m saying that I can’t keep doing this.I need a future.And I need someone…” Damen trailed off, taking a deep breath and cursing the circumstance that left him in the position where he had to say these words, “I need someone who is a complete fucking person.I need someone that isn’t just slivers of a person that I have to attempt to shoddily patch up.”

“I didn’t realize that’s how you saw me,” Laurent said, voice stone.

 _I hate this.I hate this.I hate this._ “How can I see you any other way?I’ve tried to find my way past all those walls so many times, but there’s always more and they get taller.It must be because what’s back there is so broken, so beyond repair, that you can barely look at it yourself.”

Damen knew, he did, that if he’d meant those words, they would’ve been enough to break Laurent.Of course, when Laurent was broken, no one in the world was going to see it.Everything tensed and hardened, but surprisingly, his voice softened.“You’ve seen more of me than anyone else ever has, you know.”

“I…”He wanted to apologize so badly.Those words were so unfair.

Laurent hit Damen with a partially disguised glare.Catching his words just in time, Damen said, “It’s not enough.It’s not enough for me.”  

“Okay,” Laurent said, voice resigned.“I’ll have Jokaste room with me for the time being.I’ll go back to reading books throughout drives and pretending you don’t exist.I excel at being an asshole, thankfully.”

Oh my god.He was going to make Damen say he and Nicaise couldn’t stay with them anymore.Damen ran a hand through his hair and tried not to cry.It was ridiculous how much he wanted to.“I…you can’t,” he whispered.

“Can’t what?”

“Can’t stay.I can’t have you…I can’t look at you.I’ll buy you plane tickets, whatever you need, but…I just can’t.Not anymore.”

“Who knew?Damen’s capable of being selfish.”

Damen couldn’t think of anything to say in reply, so he didn’t.Laurent stared at him for a moment, then shook his head mockingly.“I should’ve known.Nobody is as perfect as you were pretending to be.Why was I such an idiot?”Laughing softly to himself, Laurent continued, “I don’t need your help.I’ve had enough of that.I’m going to take Nicaise and go.I would say it’s been nice knowing you, but…well, it hasn’t.”Laurent tossed him the keys to his car.Damen tossed him the keys to the motel room.Short.He flinched when they hit the pavement.Picking them up, Laurent swung them around his finger and turned his back, heading to their room.

He knew he couldn’t follow.Every inch of him was begging him to, but he knew he couldn’t.So he opened the door to his truck and settled himself into the passenger seat.Maintaining the act, he slammed his hand against the wheel and then bent over it.Frankly, it felt appropriate.No matter how staged, he’d gone through an emotional hurricane.He hadn’t counted on the worst part of this plan being the fact that he couldn’t say sorry for words he hadn’t even meant. 

Thankfully, Laurent knew they weren’t true.Hopefully.

Damen tried not to think about Laurent saying he couldn’t ever love him.He tried not to think about Laurent upstairs, packing his bags, grabbing Nicaise and setting out on his own, knowing full well he’d come across his uncle before long.Laurent had to be scared and Damen was sitting down here in his truck, pretending he couldn’t bear to be around him.

If only he could call or text.But, no.Every part of this plan had to be executed with precision.That was the kind of man they were dealing with.

Sighing, Damen turned on his truck and texted Nikandros and Jokaste.

_D: im going for a drive.ill b back 2nite._

_J: Why?What happened?_

_D: we wont b seeing laurent again_

_N: Jesus, are you alright?Do you want company?_

_D: no_

Then he turned off his phone completely and backed out of the parking space.Turning out of the lot, he fiddled with the volume on the radio until it was just loud enough to drown out his thoughts but not loud enough to irritate the rest of the world.He didn’t head to the freeway, but instead headed deeper into the small town they’d been inhabiting the past couple days.There weren’t many streets, but he drove them over and over again.He wasn’t aware of time passing, but when sunlight suddenly pierced through the windshield and into his eyes, he knew he should head back.It had been hours.Laurent was definitely gone.It was likely, in fact, that his uncle had already found him and welcomed him and Nicaise back with open arms; disturbing and disgusting arms, that really shouldn’t be allowed to touch anyone ever again.

When he was parked once more in the motel parking lot, he turned his phone back on.There were a few worried messages from Jokaste and Nikandros, but there was no news from Laurent or Nicaise.Not that he had expected there to be.That wouldn’t have been according to the plan, but he’d hoped, nonetheless.

He got out of his car and trudged up to his room, where he automatically flung himself onto his bed dramatically, as if he were a Disney princess.Unfortunately, Jokaste and Nikandros had definitely been listening for him, because they were at his door in a flash, knocking incessantly.

“I’m coming,” he said, “Stop knocking.”

Damen didn’t immediately stand, but stared at the ceiling for a moment, wondering where Laurent was and what he was staring at.Then, reluctantly, he made himself stand and open the door, allowing Jokaste and Nikandros to spill in, both already talking and asking questions.Neither of them even noticed that Damen wasn’t listening, not until they stopped talking and Damen was back on the bed, not answering.

“You didn’t actually fight, right?” Nikandros asked.

“Don’t think so,” Damen said.He heard his voice this time and winced.He’d sounded like a robot.

“Then why the fuck are you the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen?”

“He doesn’t know what was fake and what was real,” Jokaste said.

“Yes, because I asked you.”

“She’s right,” Damen said.“I don’t.And there’s no way I can ease my anxiety, so I’m just going to wallow in bed until we leave.”

“When should we leave?”

Jokaste pondered that for a minute.“I think we could leave tomorrow, if you all wanted.It’s likely Laurent and Nicaise’s journey back will be longer than ours, but I think it’s a good idea if we beat them back to Apple Valley.We can go the police and have them waiting for Laurent’s uncle.”

“Alright,” Damen answered.“So I’ll be in bed until tomorrow morning.”

“Good God, Damen.I don’t know what he said, but I do know that he wants to be with you.This is just pathetic and uncalled for.Let’s go out.Go see a movie or something.”

“All they’ve got is an indie movie theater, Nik,” Jokaste said.

“Fucking hell.Let’s watch a movie here, then.I’ve still got a half bottle of vodka, I think.”

“Or you two could just leave me alone.”

“Is that what you want?” Jokaste whispered.

“No,” Damen sighed.“I want the opposite.I want all of us together.”

Jokaste laid down beside Damen, her blonde hair spilling everywhere, and gently cupped his neck with her hand, pulling him over until his cheek was resting on her shoulder.Then she stroked his hair and said, “Me too.I already miss both of them.”

“Yeah,” Nikandros said, sitting down on the other side of Damen.Carefully, he picked up Damen’s hand and held it.“It’s not the same without them.Both of them.”

“Are you telling me you miss Laurent, Nik?” Damen asked, a smidgen of laughter coating his words.It bolstered the energy of the room and Nikandros picked up on it and ran with it.

“Miss Laurent?That soulless bastard?Who do you think I am?”

“Aw, he does miss him,” Jokaste laughed.

“Shut up, Jo.”

“Don’t fucking call me Jo.You know how I feel about that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.Does that irritate you?I had no idea.”

Jokaste flipped Nikandros off.

“That came from that scrawny, mouse faced guy right?” Damen asked, “The one with the huge front teeth?”

Nikandros burst into laughter.“It was,” he gasped.“It totally was.He was so goddamn oblivious.I think Jokaste told him to stop calling her that at least six times a day.And yet, she dated him for like four months.Four fucking months.Did you sleep with him?”

Jokaste ignored the question.

“Oh my god, you did,” Damen said.She stopped stroking his hair, but didn’t make him remove his head from her shoulder.“Why _did_ you date him for so long?”

“Did his teeth get in the way?” Nikandros asked at the same time.

“He was notorious for treating his girlfriends like princesses and I was curious if that was true.It was.And for four months I put up with him for all the free shit.”

“Sure,” Nikandros said, “Answer Damen’s question.”

“Yours is rude,” Jokaste replied.

They all laughed and when silence descended, they let it linger, simply holding each other and gazing at the ceiling as though it housed the stars.They were all worried and once Damen realized that, he found comfort in their company.He couldn’t imagine that anyone in the world had friends as wonderful as his.

To no one’s surprise, Nikandros grew fidgety and bored.He began texting Jord and then he offered to set up his laptop and stream a movie.Damen didn’t have the energy to come up with a movie, but before he could vote no, Jokaste nodded and said, “ _She’s The Man_?”

“Alright,” Damen sighed.

Nikandros went to go fetch his laptop from the other room.Then, he laid down beside Damen, found a good link, and handed the laptop to Damen, who set it up on his lap.Nikandros and Jokaste leaned on his shoulders to watch.It was a familiar position, one they’d adopted often in college.It was comforting to fall back into routine and before long, Damen felt his eyes drooping closed.

 

Damen woke to someone breathing in his ear and someone else crushing his arm.It took a moment to understand what was happening, but then Damen saw the open laptop hanging off his lap, and he remembered.Apparently, he wasn’t the only one who’d fallen asleep. 

When he shifted, trying to free his arm, both Nikandros and Jokaste woke up.They blinked blearily at him and then Jokaste groaned loudly.

“This means I didn’t brush my teeth,” she said, rolling off the bed so that she was sitting dejectedly on the floor.“Ugh, no wonder they feel so gross.”Then, “I really shouldn’t have slept in these clothes.”

Instead of moving, Nikandros closed his eyes again and let his head fall back onto Damen’s shoulder.“We don’t have to move yet, right?” he slurred.

“Jokaste has to brush her teeth, so I think we’re good for now,” Damen replied, shutting his own eyes.

“We’ve got a long drive ahead of us, boys.I suggest you get up and put fresh clothes on before noon, so we can get some breakfast before we leave.”

Opening one eye, Damen noticed she was still on the floor.“You haven’t even stood up,” he mumbled.“I don’t see why we should have to.”

“What he said.”

Damen heard her clothes shifting as she stood.“Laurent and Nicaise need us,” she said.Nikandros, knowing the effect those words would have on Damen, moaned and clutched Damen close, holding him to the bed. 

“You’re my blanket,” he said, nonsensically.“If you move, I’m not sleeping.Have mercy.”

“What do you think they’re doing?” Damen asked.

“I don’t know,” Nikandros said.“Too much to think about right now.”

“Do you think Laurent is replaying the fight as much as I am?God, I wonder if he thinks I meant any of that.”

“Baby.”

“What?”

“You’re being a baby.”Sensing Damen needed him more than sleep did, Nikandros sat up and shoved Damen lightly on the shoulder.“I’ve never doubted how much you care about me, even when we’re fighting.It’s not really doubtable.I guarantee you, it’s impossible for him to wonder.”

“I said some pretty awful things.”

Nikandros shrugged.“Doesn’t matter.” “I just wish I could talk to him.”

“I’m sure he wishes the same.For now, I think Jokaste is right.The act of putting on clothes might distract you for two point five seconds.I sure as hell don’t want to be in charge of distracting you anymore.”

“Don’t have children, Nik,” Damen said, sitting up.

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Where’d Jokaste go?” Damen asked, glancing around the room curiously.

“Back to our room.She’s packing and changing and whatever else.I think I’m going to go do the same.Are you going to be okay?”

Damen nodded.“I think so.I’m sorry this road trip has just been one disaster after another.I know it’s not what you wanted.”

Nikandros smiled and shook his head deprecatingly.“I’m not sorry,” he said.“I think you underestimate just how great this trip has been.They’ve certainly been the most entertaining weeks of my life.I’ve felt alive, you know?”

“I think maybe I do.”

Nikandros nodded and strolled out of the room, shutting the door behind him.Left alone, Damen stared out the window for awhile, mustering the energy to get out of bed and carry on with his day as though nothing had happened.

Likely guessing that Damen was doing exactly that, Jokaste texted him.

_J: Every step is one step closer to getting Laurent back.Think of it that way._

Surprisingly, it worked.Putting on clothes, packing up his bag, finding the keys to the motel room, making sure he still had the USB with the video on it, were all much easier within the context of returning Laurent and Nicaise to him.

Damen was about to leave his room, lock it up, and check out, when his phone vibrated in his pocket.More than once.Confused, he set down his bag, and wrestled it out.The number wasn’t one he recognized.He stared at it for a moment, then put it back in his pocket.The last thing he needed right now was some telemarketer making him snap.

The second it finished vibrating, it started up again.Damen set his bags down again and looked at the number.He couldn’t be sure it was the same one, but he thought maybe it was, so this time, he answered it.

“Hello?”

“Damen.”

 _Laurent._ Time stopped.His heart stopped.He couldn’t be sure he was breathing.There was an attempt by his brain to gather thoughts and set words to them—and maybe it worked—but those words couldn’t force their way out of his mouth. 

“I’ve managed to wrangle myself five minutes.Please tell me my effort isn’t going to be wasted.”

Laurent’s business-like tone brought Damen out of his brief paralyzation.“You wrangled five minutes from your uncle for me?”

“I did and it took considerable effort, so…”

“What are you calling from?”

“A pay phone.Damen, are any of these questions actually important to you, because, if they’re not, we probably have more important things to discuss.”

Damen shuffled through all his questions in his head and interrogated them.None seemed to be particularly relevant, except one.“Please God tell me that you didn’t believe all of those things I said.That’s not at all how I see you, Laurent.You’re strong and clever and…”

“Damen,” Laurent interrupted, “I know.”

“Do you?” 

There was a crackling silence and then Laurent whispered, “How come I always enter interactions with you with a plan and then you overturn it almost instantly?”

“That’s not an answer.”

Laurent laughed shortly.“No, it isn’t.”Then, much more softly, “I hope you don’t think that…that I can’t love you.I’m not particularly good at trusting people or letting go long enough to…but I can, with you.I…”

“You wrangled five minutes from you uncle because you wanted to reassure me?” Damen asked, grinning.

“I thought you might need it.”

“I did.That fight was awful.”

“I was surprised how well you managed.”

“You needed to be reassured too,” Damen said, smiling even larger.There was a huff on the other end and Damen burst into laughter, holding the phone as close to his ear as he could manage.Maybe if it was close enough, he could pretend Laurent was standing right next to him.

“Maybe,” Laurent said.“All I really knew is that I needed to hear your voice.”

“Your uncle.”

Laurent hummed assent.“I always forget how hard it is for me to…I can’t stand being around him.”

“He hasn’t hurt your or Nicaise, has he?”

“Not Nicaise.”

“Laurent…”

“I’m fine, Damen.There’s nothing you can do anyway.”

“God, I’m so sorry.I knew I should’ve…”

“Damen, please stop.This was the way it had to be done.Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made and I’m more than capable of making this one.”

“I don’t understand why he’s hurting you,” Damen murmured.“I can’t imagine, if he was happy to…move on to Nicaise, that he finds you…”He couldn’t finish the thought.The very words brought an unpleasant taste to his mouth.

“That’s not how he’s hurting me.”

“Then…”

“I can’t let him touch Nicaise,” Laurent said through gritted teeth.“As long as I’m alive and capable of moving, that bastard is not touching him.Thankfully, right now, he’s having a good time playing the game with me, but eventually, it will tire him.Let’s hope you get to me before then.”

“We’re leaving this morning.Jokaste thought it would be good if we got there before you and had the police ready and waiting.”

“A good idea, but be careful who you hand the video to.I’m sure my uncle has friends among them.It’s the kind of foresight he would have.”

“Okay,” Damen whispered.

“I have to go, but…”

“But what?”

“You didn’t let me finish my thought earlier.I don’t want you to think that I’m not capable of loving you, because that is as far from the truth as possible.I…I do love you.A lot.And…”There was a pause, the phone crackling with movement.“And I have to go.”

“Seriously?After you drop that on me?”

“Yes, well…sorry?”

“I love you, Laurent.Please be alive when I come for you.Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Me?Stupid?”Then, hurriedly, “Bye, Damen.”

“Bye,” Damen breathed into the phone.It wasn’t like Laurent could’ve heard him anyway, because he’d already hung up.Damen tried not to let it sting.After all, that conversation was more than he’d hoped for and…God, had Laurent really said he loved him?Had that happened?Damen replayed the conversation in his mind to make sure. 

Laurent had.He hadn’t imagined that.That, in fact, was why Laurent had called, Damen was sure of it.His stomach filled with butterflies trying to burst out and Damen found himself tossing his phone back and forth between his hands absentmindedly.The grin on his face was even less controlled and he walked out of the motel room with the knowledge that he might be able to make it through the day.Five minutes ago, that hadn’t been a guarantee.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a very introspective and contemplative one, so it's a bit slow, but I hope you still enjoy it. I enjoyed writing it, at least, so...  
> As always, I'd like to thank all of you for being here and reading and leaving me the most beautiful comments. Maybe I deserve you, maybe I don't, but I can guarantee you it means everything to me. (I'll get to answering the comments tomorrow when I'm less exhausted.)  
> A huge thank you to Mari, the best beta of all time. You make this process easier.  
> Also, since I made my Mari scream, I thought I'd warn you that this story is almost to completion. Another two or three chapters is about it. So be prepared. I'm barely prepared tbh.  
> Anyway, enjoy! <3

“Did he say how Nicaise was?” Nikandros asked, as he loaded his bags into the truck bed.Jokaste, who’d been a second away from shutting herself into the car, decided to leave the door open, so she could whip her head in Damen’s direction, very interested in the turn of the conversation.

Damen grimaced, realizing the things he’d overlooked in his and Laurent’s phone call.To be fair, it had been rushed and he’d spent at least half of it in various states of shock.Telling himself he couldn’t really be blamed, Damen said, “No.All I know is Laurent isn’t letting his uncle touch him.”

“So he’s watching Laurent get hurt for him,” Jokaste whispered.“Excellent.I’m sure he’s handling that well.”

“God, he’s just a kid,” Nikandros murmured.“I realize the end goal of this plan is to have Laurent’s uncle in prison, but can’t we beat up the bastard first?Without getting in trouble for it?Because I’m having a hard time with all of this.No child should have to grow up before they’re ready.”

“Even Laurent?” Damen asked.

“Even Laurent.”

Jokaste shifted in the car so her legs were dangling out, blue converse clashing with the rusty red of Damen’s truck.Smiling at Nikandros, she said, “He’s finally grown on you, hasn’t he?”

“I wish you weren’t so goddamn perceptive.I wish Damen had never brought you into my life.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Damen leaned against the truck, beside Jokaste, expecting Nikandros to crack a joke.It was a surprise, therefore, when he said, quietly, “No, I don’t.”

“What’s gotten into you?” Damen asked. 

Nikandros walked around the car and slid into the passenger seat.Both Jokaste and Damen followed suit, closing themselves into the car, and waited for Nikandros to respond.He sighed, leaned his head back against the headrest, and said, “I don’t know.I miss Jord, I miss the kid, and I miss Laurent.It just feels weird.Weirder than I thought it would.Like, I shouldn’t even be sitting here.In a short two weeks, Laurent managed to make this his spot, you know?”

Damen nodded, mirroring Nikandros’ pose.“Yeah,” he said.It wasn’t particularly eloquent, but it was all there was to be said.They all understood and no words were necessary to expound upon that.Silently, Jokaste handed her phone to Nikandros.It was her way of saying, ‘We’re on a road trip.Perhaps it’s time to get back on the road.’

Damen turned on the car.Nikandros plugged in her phone and put on “Sorry” by Justin Bieber.Groaning, Damen began to laugh helplessly and then they were all laughing.

“It was either this or Twenty-One Pilots.I figured we were being emo enough already.”

That only made them laugh harder.When the need subsided, Damen shouted, “Oh god, turn him off.We’ve suffered long enough.”

Nikandros turned in his seat and began dancing from the waist up, while mouthing the words.Every other word, anyway.

“I hate you,” Damen sighed, finally leaving the parking lot and heading towards the main road, which eventually led to a highway, which eventually led to a freeway.Only when the song was over, did Nikandros switch to a playlist of older, but consistently good, songs.

 

Damen wanted to drive non-stop back to Apple Valley.The sooner he was there, the sooner the police could be informed, and the sooner he could have Laurent and Nicaise back.Only three hours into the drive, however, Nikandros started complaining about how hungry he was.And when Nikandros started complaining, it didn’t stop.He was like a young child in that way.His current tactic was imagining all of the foods he would like to be eating in excruciating detail.Out loud.In groans and sighs.

After he had described a hunk of pepper steak and garlic mashed potatoes, Jokaste slapped him hard on the upper arm, the only thing she could really reach from the back seat.The sound of the collision was loud enough to burst through the music coming from the radio, which they’d resorted to once Jokaste had wanted her phone back.“I have been brainstorming avenues of murder for weeks, Nik.Don’t test me,” she said.

“I shouldn’t have to suffer just because my best friend has gone insane.”

“I haven’t gone insane,” Damen grumbled, keeping his eyes firmly on the road.That wasn’t something he could really say while making eye contact, because he thought, maybe, it was a lie.It was taking all of his self control to sit in this truck and drive.He was anxious and fidgety and his brain kept fixating on blurry imaginings of Laurent’s uncle and the pain he was causing.Feeling helpless was not something he could handle and he hadn’t felt this helpless in his entire life.Not even when his parents had died at the hands of his brother—then, he had at least been capable of disliking Kastor and making sure he knew just how much.

It didn’t help that Damen simply missed Laurent, too.He missed the bright spark of conversation, the splash of golden hair in the passenger seat, the slide of a cautious tongue as they kissed, and the moments where he could feel his heart beating and time slowing because Laurent had offered him something that he’d never offered another human being.Damen was vaguely aware that it hadn’t yet been twenty-four hours, but he was fresh in love—requited love—and absence was infinitely harder.He remembered that he’d felt something similar with Jokaste in the rose-gold days of their relationship, the ones that followed their declarations of love; days when Damen had never stopped smiling and he’d texted her heart emojis and ‘thinking of you’s more than was strictly necessary.

That was what he wanted now, even though Laurent would likely roll his eyes and demand that he stop.

“Damen!” Jokaste yelled, pulling back from his thoughts.

“God, what?”

“I said your name five times.”

“Oh, sorry.Is Nik still complaining?”

“Yes,” she groaned.“We have to stop.”

“Do either of you have cash?”

“I do,” Jokaste said.“I knew we’d need some, so I withdrew a couple hundred bucks four days ago.”

“Why do we need cash?” Nikandros asked.

“Damen is assuming Laurent’s uncle is still trying to keep tabs on us, which is not a ridiculous assumption to make.It’s why I turned all of our phones off about thirty minutes ago.The closer we get to Apple Valley, the more dangerous using our phones becomes.It’s possible he’ll still be suspicious from the lack of activity, but I’d rather that than him knowing where we are.”

“How’d you get my phone?” Nikandros asked, patting his pockets.

“I slipped it from your hand while you were dangling it from your fingertips off the armrest, waiting for Jord to text you back.You were describing molten lava cake, I think.”

“Give it back.”

Jokaste did, but gave him a warning look.One that clearly said, ‘Don’t you dare think about turning it on’.

“Whatever,” Nikandros sighed.“Does this mean we can grab good?”

“It could,” Jokaste murmured.Damen knew without looking that she was shooting him a wary look.She didn’t know how to handle him when he was like this.Thankfully, for everyone, Nikandros did.

“Let’s stop somewhere with an attached arcade.I want to crush Damen in a round of air hockey.”

“You’ve never won a game against me,” Damen replied, unable to stop himself from rising to the bait.

Catching on, Jokaste laughed and said, “Please.I’ll beat both of you.You’re dealing with an air hockey master.Of course,” she paused, “I don’t know any places around here and…”

“Turn on your goddamn phone.If you look at a map, we could still be heading almost anywhere.That’s the distinct advantage of being in the middle of nowhere.”

There was a long pause.Damen glanced in his rearview mirror and saw Jokaste biting her lip, staring at him.She apparently noticed something in his eyes, because she swore softly and turned her phone on.She kept muttering while she searched for a restaurant with an arcade and Nikandros said, “Great.Two insane people.”

Damen laughed.Moments later, Jokaste started giving out rapid fire instructions and he followed them without question.Eventually, they arrived at a small pizza place with very few cars in the parking lot.

“How promising,” Nikandros sighed.

“Do you want good food or air hockey?” Jokaste asked.

“Air hockey,” Damen said determinedly, getting out of the car before anyone could protest any further.He needed the fresh air and the open space.Stopping in front of the door to the restaurant, Damen found he couldn’t open it.The enclosed air and clustered space was suddenly too overwhelming.Turning abruptly, he headed to the left of his truck, but back into the parking lot.He kept walking until he was at the very far corner, under the shade of a lonely and ugly tree.It struck him, as he rested his back against the trunk, how badly he wished to be alone.Maybe Laurent was rubbing off on him in more ways than one.It was rare that he spent this much time within his own head.He generally thought it a scary and to-be-avoided place.

It occurred to him that sitting in the parking lot of a pizza place was getting him nowhere near his goal, but for once, he understood that this was a break _he_ needed.He needed the time to flush out all of the heartbreaking images that he was trying very hard not to blame himself for.It was hard, though, when Laurent’s skin flashed behind his eyes, mottled and purple.

Gradually, he became aware of Nikandros and Jokaste standing before him.

Crouching down, Jokaste ran a gentle finger across his brow.“I’m going to go order pizza.Anything particular you want?”

He shook his head.

“Okay,” she murmured, standing and leaving.

Nikandros didn’t leave, however.

“I want to be alone,” Damen said.

“Noted,” Nikandros replied, sitting down across from Damen, criss crossing his legs on the hard and hot pavement.Idly, he picked at a piece of yellow grass growing between them.

“So why aren’t you leaving me the fuck alone?”The irritation was growing into an anger that would soon be uncontrollable.

“Because it’s what you want, not what you need.”

“And how do you know what I need?” Damen growled.“I don’t even fucking know what I need.”

Nikandros smiled sadly.“I know you better than anyone, Damen, and I’ve seen you like this before.If you don’t have someone to beat up, you turn it inward.I’m here to be beat up.”

“I’m not going to beat you up.”

“Sure you’re not.”

“Why in the fuck did I allow this?” Damen asked softly, putting his head in his hands.

“It wasn’t just you.We all did.And it’s not like Laurent would’ve listened if we’d argued.He was determined.”

“Fine!We all did.But we shouldn’t feel good about it.His uncle is hurting him, Nik.And even if he wasn’t, Laurent is terrified of him.It’s a situation he shouldn’t be in and we let him do it.We let him.I don’t know what I’ll do if…”

“Damen…”

“I don’t even know if the plan is working.He didn’t tell me if his uncle was suspicious or if he was actually taking them back to Apple Valley.There’s no guarantee I’ll be able to find him, not if his uncle catches on and moves them to god knows where.”

“Laurent will call you if that happens.You know he will.”

“Will he?”

“What do you mean?” Nikandros asked.

“You must’ve noticed he likes to martyr himself.It would be an easy way to remove me from the equation so I didn’t get hurt any longer.I just…”

“What did he say to you on the phone?There’s something you haven’t told us.”

“What?” Damen whispered, lifting his head from his hands and meeting Nikandros’ imploring eyes.

“You were not freaking out this much last night.”

“He…he loves me.”

“He what?”

“Loves me,” Damen said miserably.“To think I was happy about it when he told me.It probably just makes him stupider.”

Shaking his head, Nikandros moved so he was kneeling in front of Damen.Placing his hands on either side of Damen’s face, Nikandros tugged forcefully until their eyes met.In a low voice, he said, “Damen de-fucking-Akielos, the man you are in love with loves you back.Why are you sitting here moping?Get him the fuck back and kiss the lights out of him.”

“I can’t get him back.There’s nothing I can do.”

Nikandros slapped him hard on the cheek.Not hard enough to jerk his head to the side, but hard enough that it stung. 

“What did you do that for?” Damen said, his voice rising.

“Let me tell you what isn’t helping; sitting in the parking lot of a crappy pizza place and whining about how you’re in love with someone and it hurts.I’m in love with someone and he’s in fucking San Diego and I don’t know when I’m going to see him again and it hurts, but I don’t complain about it because I’m the only one who can do anything about it.You are the only one who can get yourself up and to Apple Valley.He needs you, Damen.He needs you to be strong and stable.”

“What if I don’t want to be?”

“Too bad.You love with him.I hate to break it to you, but love isn’t always fun.Suck it up.”

“I can’t believe you’re comparing this to you and Jord,” Damen grumbled.

“And I can’t believe you’re still arguing with me.Or that you said that to me.”

That caught Damen’s attention.Cruel words were on the tip of his tongue, but then, when Nikandros glared at him, he caught himself and looked back at the conversation and what he’d said.“I’m sorry,” he sighed.“I know you miss Jord.”

“Are you going to come eat pizza and behave like a normal person?It usually helps to me to behave like one.Eventually, I feel like one.”

The anger mostly dissipated, Damen whispered, “I just want to talk to him.Five minutes wasn’t enough.”

“No, it wouldn’t be,” Nikandros sighed.Standing, he extended an open hand to Damen.Damen accepted it and together, they strolled into the restaurant and found Jokaste in a booth, holding a receipt in one hand and a book in the other.When they sat across from her, she looked up and smiled.

“Alright?” she asked.

“I will be once I beat both of you at air hockey,” Damen replied.

Both Nikandros and Jokaste laughed, their relief palpable.

 

Once they got their food and ate it, they found the air hockey table.Digging around in their pockets and purses, they managed to find a large supply of quarters and they went through the entire thing, rotating in and out after one of them had won eleven points.Damen won all of his games against Nikandros, but they both lost consistently to Jokaste, who really was a master.Her talent resided in blocking shots and using angles.She rarely went directly on the offensive, something Damen preferred to do.It was probably why he lost so badly.

When they were out of quarters, they filed back to the car.Before Damen could get into the driver’s seat, Jokaste snatched the keys from his hand and sat there instead.Deciding it wasn’t worth complaining, as it wouldn’t get him anything, Damen slid into the backseat and closed his eyes.If Jokaste was driving, he didn’t have to be awake and thinking.Damen was done with thinking.Hopefully, forever.

 

He woke to the strident sounds of Jokaste and Nikandros arguing.Bolting into a more alert position, he listened intently to the words, worried it was something serious.When Damen had first started dating Jokaste, they’d gotten into some really ugly fights that had landed Damen in some uncomfortable positions.He now knew how to end them, divert Nikandros’ attention, and he was about to do so, when he heard Jokaste shout, “No.There is no fucking way you can call a book stupid if all you’ve seen is the movie.It does not work that way.”

“The plot is pretty much the goddamn same,” Nikandros said.“Not necessarily.”

“Close enough.If I don’t like the plot of the movie, it’s safe to say I won’t like the plot of the book.”

“You only say that because you’ve never read a book in your entire goddamn life.Why don’t you try reading one before you…”

“Guys,” Damen interrupted, rubbing his eyes and yawning.“Can’t you lower your voices?This isn’t really what I pictured waking up to.”

“Damen’s awake!” Nikandros shouted happily.“Oh, thank god, I was about ten seconds away from shoving her out of the car.I’d forgotten just how much I needed a buffer to deal with her.”

“You need the buffer?Excuse me, but I think you’re the insufferable one.”

“You would think that.Perfect Jokaste couldn’t have possibly done anything wrong ever.”

“It’s nice to know how you think of me.”

“That’s not…” Nikandros blustered, trying to collect his words and make a convincing argument. 

Not willing to let this continue, Damen said, “Your buffer is awake, Nik, so please shut up and tell me where we are.”

“We’re about ten miles out from Apple Valley.”

“Do you think Laurent is there yet?” Damen asked, looking outside at the darkening sky and the rising moon.The drive was short enough that it could be done in one go, but he’d been hoping Laurent would buy them some time.It was in all of their interests, after all.

“He might be,” Jokaste said.“All that means is that our first stop has to be the police.Laurent’s uncle, by no means, can see us before we’ve handed the video over.You still have the USB, right?”

Damen nodded, patting his pocket, where he could feel it.It had become habit already to make sure it was there, he’d double checked so many times.It was the most valuable thing in his possession right now, after all.

“When we get there, I think you should give it to me,” Jokaste said.

“Why?” Damen asked, very uninterested in doing any such thing.It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, he just preferred it being with him.Laurent had entrusted it to him.

“Because I won’t hand the video off to the first person I see.In fact,” she paused to take a deep breath, “I think I should go in alone.I’ll be able to ask questions and judge the officers without raising any red flags and I’m not sure either of you are capable of that.”Before Damen could protest, she said, “Now, I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but it is the best way to guarantee the safety of Laurent and Nicaise.Your heart is in the right place, Damen, but you have no instinct for deception.”

“I’m not sure you can ask that, Jokaste,” Nikandros whispered.

“I’m not looking to be nice or respectful,” she replied.“I’m looking to be honest.Obviously, you don’t have to listen to me, Damen, but I strongly suggest you do.Laurent would agree with me.”

“How much more can the both of you ask of me?” Damen whispered, leaning his head against the window and watching the drab colors of the highway blur by.The moment he’d heard the suggestion, he’d known it was the practical option, but he’d never been a practical person.Emotions governed him.This entire time, Laurent had been asking him for trust, asking him to abandon emotions for practicality and now Jokaste was asking the same thing of him.It didn’t help that he knew she was right. 

“I’m sorry.The situation demands it,” Jokaste said.

“‘The situation demands it?”’ Nikandros laughed.“That’s so goddamn pretentious, it’s killing me.Leave him be, Jokaste.Either he’ll fuck it up or he won’t, but it should be up to him.”

“This can’t be screwed up,” Damen said.“We’ll do it your way, Jokaste.”

“Okay.”

Then it was silent in the car as Damen found himself pondering just how he was going to make it through the day.It was possible he would get to see Laurent, but the potential for trauma between now and then was too much for Damen to handle.Turning in his seat, Nikandros grabbed Damen’s knee and squeezed it hard, tethering Damen to the present.“We’ll get him,” Nikandros whispered, “And he will be fine and then we’ll drive far away from Apple Valley and never look back.”

“I love you, Nik.”

“Yeah, I know.”He swiveled back to the front and said, “Drive faster, Jokaste.”

She obliged and Damen relaxed back into his seat, deciding to imagine something pleasant instead of unpleasant.Closing his eyes, he pictured knocking on the door of Laurent’s house.In his fantasy, he didn’t have to wait long before Laurent’s uncle opened the door and Damen punched him hard in the jaw.That was when Laurent appeared, hardly noticing his uncle sprawled on the floor, and launching himself into Damen’s arms, clutching him close.Then Nicaise came, holding all the bags and suitcases (Damen didn’t worry about how this was possible) and saying, “Ugh, I can’t be in this place another second.You’re gross and in my way.”Then he shoved past them, but not before Damen ruffled his hair and told him how happy he was to see him.There were no concerns about the police or what was going to happen or court dates; they simply got into the car and drove off, leaving everything behind, Laurent holding his hand.Damen paused and focused on how Laurent’s hand would feel in his, the soft skin, the warmth, the tingling feeling turned down low.He imagined his hair turned almost white in the light of the setting sun and his smile glowing even brighter.It made his chest hurt, thinking of it.

“We’re here,” Jokaste murmured, pulling into the parking lot of the local police station and turning off the car.The silence persisted and eventually, Jokaste said, “I’m going to need the USB, Damen.”

“Right,” he said, removing it from his pocket.He made to hand it over, but then pulled it back an inch or two before Jokaste could wrap her fingers around it.“Please, god, prove to me this was the right decision.”

A hard determination bloomed in her eyes and she wrenched the USB from his grasp.“You have no reason to doubt me.I was born for this.”She yanked down the visor and looked at herself in the mirror there, quickly brushing up her lipstick and hair.When she was satisfied, she stepped out and shot them a beautiful, confident smile.“Not a single person in that office is going to know what hit them.”

“How does she do that?” Nikandros breathed.

“I’ve never figured it out,” Damen replied, equally amazed.The doubt that had been settling in his brain for hours disappeared in the wake of that smile.She was an impossible person to bet against.Despite everything that had happened between them, it was an utter blessing when he met her.

While they waited for her return, expecting it to be awhile, Damen and Nikandros proceeded to play twenty questions.It had been their favorite game when they were younger and bored.It was, in fact, one Damen’s mother that had taught them, when they’d been scurrying around Damen’s house, knocking over plants and kicking up rugs in an effort to tackle each other.

However, their hearts weren’t really in it, and when Nikandros guessed what Damen was thinking of after a total of five questions, they quit.“Wanna call Jord?” Nikandros asked.

“Can’t turn on your phone.Besides, why would I want to do that?I’m pretty sure it would make me vaguely ill.”

“Payback.You and Laurent make me vaguely ill on an almost daily basis.”

“Here’s to making you vaguely ill today,” Damen replied, pretending to clink a glass in the air.

“What are they going to do with Nicaise?”

It was something Damen had been trying not to think about.He wouldn’t be with his uncle, which was good, but the alternative wasn’t entirely pleasant either.It was possible they would allow Laurent to look after him because they were related, but it was also possible they would take him away until Laurent made his case in court.Damen was hoping it wouldn’t come to that.“I don’t know,” he sighed.“It could go either way, couldn’t it?”

Nikandros considered that and then shrugged.“Maybe,” he said.“I think Laurent is aware of that and I think he’s probably made moves to prevent Nicaise from being taken from him.I’m done underestimating him.”

“Even when it comes to law enforcement?”

Nikandros nodded.Very seriously, he said, “I think Laurent can probably do anything, hold power over anyone.It’s terrifying.Don’t ever break up with him.”

“You mean I have to be with him forever?”

“Yep,” Nikandros replied, trying to fight off a smile.

“That’s too bad.I was only planning on the next hundred years.”

“God, you’re such a sap.”

“We’re both saps.”

“True,” Nikandros said.Then, “I need to get out of this car.My legs are bouncing up and down.”

“Alright.I’ll come with you.We can’t go far, though.”

“I know.”

Together, they hopped out of the truck and wandered towards the edge of the plant lined parking lot.They sat against a curb there and watched as cars drove by, flashes of color passing under street lights.Every once in awhile, Nikandros would stand and walk a short distance before returning and resuming his post.Once, Damen had found his behavior strange, but he was so used to it now that it would’ve been strange if Nikandros didn’t do it.

“I’m so bored,” Nikandros groaned five minutes later.

“Me too.”

“Well, that’s not helpful.Two bored people can’t entertain each other.”

“Just keep watching the cars, Nik.I’m waiting for a red one to drive by.”

“What will you do when a red one does drive by?”

“I don’t know,” Damen said, “Have a one second rush of excitement before I get bored again?”

“Lord, that’s depressing.This is the kind of thing we need Nicaise for.Or Laurent.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry,” Nikandros murmured.“I should stop mentioning their absence.”

“It’s fine.I’m constantly noticing it, no matter what you do or say.”

“Maybe we should read.”

“You hate reading,” Damen responded.

“It might be better than this.It’s worth a shot.”

Damen laughed and spun his keys around his finger.Then he stood and stepped back a few paces.“Here, catch,” he said, tossing his keys right into Nikandros’ open palms.

“We’re playing catch?In the dark?”

“Got a better idea?”

“Not at all,” Nikandros grinned, throwing the keys back.They jangled in the air, catching the dull light of the street lamps. 

Fifteen minutes and countless tosses later, Jokaste strolled out of the police station.She looked calm and gorgeous, swaying her hips slightly more than usual.Clearly, she thought someone was watching her walk away. 

Damen and Nikandros jogged over and got into the car.Handing her the keys, Damen said, “So how’d it go?”

“Laurent was right to warn us,” she said, eyes dark.“His uncle is friends—good, smarmy friends—with at least half of those officers.I don’t know what he’s done for them or given them, but they were disturbingly loyal.Especially this one named Guion.If he wasn’t so tragically obvious, he could’ve been dangerous.Frankly, I think we should still keep an eye out for him, because he will do anything to keep Laurent’s uncle out of jail.

“But, I managed to flirt my way in and around them, until I discovered a young man named Erasmus who I trusted.A little shy and a little naive, but the law mattered to him.I made him promise to give that video to no one else until a report had been filed and there were officers on their way to arrest Laurent’s uncle.It should be alright.”

Seeing the look on Damen’s face, she continued with, “We can’t take them out now, Damen.I think it would be good if the police saw them when they arrived, just so they could question Laurent if they want.If nothing else, it will be good for them to see the subjects of the video.”

“But…”

“But,” she smiled, “I think we could go visit.I’m sure Laurent’s uncle is wonderfully accommodating.”

“Are you serious?” Nikandros asked.

“I wouldn’t mind sleeping in an actual house tonight,” she said.

“Me neither,” Damen said.

“You’re both insane.That guy could kill us in our sleep.”

“I don’t think he will if he thinks the police are going to come get him in the morning.Either way, we will have to set up a watch, keep him in the house.”She flicked her eyes to Damen.“It’s dangerous.He could escape.He’ll almost certainly call people and try to worm his way out.This is a decision Laurent would not approve of.”

“Drive,” Damen said.

Jokaste smiled and flipped the engine.“I’m excited to meet this bastard and let him know exactly what I think of him.”

 

A short ten minutes later, they were in front of Laurent’s house.It looked dark, but it was barely ten at night.It was possible they hadn’t arrived yet, somehow, but there was only one way to figure out for sure.With a glance at the others, Damen strolled across the street and up a short path, bordered by grass, to the door.Then he rapped on the door.

He could hear all of them inhale sharply as they waited.

Five seconds, ten seconds, fifteen seconds.

“Maybe they’re not back yet,” Nikandros whispered.

Twenty seconds, twenty-five seconds, thirty seconds.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Jokaste said.

Thirty-five seconds and then the door opened in a whoosh.Standing there, in the flesh, his light hair and skin bright against the darkness inside the house, was Laurent.His eyes widened and his body went absolutely still.

Damen and Laurent stared at each other, unblinking.Realizing he should probably say something, Damen opened his mouth to do just that, when he discovered there were absolutely no words to describe how he was feeling.Finally deciding to settle on a simple ‘hey’, Damen opened his mouth again, only to find it unnecessary, because Laurent’s body was back in motion and it was barreling straight towards him.

For one, brief second, Damen was unsure if Laurent was going to hug him or tackle him to the ground and start punching him.Honestly, Damen wouldn’t have cared either way.As long as Laurent was touching him, he would be fine.

Laurent crashed into him and wrapped his arms hard around Damen’s neck.Their bodies were flush and Damen suddenly found breathing much easier, despite how hard Laurent was squeezing his neck. 

“Hey,” Damen whispered into his ear, holding him as close as he could.

“You’re here.”

“Like I said I would be.”

“You’re real.”

“Of course I am.”

Then just as suddenly as Laurent was there, he was gone.He broke away from Damen and glared at him.“What the fuck are you doing here?Jokaste, you allowed this?”

“I told you he wouldn’t like it,” she said.

“Of course I don’t like it.If he wasn’t already suspicious, he is now.It doesn’t matter if you’ve told the police, because he’ll find a way out.”

“Not if we knock him out,” Jokaste said, stepping around Laurent and into the house.She disappeared and Nikandros watched her leave, his mouth hanging open.Damen would’ve done the same if he wasn’t so busy staring at Laurent.

“I probably should’ve factored you being an idiot into my plan,” he sighed.

“Probably,” Damen replied.“I’ve been going crazy without you.”

“He has,” Nikandros said.“Uh, since the door is open, I’m going to go in there and, uh, find Jokaste,” he said, pointing his finger past Laurent.With a close-lipped smile, he slid past and wandered in, head turning to and fro as he examined his surroundings.

“You really shouldn’t be here,” Laurent sighed.

“I know, but…”

“You’re an idiot.”And then Laurent smiled something stunning.

“I am,” Damen whispered, touching Laurent feather-soft on the cheek.“I’m such an idiot for you.”

“Stop.”

“What?” Damen asked, removing his hand and tilting his head slightly.

“Staring at me like you’ve witnessed magic.”

“Why?”

“Finally asking the right questions,” Laurent whispered, tilting his head and bringing Damen’s head down for a soft kiss.It was the barest touch of lips, but it was enough to make Damen’s head spin.He clutched closer to Laurent to help him stand.When Laurent pulled away, only a few inches, he said, “It makes me wish I had time to tear your clothes off.”

That caught Damen off guard and he inhaled sharply, a spike or arousal shooting through his body to his groin.Laurent smiled pleasantly and stepped out of Damen’s arms.“Alas,” he sighed, “I don’t have the time for that because I have to deal with my uncle.”

“Did we mess up?”

Laurent considered that for a moment and then shook his head.“I can handle my uncle.If I can’t, Jokaste can.You’re here.That’s all that matters really.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just miraculously came to me in very few days. I'm trying not to analyze why writing dramatic and horrible things is easier for me.  
> That being said...there's some discussion of the abuse Laurent suffered and if that's something you're uninterested in reading this chapter might not be the one for you. Message me on tumblr if you need a quick rundown that's trigger free.  
> In normal news, thank you all for everything. It makes my life on an almost daily basis.  
> A huge thank you to Mari who gives me life. For countless reasons.  
> Enjoy!   
> Also...I'm sorry.

Together, they entered the house of Laurent’s childhood.Nikandros was still standing in the entrance, holding his body very still.

“What are you doing?” Damen asked.

“Shh,” he replied, putting a finger to his lips.Then, suddenly remembering that Laurent was actually present, he continued, “Where’s your uncle?” “Why?”

“Because Jokaste went to find him and I think that should worry all of us.If she’s not careful, he could hurt her and if he’s not careful, she could kill him.Then we’d have to go on the run and that’s not really something I’ve figured into my life plan.”

Laurent rolled his eyes and gestured up the stairs.Without another thought, Nikandros took off up the stairs.Grimacing, Laurent moved to follow, holding out his hand for Damen to take.The gesture was sweet and had Damen smiling, despite the tense atmosphere, but he thought someone should find Nicaise,wake him, and clue him in.Shaking his head, Damen whispered, “I’m going to go find Nicaise.”

“Okay.I’m going to go make sure no one dies.”

“We’ll find you.”

Laurent smiled.“Thank you, Damen.”

“For what?” Damen asked.The words were a gut reaction.It occurred to him directly after that there were lots of things Laurent was probably grateful for.

“Everything.”Then Laurent hurried up the stairs, his toes the only part of his foot actually touching the carpet.Damen allowed himself to stay and watch him disappear around the corner, before he set off down the hallway just off the entrance.He was pretty sure he still remembered which room was Nicaise’s.

He didn’t knock.He simply slipped in and found Nicaise already awake, his eyes jolting open the second Damen was around the door.“Sorry,” Damen whispered, holding his hands up.“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Damen?” Nicaise said, voice hollow with surprise.Before Damen could voice his assent, Nicaise was out of the bed and clinging to him.His pajamas were still bed-warm.

Holding him close, Damen said, “Are you alright?”

Nicaise spoke into his stomach, the words muffled.“That’s such a stupid question.He’s been beating Laurent, who won’t let me do anything but stand and watch.I mean, I understand that he’s protecting me, but…I don’t know.He’s dealt with him for years and years, you know?I’m sure I could handle one or two times if…”

“Hey, no,” Damen whispered, kneeling on the floor and pulling Nicaise’s face away so he could look at it.“None of this is your fault.I know it’s hard, but Laurent was right to protect you, no matter the cost.”Nicaise gave him a skeptical look.“I don’t like it either,” he admitted, “But you’re a kid and you should be able to be one for awhile longer.He’s giving you the childhood he never had.”

“But…”

“One or two times would’ve been enough to haunt you for the rest of your life.”

“Then how does Laurent do it?” Nicaise whispered.

“I don’t know.”

In a moment of childlike innocence, likely born from the situation, Nicaise said, “You’re an adult.Aren’t you supposed to know things?”

“I don’t know any more than you do.I promise.We’re all just fumbling our way through this stupid world.Luckily, you and I have people to do it with.Not everyone does.Come on, let’s go find Laurent and the others.”

That was when a harsh screaming started.It wasn’t one born of fear, but one born of anger and Damen knew it was Nikandros.There were definitely words in there, but they were hard to discern.Dryly, Damen said, “Well at least we’ll be able to find them pretty easily.”

Nicaise laughed at that and stepped away from Damen.Snuffling, he straightened his pajamas and then stood taller, looking Damen straight in the eye.“Why are you even here?I bet Laurent’s mad.”

“Only a little.”

Walking out into the hall, Damen waited for Nicaise to follow.When they were side by side, they followed the noises of whatever fight was happening—as other voices had joined in—and arrived in the middle of chaos.

Laurent’s uncle, an older, not unhandsome man, was on the floor, his hands tied behind him inexpertly.He also had a gag in his mouth.Nikandros was shouting in his face, letting him know exactly what he thought of him.Laurent was gesticulating and talking loudly to Jokaste, in an effort to be heard over Nikandros.It seemed he was protesting the tying up of his uncle, saying it wouldn’t help their case at all when the police came.Jokaste was arguing with that notion, shifting her glares between Laurent and his uncle.

Nicaise’s eyes widened and then he smiled.Running over to Nikandros, he curled under his arms so that he was against his chest and sneering at his uncle, finally protected enough that he could do so.Positive that this was not exactly what he had intended, Damen said, “Everyone shut the fuck up, please.”

Surprisingly, they did.Taking a deep breath, Damen said, “Laurent is right, Jokaste.We can’t leave him tied up like this.It’s inhumane.I do think we should keep him confined to a room, however.Nikandros and I will switch off keeping watch.”

“Windows, Damen,” Jokaste said.

“Fine.We’ll keep watch on the inside of the room.”

“How is that any different?” Jokaste asked.“It’s still a version of imprisoning.I don’t see why one is any worse than the other and keeping him tied up like this will make me feel much safer.I think it’s best if he doesn’t talk.”

Glancing over at Laurent’s uncle, Damen did notice he was watching the proceedings with a disturbing level of calm, as if he was sure he would be able to wriggle himself out.Suddenly unsure what the right thing to do was, Damen turned to Laurent.“What do you want to do?”

“Can we take turns punching him first?” Nikandros asked.

“Yes, can we?” Nicaise said.

“No,” Laurent said sternly.It was obvious he wasn’t sure what to do either.In a slow voice, he said, “Nikandros, remove the gag, please.”

Before Nikandros did any such thing, he pointed a finger at Laurent and said, “Are you being stupid?Because if you’re being stupid, I’m not doing it and I will do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t either.”

“I’m not being stupid.I need to talk to him.”

“Why?”

“I need to figure out what exactly he plans on doing.”

“And you think he’s just going to tell you?” Nikandros asked skeptically.

“I think he might.”

Shaking his head, Nikandros did as he was asked.The entire room held it’s breath as they waited for Laurent’s uncle to speak.A pleasant, welcoming smile crossed his face and it struck Damen as extremely wrong.So wrong, that he felt like he was in a horror movie.He shot a concerned look at Laurent, but Laurent wasn’t paying any attention to him.He was returning the friendly smile, the scorn infinitely more pronounced, however.

“Uncle,” Laurent said, “How do you like being restrained?”

“Please, Laurent, we have guests.Show some civility.Why don’t you introduce me to your friends?”

“What is happening?” Nikandros whispered.Damen felt the same, but everyone else in the room seemed unsurprised with the turn of events.Laurent was still smiling.

“The man who was shouting obscenities at you is Nikandros, this is Jokaste, and the bemused one is Damen.”

“The bemused one?Surely, you’ve let him fuck you by now.”

“Yes and he didn’t have to tie me up to do it.”

That took all of the air from the room.It was only Laurent and his uncle that looked comfortable now and Damen suddenly didn’t care if they were humane or not towards this piece of trash.He wanted nothing more than to go over there and tear the self-satisfied smile from that _thing’s_ face.

“That was only once.How about all the times you begged for it, just like you begged for me to punish you yesterday?”

Laurent’s face paled, but his eyes didn’t stray from his uncle’s.

“Did your friends not know that about you?Turn around, look at their faces.They’re…”

“Shut up,” Jokaste snarled, stepping forward so that she was standing beside Laurent.“You do not get to convince Laurent that he is worthless or that he’s unnatural and disgusting.And you do not get to put words in my mouth.You are the only disgusting thing in this room.”

Damen hadn’t understood the play Laurent’s uncle was making and he was glad that Jokaste had caught it before Laurent could convince himself that what his uncle was saying was true.Stepping forward himself, he slipped his fingers in between Laurent’s and squeezed tightly.After a moment, Laurent squeezed back.

“Willing to fuck someone’s sloppy seconds, are you, boy?”

Laurent’s fingers were shaking.Damen held them tighter so Laurent’s uncle wouldn’t notice.

“How can you even say something like that?” Damen whispered.“How do you not see what kind of man your nephew has become despite you?”

“Did he tell you he loved you?He doesn’t even believe those words.I must admit, that’s likely my fault, but I can guarantee you he doesn’t actually feel that way about you.I don’t think Laurent is capable of loving someone, not anymore.”

Due to some unfortunate firing of the brain, Damen suddenly recalled their fake fight out in the parking lot of the motel and how Laurent had told him that he didn’t know if he was capable of loving Damen.The idea wormed it’s way deeper and Damen tried to fight it, knowing Laurent’s uncle was playing some sort of game, but…

“I do love him,” Laurent murmured, pulling Damen out of his insecurities.

“Interesting,” Laurent’s uncle said.“I didn’t think it was possible.I’m proud of you.”

There was a hint of something in Laurent’s face, before he willed it away, the expression once again an impenetrable mask.Everyone had caught the small shift though, including Laurent’s uncle, who said, “Still desperate for my approval.”

Damen felt sick.He wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay in this room.Obviously, Laurent needed him, but this was not something he was capable of sitting through.The conversation was pure vitriol and none of them were keeping up.Somehow, a tied up man who hadn’t been able to see the entire chessboard less than ten minutes ago, was beating them.Unconsciously, his grip on Laurent’s hand loosened.

The act made Laurent’s shoulders tighten even further.He didn’t look back at Damen, but Damen could sense his fear; that he was alone, that his uncle was right, and that this had all been for nothing just like he’d expected.Remembering that he had all of Laurent’s trust, Damen clenched his hand again and leaned over so that his mouth was against Laurent’s ear.There was a small flinch at the proximity, but Damen didn’t move away.This time, Laurent had to weather it, because these were not words he was going to say so that Laurent’s uncle would hear.Only Laurent deserved these words.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.“I wasn’t prepared for this.”

Suddenly, Laurent’s hand was gone.

“No, no, wait,” Damen hurriedly whispered, “Sorry, that was not the way to start.I should’ve started by saying I’m terrified and uncomfortable and I’m not sure I want to be in this room.But it’s not about what I want and I may have forgotten that for a second.Point is, I’m not leaving you.You are not alone, just like I promised you wouldn’t be.”

Gently, Damen brushed his fingers down the length of Laurent’s arm and then pressed their palms together.Finally, Laurent looked over at him.There was nothing Damen could grasp onto in his expression, but Damen knew that was because his uncle was watching.Instead, he took comfort in the thumb rubbing circles on the back of his hand.

While Damen and Laurent had been having their relatively silent conversation, Nikandros had stepped in.“You are such a sick fuck,” he hissed.

“Nik,” Jokaste reprimanded, “Direct attacks aren’t going to work.”

“Jokaste, correct?” Laurent’s uncle said, turning his attention to her.“You’re smart, I think.Surely you must understand what is happening here.Let me go.If you do, I promise to leave Laurent and Nicaise alone.None of you will ever hear from me again.If you don’t…well, I think you have some idea of how this is going to go.”

“I think we all do,” Laurent said, voice firm.“But she is not going to let you go.None of us are.I’m willing to slog through miles of shit if it means that, in the end, you are behind bars where you belong.I know she’ll slog through the shit with me.”

“She doesn’t look so sure.”

And Jokaste didn’t.Damen knew it was because this was one place where her and Laurent were different.Jokaste didn’t slog.Every plan she made guaranteed that slogging would be unnecessary.Laurent’s uncle was offering her a way out of this mess that didn’t mess up her hair, so to speak.But, like Damen had done, she steeled her shoulders, looked Laurent’s uncle in the eye, and said, “I’m following Laurent wherever he takes me.”

“How did you inspire such loyalty, nephew?”

“They must’ve seen something they liked.”

“But what is there to like?”

Laurent was silent for a moment.There were so many words on the tip of Damen’s tongue, so many things he could say he liked about Laurent, but Jokaste shook her head minutely.He didn’t understand why he couldn’t come to Laurent’s defense, but he knew that if Jokaste was asking him to stop, there was a very good reason.So he held his tongue.

“I don’t know,” Laurent admitted, “You know that.But at least I haven’t fucked children who were left in my protection.At least I had the decency to return here—the one place on this planet I swore I was never going to return to—to save Nicaise from suffering the same thing I suffered.At least I can live my life knowing that people love me and not because I forced them to.”

Laurent’s response caught his uncle by surprise.It was a kind of confidence he’d clearly never seen from Laurent.Pouncing on what he saw there, Laurent continued.“The police have the video.They are going to come here and they are going to arrest you.Is there any reason I should think that events aren’t going to proceed in that manner?Come on, Uncle, play with me.I know you want to.”

“The police?Who exactly was the video given to?” Laurent’s uncle smiled.

Sensing an opportunity—and trying not to feel scuzzy for taking it—Damen said, “I gave it to a nice man named Guion.He was very interested in getting right on the case.”

Nobody said a word, though Nikandros appeared to be having some sort of aneurysm.

Damen made himself breathe, hoping the lie was a convincing one.It seemed to be, because the smile only grew.It was hard to allow the lie to continue when Laurent inhaled sharply and silently swore, but it would keep Laurent’s uncle here.If he didn’t think anyone was coming for him, there was no reason to leave.

“I don’t know if we’ll be seeing the police anytime soon, nephew.Unless, of course, I call them and tell them my nephew has tied me up and forcibly locked me in a room.”

“I’m sure as hell not going to give you a phone,” Laurent said.

“No, but Nicaise will, won’t he?He knows my relationship with Guion.What if I promise not to hurt you once this has all played out?”

“But you’ll hurt Laurent,” Nicaise murmured.“No deal.”

“I didn’t realize you cared.Didn’t you call him a ‘fucking bastard’ and a ‘psychopathic whore’?”

Nicaise shuffled his feet, not meeting Laurent’s eyes.“Yes, well, I thought he’d left me alone.But he didn’t.”

“What will happen if I get arrested?They’ll take you from him and then he’ll leave you alone anyway.He’ll run off with his boyfriend and forget all about you.It’s easier that way.Laurent doesn’t want to look after people, you know that.I’m the best guardian you have any hope of having.”

Laurent knelt down in front of Nicaise and whispered, “I will fucking fight for you with every breath I have.”Then he stood and motioned with his hand for the room to be cleared.Before Jokaste left, she knelt down behind Laurent’s uncle and strengthened the knots binding his hands.Then she pulled Nikandros aside and said, “We’ll keep watch.”

Laurent nodded. 

Outside the room, Laurent dragged Damen back down the stairs and into the kitchen.Nicaise followed, worrying his lip.

“Please don’t tell me Jokaste actually let you hand the video over,” Laurent said.

“She didn’t,” Damen replied.“She went in there alone and dealt with it herself.The video isn’t with Guion.It’s with an officer named Erasmus.She mentioned that Guion was the one she trusted the least and I thought…”

Laurent interrupted his speech with a hard kiss on the mouth.There was a groan from Nicaise, but that was the furthest he protested, as Damen reeled Laurent in and kissed him back.Pulling back, Laurent ran reverent fingers over Damen’s cheeks, before hugging him tightly.“I can’t believe you lied.Straight to my uncle’s face.”

“I didn’t like it much, but I thought I was the only one he would believe.”

“You’re right about that.I…you knew what was happening.”

“Surround me in deception long enough and eventually I’ll figure it out.Mostly.I can’t say I understood everything.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Laurent said.“We’ve won.”

“Seems premature.I imagine he can construe new plans in a matter of seconds.”

“Let me be in a good mood.”

“Did I hear that right?You’re in a good mood?”

Laurent laughed into his ear before stepping out of the hug.He turned to Nicaise and said, “‘Psychopathic whore’, huh?”

“Sorry,” Nicaise said sheepishly.Then, “Do you really think it’s wise to leave Jokaste and Nik alone with him?”

Laurent nodded.“Nikandros is an idiot, but Jokaste will keep him under control.”

“She almost helped him.”

“Almost.But she made her choice.She won’t go back on that now,” Damen said.

Laurent’s eyes were unlike anything Damen had ever seen.They were bright and sparkling and full of joy and ease.His mood was intoxicating.If he was like this very often in the future, Damen was going to have a hard time leaving his side for any reason, whether it be work or fetching something from another room.“Does anyone want tea?Hot chocolate?” Laurent asked, grabbing three mugs from a cupboard to the left of the sink.

“Hot chocolate!” Nicaise said.

“Me too,” Damen replied.

Nodding, Laurent wound his way to a pantry.Then he stood on his tiptoes and reached for the top shelf, where packets of tea and hot chocolate were residing.He managed to reach the tea, but he couldn’t quite grab the hot chocolate.It didn’t seem to phase him, however.For a brief moment, he glanced around the room for some sort of stepping stool, but then his eyes landed on Damen.

“Come help me, would you?”

“Sure.”

Damen strolled over.Laurent was still on the tips of his toes, so he could gesture to the correct box when Damen arrived.It was then, as he got closer, that Damen saw purple splotches on his waist where his shirt had ridden up slightly.Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Damen got the box down and handed it to Laurent.

He let Laurent pitter around the kitchen for a minute, humming something sweet and simple, before he said in a soft voice, “Can I see them?”

Laurent stopped cold in the middle of the kitchen.Seeing this, Nicaise stood and gently removed the packets from Laurent’s hands.He began to prepare the mugs himself.

Damen approached Laurent slowly, until his hands were caressing Laurent’s waist, likely right over the top of some of the bruising.His eyes never leaving Laurent’s, he slowly lifted the shirt until most of Laurent’s abdomen was bare.“Can I?” he whispered.

Carefully, Laurent nodded.

Shifting his eyes downward, Damen felt his hands begin to shake in anger.Almost every inch was colored in various degrees of purple and black and green.The bruises carried all the way down, likely below Laurent’s jeans.“How are you even walking?” Damen asked.

“I have to.”

“Excuse me,” Damen said, slipping out of the kitchen and heading towards the stairs.Laurent chased after him and grabbed onto his arm.It was easy to wrench his arm away.The only thing that stopped his forward progress was Laurent’s voice, deep with command.

“Damen, stop.Given the lie you told up there, it’s likely my uncle expects me to be mad at you.Showing any sort of emotion towards my well being is unwise.”

“I’m pretty sure you can be mad at me and I can still care about you.Those are not mutually exclusive things.”

“You’re out of control.”

“I can’t imagine it will hurt as badly as what he did to you,” Damen said, storming up the stairs.He burst into the room and both Nikandros and Jokaste immediately recognized what was happening.Their mistake was in pausing, wondering if they should let Damen continue or not.It was not like they had fond feelings either.

In their pause, Damen reached Laurent’s uncle and punched him solidly in the jaw.Then again across the cheek and then he was lost, punching everything he could reach.His head was pounding with blood and he could hardly see, but it didn’t matter because he was still hitting flesh and he wasn’t going to stop until Laurent’s uncle screamed.

There were shouts behind him and then arms gripping his arms, holding him back.They weren’t strong enough.

But, then, out of nowhere, Laurent flew in front of his uncle, holding himself very still as one of Damen’s fists launched straight towards his already bruised stomach.Just in time, Damen realized what was happening and he brought his entire body to a halt.Blue eyes met brown and Laurent whispered, “You can’t kill him, Damen.Come back downstairs.Please.”

Laurent’s eyes were on fire.Some of it was likely an act, but not all of it was.Damen knew that.Every ounce of strength rushed out of him and Damen collapsed against Laurent, allowing himself to be led out and back down the stairs.Nicaise had the hot chocolate ready and he handed it to Damen silently, before taking a sip of his own.

“That was stupid,” Laurent snapped.

Nicaise took another slurping sip of his hot chocolate and then said, “You can’t blame him, Laurent.He deserves it.”

“He wasn’t going to stop.”

“Oh,” Nicaise murmured.

Shaking his head, Laurent said, “Let’s hope the police arrive soon.”

 

Most of the night passed in silence, Laurent uninterested in talking, his good mood suddenly gone.Damen was nursing his sore hand and feeling sorry for himself.He shouldn’t have done what he’d done and yet he was having a hard time regretting it.Realizing he wasn’t wanted, he went to the living room and slumped down on a couch.He stared morosely out the window, waiting for police cars to appear.

A couple of hours later, there was nothing, but Laurent did come join him, offering Damen a bag of ice for his hand.They sat together on the couch, staring out the window.Eventually, Laurent said, “So…you have some anger issues.”

“Never claimed to be perfect.”

Laurent laughed softly.“You’re not alone.I just prefer to use words instead of fists, but I can do as much damage.Have, in fact.”

“We match.”

“The police are going to wonder.”

“Tell them the truth.I don’t care.If they want to arrest me for beating up someone like that, then that’s fine.”

Laurent nodded.“I’ll make sure they don’t.”

“When do you think they’ll arrive?”

“Well,” Laurent sighed, “The video is long and there’s lots of paperwork and it’s late.They probably won’t arrive until morning.”

“Should we untie him before they arrive?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“You look exhausted,” Laurent said, his voice warm with tenderness.It made Damen smile, which was no easy feat.

“It’s been a long day.”

“Lay down,” Laurent said.

Damen was past the point of arguing.He settled back against the pillows at the end of the couch and spread his legs across Laurent’s lap.There was simply nowhere else for them to go.Laurent didn’t seem to mind.He removed Damen’s shoes and socks, grimacing slightly at the smell, making Damen laugh, and then he pressed his thumbs into the arch of Damen’s left foot.

“Are you giving me a foot massage?” Damen asked.

“What do you think?”

“I thought you were mad at me.”

“Being mad at you and caring about you aren’t mutually exclusive.”

Damen grinned and closed his eyes, letting Laurent do his work.He was really quite good at it, applying the perfect amount of pressure.As with everything he did, actions were deliberate and planned.He felt himself nodding off, but when he was about to, Laurent jabbed him hard and said, “You weren’t going to leave me.Don’t break your promise now.”

When Laurent finished both feet, he rested his hands on top of Damen’s calves and tilted his head so they were staring at each other.“I’m not mad at you,” Laurent whispered.“Nicaise isn’t wrong, he does deserve it.I just can’t lose you.Not after all this.”

“I know.I’m sorry.I am.”

“You looked like you were going to kill him.”

“I was angry enough, I think.”

“All because of some bruises,” Laurent sighed.

“They’re everywhere,” Damen whispered, sitting up and shifting his legs so they hung off the side of the couch.Tugging Laurent close, he lifted his shirt up and off.Then he bent down and began kissing each and every one of the bruises.If Laurent found it strange, he didn’t comment.He simply stroked Damen’s hair and laid back, letting Damen make the bruises easier to accept.

Then there was a shout from upstairs, interrupting them.“Laurent!” Jokaste called, “Nikandros is about to pull a Damen.”

“Goddammit,” Laurent sighed, putting his shirt back on.“I’m going to go take over watch and likely untie my uncle.Keep Nikandros under control, please.I’m trusting you to keep yourself in check.”

“Alright,” Damen said.

Laurent bounded up the stairs and Nikandros came down.He was furious and Damen called him over to the couch.Nikandros slumped next to him and said, “Let’s kill him.Then we’ll go on the run for the rest of our lives.It’ll be a real adventure.”

“Reign it in, Nik.”

“Fine.”

Together, they worked on calming each other down and watching for the police, trading off hour long naps.

 

Jokaste came down as dawn broke, yawning, and said, “Laurent wants you to keep watch with him, Damen.I think his uncle is getting on his nerves.He’s started going on about how the police aren’t going to come and a decision will have to be made eventually.He’s a convincing bastard.Nice lie, by the way.I didn’t know you were capable.”

“I’m not proud of it,” Damen sighed, standing. 

He made his way up the stairs and entered the room to find Laurent’s uncle pacing and Laurent sprawled against the wall, watching with lazy eyes.Catching his eye, Laurent sighed.“He was getting aggressive and I thought you might be a good deterrent.”

“And here I thought you liked my company.”

“Not particularly,” Laurent replied

“Lovers quarrel?” Laurent’s uncle asked, mildly.

“Not one you can exploit, bastard,” Damen said.“I don’t care what you say, you are not getting out of this room.”

“How exactly did my nephew make you fall in love with him?”

“That’s not going to work either.”

The pacing increased in speed and Damen knew he was actually getting agitated.It was, of course, the only way Damen could tell, his facial expressions giving nothing away, just like Laurent. 

“He’s a filthy whore, isn’t he?I remember the first time he went down on my cock.It was…”

“I suggest you shut up,” Damen growled.

Laurent rested a hand on Damen’s leg and said, “Just don’t listen.Look at me and don’t listen.If you do something stupid again, he’ll take advantage of it.”

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“I need you.”

“Okay,” Damen whispered, folding his hands in his lap and humming a Taylor Swift song to himself.It was the only tune he could think of in his effort to stop listening to Laurent’s uncle, who was now describing all sorts of horrible things in extreme detail.Reaching over, Laurent held his hands tightly.

Five songs in, three policemen burst into the room.One of them branched off and knelt in front of Laurent, breathing in relief when she realized it was the victim from the video.The other two subdued Laurent’s uncle and forced him to the ground, putting handcuffs around his wrists and locking them into place, reading him his rights.

And then he was carried away, his bangs falling into his eyes and his blue eyes fierce; not with anger or fear, but determination, which scared Damen.It seemed over, but it wasn’t.That was that said to Damen.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. The last chapter of the main story. There will be an epilogue, but then that will officially be it. And you can thank a boring as fuck class for the epilogue.  
> Anyway, thanks so much. To all of you. Always and forever. Sometimes (all the time) I wonder how this happened to me. But it's great.  
> Thanks to Mari, the best coolest beta of all time.  
> Oh and if you read Kings Reign and didn't get the message...there's a Jord/Nik oneshot I wrote set in that world. You can find it here if you're curious: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8518717  
> Enjoy!!! <3

The rest of the night was a blur.Multiple members of the police force stayed behind and asked an endless series of questions.Most were directed to Laurent and Nicaise, but a few were directed to Damen, Jokaste, and Nikandros.The questions Damen answered were mostly related to his involvement in the affairs; why he was here in this house in the first place.

Ultimately, the question about Laurent’s uncle’s haphazard appearance was asked and Damen told them the truth, including the conversation that had come before.It was important to him that they understood why he did it.

Laurent threw in a few words in an attempt to help, but they were largely unnecessary.The officer who was asking them the questions, a woman, just nodded her head and said something about overlooking the matter.She did not say it was because he had deserved it, but the implication was clear.For that, Damen was obscenely grateful.

When the question turned to what to do with Nicaise, everyone jumped to defend Laurent and his right before Laurent even had the chance to speak.Surprisingly, Laurent let them, staying silent and hugging Nicaise tightly.Briefly, Damen wondered what would happen if they did try and take Nicaise away.It looked as though his arms were glued to Laurent’s body.

One of the officers simply asked Nicaise what he wished and then asked Laurent if it was a responsibility he was willing to assume.In response to that, Laurent simply said, “You have seen what my uncle is.Nicaise is my dead brother’s son; my family.What do you think?”

That seemed to be enough for them.For now. 

Ten minutes after, they left, with an unspoken promise that there would be more later.This was far from finished business and Damen began to truly understand the sacrifice Laurent had made in order to save Nicaise. 

The house was a mess from the police poking around and everyone felt exhausted and violated.All together, they sat down on one couch, piled all over each other, hands holding hands and heads resting on shoulders.It was completely silent, until Nicaise burst into tears.

Jokaste was sitting next to him and she leaped into action, pulling his face into her chest and stroking his wavy locks.“He’s gone,” she murmured, “And he’s not coming back.We’re here and we’re not leaving you.”

Her words didn’t seem to help.They, in fact, made him sob harder, but nobody seemed to mind.Damen certainly didn’t.He felt the same way, even though the sight of Laurent’s uncle when he’d been carried away still stayed with him.For a moment, he considered saying something, but thought that they deserved a break of more than a few minutes.

Laurent, however, did not.“He’s planning something,” he said succinctly.

Carefully, Jokaste removed Nicaise’s head from her chest and gently nudged him over to Nikandros, who gathered him up with an arm.Then she nodded and said, “I think I have some idea, actually.”Pulling something out of her dress pockets—something she’d excitedly told Damen about multiple times when they were dating in reference to the very dress she was currently wearing—she reached across the couch and handed it to Laurent.

They were slips of paper.Laurent unfolded and flipped through them, his eyes widening slightly.Smiling, he stood and moved to Jokaste.He handed the papers back, but then kept a hold of her hand.Looking into her eyes, he said, “I will do anything for you.”He didn’t say anything else, because he knew those words were enough, coming from him.

It caught everyone by surprise.At the same time, Damen and Nikandros asked, “What do those papers say?”

“Jinx, ten, you owe me a soda,” Nikandros said.

“Fine.”

“Okay, see, last time I said that, you didn’t…”

Laurent rolled his eyes and cut through Nikandros’ words.“They are irrefutable proof that Guion and a few of his friends have been covering for my uncle for years.You see, when I was younger, I used to make scenes, try and get the neighbors to make noise complaints, any complaints really.I didn’t think any of them did, but it looks as though I was wrong.Police never came to the house, but these say they did, all signed off by the same officers, including Guion.”Then he turned to Jokaste.“How did you get these?”

“Flirting, distractions, more flirting, and sleight of hand.It was one of my more magnificent moments, to be honest.It’s sad none of you were there to see it.”

“We have to go now,” Laurent said.“Before it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?” Nikandros asked.

“I think my uncle is planning to have one of these people break him out, before he can be moved somewhere more secure.It might’ve already happened, but if it hasn’t, these will stop it from happening.”

“Won’t they wonder how we got them?” Damen asked.

Jokaste smiled and shook her head.“I know just the person I can say gave them to me when I asked.”

“But…”

“Trust me, Damen.I know what I’m doing.”

Nicaise removed his head from Nikandros’ shoulder and said, “Why are you still sitting here then?Go fucking deal with it.”

“Okay,” she whispered, standing and holding out her hand to Damen, silently asking for the keys to his truck.

“I’ll drive you,” he replied.

“No,” Nicaise said.“Jokaste and Laurent should go, but I want you and Nik to stay with me.We’re going to play a game.”

“We are?” Damen asked.

“Yes.How are you at Scrabble?”

“Dreadful,” Nikandros groaned.

“Excellent.I love winning.”Nicaise then stood and ran off down the hall, presumably to fetch the board game.Damen dug his keys from his pocket and handed them to Jokaste before rising and stepping close to Laurent.

“Do you need me to come with you?”

“Not as much as Nicaise needs you,” Laurent replied.Then, after a beat, “Thank you.”

“You’ve thanked me a lot recently.”

“I’ll be more specific then.Thank you for caring for him the way you do.I certainly didn’t think to expect that.”

“He’s easy to love.Like you.”

Laurent laughed.“That is not something I would say about me.” 

“Ready?” Jokaste asked.

Laurent nodded.He kissed Damen on the cheek and then left, slamming the door behind him.By then, Nicaise was back, clutching Scrabble to his chest.Nikandros and Damen exchanged a wary glance before they both sighed and led Nicaise to the kitchen table, where he set up the game silently but happily. 

Then, as he dealt out the tiles, he said, “Are you really going to let Laurent and I live in your house?”

Instantly, Damen nodded.“I want you both to be safe and with each other.It’s the least I can do.”

“Do you get off on being nice or something?”

“He does,” Nikandros said, before Damen could speak.“Do you promise to still hang out with me, kid?”

“Only if you teach me how to play video games.”

“That’s a requirement that I can definitely meet.”

“Fine then,” Nicaise replied, setting down a six letter word—quaked—on the board.“I’m assuming neither of you can think of a longer word.”

“And you would be right,” Nikandros replied, frowning at his own tiles. Damen thought maybe he could make a seven letter word if he had a little time—his letters were diverse enough—but he wasn’t going to say anything.The only point of this game was to ease Nicaise’s worries, after all.

Halfway through the game, Damen’s phone rang.It played “Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis and he blushed furiously at the same time Nikandros said, “Oh please god tell me that is not Laurent’s ringtone.”

Damen glanced down at the phone.Laurent’s name was lighting up the screen.“It is,” he said, “But I swear, I didn’t…”

Nicaise burst into laughter, the occasional snort creeping in, and Nikandros quickly followed suit.Trying to ignore them, Damen answered the phone.“Why did you change your ringtone to that?”

There was a small sound of laughter.“I thought it appropriate.”There was a pause and then he said, “Perfect.I’m glad they’re laughing at you.”

“I hate you.”

That only made Nicaise and Nikandros laugh harder.Speaking over them, Damen said, “Why are you calling?Did something happen?”

“No.”The joy beneath Laurent’s voice was obvious, however much he was trying to hide it and Damen found himself grinning so much his cheeks began to hurt.“He can’t get out, Damen.Not anymore.In fact, they’ve let me see him so I could be reassured and I’m standing in front of his cell right now.I thought I’d gloat.While I’m gloating, is there anything you’d like to say?”

“Hang on,” Damen said, turning to the others, who were _still_ laughing.“Shut up, you two.Laurent’s on the phone and…”

“Oh we know,” Nikandros said, falling back into laughter.

Shaking his head, Damen said into the phone, “Tell him that I will love you as long as you let me.”

“You are terrible at insulting people.”

“I think it’s what he least wants to hear.”

There was a crackling silence and then Laurent whispered, “And here I thought you didn’t understand him.”

“You can also tell him that I wish I could kill him, if you wish.”

“I think he got that message.”

“That’s all I’ve got, then.”

“Too bad,” Laurent said.Another silence followed, but he didn’t hang up.Neither did Damen.He wasn’t going to be the one that did it first.

Once the silence lengthened into something unbearable, Damen said, “Why did you really call?”

“I wish you were here to see this.”

“I could’ve been.”

“Oh shut up.Go back to your game.I’ll pass your message along.”

“Alright,” Damen said.“Hurry back.”

“I’ll do my best.For you.”With that, Laurent hung up. 

Setting his phone down, Damen said, “He’s in a cell and he’s not getting out.Laurent was sure enough to call me.”

Nicaise grinned.“Fuck yes!” he shouted, leaping up from the table and flipping the Scrabble board so that the pieces flew everywhere.“I’ve always wanted to do that.”Then he sprinted towards the fridge, grabbed a spray can of whipped cream and began spraying it all around the kitchen.Nikandros and Damen watched wide-eyed, unsure what to do.Most of Damen was concerned with the cleanliness of the kitchen.Fortunately, Nikandros was less fixated on that than he was.He rose and tried to grab the can from Nicaise, only to get sprayed in the face.

Damen jogged over in an effort to defend his best friend and managed to snatch the can from Nicaise’s hands.He tossed it to Nikandros, who placed his index finger on the top and considered the two of them.Nicaise began pointing at Damen and yelling, “Him!Get him, not me!”

“You heard the kid,” Nikandros grinned and Damen got whipped cream in his face and hair.There was a moment where Damen considered tackling Nikandros, but then he heard Nicaise’s laugh, a loud, unhinged laugh, as though he hadn’t a care in the world.And for once, Damen thought perhaps that was true.So he tried to catch the spray with his mouth.Most of the time, he missed drastically, but when he started to figure it out, Nicaise shoved him out of the way and demanded the can back.Unable to deny him, Nikandros did as he was told.Nicaise sprayed the rest of the bottle into his mouth.

Then they all stood there and looked at the whipped cream dripping down walls and flecked on floors and countertops.“Cool,” Nicaise declared.“I’m going to go trash his room now.Feel free to come if you want.”

And they did.

 

That was how Laurent and Jokaste found them, trashing the uncle’s room.They’d already broken most of the ornamental belongings and were currently working on tearing bedsheets into pieces and flinging them about.Without a beat, Jokaste and Laurent joined in, kicking at furniture and squeezing bottles of shampoo and saline out onto the floors and bed.

When they were done, they fell to the floor and gazed at the ceiling.Damen was holding Laurent’s hand and was pleasantly surprised when Laurent found a fleck of whipped cream on his face and licked it off.

“That felt good,” Nicaise finally said.Everyone agreed in laughs, sighs, and nods.

“What happens now?” Nikandros asked.

“Nicaise and I are supposed to stay in town for now.”

“Then I’m staying,” Damen said.

“I can stay, too,” Jokaste said.

“That’s nice for all of you, but I’d really like to see Jord.I kind of promised I would be there by now and…”

“Take the keys and go.”

“What?”

“It sounds like Jokaste and I aren’t going anywhere and I’m sure Laurent’s uncle has a car that we could borrow.We’ll work out any other details later.”

This made Nicaise frown.He sat up and glared down at Nikandros.“You aren’t going to disappear forever, right?I’ll see you again?”

“Yeah, kid,” Nikandros said.“Of course.I love you, you know.”

“You do?”

“Yep.”

“I’m not sure that means anything if you disappear.Promise me you won’t.”

Nikandros pushed himself up and stared Nicaise straight in the eye.“I promise you I won’t.”Then he stuck out his pinky finger.The gesture flummoxed Nicaise briefly, unsure whether he wanted to accept or scoff at something so childish.Carefully, he extended his pinky and wrapped it around Nikandros’.

After that was done, Nikandros stayed still for a beat, but Damen knew that he was about to leave.He was that kind of restless.Once he’d made a decision, there was no going back and there was no pause.It was all forward motion.

Sure enough, a minute later, Nikandros stood and said, “Well, I guess I’m out of here.Keys still downstairs, Damen?”

“Yep.On the kitchen counter, I think.”

“Sweet.I’ll see you all later.Have a nice time at court, Laurent.”

“I’m sure I will,” Laurent replied, dryly.

“That’s your goodbye?” Jokaste asked, shooting Nikandros a glare.

“Yes?”

“I don’t fucking think so,” she said, standing and pulling him into a hug.He appeared to resist for a second, but then he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.“I knew you liked me,” she laughed, as she pulled away.

Nikandros bent over and clasped Damen’s hand briefly—they were good at good byes and very familiar with them—and then he paused above Laurent, unsure what he was supposed to do.Laurent considered him in a similar manner and then he sighed dramatically, rising to his feet.In a tortured voice, he said, “I have to thank you.Thank you for what you’ve done for Nicaise and thank you for…”Laurent trailed off, uninterested in going any further.

“You’re welcome,” Nikandros mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.“Uh…just, thank you for not fucking Damen up, because you could fuck him up like no one else.”He stopped and then reconsidered.“I guess what I’m saying is I trust you…with him.”

“Jesus fuck, Nik.I can protect my own honor or whatever it is you’re protecting.”

“No telling that to the guy who has to pick up all the pieces of the broken heart.”

“Fine.”

“Are you telling me you like me?” Laurent asked.

“Uh…yes?No.Don’t put me on the spot like that.”

Laurent stuck out his hand.“Good bye, Nikandros.Tell Jord hello for me.”

“From all of us,” Damen said.

“Will do,” Nikandros said, shaking Laurent’s hand.He gave one more wave, mostly directed at Nicaise, and then he disappeared from the room. 

Now that they were all standing, returning to the floor seemed like too much work.Together, they took one glance around the room, at the utter destruction they had caused.Now that Damen truly saw it, he was horrified.He had helped do this to another person’s belongings.Someone, who while in jail and deservedly so, was still alive.

Laurent twined his fingers in between Damen’s.“Accept the delinquency.It felt good, remember?”

“God, it did.”

Putting his lips to Damen’s ear, Laurent said, “Can we get out of here?”

“Best six words I’ve ever heard.Do you have somewhere in mind?”

“I do.”

“We’re…” Damen began.

“Yeah, yeah, we all saw,” Nicaise said, rolling his eyes.“Jokaste and I will scrape up something to eat,” he glanced at her and when she nodded, he continued, “so be back in a couple hours, yeah?”

“Sure,” Damen replied easily.

Turning to one of the night stands that had a broken leg, Nicaise dug through the top drawer and came away with something in his hand.He tossed it to Damen and when Damen opened his hand, he saw that it was a condom.“Just in case you don’t carry one with you.”

Damen kept staring and Laurent began to laugh, tugging on Damen’s hand.“Come on, before you embarrass yourself further.”

“I just…” Damen stared at Nicaise, “I feel like I should deny any need of a condom when I’m in the presence of an eleven year old.”

“You’re dealing with a highly intelligent eleven year old.”

“Wait,” Damen said, “We _are_ going to have sex?Please tell me this place you’re taking me is sanitary and we’ll definitely need some lube so…”

“Oh my god,” Jokaste groaned.“You are so ridiculous, Damen.Leave before I have to cut off my ears.”

As they walked down the stairs, Damen asked, “Are we having sex?”

“I don’t know, Damen.Amazing really, since you’re doing such a good job at selling it.”

“Wow, that was a lot of sarcasm.”

“I was being perfectly serious.”

“Would you just…”

Laurent stopped and steeled himself so that, inevitably, when Damen crashed into him, he didn’t go toppling down the stairs.Then he turned and planted a quick kiss on Damen’s mouth.“All I want is to be alone with you.Let’s not worry about anything else, okay?”

Damen grinned, finally feeling comfortable and sure.Really, if sex was even remotely on Laurent’s mind, he was going to be prepared.Damen shouldn’t have been worrying in the first place.“Okay.”

When they walked out the front door, Damen’s truck was gone.It felt weird without Nikandros, knowing he was gone, but that was outweighed by how happy Damen knew he was about to be.He’d been putting off what he wanted for the sake of everyone else.

The day was warming and the sky was a pure light blue.Laurent wrapped his hand in Damen’s and set off down the street, strolling at an easy pace.His face was calm and there was almost no tension in his body; the closest to relaxed Damen had seen him.It was something he didn’t want to disturb, but curiosity was prowling around inside him, searching for a way out.When Laurent turned his eyes away from the string of duplicate houses to Damen, he noticed immediately.“What is it?”

Damen shook his head.“It’s nothing.”

“I’ve infected you.”

“What?”

“I believe that was a lie.”

“I don’t want to disturb this.You’re almost happy.”

Laurent smiled softly.“I am happy.Not almost happy.And a lot of that has to do with you.Now spit it out, before I grow irritated.”

“What happened in the police station?”

Laurent looked at his feet and remained silent.Damen groaned and said, “See?I knew this would happen which is why I didn’t say anything.”

“I’m thinking, idiot.”

“Oh.”

He gave a quiet laugh and then began.“We arrived when Guion was processing him and Jokaste immediately leaped into action, knowing that Guion was about to perform a rather masterful disappearing act.”He laughed again.“She’s magnificent, you know.Nicaise has the beginnings of what my uncle and I have, but I’ve never known anyone else who is quite as adept at manipulation.I do not know why someone like you prefers people like that; something that will remain a mystery I expect. 

“Anyway, she handed over the papers, pinning her acquisition of them on one of the newer officers in the force, knowing that he would likely be forgiven for such an oversight just this once.After that, it was easy, thanks to my presence.They all felt terrible enough for me and my predicament that they let all of their other questions slide.Guion and a few other officers were told to go home to be dealt with the next day and then other officers processed him.I watched his face the entire time, watched the moment he knew he’d lost.After that, I wasn’t sure to do.I didn’t think it would ever be finished, not really, not even when he was taken away.But then suddenly, it was and…”

“You were in shock,” Damen said.

“Most likely.Thankfully, Jokaste was still controlling the entire room, asking questions and demanding certain things happen, things that would ensure he remain locked up.That was when I asked if I could see him.I’m still not sure why I did it, but they let me and then I was staring at him through bars and he was openly glaring at me.He doesn’t do that, you know, not when it doesn’t suit him and it certainly didn’t this time.”

Hearing an undercurrent of joy in those words, Damen said, “You were happy that he was glaring at you.”

“I’d gotten a reaction.I’d ruined his life.Finally.I’ve been trying so goddamn long.

“Then I called you, because I wasn’t ready to talk to him and I knew you would make that possible and you did.I…”

“What?”

Laurent stopped walking and lifted a hand to Damen’s hair, stroking and twirling his fingers through the curls.“You have changed the course of my entire life, Damen.I know that I could’ve survived all of this without you, but it would’ve been so different.I would’ve had to become someone terrible and I wouldn’t have been able to come back from it.Not only did you prevent that, you showed me a different world, a more hopeful one.I know that you gave me more chances than I deserved and that, at times, it cost you something vital. 

“That kind of compassion, it has power.People forget that.Sometimes, I think you forget that and I’m telling you now that you should never doubt your value.The world will forget it, sometimes I will, but what you can do is just as powerful as what I can do.Perhaps more so.”

Overwhelmed, Damen leaned into Laurent’s touch, but kept his eyes focused downwards.Honestly, he was pretty sure he was about to cry and he had no idea why.It was not something that anyone had ever told him and it was as though Laurent had looked through all the flesh and marrow and straight into his soul, seeing the quiet insecurities there, the insecurities he never voiced because they would end up being a burden to others.

“I should’ve known that would be too much for you,” Laurent sighed.

Damen laughed shakily, looking up and meeting blue eyes filled with unassuming tenderness.“What am I supposed to say to that?” he asked.

Laurent shrugged.“Nothing.”He started walking again and Damen followed, making sure to take Laurent’s hand once more.If he had anything to say about it, they weren’t going to stop touching until the novelty of being _known_ wore off.

“So, where exactly are you taking me?”

“At the end of this complex, there’s a dead space, a place developers didn’t know what to do with. There’s gravel everywhere, two empty and broken cars, and one huge warehouse with broken windows and graffitied walls.Technically, I think it’s probably illegal to be inside that warehouse, but that was where I went whenever I needed to get away.I don’t want to give it all away, but there’s one particular place in the warehouse…my place.”

“High school Laurent’s place?”

Laurent nodded.

“Did you listen to My Chemical Romance while you were there?”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent replied, “Somehow I knew this was a bad idea.”

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.What other angsty things did you do?Ooh, did you wear all black?Did you have a blue streak in your hair?Did you wear eyeliner?”

“I did none of those things.”

“How boring.I bet you’d look good in eyeliner.”

“So would you,” Laurent said.“I’ll wear it if you wear it.”

“I may take you up on that.So…what exactly was high school Laurent like then?”

“Just be glad he no longer exists.What was high school Damen like?”

Damen considered this for a moment and then realized why Laurent had deflected the question.Not only did it not matter, but it was distinctly uncomfortable and awkward to recall.Even painful.It was a time of his life, however, that Laurent knew nothing about and it was one, despite appearances, that still made it’s mark.Unsure what to really say, Damen said, “Sad.Angry.Destructive.”

“Not all that different from me, then.”There was a heavy pause that followed, one pregnant with questions.

“Ask,” Damen whispered.

“What did you do to Kastor?”

Inhaling sharply, Damen brought the hand that wasn’t holding Laurent’s to his hair and absentmindedly ran his fingers through.“There’s a list of things,” he said.

“Like?”

“I broke his bike, I keyed his car and let all the air out of the tires, I trashed his room, I…I broke a lot of his shit, basically, but that wasn’t the worst thing.I know I made it sound like Kastor was the reason I moved to Nikandros’, but honestly it was because of me.I didn’t trust myself to be around him anymore.”

“What did you do?”

“He was drunk one night and I snapped.He had a girl over at the time, but that didn’t seem to matter much.I started wailing on him, my own brother, and I didn’t stop, not even when the girl started screaming and crying, not even when he stopped fighting back.The worst part is that I wanted to kill him.Even now, I don’t know why I stopped.I’m glad I did, but I don’t know why.”He took a deep breath and whispered, “I wanted to kill my own brother.”

“He killed your parents.”

“It doesn’t make it right.”

“No,” Laurent murmured.“It doesn’t, but it does make it something I can understand.Do you know how many times I thought about killing my uncle?Do you know how many times I thought about killing myself?”

Damen closed his eyes and focused on breathing.It didn’t come as a surprise, but it did hurt.In an attempt to disguise his feelings on the matter, he asked, “Why didn’t you?”

“Nicaise,” Laurent whispered.“I had to get out of the house, I had to leave him—it’s why I went to college—but I couldn’t leave him that completely.”

Damen tried to think of a response to that, but he was coming up blank.Luckily, they had arrived at the warehouse and Laurent let the topic slide, declaring that they were here.It was a derelict building, gray and worn, but Laurent went to it nonetheless and opened a green door, the paint peeling.They slipped inside and walked towards the far end, where there was an alcove, walled off with a door.

Inside, there were candles against one wall.Laurent dropped Damen’s hand and dug around for a moment, letting out a low noise of happiness when he found a box of matches, a box he must have left here years and years ago.It took awhile for a match to actually burst into flame, but then he lit the candles.When he did, it revealed a wall of graffiti, one full of bright colors and overlapped words.“Did you make this?” Damen asked.

Laurent nodded, sitting down against the wall on the opposite end of the room.“Every time I came I added a word.A word I liked, a word I hated, a word that described how I was feeling, whatever I wanted.”

“How poetic.”

Laurent laughed and leaned his head against Damen’s shoulder.“If there’s matches here, some spray cans are probably still here as well.I can’t promise they’ll work, but if they do, you can add a word if you want.”

“Maybe before we leave.”

“Alright.”

“The word ‘someday’ is up there quite a lot,” Damen observed.

“That’s because it’s the worst word in the world.What it really means is never.I don’t know why it exists.”

“Probably because some somedays do happen.”

There was a sharp intake of breath beside him and Damen knew he’d surprised Laurent.“I’ll admit, that was not something I thought of when I was younger.”

“But you believe it now.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You’re actually going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

Damen laughed into Laurent’s hair, before kissing the top of his head.“I’m not going to make you, I just thought I’d give you the option.You’ve been awfully forthcoming today, after all.What’s the harm in going a step further?”

“How much ammo do you really need?”

“Oh, darling,” Damen whispered, “I’ve already got enough ammo to tear you apart.There’s no harm in one more bullet.Besides, it’ll make me happy.”

“You are the worst.”

“Thank you.”

Slowly, Laurent said, “I believe it now because this…you…it was a someday.”Even in the dim candlelight, Damen could see the bright flush that colored Laurent’s skin.Unable to help himself any longer, Damen lifted Laurent’s chin with his finger and kissed him.Again and again and again, until their lips were swollen and sore and their breathing was labored.

“Want to use that condom?” Laurent asked.

Damen glanced around him and shook his head furiously.“It’s disgusting in here.My dick does not need to touch, purposefully or accidentally, any part of this place.”

Laurent laughed loudly, the sound taking up every corner of the room.When he finished, he slumped against Damen’s chest and stayed there, occasionally turning his head and kissing Damen’s chest through his shirt.Slipping his arm around Laurent’s waist, Damen noticed that most of his tension was gone. 

“Are you relaxed?Is this for real?”

The question made Laurent go still and Damen laughed, shaking his head.“Guess not,” he said.

“I…I think maybe I was.”

“What was that like?”

“I didn’t even notice, so I can’t tell you.”

“Too bad.”

Laurent hummed assent into his chest.It was nice, having Laurent in his arms, having the time to be alone and to not worry.It was nice to see Laurent unguarded and without concerns.It revealed a softer side, a tender and gentle one.Damen thought back to the day he stood in front of those paintings in the art building, the moment he had decided that there was more to Laurent than he let on.Then, he hadn’t been sure what that more was and if he had been asked, there was no way he would’ve dreamed that Laurent was like this; so attentive and genuine.He still could barely believe it now.Before he really thought about it, the words were out of his mouth.“I didn’t think you could be like this.”

“Neither did I.”

“What happens now?” Damen asked.

“Court.I’m confident I will win custody, though.I’m family and I have some excellent character witnesses.After that, we kick your asshole of a brother out and live in your house.”

“Together?”

The silence that followed was bursting with uncontainable energy.It hurt to wait and Damen was very conscious of his heart beating faster than normal.He knew that normal people didn’t move in with each other after weeks, especially when a child was involved.He knew that it was a ridiculous thing to expect and yet, he wanted it more than he’d wanted anything in a long time.What made it even more painful was Damen’s certainty that Laurent wanted it too.But it was one thing to want something and another thing to take it.

“Yes,” Laurent said into his chest.

Damen let out a whoosh of air.“Well thank god.”

Laurent chuckled and moved his head up to kiss Damen’s neck, nuzzling his pulse point.“Your heart is beating very fast,” he murmured.

“You do that to me quite a lot.”

“Incredible.”

They stayed there for over an hour, talking of this and that, most of the topics frivolous.They also made out a lot, to Damen’s utter joy.This kind of uninterrupted kissing had not been the norm up until now.

When they finally decided to leave, knowing Nicaise would have the skin on their backs if they weren’t home in time for dinner, Damen did a quick search of the room.He found a spray paint can and shook it, praying that it would still work.Laurent hung back to watch.

After a few faulty attempts, neon green paint finally burst from the nozzle and Damen took up as much of the wall as he could as he drew his word.

He stepped back to admire his handiwork and Laurent said, “I can hardly see any of the other words I wrote.Way to erase history.”

“Seemed appropriate.”

“You’re stupid.”

“I am not.That is totally the right word.”

“It’s the worst word in existence.Didn’t you hear me?”

“But it’s not anymore,” Damen replied.

Laurent shook his head, but Damen caught his smile.A smile that was taking up his entire face, just like the word ‘someday’ was taking up the entire wall.“You are hopeless,” he groaned.

“Is that supposed to be an insult?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I don’t see it that way.”

“You wouldn’t,” Laurent said exasperatedly, pulling Damen in for one more kiss before they blew out the candles and left the warehouse behind.


	22. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, folks. I made sure it was long and full of fluff. I owed you all that much.  
> I just want to give all of you a huge thank you. God, especially if you've been with me since Kings Reign, because that's fucking insane. I am taking a brief fanfic break to focus on my original story, but please, come talk to me about Damen and Laurent on tumblr or give me short little prompts or whatever. I will sincerely always love every single one of you so...  
> On a side note, I'm looking for a few people to just read through what I have of my original story and just tell me what they like and don't like etc.....if that sounds like something you'd be interested in, let me know. If not, nbd.  
> Anyway, to sum it up, I love you all for every comment and kudos and hit. You're truly the light of my life.  
> As always, a huge thank you to Mari, an incredible friend, an excellent cheerleader, and the best beta. I love you.  
> I hope you enjoy!!!! <333

“It’s a door, Damen.All you have to do is knock.”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask you, Nicaise.”

“Rude.”

Laurent rolled his eyes, stepped forward, and rapped his knuckles against the familiar red door of Damen’s childhood.There was a brief moment where Damen considered gathering both Laurent and Nicaise in his arms and making a run for it.In reality, he found himself paralyzed and gazing at Laurent, open-mouthed.“Why did you do that?” he whined.

“Because standing here, loitering, is an utter waste of all our time.Especially mine.”

“What am I going to say to him?”

“I would figure that out,” Laurent said grimly.

“Do I need to remind you that you can’t kill him?” Damen said.

“Oh, I won’t kill him.”There was murder behind Laurent’s eyes, though.Damen knew it wasn’t a physical murder Laurent was contemplating, but a mental one.Not only did Damen wish Kastor would ignore the knock, but Kastor was about to wish he had too.

There was a click as the lock turned and then the door was open and Damen was looking into the eyes of his brother.It wasn’t like they didn’t talk, but they never talked of anything important anymore and Damen certainly didn’t demand anything of him.Nor did he drop in unannounced, with company.

Damen said the first words that popped into his head.“You really need to shave.”

Kastor ran a hand over his scraggly beard, then flicked his eyes to Laurent and Nicaise, “Who are they?”

“Laurent and Nicaise.”

Kastor waited for further explanation, but when he received none, he nodded and said, “So, I suppose you want to come in.”

“Depends.Are you relatively sober?”

“I ran out of whiskey last night.I haven’t been able to go to the liquor store yet.”

Damen wasn’t sure if it was better or worse that Kastor was sober.It did mean he would remember the conversation, though, which was all Damen really cared about.“Then yes, I would like to come in.”

Stepping aside, Kastor tracked them with his eyes as they walked in.

The house was a mess.There were clothes, dust, and bottles everywhere—and that was just the vast entryway showcasing a wide, sweeping staircase.Damen led Laurent and Nicaise into the living room, which was open to the kitchen.Besides the overturned picture frames, likely filled with images of his mother and father, there were dishes everywhere.The smell wasn’t pleasant, but it was faint enough that Kastor likely didn’t notice, having lived in it for so long.

“This is pathetic,” Nicaise said, not bothering to lower his voice.

“Thanks, kid,” Kastor said, wandering to the couch and slumping back into the only open spot, the one he’d likely been in all morning.

“Don’t call me that,” Nicaise ordered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“So, brother, did you think two judgmental assholes were going to convince me to get a job?Or to stop drinking?”

Damen began to pick up around the kitchen.“Yeah, you don’t get to call anyone an asshole, Kas.When did you stop cleaning?”It hadn’t ever been this bad before.After all, it had been their parent’s house before the crash.That was something he typically respected.

“When Clara left me.”

“You didn’t even like her,” Damen sighed, filling the sink—already loaded with dishes—with steaming hot water, hoping that covering them would make them easier to clean later.

“So?” Kastor asked.

“Was she the only person that liked you?” Laurent said icily.

“I’m sorry, I still don’t understand who you are.”

“His boyfriend,” Laurent growled.

“I should’ve guessed,” Kastor said, gesturing to Laurent with a large, sweeping hand.Then he sighed heavily and stood, crossing the kitchen and turning off the water.There had been a snort from Nicaise when he’d almost fallen to the floor by tripping over the ends of his sweatpants.

He was slightly shorter than Damen but just as big and he took up as much space as he could when he said, “What are you and your boyfriend doing here?”

“I thought you might want to meet him.”

Kastor continued to stare.When Damen didn’t elaborate, he said, “What, are you two serious or something?”

Damen nodded.

“Not that you care,” Laurent added.

“Well, congrats, little bro,” Kastor said, slapping him on the shoulder.“He’s got a kid and he’s truly a piece of work.I suppose he is hot, though.Certainly your type.”

Damen winced, knowing Laurent was going to stick his first knife in now.Catching the wince, Kastor gazed at him questioningly.Damen simply shrugged and returned to the dishes.It wouldn’t be a bad thing to have Laurent take over for awhile.It was very easy to get tired of his brother.

Laurent took up Damen’s position.Glancing back, Damen almost broke into a grin.Laurent was significantly shorter, but it wasn’t noticeable, not in the way he was holding his body—like Kastor were no more threatening than a mouse—and not in the way he was picking Kastor apart with his eyes.Kastor looked stupefied.Even more so when Laurent took a step closer and murmured, “Oh am I?Something you’d like to fuck?”

There was no response.He was intelligent enough to realize any answer would be a bad one.

“Unfortunately for you,” Laurent began, “I have no interest in fucking a worm.I bet you can hardly get it up most of the time.No wonder Clara left you.You’re not any better than a slab of concrete.Actually, I take that back.At least concrete provides a service to society.What exactly do you do except waste your inheritance money?”

“Feeling charitable again, Damen?” Kastor asked.

Turning and leaning against the counter, Damen said, “No.Cleaning your dishes for you is charitable.Loving Laurent is simply a part of who I am now.”It hadn’t been necessary to say, but Damen caught a glimmer of softness in Laurent’s eyes.That was reason enough.

“You haven’t answered my question,” Laurent said.

“And you haven’t answered mine.”

“We’re here to remove you from Damen’s house.”

“Or to find some sort of acceptable arrangement,” Damen added, earning him a sigh from Laurent.It wasn’t angry, though.It was lovingly exasperated, because of course Damen wouldn’t want to truly offend anyone.

“You told him about the will?”

“I told him everything,” Damen whispered, the words dropping between them and lingering, weighing down the air.

“Well, fuck,” Kastor said, running a hand over his face.

“Concise,” Laurent said, leaning against the island counter, his pose insouciant.

“Explains why you’re being an asshole.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Definitely,” Nicaise added, coming up beside Laurent and mimicking his lean.“What kind of asshole kills his own parents?”

Damen groaned and shot Nicaise a glare.It was not a helpful comment and Laurent had had the tact—so far, at least—to avoid rehashing the past in specific detail.The silence that followed was a long and awkward one.Damen took that time to return to the dishes, because he knew that it was only he and Kastor that were truly uncomfortable.Into the silence, Kastor whispered, “Where am I supposed to go?”

Closing his eyes, Damen felt his heart twinge.He kept rhythmically washing the plate in his hand because he knew if he turned around and saw his brother’s face, that he would say and allow a lot of things that he might regret later.

“Well, I suggest a job and a seedy apartment.I’m sure you haven’t spent all of your inheritance money by now, so pay a lot of rent in advance.Take some goddamn responsibility for your life.Don’t let it all hang on Damen.He doesn’t deserve it, even though he would let you get away with it,” Laurent said.

“I was asking Damen.”

With a sigh, Damen put the de-molded plate into the dishwasher and turned around.He met Laurent’s gaze first.It was clear that Laurent was desperate to speak and deflect the question away from Damen, knowing full well that Kastor was going to take advantage of his kindness, but it was a measure of Laurent’s respect for him that he didn’t continue without permission.Damen warned him off with a look and then flicked his eyes to his brother.

“You could stay here,” Damen said, “But you’d have to live with all of us and you’d have to clean and go shopping and cook sometimes.Laurent’s right.You have to start taking some responsibility for your life.I’d also like you to go to AA meetings.Or at least a therapist.”

“A therapist.”

Damen ran a hand over his face and looked over towards the windows and sliding glass door that led out into the backyard.He’d known this was going to be difficult, but there was nothing quite like being in the moment. 

He had no idea what he wanted to say, where he wanted to draw the line, how far he wanted to go.Before he decided, Laurent and Nicaise came over.A small hand slipped into Damen’s and a larger one cupped his cheek, slowly bringing his face away from trees and to bright blue eyes.“Whatever you need to do,” Laurent whispered.

Turning his head so he could kiss the palm of Laurent’s hand, Damen smiled into it.Even if he lost Kastor, he still had a family.Holding Nicaise’s hand tighter and grasping Laurent’s with his other, Damen finally returned his gaze to Kastor, who was staring between all of them with a slightly bemused expression.

“That’s right,” Nicaise said.“He doesn’t need you.He’s got us.”

Kastor raised his eyebrows.Steeling himself, Damen said, “Yes, a therapist.Take it or leave it, Kastor.This house is mine and that means my rules.”

“They’re going to live with you?”

“Yes.”

“Do they have rules?”

Damen laughed shortly.“No.They didn’t kill my parents and spend the next six years drunk.”

“Our parents,” Kastor murmured.Another, longer silence followed and from the clenching of Laurent’s hand, Damen knew he was thinking explicitly about killing Kastor where he stood.However, Damen was thinking about how he’d gone six years never saying that to his brother, not once. 

“I should’ve said that to you a long time ago,” Damen murmured.

“You think I don’t know that?” 

“God, how do you live with yourself?” Laurent asked.

“Laurent…” 

“No, Damen.He’s trying to garner sympathy so that you’ll continue to let him live life exactly the way he’s been living it.He knows exactly what…”

“I know,” Damen interrupted.“I know what he’s doing and I know it’s shitty and I know he probably doesn’t deserve a hundredth chance, but he’s my brother and I’m going to give it to him, because that’s what I do.My offer still stands, but it’s the only offer you will get, Kastor.If I need to fight for this house, I will.”

“Why?You could live anywhere.”

“Because I want to live here.Besides, look what you’ve done to the place, to Mom and Dad’s place.There isn’t a clean inch anywhere and it’s like you’re pretending they never existed.I want to honor their memory.For years I’ve been unable to.I deserve that much.”

“You’re asking me if I want to live in a place where I have to see their faces everyday?”

“Maybe it’s time to face what you’ve done.”

“Why are you trying to help me?” Kastor asked.

“A brilliant question,” Laurent murmured.

Sighing, Damen replied, “You’re my brother, alright?Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s naive, maybe you’ll keep hurting me,”—Nicaise was nodding along vigorously—“but it’s not within me to kick my own brother onto the streets and forget he ever existed.We are family.I’m not going to give up on you, not yet.”

There was a long silence, one that involved lots of glancing looks and shuffling feet.Swallowing hard, Kastor murmured, “I’ll move out tomorrow.”

Disappointment swelled and Damen forced himself to stop fighting for someone who didn’t want to be fought for.Laurent tucked a piece of hair gently behind his ear and then stroked the lobe a few times, letting Damen know that he was there and that he was sorry.“Where are you going to go?” Damen choked out.

“I don’t know.”

“Nik and I have a place near campus.The lease isn’t up for another couple of months and they’re all paid for.Go live there while you figure things out.”

“Nikandros won’t be there, will he?”

“No,” Damen whispered.

Kastor let out a relieved breath before he nodded.In a tired voice, he said, “Can I ask you to leave?I’ve got some packing to do.”

“Do you want any help?”

“Jesus, Damen,” Nicaise murmured.

“No, I’m good.”

“Then we’ll leave,” Damen said, heading for the door.Halfway there, Laurent dropped his hand and turned back.Nicaise sighed as he watched Laurent return to the kitchen and said, “We’re going to be sitting in your truck for like an hour.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Why didn’t you stop him?”

“Because Kastor deserves it.”

Nicaise smiled and slapped Damen hard on the thigh.“That’s more like it,” he said, shutting the front door behind him as they exited.“Do you want to go back in and eavesdrop?It’s probably going to be hilarious.”

The very idea made Damen sick, so he shook his head.Nicaise sighed and dropped down on the top step leading up to the door.Joining him, Damen said, “You can go listen, though, if you want.I’ll be fine.”

“Nah, I’m going to stay with you.”

“Thanks.”

“So, is Nik home yet?”

Damen laughed softly and nodded.“I have to go pick him and Jord up from the airport tonight.Want to come?”

“When?”

“Midnight.”

“Laurent doesn’t like me out that late.”

“You’ll be with me.How could he possibly complain?”

“He can always complain,” Nicaise said, “You know this.At least promise me I’ll get to see him tomorrow.”

“He’ll be happy you asked after him.”

Nicaise frowned.“You can’t tell him.”

“Well…”

Slapping Damen again, this time on the arm, Nicaise said, “I swear to god, I will stab you with my pocket knife if you tell him.He’ll hold it over me for ages and then I’ll have to stab him and then you’ll be without a best friend.Not in your best interests.”

“Didn’t Laurent take your pocket knife?”

Nicaise shrugged.“I stole it back.”

“Thank god I’m not responsible for you.”

“You’re telling me that you’re going to make Laurent go to my parent-teacher conferences alone?”

“No, I’d actually love to…”

“Then you’re responsible for me, too.”

“I wasn’t sure you wanted me to be.”

In a moment of rare affection, Nicaise looked Damen straight in the eye and said, “I told you we’re family, remember?I want you to be.”

“Aw,” Damen crooned, taking Nicaise’s cheeks in his hands and squeezing them, “That was so cute.”

Nicaise flung his arms up and tried to bat Damen away, looking distinctly disgruntled.That very same pocket knife was now pressed against Damen’s side.“You know,” Damen sighed, “someday you’re actually going to hurt someone with that.”That was not a day Damen was looking forward to.

“Yes,” Nicaise said.“Anyone who tries to touch me when I don’t want them to.”

“Seems reasonable.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“No.Definitely not.Can you seriously say that after all I’ve done to get you away from your uncle?”

Nicaise slipped his pocket knife away and shook his head.In his boredom, he began hitting the side of his foot against Damen’s calf, over and over again.It didn’t hurt and it was distracting enough that Damen mostly managed to avoid worrying about what was going on inside his house.Nicaise’s boredom only increased as time passed, until he was crawling on Damen’s back and demanding a piggy back ride.

“Want to piggy back our way into the house and drag Laurent out of there?”

“Fuck yes,” Nicaise said.

“Let’s do it.You’re going to have to open the door.”

“I have hands.”

Damen laughed and stood, bringing Nicaise along with him.They got settled, making it comfortable, and then Damen strolled forward, briefly bending at the knees so Nicaise could reach the doorknob and turn it.As they approached the kitchen, they heard raised voices.Mostly Kastor.Laurent’s voice was much calmer.

“Who the fuck are you to think you can say that to me?” Kastor said.

“Who am I?I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter.You deserve to hear what I’m saying from every single person in the world, because they’d all be just as horrified by you.Well, that’s not entirely true, but let’s pretend for argument’s sake.”

“Yeah,” Damen said, interrupting them.They were standing about five feet apart and Kastor looked ready to commit another murder.“I’m going to stop the argument here.I realize it’s probably been fun, but Nicaise keeps kicking me and I have to pick Nik up at the airport in a couple hours.When are you going to be out of the house tomorrow, Kas?”

“No later than noon.”

“Excellent.Laurent?”

Laurent met his glance and made it very clear that he had a lot more to say.Shaking his head minutely, Damen waited, hoping his disapproval was enough.It took a moment, but then Laurent disengaged, walking straight at Kastor as if he weren’t there.At the very last minute, Kastor stepped aside.Laurent didn’t look back but Damen caught his smile, clearly pleased that he’d made one of his points without having to say a word.

Rolling his eyes, Damen said goodbye to his brother and then carried Nicaise outside.

“I think we should do this all the time,” Nicaise said.“I like the view from up here.Plus, you could definitely do it all day.I’m not disturbing you at all.”

“Not really,” Damen said, “but I’m not carrying you around all day.That’s what your legs are for.”

“Fine, _Dad_.”

“Glad that’s settled.”

“Did he just call you Dad?” Laurent asked.

“He was teasing,” Damen replied.Then, after a beat, “Are you okay?”

“I can understand why you beat up my uncle now.”

“Yeah.You didn’t really answer my question.”

“I’m fine.I hope your brother isn’t, though,” Laurent said.

“We all do,” Nicaise said, getting into the truck.“Can we get ice cream?”

“No,” Laurent replied.“I’m your guardian now and I’m not going to get you ice cream everyday.It wouldn’t be very parental of me.”

“But Damen will get me some,” Nicaise said hopefully.

Laughing as he opened the driver’s side door, Damen settled into the seat, turned on the car, then said, “Whatever Laurent says is law.Sorry, Nicaise.”

Nicaise slumped in his seat, crossed his arms over his chest, and sighed.“Couldn’t you two at least be pushovers?I deserve pushovers after all this time.”

“Talk to Nik,” Damen said, as he turned off the street his house was on.

“Damen,” Laurent scolded.

“I’m just helping him out.”

“Well, stop.”

“Make me.”

Laurent laughed, unbuckled his seatbelt, and crawled—with unnatural grace—across the seats so that he was straddling Damen’s lap.

“Jesus fuck, Laurent, I’m driving,” Damen said, trying to crane his neck around Laurent’s body so he could see if he was about to crash into anything or anyone.

“We’re on a suburban road.Just break.”

Damen did.Nicaise gave an audible groan and opened his door, miming that he was going to get out and walk.Nobody said anything to him, knowing very well that he wasn’t going to do any such thing.Instead, Damen looked Laurent in the eye and said, “What would it take to get you off my lap?I would like to get home eventually.”

“Stop giving Nicaise ideas.We’re meant to take care of him, you know, not let him have whatever he wants.”

“Is that all?”

Laurent considered that, eyes sparkling.“Give me one of those nice compliments you’re so good at.”

“Only if you give me one in return.”

“I believe I’m the one impeding your driving.”

Damen sighed, though it was mostly in play, because this wasn’t something he minded at all.In fact, there had been a lot more of this recently.Laurent was an incredibly playful person when he wasn’t out of his mind with worry and doubt.

There was a honk from behind them and then a car whipped past, the driver glaring.Nicaise flipped them off.

“Don’t do that,” Damen said.

“He deserved it.”

“Heard of road rage?I don’t particularly feel like getting shot.”

“He wasn’t going to shoot us.”

Damen gave up and said to Laurent in a teasing voice, “You really need to learn how to discipline him.Some would call that behavior rude and inappropriate for his age.Probably any age, really.”

Laurent shrugged.“I like that he can take care of himself.”

“Yeah, so do I,” Damen smiled, pecking Laurent on the cheek.“Let’s see…you smell really good today.And even though I generally disapprove, it was really hot watching you stand up to Kastor like that.”

“Yeah?” Laurent said, his eyebrows rising mischievously.

“Definitely.”

“Not sure how I can work that into bed play, but…”

“Ugh stop,” Nicaise said.“You’re being purposefully disgusting now.We get the point.Get off his lap so we can go home.”

“So demanding,” Laurent murmured, kissing Damen gently on the lips before slipping just as gracefully back to his own seat.And just like that they were back on track to Damen’s apartment, where they would spend a quiet night eating leftover pizza, packing, and watching Netflix movies, Damen fighting tooth and nail to watch one—just one—romantic comedy.

 

There were boxes scattered all over the entryway, every single one of them labeled.Ninety percent of the stuff was Damen’s and he’d had little interest in labeling anything, but Laurent had insisted and Nicaise had been very free with his black Sharpie.There were more than a few dicks drawn on the sides and a few squiggly things that were meant to be vaginas in the interest of equality.

It was late afternoon, Kastor and his belongings were gone, and Damen was carrying in his sixth load of boxes.When he arrived in the entryway, he noticed that it was still empty of Laurent and Nicaise, who had run off to pick and assign rooms all over the house.That had been half an hour ago, though, and Damen didn’t see how it was taking so long.Sighing, Damen set down his latest load, picked his way through the maze of boxes, and went upstairs.Damen had mentioned that all of the bedrooms were up there and he knew Nicaise, at least, would still be there, shuffling through his options.

“Nicaise,” Damen called as he started down the hallway to the left of the stairs.For half of it, you could see down into the kitchen and living room, as though the upstairs were a sort of balcony.Kastor and he had spent many of the younger days up here, dangling off the banister and trying to get their parents attention.

There was a sound from the room just past the bathroom; his old room.Entering, Damen scratched his head and looked around.It was exactly as he’d left it; mostly cleaned out, light green paint, and a huge bed pushed against the far wall, directly across from a walk-in closet.“This is the one you like, huh?” Damen said.

Nicaise was spread out in the middle of the bed.When he saw Damen, he bounded to his knees and nodded eagerly.“There’s so much space.This house is so fucking awesome.”

Damen laughed.“It’s one of the smallest rooms in the house.”

Nicaise shrugged.“It speaks to me,” he said in a vague and mysterious voice, as though he were a prophet disguised in veils and smoke.

“There you go then.It’s my old room, you know.”

“It is?”

“Yeah.When I was in middle school, I spent a lot of time staring out that window and listening to bands like Joy Division.I thought I was super cool.”

“You’re not capable of cool.”

“It took me awhile to realize that.”

“It is a great window,” Nicaise admitted.And it was.It looked out on the front of the house and it was large.Perfect for people watching.

Damen nodded, but then said, “I get this speaks to you, but have you been up the spiral staircase?”

“The what?”

“Goes to the attic, which gets you high enough to see the city skyline.My parents forked over a shit ton of money for this place, after all.It wasn’t for nothing.”

“Oh, the attic,” Nicaise mumbled, losing the light in his eyes.

“What’s wrong with the attic?”

“Laurent already called it.Yelled at me from across the house to do it.”

“Seems selfish of him.”

Nicaise shrugged.“He did find it first.That was the deal we made.”

“You should still go look.It’s a great view.”

Nicaise hopped off the bed—his curls briefly falling into his face—and grabbed Damen’s hand.“You might as well come.I can guarantee you he’s still up there.”

“Why?” Damen asked.He had been fairly certain he and Laurent were going to share the master bedroom, but maybe he had been wrong.It would be like Laurent to take a step forward and a step back at the same time.

Nicaise shrugged.“He sounded excited about it.He rarely sounds excited.”

They entered the library at the end of the hall, still filled with all of his parent’s books and the red squishy chairs Damen had loved to spend all day in when he was younger.The room needed some serious dusting, but Damen was glad to see that indifference was the only damage Kastor had managed to do here.In the corner, there was tightly wound steel staircase and Nicaise noticed it immediately, jogging towards it.

He bounded up the stairs.There was a large picture window at the far end and Laurent was standing in front of it, the lines of his body sharply cut and the fringes of his hair glowing.Nicaise was already pressed up against the window, drinking in the view.Damen took both Laurent’s and Nicaise’s distraction to sneak up behind Laurent and hug him from behind, resting his chin on Laurent’s shoulder.“You know,” he murmured, “It’s more fun to move boxes when you’re not doing it alone.”

“Are your arms tired, baby?” Laurent mocked.The tone alone was enough to solidify the guess in Damen’s mind that that wasn’t meant as a term of endearment.

“Please.My arms never get tired.”

“Of course they don’t.You’re so manly.”

“Wow.You are full of sass today.”

“I’m in a good mood.”

“So why are you hanging out up here and leaving me all alone?” Damen asked.

“It’s a beautiful room,” Laurent murmured.

“It is.Nicaise said you claimed it.”

“Yes.”

“What for?”

“Worried I’m going to leave you all alone in bed, too?” Laurent asked slyly.

“Maybe.”

“And I called you manly.”

“You’re so good at reassuring.”

Laurent smiled.Damen could see the curve of it in his cheek.“Don’t worry, Damen.I’m not abandoning you.How else would I keep my feet warm?”

“So?”

A light flush bloomed and Laurent murmured, “I thought it might be a good painting room.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Nodding, Damen had to stop himself from laughing at how perfect the opportunity was.He couldn’t have hoped for a more perfect one, honestly.“Would you stay right here and not move?I’ll be right back.”

“Alright,” Laurent said warily, releasing his grip of Damen’s hands.“I’ll have you know that I think this is strange behavior, though, which means I know that whatever you’re doing is meant to be a surprise.You know how I feel about surprises.”

“It’s good for you,” Damen replied, already hurrying down the stairs.He turned when he heard footsteps behind him, but it was only Nicaise dogging him.Damen shot him a disapproving look.

“Oh, please, he already knows something is going on and I thought you might need some help.”

“I suppose that’s alright then.”

Together, they went out to the truck, which was parked in the driveway— _it’s new home_ , Damen thought, happily—and began pulling boxes and bags out from underneath seats and moving boxes, until their arms were filled.Nicaise waited by the door for Damen.When they went inside, he helped Damen shove one of the boxes on the floor of the entryway on top of Damen’s already large pile. 

“Ready?” Damen said when they were back at the bottom of the spiral staircase.

Nicaise nodded.“I wonder if he’ll cry.”

“Probably not.”

“I know.Sometimes I hate how in control he is.”

“Same, kid.”

They climbed the stairs slowly, careful not to drop anything.When they crested the top, Laurent had already turned to watch them, likely hearing their voices and the shuffle of their feet.It hardly took him fifteen seconds to figure out what was in all of the boxes and bags.“Oh my god,” he breathed, staring at Damen as if he had just walked on water; as if he were a miracle.

“I wasn’t sure what you preferred, so I had Nicaise help me out.Actually, I don’t even know what half of it is called, but…”

“Damen,” Laurent interrupted, “Drop the goddamn art supplies so I can kiss you.”

Happy to oblige, Damen set everything down gently, cringing when one of the bags spilled out onto the floor, but before he could think about cleaning it up, Laurent was there, launching himself into Damen’s body, arching his back to get closer, as he kissed Damen viciously, complicating whether it was supposed to be a romantic or a violent act.It was a very Laurent kiss; contradictory.

“I’m going to go move boxes!” Nicaise shouted.

It didn’t disturb Damen or Laurent.In fact, Damen simply wound his arms around Laurent’s waist and pulled him as close as he could, deepening the kiss.Laurent slid his knee in between Damen’s legs and then both slowly gyrated their hips as they continued kissing.“I don’t think we have that much time,” Damen murmured in between kisses.“Besides, you still can’t come in front of me.Where are you going to run this time?”

Laurent sighed.“Can’t you let me do something stupid every once in awhile?”

“Nope.”

“Probably for the best.”Laurent kissed him twice more and then he smoothed down his hair and clothes.His lips were flush and slightly swollen, though, and he was still visibly flustered, something he’d started to let show.He was making it very hard for Damen to completely detach.“One more kiss?” Damen said hopefully.

Laurent laughed shortly and did as he was asked.“You’re so lucky we’re still in the honeymoon stage.”

“Wait, say that again so I can record it this time.”

“Fuck you,” Laurent said, kneeling on the floor and digging through the bags, his smile growing as he uncovered each new present.“There’s so many colors,” he whispered.

“I thought you’d like the variety.”

“Very much.What’s in the box?”

“An easel.You’re going to have to assemble it yourself, I think, but it should work.I’m sure you can manage it.I wasn’t able to get you any canvas or anything, because it would’ve ruined the surprise, but we can go get some whenever.”

“I can’t believe you bought all this.”

“It was entirely selfish of me.I’ve wanted to see you paint for a long time,” Damen said. 

“Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly what you were thinking when you were shopping.How can I…”

“Laurent, surely you know by now that there’s nothing to repay.”

“Thank you, Damen.I…God, could we maybe go get canvas today?No rush, I just…my fingers are desperate to use the new brushes, because they’re so beautiful.”He was currently running his fingers across the bristles of his brushes, adoration in his eyes.

Damen laughed, pleased his gift had gotten such a reaction.“Of course,” he said.“Whenever you want.”

“Like now?”

“Sure, why not?”

“I’m going to give you the hand job of your life tonight.”

“Not necessary.”

“But you’d take it.”

“Well…sure,” Damen said, blushing slightly.

“I thought so.”Then Laurent stood and headed towards the stairs, bounding down them.Damen followed and when he reached the bottom, he practically ran into Laurent who was stopped on the last step, watching Nicaise sprint towards him.It brought a flashback to moments when Laurent’s uncle had contacted him during their road trip and Damen knew that was why Laurent could hardly move.But he snapped out of it when Nicaise shouted, “Nik and Jord are here!They’re here!Also, they said something about expecting Chinese food as payment for their help, so I’d order some of that.”

“Laurent and I are going out really quick.We’ll get some food in the process.”

“When’s Jokaste getting here?”

“After work,” Damen said.“Should be a couple of hours still.”

Nicaise pouted, before shrugging and running back to Nik and Jord.Laurent watched him leave and then turned to Damen, smiling softly.“Look how happy he is.”

“I know.I think he’ll like it here.”

“I do, too.I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy, honestly.”

“Come on,” Damen whispered, winding his fingers in between Laurent’s.“Let’s go get you some canvas.”

 

When they got back with food and five different sizes of canvas—Laurent automatically going up to the attic to give them a home—Nikandros, Jord, and Nicaise were passing a soccer ball around in the middle of the living room.Interrupting one of the passes, Damen flipped the ball into his hands with his feet and said, “We are never going to get moved in at this rate.”

“It’s not like we knew where to put anything,” Nikandros said.

Damen stared at him.

“Okay, maybe I could’ve guessed,” he mumbled.“But Nicaise found a soccer ball and wanted to play and I wasn’t going to say no.”

“Alright, well, I have food and we might as well eat it hot.But after that I’m putting all of you to work and you’re going to suck it up.”

“We shouldn’t have to start until Jokaste gets here,” Nikandros said.

Pointing a stern finger at Nikandros, Damen said, “Stop being a baby.Jokaste is excited about helping, you know.”

“Yeah, but that’s because she likes decorating and shit.”

Smiling, Jord kissed Nikandros on the cheek, grabbed the Chinese bag from Damen’s hand and began setting up a line of food on the counter.After asking Damen where plates and silverware were, he pulled out those as well.

“Didn’t Kastor take anything?” Nikandros asked, as he watched.

Damen shrugged.“A chair or two, all his personal belongings, some sheets…I told him if he found he needed anything he could always come back and grab it.I made him move out quick so…”

“You’re too good to him.”

“Totally,” Nicaise said, grabbing one of the plates and piling food on it, mixing the fried rice with the sweet and sour chicken and the lo mein.“That guy is a complete asshole.”

“Amen, brother,” Nikandros said, offering his hand, which Nicaise gladly slapped before hip checking Nikandros as he walked to the table.

“Nobody asked either of you,” Damen grumbled.

“Thanks for the food, Damen,” Jord said as he loaded up his own plate.

Damen shot Jord a grateful smile, glad someone was being respectful.Not that he really minded Nicaise or Nikandros’ behavior, but it was just nice.It was possible Jord was simply acting like this because he didn’t know Damen well and wanted to make a positive impression, but Damen got the sense that this was actually how he was.It would be nice to have someone else around that was kind, simply for the sake of being kind.

It wasn’t until they were all seated haphazardly around a small table off to the side of the counter that Laurent entered, humming something to himself.Nikandros raised his eyebrows at Damen, who smiled down at his food.He had made Laurent hum like that.

“So you hum now, do you?” Nikandros said.Everyone else sighed.They were still struggling with the notion that both Nikandros and Laurent enjoyed this.

“Oh, you’re back?” Laurent asked, his slightly glazed look snapping quickly to attention.He poured the rest of the fried rice onto a plate and grabbed a chair beside Damen, pulling it close, so that their shoulders were almost touching.He kept his plate on his lap as he ate.

“You literally saw me before you left the house to go get canvas.”

“Must not have registered.”

“I answered your question but you didn’t answer mine.”

Smiling sharply, Laurent shrugged.“I’ve hummed before and I’ll hum again.”

Nikandros smiled back, gathered a pea from the fried rice onto his fork and flung it at Laurent.It missed, hitting the table just in front of Laurent.“It’s good to see you, asshole.”

“I’m afraid I can’t say the same,” Laurent said casually, stabbing the pea with his fork and eating it, his eyes on Nikandros the entire time.

Deciding they’d had enough of that strangeness, Damen turned to Jord and asked, “How long are up here for?”

“Awhile,” Jord said.“A long while, I think.”

Damen smiled.“How in the fuck did Nikandros manage to convince you to move away from the year-long sun?”

“You’re moving up here?” Nicaise asked, tone curiously flat.Damen suspected he was similar to Laurent in his desire to share.

Jord nodded.“About a week into Nik’s second visit, I realized that I couldn’t spend another month, year, whatever, without him, so I broached the topic of moving in together, which he got very excited about.For like five seconds.After those five seconds, he got dramatic and mopey.You all know what I’m talking about.”Everyone nodded sagely, while Nikandros rolled his eyes.“Anyway, I asked what was wrong and he talked about Damen, Jokaste, Nicaise and even you, Laurent and how much he was going to miss all of you.I didn’t like my job much, my parents don’t even live in California—they live in Colorado— and I had very few friends, so I told him that I didn’t see why he had to miss anyone.”

“Then we made out for like forty minutes,” Nikandros supplied.

Jord laughed easily.“Yes.Only after our making out session did we verify that I would, in fact, move to Washington.”

“Welcome to the family,” Damen said.

“Thanks,” Jord murmured, smiling and blushing.

“How accepting of you,” Laurent whispered in his ear.

“Come on, Laurent,” Damen whispered back, praying to anyone who would listen that this wasn’t going to become a problem.Although, maybe he should’ve expected it really.Laurent was not a trusting person and Jord hadn’t had the opportunity to prove himself. 

He was about to apologize for invalidating Laurent’s feelings and experiences, when Laurent said, “I’m joking, Damen.Relax.”

“Are you leaping?”

“I’ve decided that I’ll leap where you leap,” Laurent murmured, “And if I have to hope for a deluge, so be it.”

“Jord’s less terrifying than you.”

“True.The water at the bottom of his cliff is probably only a little shallow.”

“And look, I survived jumping off yours.”

“What in the fuck are you two talking about?” Nicaise asked.“Why do always have the weirdest metaphorical conversations?”

“Looks as if we weren’t whispering quietly enough,” Laurent said.

“Apparently not.”

With a smile, Laurent said, “I’m sure you’ll understand when you’re older, Nicaise.”

“God, I hate you,” Nicaise mumbled, rising from his chair and grabbing the soccer ball that Damen had left nestled in-between boxes on the floor.He headed towards the sliding glass door that led to the backyard.

“Aren’t you going to pick up your plate?” Laurent said.

“I’ll get it later.”

“No you won’t.”

“I’ll…” Damen began.

“Damen.”Laurent glared, stopping Damen in his tracks, halfway to picking up Nicaise’s plate and putting it on top of his own.

“You’re not my dad,” Nicaise said.

“Oh, you’re going to pull that _now,_ are you?”

“Our relationship isn’t going to survive this,” Nicaise grumbled, his shoulder slumping into a sulk.A very convincing one, no less.Damen almost backed Nicaise even though it would be dangerous to interrupt Laurent now.

“Yes it will.Stop acting like you’re five and don’t let Damen take away all of your responsibilities.You know as well as I do that he doesn’t deserve that,” Laurent said.

Nicaise glanced at Damen and sighed.Tucking the soccer ball under one of his arms, he used his free hand to pick up his plate, walk it to the sink, and dump it there.There was a moment where he was clearly considering leaving it there, but then he washed it off and stuck it in the dishwasher.As he passed Damen on his way back to the door, he said, “Stop being such an easy target so Laurent can’t use you as an excuse.”

“Was it really that hard, Nicaise?” Damen laughed.

“Not the point.Nik, come play soccer with me.”

“You heard the kid,” Nikandros said, standing and leaving his own plate.Laurent was about to yell at him, too, but Damen rested a hand on his wrist and surprisingly, Laurent let it go.Jord watched his boyfriend leave and took a sip of water.

“Well,” Jord said, slapping his hands down on the table, “Shall we start moving?Might as well leave the children to their games.”

And that earned Jord one of Laurent’s private smiles.The three of them cleaned the table, put the leftover food in the fridge, then started on the boxes.Damen finally understood the purpose of the labeling.It was nice to open a box and actually have somewhere to put things, instead of realizing you needed to carry it to a completely different room.

Jord mostly unpacked belongings onto the floor and deconstructed boxes.Damen and Laurent were the ones to actually put them in places.Usually that only happened after they rearranged the furniture, because Laurent was all about maximizing space.It went entirely over Damen’s head, but he didn’t mind grabbing the ends of things and helping Laurent move it wherever he wanted.It was a way they could make it their own. _Their_ own.It was still blowing Damen’s mind a little bit that Laurent was actually going to live with him.

When Laurent found boxes labeled “Books”, he grinned and said, “Where should I put my books, Damen?”

“Well, there’s the library.There’s also quite a few bookshelves in the master bedroom.And in the office.And in the sitting room.”There was likely even more places he could come up with if he thought about it, but he’d already gotten his point across.“Wherever you want, babe.”Wincing, Damen added, “Sorry, that just came out.”

“I was going to let it slide,” Laurent said, his eyes on the boxes.

“You were?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why do you always ask questions?”

“I like being wary,” Damen admitted.“I fuck up less that way.”

“Smart.”

It was a classic misdirection and they both knew it hadn’t worked.The longer Damen pondered that, the bigger his smile got.“Oh my god,” he said, on the verge of full out giggling, “You liked it, didn’t you?”Laurent flushed.“Holy shit, you totally did.”

“Laurent did what?” Jokaste said, stepping through the front door, as if it were house too, which was exactly how Damen wanted it.

“Hey,” Damen said.

“Hi,” she smiled, slipping her purse down her arm and into her hand, before setting it gently on the floor.She also wriggled out of her heels, letting out a soft sigh when she did.“Where is everybody?”

“Nik and Nicaise are outside playing soccer and Jord is in the kitchen sorting through utensils and plates and stuff.”

“I’m going to go say hi to them and then I’ll be back.I’m sure Laurent can put me to work.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Excellent.”

“There’s some Chinese in the fridge if you’re hungry,” Damen called to her retreating back.Then he returned his attention to Laurent and smiled knowingly.Grimacing, Laurent placed his hand on Damen’s cheek and shoved his head in the opposite direction.Then he stood with two boxes of books in his arms and retreated upstairs.

“Coward,” Damen laughed at his back.

It didn’t seem to affect Laurent at all.Not until he reached the top of the stairs and set down the boxes, that is.However, once he’d done that, he sauntered back down the stairs, eyes quietly violent.Playfully violent…if that was possible.Either way, Damen knew he was in trouble.Standing, he raised his hands and backed up into the wall, trying not to laugh.If he didn’t take it seriously, it would likely end even worse for him.

“How am I going to punish you for such an insolent comment?” Laurent murmured, stepping so that their bodies were practically flush.

“Maybe we could avoid punishment?”

“No, I don’t think so.Are you ticklish?”

“Why on earth would I tell you?”

“You’ll like what you get in return.”Damen was about to speak when Laurent laid a finger on his lips and said, “And no, I’m not going to tell you what that is.I’m trying to punish you, remember?The decision can’t be easy.”

Damen smiled down at Laurent, shaking his head.Somehow he always ended up getting pinned against a wall.“You always know exactly what to say.It’s amazing.”

“Stop flirting and start confessing.”

“Yes,” Damen sighed dramatically.“I’m ticklish.”

“Everywhere?”

“Mostly.”

“Excellent,” Laurent said, smiling.Then he properly pinned Damen, sliding his hands down arms and onto wrists, pressing them firmly into the wall, and sliding his knee in-between Damen’s legs, leaving no room between their hips.He rose to the tips of his toes then, creating some unfair friction, and whispered into Damen’s ear, “I did like being called ‘babe’.And you can do it again sometime.”Then he bit Damen’s ear gently, nuzzling there for a moment.His hands left Damen’s wrists and traveled inwards, to his stomach, playing with the hem, before sliding up and under.

“If your idea of punishment is driving me insane, it’s totally working,” Damen murmured.

“Mmm, good,” Laurent whispered back, before his fingers halted over the softer part of his stomach.Right when Damen figured out what Laurent was going to do, the fingers began to move, quick and darting.

Damen made a desperate attempt to act normal, but it took all of five seconds for Laurent’s clever fingers to send him spiraling into hysterical laughter and breathless pleas to stop.That was how Jokaste found them when she returned.

“Do you need me and Jord to do all the work so you can go christen the house?”

“Yes,” Damen said warmly, staring into Laurent’s eyes.

“Of course not.He’s being ridiculous,” Laurent said, extracting himself.“I’m unpacking my books, but there’s all sorts of bathroom things there and Nicaise mentioned he wouldn’t mind if you set up his room for him.”

“Oh, excellent!” Jokaste said, clapping her hands together.“His boxes are labeled?”

“Naturally.”

“I’m so glad Damen met you,” she said, poking around until she saw ones with the name ‘Nicaise’.Without a word, Laurent went back upstairs and to his books.Damen set about unpacking whatever he could find.He was the most knowledgeable about where things went after all.

 

Four hours later, most everything was somewhere.It was unclear whether Damen, Laurent, or Nicaise would remember where, but that hardly mattered.The six of them were all collapsed on the couch in the living room and they were arguing over what to watch on Netflix.There wasn’t a TV show they had all seen and starting a new one was a commitment, so they were looking at movies.

“Ooh! _13 Going on 30_ ,” Jokaste said.

“No,” Nikandros said flatly.

“You’ve said that to the last three things I’ve suggested.That’s not very cooperative.”

“Well make a good fucking suggestion then.”

“I haven’t heard any come from your mouth.”

“Touché,” Nikandros grumbled, sinking further into the couch.

Nicaise rolled his eyes and stole the remote from Damen’s hands.It was true that he was largely doing nothing, waiting for others to make the decision for him.Nicaise flipped down to children’s movies and said, “There’s _The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe_ or _Zootopia._ They are both classics and I know Laurent likes both.Which one?”

“ _The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe_ ,” Jord said decidedly.“I love Narnia.”

“Who the fuck doesn’t?” Nicaise said, clicking on it and letting it play.Nobody else had strictly agreed, but they didn’t complain either.Nicaise moved to hand the remote back to Damen, but Damen gestured to Nikandros.

“Give it to him.He’s very picky about the volume.”

“There’s whispered conversations and then there’s battle sequences.You can’t have both at the same volume.I’m just saying.”

There was silence for a minute or two, but then there were shifts in positions and some jostling of limbs and then Jokaste said, “Get your feet off my lap, Nik.I’m not a goddamn footrest.”

“Where else am I supposed to put them?”

“Not on me.”

“Fine.Switch places with Jord then.Jord’ll let me put my feet on his lap.”

“I’m not switching with Jord,” Jokaste huffed.

“Would you two shut up?” Laurent growled, snatching the remote from Nikandros’ hand and turning the volume up.“A movie is on.”

“It’s the first five minutes,” Nikandros said.“Nothing happens in the first five minutes.I mean, for god’s sake, they’re still rolling the credits.”

“But there’s pretty music and a train,” Nicaise said.

“They actually watch what’s on the screen,” Damen said to Nikandros.“Typically without interruption.”

“Great.”

“Honey, switch with me and then you can put your feet up,” Jord said, already standing so that he could move.

“I appreciate the gesture, love, but you’re like Damen.It feels like taking advantage.”

“I can change that,” Jord said, bodily moving Nikandros over to his seat and sitting down.“Now, shut up.We have people that want to actually enjoy the movie.”

“But I’m shit at that,” Nikandros whined.

Damen reached over and pulled Nikandros’ phone from his pocket.He typed in the passcode and dimmed the light as low as it could go.Then he put it into Nikandros’ palm and said, “Your phone is your friend.Play a game.”

“Type out whiny monologues,” Jokaste suggested.

“Bonus points if they’re in iambic pentameter,” Laurent said.

“It’s a good movie, Nik,” Nicaise said.“The least you could do is give it a shot.”

“I get restless, kid.”

“I would just like to point out actual dialogue is happening now,” Laurent said.

“Put on fucking subtitles then, if you care so much.”

“Nikandros…” Jokaste groaned.

“Do I need to kick you out of my house?” Damen asked.

There was a short silence but then Nikandros sighed.“No.I’ll shut up.”Before he did, though, he murmured, “ _Your_ house.I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah, me too,” Damen replied, curling an arm around Laurent’s shoulders and pulling him in tight.

 

It took awhile for them to leave.It was almost eleven when they finally did and then it was just him, Nicaise, and Laurent alone in their new house.It felt strange, but in a thrilling way and he could feel the same energy coming from them.

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” Nicaise said.“I’ll explore tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Damen replied, “Goodnight, Nicaise.”

“Not going to come and tuck me in?”

Damen and Laurent both laughed.Ruffling his curls, Damen said, “Not unless you want me to.”

“Not really.”He started to walk away, but then he came back and hugged Laurent and then Damen.“Thank you,” he murmured.“This is a better life than I could’ve hoped for.”

“You’re welcome,” Damen smiled.

“Night,” Laurent said.

When Nicaise trudged up the stairs, Damen turned to Laurent and wrapped him up into a hug, resting his chin on top of his head.“Shall we go to bed, too?” he murmured.

“Probably, but to be honest, I want to mess around with my new paints for awhile.Feel free to go to bed, though.It’s hard to say how long I’ll be up.”

“Are you kidding me?I’ve wanted to watch you paint for a long time.”

Laurent tensed in his arms and Damen laughed soundlessly, tilting his head down so that he could kiss Laurent’s hair.“Or,” he sighed, “I can go to bed.All alone.In a huge bedroom.That once belonged to my parents.”

“Are you trying to appeal to my kinder instincts?”

“Yes.”

“What makes you think I have any?”

“I have lists of evidence, sweetheart.Hate to break it to you,” Damen said.

“Someday, I’m going to have to murder you so know one else can learn the things you know,” Laurent sighed.Then, after a beat, “Fine.But bring a book or something, because I will not let you watch the entire time.There’s a point where it becomes a solitary activity.”

“Fair enough.I’ll grab something from the library on the way up.”

“Alright.”

They started up the stairs, holding hands, and Damen had a brief moment where he could see the unfolding of his life.He and Laurent would both have jobs, only because Laurent would get restless without one, Nicaise would go to public school, and they would live here.They would mow lawns, make each other breakfast, help Nicaise with homework, play board games, do laundry, and ask Nicaise to clean his room.Of course, there would be unpleasant days and fights, but Damen felt every anxiety and worry settle, nonetheless.This was his foreseeable future and it was everything to him.In a soft voice, he asked, “Do you like the house?”

As always, Laurent was able to sense when the question was an important one.They were practically in front of Nicaise’s closed door when Laurent stopped and turned, eyes warm and open.“I do.It’s beautiful and not something I ever expected to be mine.”

“Yours, huh?” Damen grinned.

“Ours.”

“I love that word.Gives me butterflies.”

“You’re disgusting,” Laurent said, breaking into a smile.Twining his arms around Damen’s neck, he kissed him luxuriously, mouth already open.Letting his arms dangle around Laurent’s waist, Damen tilted his head and deepened the kiss, unable to stop himself from smiling when Laurent grazed his teeth over Damen’s bottom lip.

He could feel Laurent pull away, but Damen kept his eyes closed, still smiling, delighting in his happiness.There was a small laugh and Laurent pecked him on the lips once more, before tugging him down the hall and towards the library.Damen made sure to grab a book on the way to the spiral staircase and then they were up in the attic.It was dark, but Laurent had apparently already planned for that.As if he’d lived in the space for years, he walked confidently across the floor and flicked on a bright flood lamp.The easel was up and there was a small canvas already on it.

“I’ll go sit in the window seat, shall I?” Damen said.

“Suits me,” Laurent answered, kneeling on the floor and sorting through the bags.

Damen opened his book and began to read.It wasn’t particularly attention grabbing, but that was okay, because all he really wanted to do was watch Laurent.If Laurent caught him watching, he would simply shift his eyes back down to his book or out the window to the bright city skyline.

About twenty minutes later, Laurent said, “You can come watch for a bit if you’d like.”

Damen set his book down and wandered over.The canvas was still blank, but there all sorts of colors on a slab of clear glass and Laurent was dabbing into one of the darker ones with a large brush.

“What are you painting?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Of course it is.” 

Laurent took that dark color and with bold confident strokes, began spreading it everywhere.It was clear he knew what he was doing, but it was the kind of boldness that would’ve brought Damen anxiety.“That’s a lot of dark purple,” he murmured.

“Do shut up.”

“Sorry.”Knowing he would ask more inane questions if he continued to watch the progress made on the canvas, Damen observed Laurent’s face instead.It was serious and focused, but his eyes were bright and full of some unspeakable emotion, one of the heart.His whole body seemed to be moving with each stroke he made and occasionally his lips would quirk into a half smile.He was beautiful and utterly at ease. Damen suddenly understood why Laurent hadn’t known when he’d go to bed.It was obvious he could do this all night and be entirely unaware of time passing.Yet another layer was added to Damen’s vision of Laurent and, as always, it enhanced that vision.

Damen realized then that he would sit here all night with Laurent if he ended up painting that long.It was entrancing and he was completely and utterly in love.

“I expect what’s happening on the canvas is more exciting,” Laurent murmured.

“Not at all.”

“Shameless.”

“Completely,” Damen admitted.“I’m crazy in love with you, you know.”

“I do know,” Laurent smiled.“Now go back to your book.You’re distracting me and important things are about to happen on this canvas.I can’t fuck it up.”

“But I don’t want to,” Damen said, pushing out his bottom lip playfully.

Laurent burst into laughter, loaded some paint onto his brush and then dabbed Damen’s nose with it.“Go or I will paint your entire face.”

“Okay.”

“It won’t be pleasant when it gets into your eyes.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Damen laughed, rubbing the paint from his nose onto his hand, before realizing he had nowhere to wipe it off on.It was impossible to return to reading now, so he pulled out his phone and texted Nikandros.

_D: its been quite a summer hasnt it_

Only a minute later, his phone buzzed with a response.

_N: You could say that.I’m in bed with my boyfriend.In our place.That he, like, moved to.For me._

_D: yeah im up in the attic watching my boyfriend paint.he loves it its adorable._

_N: I’ll have to take your word for it.Nothing Laurent does is adorable if you ask me._

_D: but u like him yeah_

_N: Yes, Damen.I like him.Hey, does Nicaise want to come over and play video games tomorrow?_

_D: don’t know.hes in bed rn._

_N: Get him a phone._

_D: i could do that_

_N: Laurent might say no._

_D: still gonna ask him 1_ _ st _

_N: Dammit man.How am I supposed to plan my play dates if I can’t even text the kid?_

_D: y r u 5 years old_

_N: You love me._

_D: i have to parent a kid, nik.wtf.i have to drive him places and teach him moral lessons or something_

_N: I’m so not helping you with this.Firstly, it’s your own goddamn fault and secondly, it’s not something I have any experience with and it frankly terrifies me_

_D: y havent i seriously thought about this until now_

_N: Cuz you’re an idiot.Go make out with Laurent or something and I’m sure you’ll remember why you’ve been so stupid.Also, I’m gonna go suck my boyfriend’s dick so stop texting me._

_D: fine.love u c u tomorrow probably_

_N: Almost definitely.Love you too_

“Nik wants Nicaise to have a phone,” Damen said.

He hadn’t expected a response and he didn’t get one.It would save them some conversation time later, though, if Laurent had time to think about it.Yawning, he looked back out at the skyline and barely noticed as the lights began to blur together and the space between blinks got longer and longer.

 

“Damen,” Laurent said.

Damen blearily opened his eyes.Laurent was kneeling before him, paintbrush in hand, and colors smearing his hands and shirt.Damen mumbled, “I fell asleep?”

“Do you actually need me to answer that question?”

“Why does my face feel wet?” Damen asked.

“I painted a dick on it.Don’t touch it or it’ll smear.”

“Did you finish for the night?”

“I did.Finished the painting actually.It was just an experiment and a way to play with the new equipment.It’s nothing special.”

“Can I see it?”

Laurent sighed, picking at paint dried on his skin.

“You don’t like sharing your paintings.”

“Not really.But I did paint it for you, so…”Laurent stood and stuck out his hand, helping Damen up.Together they walked towards the easel and Damen couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped when he saw what was there.

It was another one of Laurent’s self portraits.It was just as surreal as usual—this one much more blurry and the paint more blended than the others Damen had seen—but there were no bugs this time.Instead, there were little balls of golden light floating out of the familiar cracks.They were absolutely stunning against the dark purple.“It’s beautiful,” Damen murmured.

“Thank you,” Laurent said softly.“It’s the most cliché thing I’ve ever painted, but I wasn’t aiming for anything special.”

“What were you aiming for?”

“I think you know.”

“I feel the same way.”

“Please shut up,” Laurent murmured, flushing.“Let’s go to bed so that I can forget I did this.”

“Not going to happen.If you think this isn’t going up somewhere in the house, you’d be wrong.”

“I’ll burn it.”

“You will do no such thing,” Damen said forcefully.“That painting is now under my protection and I will be very upset with you if anything happens to it.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Laurent said, kissing Damen’s neck.“I’ll make it up to you a thousand times.As many times as it takes for you to forget it even exists.  Once I wipe the dick off your face.”

“Not going to happen.”

“I bet that painting that I can totally make you forget.Tonight.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, babe.”


End file.
